Buckle up Sup Forums, its story tiem

Buckle up Sup Forums, its story tiem.

A little backstory is required, but to make it short:

From the age of about 7-8 through to around 16 we had this regular gang of fags hanging out, doing dumb shit and so on. One of these were not so regular for reasons, and i never knew for sure but still fairly certain to this day that he's autistic or worse.

Let's call said individual Hunchie, short for something else but thats another story. (Pic related, looks vaguely like him) Long one because i suck at compressing:

>be 9
>summertime, school is out and fagging around is at max level
>older cousin at 13 is visiting from another part of the country
>every fag in the gang mirin', cus old and knows about poon and shit
>he always comes up with the best possible faggotry we can achieve in a day, so everyone loves when he's visiting
>we're all agreed to go be little faggotshits at the playground nearest to my house, in a gated preschool
>"hey guyse, can i cum wid"
>ohshit
>it's Hunchie
>as a note Hunchie was not a comely child, as the name would suggest
>biggest forehead i ever saw, near white hair and looked like he was conceived from a bleach container
>pretty sure he had some form of albinism
>bigass nigglet lips
>wearing his regular, khaki shorts and a rainbow tee with a big sunglasses smiley on it
>socksinsandals
>we're all just stopped, looking at each other to see if someone wants to turn him away
>even though we were faggotshits we'd still be nice to him sometimes, for some reason
>"sure Hunchie you can come with" my cousin says
>"awsum, cool!!" - always spoke with this subtle slur
>so Hunchie tags along and we make our way to the playground
>once inside my cousin tells us to stand in a circle, he's going to show us something cool he saw
>been watching sick moves WWE on the interwebs (wrestling is not a common thing in Norway)
>"imma need a volunteer, but it's not gonna hurt i promise"
>Hunchie is just stood next to him, before awkwardly just 360 spins in front of him

>"ok... well, just stand facing away from me"
>he proceeds to tell us if we ever get in a fight you could do this to someone to get the checkmate
>calmly places his arm around Hunchie's neck, as if going in for a headlock
>he then goes for the reinforce with his other hand
>all hell breaks fuckin loose
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Hunchie goes from his regular fish lookin stupid face to full on dried tomato in 0.9
>Starts violently spasming and wriggling while the common autistic screech is let loose
>me and the rest of the fags start lolling, no idea what happened
>he barely brushed his cheek for a sec
>cousin is making distance "wtf Hunchie"
>starts flailing his arms like a dual potato-powered windmill 3.0
>screeching continues with short breaks containing death treaths
>claims my cousin tried to strangle him, all the while making his way unfittingly calm
>vanishes behind a bush, in the direction of his house
>all of our wuts
>we all gather and discuss potential brain-fuckering he might have suffered at some point
>suddenly a HUGE fucking rock misses my cousin by inches, slams the concrete and sprays gravel
>what can only be described as an elephant seal fading out before gasping for air
>not machinegun-seal, more like cannon-walrus
>Hunchie picks another rock from his backpack over by the bushes
>his other arm has a fucking plank with nails in it
>jesuschrist
>we all freak the fuck out and scatter across the playground
>get up on roof of the preschool building, we all know Hunchie can't get here
>cousin is not familiar with this spot, he gets an equally Hunchie-proof tree
>we spend hours waiting for him to calm down/leave, all the while he is shouting obscene shit like "gunna plank your butt", "stranglepeepee" in mad rage
>eventually grown up shows up, calms him down, takes him away
>we laugh about it after the initial scare
>Hunchie never spoke of the incident on any later occasion

Nice one user.
Got moar?

I do, working on it

Thanks a lot, it's gold.

i wouldn't stretch it that far but glad you like it

>be 12
>Hunchie has gotten a gradually worse posture the following years for unknown reason
>not really hunchback, but that name came up anyways
>we ask him, doesn’t want to talk about it
>anyways, one day we decide to go swordfighting in the woods
>aka stickfighting
>I know, cringy nerdfaggotry
>we always had certain sticks and certain codenames, like “killmaster” and “officer wood” (I know)
>Hunchie is particularly fond of stickfighting
> doing sick “backflips” and shit, flailing his stick
>claims he is a ninja master who is undefeated
>this does not sit well with fag#2
>challenges to a duel
>ohshit
>we all go to a clearing we used as an arena
>Hunchie holds dramatic speech about his honor and how he is gonna destroy him
>”my powurs are unmatched, there can only be wun” so on and so on
>Puts both his hands out like a T, looks up at the sky
>barely lifts off the ground as he goes for one of his infamous backflips
>lands on his fucking neck, face planted in dirt and pine needles
>topkeks are had
>he’s not moving so we get a little concerned, but eventually he rustles
>starts his faggot walrus crying, before limping home
>find out later his shitty posture was from malpracticed backflips since we were scolded for some reason
>Hunchie never joined to stickfight again

Nice.
I'm sorry I don't have similar adventures to share, I have forget a lot about my childhood, and I can't remember old stuff.

