Post something interesting about yourself that most people wouldn't believe is true

Post something interesting about yourself that most people wouldn't believe is true.

I am Adolf Hitler. I have been told that many years have passed, since I slumbered in 1945. Here is one of my favorite pictures of myself.

I've beaten all of event mode on hard in melee in one go with Link

I want to bang my cousin.

I'm related to a polish duchess and it seems that via some corners I'm not too distant of a relative to the Habsburgers

Who doesn't?

i take speed everyday. have been for years.

I find all of these incredibly easy to believe.

I picked up a girl at a bar. Brought her home and she had a penis. True story.

I've been shot in the leg (.38) and survived brain cancer

I spent all but the last week of 2016 locked in chastity.

I have a constant feeling of emptiness even for the ones closest to me (family and friends and acquaintances and stuff) and can only feel true happiness and love when I'm in a relationship, otherwise I just put on a ploy and feign happiness and normalicy.

I've lived 4 years with chronic appendicitis which caused me near peritonitis every 2-3 weeks. I spent a whole day feeling like I was dying for stomachache and then a whole week recovering my guts from the crisis.
My mom is a doctor but never brought me to the hospital cause "it was nothing" till on my 17th birthday the pain just won't go away. So she took me to her colleagues who gave me a thon different fucking remedies but none worked, then fever kicked in and they finally kept me in hospital where they discovered my appendix was rotten and necrotizing.

When I was 14 I use to dress in my mother's clothes when I was home alone and make fake boobs with freezer bags filled with water.

I can suck my own dick

Did it fuck up your peepee?

Wow, that fucking sucks. Did your mother lose her license to practice medicine over this? Because she should.

I'm a black Jew.

Are you girl?

U though

Nope. Why would I be?

When I go to outdoor events I grope girls asses. Firework displays, concerts etc. Anywhere a huge bunch of people are wedged together. Keep moving and wear a messenger bag is the key and younger teens are the very best.

Teach me

I had some shrinkage in my erections for about 1-2 weeks after I was released but no lasting effects.

Not really she cures cancer so I guess she's used to different levels of suffering, but she seriously has an issue with that I remember spending a week with a broken thumb bone cause she thought it was just a strach.

I have 144 scares and 36 of those were from knife fights with hoodlums for money.
Nobody but the other fighters and people who bet on the fights know.

None of the fights are to the death just until one of us gives up, i have never lost.

Being so depending on a relationship is kinda girly

You sound like a 13 year old kid that grew into a 30 year old autist. Good job man.

Child! It's me, Dad!

I have royal blood but was allowed to live a normal life under a different name.

I know I'm a weirdo, but I have a lot of things happen in the past couple years that have made me a bit dependent, and stuff from childhood I'd rather not get into. I barely understand it myself.

Yup, that's about right. I'm married with kids and run my own business but yea aut is there. I just enjoy touching girls

how can a shot in the leg give cancer, that's nonsense

i pretend to others that i am still pure, even tho i have been sexually assaulted when i was 11 years old

I mean don't you have any goals in life? Like anything dude even dying of overdose would do.

you first

also, you're so obviously seek your mother attention in her speciality (finger, appendice..) that I can't blame her.

I have questions
>How did cleaning work?
>You didn't cum for a whole year?
>Why?

I'll never have a meaningful relationship with a woman cause a faery wants me all to herself

Well those issues came by themselves it's not like I was looking for them to come.

My great grandparents were samurai. My grandfather died four days before his 95th birthday in 2003; I was his youngest grandson.

did..... did you stimulate yourself through other means?

I got mad respect for men like you

Can you wear armour? If you had a set of knight's armor you could be the final boss of street knife fights.

>How did cleaning work?
I had a metal bar cage like pic so I could clean myself through it
>You didn't cum for a whole year?
I didn't orgasm for the whole year but my wife massaged my prostate once a week to milk the semen out.
>Why?
My wife and I are really into femdom and BDSM and wanted to see if it was possible. I gave her over 1200 orgasms with my mouth that year.

I didn't, my wife massaged my prostate once a week.

You shouldnt, its not a glamorous life style, im just trying to save up enough money so i can go to university and complete a masters in mechanical engineer.
Hopefully no one asks me about the scars.

Nah we only wear shorts and glasses, i dont wear safety glasses i just put specs on.

I don't like Knack

Was it hard for them to watch the world change around them? Were they restless cause they could never fight like they used to in this modern era? Really curious to know

Facing death everyday isnt glamorous even if death wasn't your goal, I respect you more for staying alive and moving out of that scene

>I didn't, my wife massaged my prostate once a week.
hnnnnnnnnnng

FUCK YOU THE GAME IS A GEM EVERYONE LOVES KNACK

My first time was with two hot girls at once, I didn't get to finish with either but I usually omit that part.

