Greentext Thread?

Greentext Thread?
Greentext Thread.
I'll start, with a new one.
>Be me
>Be Senior in Highschool
>Two Sophomore friends of mine decide that they wanna start a capaign of DND with me, a petite asian freshman girl (Who was overly clingy, and i was NOT having any of it), and two spergs.
>Get told that they need a mage, and they want me to be as ruthless as possible
>Get an evil idea for my "Ultimate Mage"
>I create an Abomination, known only as...
The Shadmage.

Other urls found in this thread:

archive.is/5Ky5u
archive.is/48LoV
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Cont.
>One of the spergs and one of the sophomores know who shadman is
>They look at me like im fucking retarded
>"The Shadmage? What do you plan on giving him, magic wise?" The asian asked.
The Sophomores (We'll call them Tommy and Jensen, from now on) made the game as easy as possible, due to the asian being a newcomer, and them wanting a piece of that ugly SJW ass. So take the next part with a giggle
>"I plan on giving him the power to manipulate gender and time." I announce, triumphantly; Much to the Jensen and Orc-sperg's obvious chagrin, and to the Asian's immediate glee.
>Tommy, our DM, allows this, and our game begins not long after. Jensen is a half-elf Paladin, Asian (We'll call her Sara)'s character was a Human Sage (Monk, but she wanted to call it sage), and there was Orc-Sperg (Hunter), and Man-Sperg (Warrior).
>Our quest for the unholy treasure of Akbal begins.

go on

Cont, once more.
>In the beginning, i allow the Physical attackers to handle all the encountered enemies, while me and Sara provide support.
>This tactic came to a screeching halt upon fighting the second boss, a Guardian Lich, who was unfazed by physical weapons.
>"Shadmage! Hexalia (Sara)! We need you two to handle this thing! We cant!" Jensen says, irritated at the lack of effort we'd put in so far.
>I shrug. "Alright, Alright. I've got this. I roll to Genderbend."
>My table looks at me like im a fucking idiot.
>"O-Ok then..." Says Tommy. "Roll for it."
>Rolled a 17, and the Lich now grows a rack, and ass, which immediately weighs it down, bringing a chuckle out of everyone but Sara.
>"Is that all?" Man-Sperg asks, but i shake my head.
>"Next, i roll to reverse age, to prepubescense!"
>My table gets excited, and nervous all at once, knowing my current plan.
>"Oh good god... You better not be doing what i think you are... Roll it."
>Natural. Fucking. 20.
>Pick the Lich-ling up, and bring it to the edge of the woods we were in, then i give it to a pack of nearby wolves, forcibly ending the fight.
>Half of our team is dying of laughter, and the other half is appauled at my actions.
>Despite this, the quest for Akbal's unholy treasure continues on.
>All while eating leftover takeout, like pic related.

This is amazing. Please continue

bump

>Near the end of the campaign, infighting begins over who's getting the treasure.
>The only person who nobody argues with, is me, in fear of being turned into a loli, and left to the animals, like the last three bosses.
>They settle on me getting 25 percent, and the rest of them splitting 20 percent each.
>I rebuke any request to share any more, as i am the God of Loli-Magic.
>The unending source of Medival Child Murder.
>The Shadmage of Myth.
>We continue on, and face our final boss.
>Cerberus, and it's master. Akbal, himself.
>"Welcome to my lair!" Akbal (Tommy) shouts. "You've fallen right into my trap, filthy heathens. No magic, nor weapon can slay my beast! Ahahahaha!"
>Akbal raises a magic shield, that disables magic crossing it, but isnt affecting physical attacks. "My shield will eternally protect me and my behemoth! Fear me!" He shouts once more, looking down, from the back of the beast.
>Tommy was sick of me finishing fights, the moment they start. And i was determined to ruin it for him, fully.
>Our Paladin and Sage begin their assault, The sage protecting my paladin, while he struck the Beast with his holy Claymore, which he'd dubbed "Pence, The Lightning"
>Man-Sperg and Orc-Sperg run together, preparing to attack it head on.
>I sit back, and wait for a chance.
>"user, its your turn" Tommy said. "What are you gonna do? Your magic wont affect them."
>"I roll to Age."
>My party looks at me, once again confused. "Age what? You cant reach either of them."
>I grin. "Not them. The shield. I roll to age the shield"
>Tommy sighes. "Fine. Roll. Get it over with."
>ITS A FUCKING TWO.
>Dm laughes his ass off, before saying "You accidentally age Man-Sperg and Orc-Sperg into Old men"
>They look at me, visibly enraged
>OhFuckSakes.jpg
>My team gets the shit kicked out of them, and it begins to my turn again, with the Cerberus prepping to attack me.
>"I roll to age shield, once more."
>Team prepares for the worst
>19.
>Mfw