This one is a short but fucked up one, I will never forget this
>be 13 or 14 I think
>we’re doing our usual faggotry, running around doing retarded shit
>gotten really into parkour, Hunchie is careful but doesn’t wanna miss out
>get yelled at for doing it on houses, brick walls and so on
>we decide that the best place is the gated preschool from earlier, since no one is there at this time
>I jump the fence, not really that high, chain link
>fag #3 follows, flawless execution
>Hunchie is up next, but we just continue
>we notice Hunchie isn’t on our tail anymore, so we backtrack
>he is on top of the fence, wailing like I’ve never heard him before
>full on heartbroken walrus
>see blood trickling down his jeans from his crotch
>trying desperately to get down but can’t, every move he screams more
>get help, grownups come to help
>we are told to go home
>found out later he punctured his ballsack on a cut link, and the wire scrambled his left nut
>from that point on upgraded to full name Hunchback McOneball

Well alot of it i don't, but almost all the stories of Hunchie are firmly planted in my mind

user. There’s been a serious lack of just good wholesome content on this board. Thank you. You let me know there still is hope for this dying pit. Any more stories? Might share some if thread doesn’t die.

I've got loads, and that sounds great. I feel the same really, i miss some good old storytime for the keks. dinner is up in not too long so keeping it alive would be nice

We will do that for you user, thanls for your stories.

moar hunchie plskthx

here you go nigger

>be 14? Somewhere around there
>for some godawful reason, im going to sleep over at Hunchie’s
>think it was because his dad would let us watch whatever we wanted
>evening comes to a close
>”Hey Hunchie, can we watch this?” holding up a copy of full metal jacket, was always hyped for amerifag military shit
>”umm no user, I don’t like that one, we can watch LOTR!!!”
>LOTR was awesome, but Hunchie would suck dick for LOTR
>quotes Gollum along with movie with frightening precision
>complete with body language
>concern
>the movie ends, and I’m getting ready for bed, it’s getting to like midnight
>”Hay Anun are you ready for the next wun”
>tell him I’m really tired and want to go to bed
>does not relent
>”well I’ll just watch it while you sleep then”
>didn’t get much sleep, he kept it up for the whole trilogy almost
>while he thought I was asleep, he starts masturbating furiously to Shelob scene with Cum-Frodo
>Icannotmakethisup.jpeg
>the next morning he microwaves two pieces of toast with only butter on them for 3 minutes
>chews them down loudly with gusto
>I tell him I have to go home and puke in his yard on my way
>I haven’t been the same about the Shelob scene or butter ever since
>still gag at the smell of melted butter

Bump

bump

OP here, getting some pizza now, so whoever wants to keep it alive is free to do so

This made my Day. I havent lought´d so hard like right now for a few weeks. Thx Sup Forumsro for telling us this Story.

No worry, we will keep your thread warm an ready.

bump

Cool stuff, im back. Got another one here for ya

>me, fag#1, fag#3, fag#4 and Hunchie are at the indoor pool in the local area
>just fucking around, not really doing any swimming like we are supposed to
>eat a fuckton of waffles and drink our nesquik at the cafeteria
>Hunchie gets picked up by his dad after, he offers to give me and fag#3 a ride
>dad is obviously pleased with himself, new car smell wafting off the seats
>we compliment his ride, he chuckles
>his dad was actually pretty normal as far as I noticed
>its only a 5 minute drive back, but only a couple of minutes in Hunchie starts groaning
>”uuugh, dud im feeling real bad”
>oshit
>his dad turns his head real fuggin wide-eyed
>”don’t worry bout it son, we’ll be home soon”
>groaning intensifies as we go, couple of minutes in his dad pulls over after a nasty gurgling sound
>Hunchie throws the door open and heaves a couple of times, gets some air and calms down
>everything went better than expected
>…but wait, there’s more
>we drive on, and literally a block from my house he starts fucking sputtering out brown wafflejuice
>propels onto the interior windshield, before erupting into a heavy bazooka
>dad is screaming “NEEEI NEEEI NEEEI!!!!!!” (Nooo nooo noo in Norwegian)
>me and fag#3 fucking evacuate the car
>we stutter a “t-thanks for the ride” before we run to my house
>hear screaming in the distance, look back
>can’t see the inside of the car as the interior is covered in nesquick and half-digested waffles

Are we all pitching in at this point?

