Luke, did I ever tell you how I was still a Padawan in my 30's and only stopped being one after I let my Master die...

>Luke, did I ever tell you how I was still a Padawan in my 30's and only stopped being one after I let my Master die? I was a bad apprentice.

Other urls found in this thread:

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Luuke_Skywalker
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Luuuke_Skywalker
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Breasts
youtube.com/watch?v=-7hBZNsPnyg
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/URoRRuR'R'R
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/URoRRuR'R'R/Legends
youtube.com/watch?v=_-rP5iqx6T8
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chewbaacca
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

>Luke did I ever tell you that the jedi knights of myth existed only 20 years ago and were the leaders of the republic army during the incredibly well known clone wars? The galaxy has a bad memory.

Han, did I ever tell you how we saved you from Jabba the Hutt? We sent a rich politician away to go undercover as a mob boss grunt for like a week, I guess no imperial agents noticed him missing. Could have also been easily recognized by someone in Jabba's posse (Boba Fett for instance) and killed. We also sent in our strongest warrior as a prisoner, even though he might just be instantly destroyed. I also sent in our droids as a cheap gift, totally unequal to your life. I also put my only weapon inside on of the droids, on the off-chance you might be on a barge in the middle of the desert and the droid might be in a position to shoot my lightsabre to me. If Jabba accepted my offer, then I would have lost my lightsabre forever. I also sent my sister in disguised as a bounty hunter, to pretty much openly threaten Jabba with a grenade for some reason. Finally, I went in myself completely unarmed, to attempt to use a cheap trick on Jabba. It didn't work and I was almost killed by a Rancor. We were all captured, but we were all shipped out into the middle of the desert, where everyone was perfectly placed to help me rescue you. Luckily, no-one was killed or even harmed before we got to the desert, or the whole thing wouldn't have worked. You are a good friend.

Luuuuuukke

Luke you should really visit my home planet, Stewjon. It was a good planet.

kek

>Luke, did I ever tell you about your evil clone, Luuke? He was grown out of the cells extracted from your chopped-off hand. He was a good friend.

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Luuke_Skywalker

>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I rode Boga, the large lizard-like female varactyl? During my search for General Grievous on Utapau, I found myself in a need of a mount. So I visited an area of pens where the Pau'an natives kept varactyls. And I took from them savages one of those inconspicuous huge bright screaming dragons instead of any other more advanced transport vehicle we had at our hands at the time. The fucker couldn't even fly like the majority of our vehicles so we both got blasted hard during Order 66. Boga is probably dead who knows lmao. I was a mediocre friend."

>Luke, did I tell you about your other clone, Luuuke? He succeeded your previous clone, Luuke, became grandmaster of the New Jedi Order, and created a time machine

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Luuuke_Skywalker

>He was the best star pilot in the galaxy, and a cunning warrior. Once he brutally murdered an entire population of Sand people after they had captured and raped your grandmother. He told your mother the following morning how he didn't just kill the men, but the women and the children too. He was a good friend.

>Mwaaaaaaaah! Luke, did I ever tell you about Paul Masson? The Corellian Starpilots have always been renowned for their excellence. There is a Corellian Starpilot who gave his life for the republic. And like all good friends, he was captured by the empire and fermented in carbonite. Did I mention he was vintage dated?.............Luke?

>Luke, did I ever tell you that I'm a penniless bum so I will be getting you to sell your Land Speeder to pay for our taxi fare? I am a good leech.

>Luke did I ever tell you about my plan to hide from the most influential and powerful force in the galaxy? I changed my name from obi-wan to Ben. Kept the last name. Also I live about 4 miles away from Darth Vader's old house but we'll get to that part later. I was good at deep cover.

Luke did I ever tell you that your Aunt and Uncle will be burnt alive and it will be my fault?
I am a good friend.

>Luke did I ever tell you abut how I sent your sister away to become a princess and left you to be a penniless serf on a shithole crime planet? I was a good friend.

>Luke did I ever tell you about the robot that came here looking for me ... R2D2? He saved my life at least five times and was a critical part in the early Wars yet I have no memory of him whatsoever.
He was a good droid.

