I was supposed to have sex tonight but my roommate is cockblocking me. How do I get him to leave...

I was supposed to have sex tonight but my roommate is cockblocking me. How do I get him to leave? I already offered to buy him tickets to a movie.

Kill him

Give him a drink with roofies in it, that'll knock him out for a while.

if you start having sex they will either stay and masturbate or leave... be an alpha

He told me he would just play cotton-eyed joe really loudly until I stopped

Then punch him in the fucking mouth. Faggot.

Twist the the power cords on the speakers and cut the power cord on the amp.

Pass the lil' nigga some pussy when you finish hittin' that shit. Ain't no fun unless we all get some.

Sharing is caring.

Fuck him too

He is definitely stronger than me

It ain't pussy the sex I'm getting

Ew no he's a 5'6" manlet Arab

Get some brass knuckles and go ninja style on his ass.

>it ain’t pussy the ass I’m getting

OP is literal faggot

Maybe he's doing Allah's work

>5'6" Manley
>He's definitely stronger than me
Well shit, OP. I don't even know what to say.

He goes to the gym. I'm just a lazy twink

Put his speakers on the top shelf

Hang him in the closet and make it look like an accident from auto erotic asphyxiation.

JUST TELL him, you really need to get a nut off.
I mean, you don't get laid often right? He will understand.

I get laid regularly and definitely a lot more than him. I think he is a bit salty about that.

offer a dp if all else fails?
Is the girl into it?

If all else fails get your own apartment or house so you don't have to deal with a fucking roommate. The peace and quiet of having your own place is really worth it.

Once you get a bit older then you'll understand that having a roommate is gay, annoying, and not necessary.

Once you can afford your own place then you can say what's salty or not, until then piss off.

In seriousness, who the fuck is expected to understand what some nigger has to say?

This. Don't let people walk on you. Stand up for yourself and don't let him try to belittle you. Sounds like a dickhead anyway, if he won't do you a solid and let you get that shit.

I'm a community organizer with 25 years of experience organizing at street level. I say this so you don't think I'm trolling. My suggestion is to ask him if he'd be willing to accept mediation by a neutral third party. Have someone you both can accept as reasonable and neutral, and agree beforehand to accept whatever decision she or he comes to. Then both of you lay out your cases and see if you can come to some kind of compromise which leaves both of you satisfied. If no compromise can be found, then you agree to abide by the mediator's decision. I've used this often on the street in disputes over money, drugs, and turf, where there's a lot more on the line than getting your rocks off, and it's usually effective at avoiding bloodshed and beef.

Kek.