I'd love to do some reading myself as i have my pizza and beer now too

my dear lord

>pitching
Sure.
Gold.
Laught hard.

>>quotes Gollum along with movie with frightening precision
>>complete with body language
>>concern
fucking got me at the concern

Best thread on /b in awhile

OP here, i'm writing as i'm eating so more is on its way, i actually asked my friend too for some help on remembering more.

Meanwhile if anyone has any questions on Hunchie i'll be happy to answer, and im glad you like the thread

OP is not a faggot

much appreciated OP.
do you know what Hunchie McOneball is up to now-a-days?

>stranglepeepee
got me

Great thread OP, you give me hope for this god forsaken board

To be honest i have no fucking idea. I'm 23 as im typing this and i stopped seeing Hunchie on the regular when we all went to separate high schools.

Last i heard he is working as an electrician, but i haven't been able to find him on Facebook, i doubt he ever used it.

I have spotted him on occasion, but i've not engaged because honestly, he freaks me the fuck out

>full on heartbroken walrus
Lol

You’re the best and this thread is gold

Thanks dude, im just getting these all out of my head, they've been plagueing me lately for some reason

This one i didn’t experience myself, and while I have laughed my guts out about it countless times I feel a bit bad about too, but eh.
I’ll be telling it the way my older friend told it to me, he was in Hunchies class

>be 15, all the boys in the class are getting more or less tingly wingly in the dingly
>maximum pubertylevels
>Hunchie is no exception, although he is being very secretive about it, apparently
>the boys in class notice that he’s fondling himself during class
>probably thinking about Shelob, that juicy webbed minx
>it stops being funny when they find out he’s been “harassing” some of the girls in class as well
>in retrospect I doubt he was harassing them, more like being autistic
>they devise a plan anyways
>they have PE, playing dodgeball and all
>everyone is bombarding Hunchie, even his teammates
>he is being a good sport about it though, laughing and going like “hehe wut u duin eheheh”
>they get to the locker room after, everyone has to shower after PE because hygiene
>everyone (except a few, including my friend) wait for him to enter the shower first
>they get in position while he is soaping up in the corner
>surround him and starts pissing on him
>at first he doesn’t notice, but one guy lets out a louder giggle
>turns around, has a RAGING hardon
>deerinheadlights.png
>one guy at the light switch doing strobe effect while doing ambulance “WEEE-OO-WEE-OO”
>starts screaming, tries to get out, slips and assaults a dick or two with his face on the way

I never learned what came of him after that but a couple of the guys responsible got reprimanded heavily, and one of them actually dropped out but he was a problem child anyways

>probably thinking about Shelob, that juicy webbed minx
FUCKING PEED XDDDDDD

i swear you couldn't make this shit up even if you tried. absolute gold.
>how has this fucker not fried himself or someone else being an electrician?

I know right? I wouldn't be surprised if i one day heard he did tbh.

Friend is also starting to reply now, he first of all wants to know why the fuck i wanna reminisce about Einballe (McOneball). Should have some more story in a bit.

He also tells me he saw him around a year ago at a shopping mall, still rocking his sandals and socks + khaki shorts combo

I'd say more than likely it's bound to happen sooner or later.
Awesome cant wait to read them
>Never change McOneball, never change.

Please dont let this Thread die...i´ve already laught so hard.

While my brother was no Hunchie I feel for you having been under similar circumstances.

>Be 16, my siblings live with mom I don't. Siblings are visiting and we are having a movie and pizza slumber party in my room.
>Little brother 11 and two younger sisters 10 and 9
>Watching movies all night.
> Girls in the bed and my brother in the plush recliner facing sideways at the end of my bed. >Slowly we drift off to sleep. I awake to something shaking the bed, Sit up quickly to see whats going on.
>Rooms dark but see brother furiously fapping about 2 feet away from my feet to girlsgonewild commercial on tv.
>he quickly shoves benis away.
>Moment of terror for us both. Room is dark, pretend to have just sat up to turn over in bed and layed back down.