>i make dicks?

I have good hearing but I cannot understand what people say 70% of the time. When I hear someone talking I can hear them talking but to me it sounds like mumbling. I perceive what I hear as mumbling. I usually ask someone to repeat what they said and get it the second time

I don't like Knack because I'm not black

>Was it hard for them to watch the world change around them?
That is a good question. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing. I only met my grandfather once and I was four years old at the time; he was 80. He retired to Alaska before I was born.

I had to work for it though. If I didn't make her cum enough throughout the week I was punished instead.

Same here I hate that. I had medical exams on my hearing and my hearing is fine, it's just I don't seem to understand words clearly.

Cheers i guess but im just at a midway point, if im gonna make it out of the hole im in i just have to suck up and work.

I'm the best player in Warframe!

At least I'm not alone with this shit

i mean, that almost seems win-win still.

I'm in the top 1% of the world as regards intelligence.

My grandfather was a good man, I got,to,spend alot of time with him, he often told me he was fearful of my time here, but then he told me fear is for the weak...I'm sure your grandfather might've felt the same on some level too

Slept in a car for a few years worked 40 hrs a week or more at 21 an hour. Now I'm wealthy 6 years later. 26 now. Most unbelievable story I have.

Show us your university degree

Don't make sucking your life's work user, everyone has a jobmtheynhate even the ones who say they love their job hate it

Lying is a sin

well this IS Sup Forums none of those surprise me

I got circumision at 13 years old, which is when you start jackin off yknow. After the bandage came off, (3 days too early) and there were stitches around the head. I got uncontrollably horny. Bleeding penis, didn’t want to tell my parents that I was jacking off, my dicks still fucked up to this day. Can’t get laid.

Eh, still pure enough for me

That sucks but is funny as fuck.

The punishments were painful and humiliating.

i can only imagine that made the orgasms that much needier.

I made sure she got her 3 a day after the second day of punishments.

when i was a police officer i was twice as hard on women as men. middle eastern women i was harder on again

what were the punishments?

Me too

The clerical and official records are lost by the centuries but I'm a descendant of composer Johann Sebastian Bach. While my cousin shows great talent, I'm completely untalented regarding music.

I had a good shot at sketching, drawing and designing but I grew up in a hostile enviroment where only money had value, so my "talent" was strangled until I was filled with disgust even looking at a brush or canvas.

I suffer from dysthymia which is the retarded little bastard brother of depression for more than 30 years. There is no medical professional help available for this.

The first punishment was no prostate milking for two weeks which was frustrating. The second was having to use the urethral insert for my cage and wearing her underwear for the following week, as well no milking for a month.

Dang yo you keeping track?

Was it worth it in the end?

How old are you? Tell me you're not me from the future because I'll end this shit now fucker. Prepare to fade.

Expensive? How do you fuel your habit?

It was 3 orgasms per weekday, 5 per each weekend, and two an hour on her birthday. I got a "blowjob" on my birthday.

Absolutely. We grew closer together than ever during it.

I'm 1/8 Australian Aboriginal and 1/16 Cherokee Indian. I choose not to talk to the American side of my family though, they're all fat, pathetic idiots.

Two an hour? Shit man that sounds like alotta work.

I have been attracted to childbirth my entire life. The first thing I ever masturbated to is childbirth. I have no idea why. I'm 35 years old with no kids my current girlfriend wants kids in the future I have no idea how I will react in the delivery room I'll probably cum in my pants. This fetish is extremely frustrating because it's difficult to satisfy. It's all I think about and I'm extremely sexually frustrated because of it.

>first thing I masturbated to was childbirth
I mean that'll do it.

>"blowjob"
how'd that work if your cock was locked up?

I was attracted to childbirth for years before I masturbated to it. I knew I I liked it at about Age 5.

It was. I managed to keep that up for almost 7 hours but I started losing pace after that.
She put my cage in her mouth while she fingered my prostate and then swallowed my cum.

Impressive.

That's pretty strange then actually.

I was abducted by aliens when I was young. I'm not even kidding either, but noone would believe me if I said anything.

Thanks. I was pulling her pubes out of my teeth for a few days after.

Do you have green eyes?

What was it like? What did they do or say to you? Have they ever come back?

i fucked the ex german porn actress leonie saint before she was famous or in movies. years later i realized who she was. nobody believes me.