>Rey, did I ever tell you of the time I cucked myself out of a job

oh my fuckING GOD I HATE STAR WARS SO FUCKING MUCH

What?

wtf is this shit

>The original trilogy is perfect, they said

He was explicitly stated to be 18.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Maul? He was Sheev's apprentice before Dooku and Vader that used a double-bladed lightsaber. He fought against my master Qui-Gon on Naboo, and managed to kill him. Fortunately, even though I was still a Padawan I managed to cut him in half by taking advantage of the fact that he didn't know how to use the High Ground. However, it turned out that his hate somehow allowed him to survive getting cut in half and falling down a bottomless pit, and he somehow managed to escape from Naboo and become a cyborg spider on some other planet. Years later, during the Clone Wars, his brother Savage Opress found him and upgraded his cyborg legs. They went on a rampage across the Galaxy, trying to get revenge both on me and his former master Sheev. It's such a pity that he never told anyone that Sheev was a Sith Lord, that would have saved us a lot of trouble. They eventually took over Mandalore and killed the only woman I had ever loved right in front of me. After that I kind of lost track of him, not sure what became of him. I hope he's doing well, he was a good friend.

False. Obi-Wan had a first love, a fellow Jedi he grew up with in the Apprentice book series. Also, it's implied that Maul doesn't even know that Sheev was masquerading as Senator Palpatine.

>Luke did I ever tell you about your father? I often chastised him and complained to my superiors about how reckless and impulsive he is. In retrospect, It's quite odd that I would remember him as a 'cunning warrior'. In spite of this, however, he was a good friend.

Obi-wan is 25 in Episode

>Obi-Wan had a first love, a fellow Jedi he grew up with in the Apprentice book series.
Would he have left the Jedi Order for a chance to bang her?

>Windu, Prophecy, did i ever telly you of? Bring it up this one time, I will and then never mention again, will i.

Why did Darth Maul want revenge on Palpatine again?

Sheev kidnapped him as a child and pretty much abused and tortured Maul his whole life.

>his brother Savage Opress

Even when the Jedi were around it was extremely rare to run into one

He actually did leave the Jedi order briefly in the books

This is actually real?

>This article is non-canon within the Star Wars Legends continuity.

>This article covers a Star Wars Legends subject that was published under the Infinities label or that Lucasfilm otherwise declared to be non-canon within the Legends continuity.

>raped your grandmother

I hate people who make assumptions.

he was jealous of the new apprentice Dooku.

No, Tuskans rape their victims. It's canon.

Didn't realize Kojima wrote for Star Wars

All of it.

So is the extended universe just one big in-joke and the creators are laughing at us for thinking it's meant to be taken seriously?

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Breasts

No, it's anal fanboys who takes the universe so seriously that if it doesn't exist in an encyclopedia if some sort then it doesn't exist in-universe. You guys kind of remind me of them.

He's been a major player in REBELS since the last season.

It was canon until Disney bought star wars

>fanboys made up stories
>serious

They actually explain in the old canon why he goes to tatooine.

Is there canon descriptions of Tusken genitalia?

ask ur mum

She's dead.

Luke was the one who asked about the Clone Wars. Obi-wan didn't have to explain what a Jedi Knight was, only the Force

>It's such a pity that he never told anyone that Sheev was a Sith Lord, that would have saved us a lot of trouble.

He hated the Jedi more than his former master.

>mfw we'll see an upgrade to this pasta when Maul gets BTFO by him again

Your father's lightsaber. He used it to slaughter younglings and commit genocidal murder rampages. An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.

maul and his brother both got thoroughly killed by Sheev. It's over.

actually I really like the scene where Sheev whoops their asses

youtube.com/watch?v=-7hBZNsPnyg

Maul's still alive, m8. Only Savage got thoroughly BTFO, we didn't see what happened to him after he got the Sheev Cleave because TCW got canned before his arc was done.
Last he was seen, in Rebels, he was following a vision while saying "He's still alive".

The chances of that 'He' not being Kenobi are microscopic, and since one is in ANH and one isn't, it's pretty clear what the result's going to be.

The same weapon I used to cut off his hands and legs and leave him burning alive near a lake of lava.

EU senpai. The Luuuuuuuuuuuuuke clones are a low point desu...

This thread is like pottery

>Luke, did I ever tell you how your father was too old to become a Jedi at 9 years old.
>What are you now, 16 or so?