Bonus: He lived in my house for 6 months while in college and I caught him masturbating twice more.

Fear not, my friend has come through, but h man, this one is fucked up and slightly unbeliavable, but according to him it is true. I’ve heard rumors but never believed them, because no one can be that fucking stupid.

>my friend and some of his mates are in class with Hunchie
>6 grade, so like 12 years old
>one day in some vacation, its raining like fuck so they decide to build a small hut out of cardboard boxes in the yard to see if it holds up
>they actually make a pretty decent one with like smaller rooms and shit
>they start getting bored, so they consider packing up
>Hunchie shows up, asking to hang out
>ohboi
>one of friends mates has idea
>”You have to wait Hunchie, we need to discuss”
>they agree to the plan, after noticing small hole in the roof of the box
>”to be a member of the box-club, you have to suck the dick through the hole, we already did it”
>”uuuh that sounds stupid…”
>really egging him on, calling him a pussy and stuff like that
>he agrees after they tell him they will do it to him first
>he lays on top, inserts his small preteendick and waits
>satisfied after, he gets in the box, and one of the others goes out and lays on top
>tiny faggot kid dick comes through hole
>sure enough, Hunchie slobbers all over that dick
>looking like a hamster on those waterfeeders
>everyone starts laughing like fuck, he pulls back confused
>”Hey Hunchie, watch”
>one of them lick his finger and lightly touches the dick while grinning like fuck
>got ol’ Hunchie again

haahahha oh man, i only grew up with a littlesister so can't say i know how you feel. But with brothers i feel like thats bound to happen, at least from what i've heard. I personally never got caught fapping by anyone to my knowledge

You'd be surprised what you can convince people with a disability to do but from your previous stories he doesn't sound like a complete retard so ill agree this one is kind of a toss up in the air.

nasty group of kids gang rape hunchie poor kid

That's the thing though, he was kinda like schroedingers retard; no one knew or knows if there was actually anything wrong with him, or if he was just fucking weird and stupid

For what benefit though lol I've seen plenty of people do that when I was goin to school, acting retarded or stupid or doing something just for the only reason to make people laugh or like them but in reality they were being laughed at and not laughing with them. Kinda makes me sad but hey, fuck em.

I'm not a piece of shit so

DISCLAIMER NOT OP

>Be me le white amerimutt meme child (roughly 13)
>Movin on up to suburbia hell after getting adjusted to ghetto neighborhoods
>Ironically Jamaican children are all my friends in the neighborhood
>We are walking to our respective houses from said bus stop
>Its just me and two other friends today
>One my age is always comedy gold
>Other is like our little brother (my ma calls him flavor flav)
>Makes him sad because black as hell and flav is a notorious reality TV crackhead at this point
>Anyways, we roast each other on the daily to talk shit
>Today no one is talking shit we are seemingly getting along
>Its quiet
>Too quiet
>Hogstonian grabs some innocent cucks mail out of box
>GIves no fucks about federal offence
>Wipes ass on letters out of mail box
>Quickly gets Flavor Flav in a chokehold
>Sufficiently wipes skid marks and man musk all over flav's innocent face
>No retribution is and ever will be found for this man
>These types of outbursts from Hog are constant recurring theme and way crazier shit happens
>We all do terrible reprehensible shit on the regular this is fairly mild
>Glad for the lack of invisibleskyman.jpg le fedora at this point in my life.

Me to lawl.
Op is awesome

what the fuck

>looking like a hamster on those waterfeeders
I fucking died

not OP, but I have a few autistic stories from my childhood too
>be me
>10ish
>eastern eu fag
>eating the school luncs everyday, bc it's fucking cheap
>sometimes they would give us oranges
>the worst shitty cheap oranges
>one day walking home from school w/ friend
>let's call him B
>we have the stupid idea to see the shitty oranges crushed by cars
>place them on the road
>waiting.exe
>cars would not want to run em over
>nextgeniusidea.txt
>we have to toss them in front of the cars like a bowling ball, so they would sureely get run over
>few first tries
>disappointment.jpg
>next one, B is tossing his orange
>the driver got scared
>instantly brakes
>another car behind it crushes into it
>mfw we caused a car accident with an orange
>mfw even the cops came

should I greentext moar?

kek, kids are fucking brilliant
please do

Pfft samefag here
Both my little sisters would masturbate openly until about 10 years old, little weirdos.
Walk into their room, they are laying on one of their beds chatting about whatever while one masturbates under her nightgown.