keep going faggot

>Still have an action left, due to a perk i picked up early on.
>"Next, i roll to genderbend Cerberus!"
>Roll 17.
>"To end, i yell, "DOWN BITCH" at cerberus, for a taunt". Entire partys sides enter orbit, at this moment.
>Turns pass, but my party still isnt faring well. Time to end this.
>"user... let me guess. Double age roll?"
>"How'd you know? First is for cerberus child, second is for Akbal child."
>Rolled a 14, then a 1.
>Cerberus turns into a 3-foot triheaded puppy, who begins to lick Hexalia.
>Akbal on the other hand, is turned into a young adult, giving him even more power.
>"AHAHAHAHA!" He begins to shout, at me. "I AM A GOD! A GOOO-"
>Paladin just rolled to impale.
>Whispers "Natural 20, bitch." In Akbal's ear, as he dies from impalement.
>ArmorDidntFit.gif
>Akbal finally dies, and our quest is complete. All thats left is the treasure.
>We open the chest, and within it, lies...
>A Red Crystal.
>A Single. Red. Crystal.
>"Ohhhh fuck."
>Pic related was me, at that very moment

It takes OP a while to type
Check the time stamps faggot

>This went from a well-knit team, to a soon-to-be Bloodbath.
>Even Sara, who'd been hitting on me through the entire campaign, was giving me a death stare.
>I begin by moving away from the fight. Letting The spergs kill each other, while Sara and Jensen fought each other.
>It took them a few turns to notice me, but when they did, they prepped for assault
>FuckThis.iso
>Rolls to age them both into children, and succeeds on only the Paladin, then i punt him off the top of the palace, killing him.
>Its just me and sara.
>Two equally powerful magicians. One of good, and one of evil.
>Sara casts a seal on herself.
>"Uh... no shields? Ok then..."
>Too stupid to notice the trap, i cast Genderbend.
>The seal was a Reflect seal.
>Well, fuck. Shadmage is now a chick, with bigger tits than the caster.
>Hexalia Casts Seduction.
>Fuck. This might be the end... Sara rolls and...
>1.
>Seduces herself to the first thing she sees. Me.
>Makeout, and shimmy till i reach the edge of the palace, and proceed to kick her off, 300 style.
>Mfw, i killed Akbal, My Party, and took in the Cerberus Pup, along with my Jewel.
>Mfw I ended the journey with a massive Bloodbath.
>Mfw he entire table hates me now.
>Mfw i lost out on asian pussy for DnD
It was fucking worth it. I am the god of Loli-Magic.
I am... the Shadmage.

SOMEONE BETTER SCREENSHOT THIS. AND PUT ME IN THE SCREENSHOT

put me in the screencap

Anyone wanna hear the story of me shitting myself freshman year of high school?

right here!