>Olsen twins

here ya go user
>be like a year later
>had a training session
>going home with B
>there's a fucking huge river in my town
>sometimes it would bring fucked up shit
>anyway, after the training we got down to the riverbank w/ B
>there's a pile of unedintified stuff
>wtfisthis.png
>got some sticks
>autistic kids always like sticks, we had stickfights too
>get closer to the pile
>it looked like a huge plastic bag filled with some brownish stuff
>it was fully intact
>little did I know about biology, started to poke it like a madman
>poked a hole in it
>it rips open, i smell the most ungodly smell in my entire life up to this point
>vomit over it on the spot
>tfw it was horse guts swollen from the gases from rotting
>go home like nothing happened

Just take the fucking complement, faggot.

Not OP but I have a fucked up story with my sister her friend and this turbo retard.

>be me 10, normal suburban kid playing with my sister (12) and her friend (11) on the street
>there was this retarded dude (around 30) who got his brain fried because of fever or something like that, seriously mentally challenged, but he was able to speak and walk semi normally
>turbo retard dude lives with his parents, they are the typical owners of a mom&pop store
>always sits outside listening to his radio and clapping shirtless
>we always go up to him and bother him a bit and gtfo of there before his parents come
>turbo retard had a thing for lactation, he wanted to lactate so badly and become a mother
>he went up to my mother and asked her for some boob milk and diapers
>what.gif
>so one day we go up to him and ask him about his adventures of becoming a mother are coming
>"well guys, it's not good, i cant make milk come from my body"
>my sister and her friend get and idea
>they make him eat shit and convince it'll make come milk from his breasts
>all the way acting like doctors, they even dressed like doctors
>turbo retard actually puts shit in his mouth
>i tell my sister that's enough and this is cruel and gtfo
>as i went to my home i hear them both laughing at the retard eating shit
>he never achieved motherhood though
>poor guy

>and thus was born the guy who chopped off girls heads and kept them for trophies

holy shit my sides. i wanna hear more about this dude

On the off chance other anons liked that one my friends in that neighborhood often told me if I had filmed my brother and I's fights on WSHH we'd be famous.
Honestly have a wealth of fucked up crazy or bizzare stories being lefloridaman to a T

Here's one since I saw something about sibling masturbation.

>Be me this time 17
>Having to share my room with giant ginger troglodyte brother
>Exiled to dads for 2 yrs to return back "home"
>My little (6'5) brother is a supreme autist who will meow and do any shit to piss me off during CEVO in CS or what holds value to me
>One day during the summer after graduation I'm playing private servers on WoW
>Wholeheartedly convinced WoW is for fags
>Not paying for it somehow justifies my other CS friends and I for not being faggoos
>Talking to my buddy Mastadon
>Legendary das raciss meme man, prankster, and top tier gamer McHairy-O's dago
>I suddenly want a snack
>Hope obese soulless brother didn't eat all the bread and mayonnaise or all the sliced cheese again like a pleb
>I walk out into the living room
>Reallysmallapartment.png
>Ginger immediately lurches forward toward shitty deskpro family PC monitor
>"WHAT?!" he quickly spits out
>"What are you up to?" I ask
>Seen him close out questionable anime
>"NOTHING J-JUS PLAYIN RUNESCAPE" le sperg replies in a stammer
>"Didn't look like Runescape..."
>He stares at me with angry flat mong expression mad at me for going into living room and intruding on meat beat sesh
>I keep the stare going just to make it uncomfortable
>"WHAT THE FUCCKS YOUR PROBLEM?!" He asks
>I've done my part back to gaming
>Pop back onto Ventrilo "What's up Don?"
>"Just grinding out levels kid' Don replies
>"So I'm pretty sure I just caught my brother beating it to anime pr0n lol and when I asked he said he was playing RS" I state halfway chortling
>"Well I'd rather be caught fapping to tentacle rape then playing fuckin Runescape"
>I start dyin; this guy can make me hurt from luls mein sides are gone

>"Well I'd rather be caught fapping to tentacle rape then playing fuckin Runescape"

Fukkin lol

Wut