But you said she was ugly here

Pussy is pussy

Screencapping and archive it
archive.is/5Ky5u

is this worth a screencap ? put me in

OP here.
Yeah, she was. Still is. But pussy is pussy.

alright.
>Be 15
>Socially awkward kid
>Freshman year in high school a complete loner
>fast forward a few months into the school year
>At home getting ready for the next day
>Guy i live with asks if i want taco bell
>FUCKYES.gpg
>We go to taco bell and order some tacos and burritos
>Eat the fuck out of the tacos with that 'fire sauce'

>next day i wake up feeling weird
>go to school as per usual
>before the first class starts i feel some grumbling in my stomach
>Bell rings and i rush to class
>Sit down feelings light headed
>wtf.jpg
>stomach makes whale noises throughout that whole class

>y, those are $0?

this story was gay and a waste of time. not one single laugh to be found unless you're an aspie

>be me
>be 19
>go on tinder app
>find nice girl neighbor
>hot girl so nice in the face and body
>i can comes right to the face
>meet for the movie of Justice League
>says to tell me very funny things
>movie is great we go eat
>food is also great
>i tell her i like her face
>i touch it
>we go to my living quarters
>my room is the mess but she cares not
>i puts on the sexy music and close the lights
>she let me play with great juicy tits
>on my face it's great
>everything great
>penis ready
>i pull to her by her legs on me
>she brings the gears on my cock
>she tells she has big surprise
>i love surprise ok
>she gots something from purse
>sounds like plastic bag
>it smells of the odor
>she come back to me
>touching penis and rub my butthole

Don't you dare stop.

>
>i think maybe she like its ok
>doesn't bother much
>she does kissing
>I'm feeling the vagine so good
>everything great
>her body so wet i puts the dick
>she puts her finger in my ass
>i let her if she knows what's doing
>i want her pussy juice on the dick bad
>her finger goes crazy in my ass
>it feels slime too much
>i feels it moving omg
>i feels the fingers moving so fast
>EVERYTHING NOT GREAT
>i feels my butt and feels slime legs
>like an alien moving the crazy
>what is in my butt
>what have you done to me?
>pleas take out
>i feel the moves in sides of me
>oh god please you can take now
>i can't have this
>"you are not the liking?"
>NO I'M NOT THE LIKING HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE!"
>"i thoughts all boys likes kinky things doing?"
>"Not your doing! Your doing me a wrong!
>she pull it out and it die on the floor
>how she did have that?
>why she did have whole time?
>please we go
>then i have to bring her home
>in the car was quiet and my ass pain for driving home and next day
>i feel so much ashamed i lose virginity to squid

sorry English not sufficient

Cont.

>first class ends and i start getting really gassy as i walk to my geometry class
>find my way into class and my asian teacher is greeting class
>she starts teaching
>i cant focus at all
>whale noises being with the mixture of flatulence
>kids around me notice giggle
>WHOLE class go through this, until...
>20 minutes before class ends, hear last whale mating call
>feel my ass relaxing, as if I'm going to take a shit
>2 seconds later feel the taco bell kissing my anus
>Like a daughter asking her father to leave to her boyfriend's house
>clench my cheeks and i ask teacher if i can use restroom
>SHE DENIES ME
>start begging her and voices starts getting really shaky
>"sumting wong user?"
>BEG HER TO USE RESTROOM
>SHE CONTINUES TO DENY

>be me
>get home
>read stupid thread on /b
>make this post

Cont.

>start panicking
>NEED TO SHIT
>look at my NEET buddy next to me and hard swallow
>give him a weak smile
>next 5 minutes pass
>my ass cheeks feel sore from clenching so long
>as soon as i relax them
>sweet hot diarrhea leaves my ass like the elevator blood scene in the shining
>im in shook
>completely pale
>last 10 minutes of class scarred me for life
>fortunately enough for me, school a/c was down that day and it was spring in Florida, basically SUMMER
>90 degrees and the smell of shit being to circulate the room
>kids start speaking out loud, "MS. NOODLES, ITS SMELLS LIKE SHIT CAN WE MOVE?"
>all of the kids make a 8 foot radius around me
>text my mom to pick me up
>hands shaking like i have Parkinsons
>bell rings and i wait til all the kids leave
>SPRINT TO RESTROOM
>GOTTAGOFAST

Godspeed Shadmage

Cont.

>in complete panic mode
>hands vibrating like vibrator
>drop pants and my shit filled briefs
>wipe as best as i can in the bathroom
>fucking 1 ply toilet paper is next to useless
>go through whole toilet paper roll while flushing the pieces of shit paper down the toilet
>sweating profusely now
>still naked from waist down
>get my briefs and try washing them as best as i can
>throw them in bag after i think im done
>NOT A GOOD IDEA
>go commando to my next class
>French online class
>sit down with a sigh of relief
>while teacher goes through attendance some kids around me start gagging
>kids start squaking "WHO SHIT THEMSELVES?"
>At this point I'm completely ashamed, run out of class
>run to bathroom
>throw briefs behind the toilet
>run to office to see my mom
>go home and cry in shower

END.

ending on triple 8, nice

> "Pence, The Lightning"
kek

My turn:
>be me
>2013
>junior in high school almost over
>take speaker to school
>have a treat, the new death grips album that came out the october before, no love deep web
>start blasting over speaker from phone
>i remember that we have a spirit assembly
>put the speaker away and become sadboy

>but wait a minute
>what if the dream isnt dead
>what if i can still play nldw at school
>walking into auditorium, i hide behind curtains on stage
>wait until everyone is there

>finally, everyone is there, and no one is on stage yet
>think "ill look so cool!"
>approach shitty macbook hooked up to speakers with a mic plugged in
>plug my phone into macbook
>make eye contact with teacher
>teacher yells at me to get down
>everyone looking at me
>another idea

>grab mic
>"IT'S DEATH!"
>start blasting whammy
>teachers approving stage
>brace myself to quickly unplug phone and run away
>everyone starts laughing at me
>automatically assume they are laughing at my music
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT"
>realized the mistake i made
>everyone starts laughing harder
>teacher grabs me
>unplugs my phone
>takes it
>escorts me
>i get out of school suspension for the rest of the year
>i never get the rest of the work and missed a few tests
>failed two classes
>flunked 11th grade
Moral of the story, don't think playing Death Grips at school makes you cool. It doesn't and you'll most likely get your shit kicked in by a teacher.

what the fuck is wrong with you?

great story totally can relate

Story time, Sup Forums
> The words on the headstone in the graveyard, bathed in moonlight and cloaked in black velvet sky, were bareley visible. I eventually managed to translate the text from Latin into English and it read:

> You could swear you'd heard it before. Just like rain on the window, persistent and tireless. Lost in dreams of other shores. The ocean of my mind is the deathbed of my thoughts. Game for hunters now, I am the hunted evermore. I was puzzled for several years by this verse, studying it, rolling it over in my mind and contemplating it's meaning. Seemed like pretty bad poetry, I thought but I couldn't get it out of my mind.

> About four years after this I was walking down the Main Street when I was stopped by a man dressed like a tramp and smelling of urine. He kept blocking my way but I fought back till he fixed me with a million mile stare from his crazed eyes as he pushed me into the side-alleyway without breaking his gaze as I stumbled backwards.

> He looked me in the eye with a glare like Satan himself and took my hand. He placed a small piece of paper in my hand and then beckoned me to come closer. The smell of alcohol and ammonia was almost unbearable as he whispered in my ear:

> "Read the first word of each sentence on the stone and know your fate" he said before walking away laughing.

> As his words sank in it occured to me that this was all going wrong, and as I opened up that sheet of paper to see a picture of the headstone, smashed to pieces, I knew that I was fucked.

Death grips fans are the worst fans of anything on Sup Forums and this is proof

what the fuck

...

bump

bumpin

feels bad man

excuse me, but did she shove an eel up your ass?

come to think of it greentext threads is just bedtime stories but for fuckos like you lot

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