?????

they had a massive jedi temple with hundreds of little jedi children running around. Are you telling me that if you went to New York it's 'incredibly' rare to run into an NYU student

>leia,did I ever tell
You about boba fett. He was the clone of the notorious bounty hunter jango fett. Who was the last real mandalore,leader of the notorious jedi killers called mandalorians. He had spent his entire life fighting and yet when I sliced his blaster I left him because he no longer seemed like a threat. Its a good thing han hit his jetpack and it immediately malfunctioned him into the sarlacc or who knows what would've happened. Han was a good friend

>starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random


Luke, did I ever tell you about the Master of the Order of Revan? The Master of the Order of Revan, also called The Master, was a title used to denote the leader of the Order of Revan. The title of Master of the Order of Revan existed since Decades[2] before the Cold War between the Galactic Republic and the Empire. It was created by the female human Sith Tari Darkspanner when she created the Order of Revan to attempt to balance the Empire between the Dark side and the Light side of the Force. It was a good order.

He was 19

holy fuck, that cgi looks awful

Oh come on, Kojima is not that bad.

Luke, did I ever tell you about Bidlo Kwerve? He was a Corellian pirate and smuggler who served Jabba Desilijic Tiure (also known simply as Jabba the Hutt). A tall, grizzled man with scarred features and a mane of black hair, he was known for his greediness and hot temper, and was quick to respond to any perceived insults. Kwerve and a Twi'lek named Bib Fortuna competed to become Jabba's new majordomo after the Hutt deemed his previous retainer, Naroon Cuthus, too old and incapable of carrying out his duties. Kwerve and Fortuna hated each other with a passion and went to great lengths to prove themselves in Jabba's eyes, though Jabba considered each as incompetent as the other. Kwerve disliked Jabba's top pilot, Han Solo, and the two often clashed, both in words and with blasters. Around two years ago, he considered leaving Jabba's employ because of the continual menial tasks that were being asked of him, and though Fortuna encouraged him to quit, he never did. Shortly before now, Kwerve discovered a crashed ship in the Tatooinian desert, with a live rancor inside it. Hoping to present the beast to Jabba for his birthday, he begrudgingly sought the aid of Fortuna to help him transport it to Jabba's Palace. Jabba was impressed with the initiative shown by his two top lieutenants and offered to make one of them his new majordomo; the other would be given the "greater honor," though Jabba did not specify what this was. Ever greedy, Kwerve accepted the "greater honor"—he became the rancor's first victim and was devoured in a pit below Jabba's court.

Anyway, I only bring this up because in about four years you're going to pick up his skull and throw it at a panel to drop a massive door down on that very same rancor. He'll get his revenge on the rancor, from a certain point of view.

And he was a good friend.

By the way, this is canon again.

>Luuuke was canon.

No, it wasn't. "Non-Canon in the Legends Community" means it was non-canon in the EU.

Luuuke was a joke from the author making fun of himself.

>Luuuke was mentioned in "An Apology", a non-canonical short story by Timothy Zahn that was released on April 1, 2012 as an April Fools' Day joke. In the context of the story, any appearance of Luke Skywalker following the Fate of the Jedi series would be Luuuke. Further, the article in which "An Apology" was published announced facetiously that Luuuke would star in upcoming novels such as Star Wars: The Clone Wars 2: Luuuke by Zahn.

Luuke was a thing. Luuuke was never anything more than a joke.

Even so, Palpatine's speech when he becomes emperor literally mentions the Jedi conspiracy by name. Even if we assume the Empire didn't broadcast reports of Jedi fugitives throughout the galaxy, are people REALLY not going to remember the speech where the galactic form of government was radically changed? It'd be the most watched and known speech in the history of the entire Republic.

It would've been extremely rare to personally encounter a Jew in Nazi Germany, even before Hitler's reign, but would there really be parts of Germany that thought Judaism was just a myth?

Luke, did I ever tell you about URoRRuR'R'R?

URoRRuR'R'R lived on the Outer Rim world of Tatooine during the Galactic Civil War. Shortly before the Battle of Yavin, URoRRuR'R'R attacked You, a local moisture farmer who, along with protocol droid C-3PO, was searching for his missing astromech droid R2-D2. URoRRuR'R'R knocked you unconscious, and the Tusken and his followers began searching Your landspeeder. They were scared off by me, who mimicked the call of a krayt dragon to spook URoRRuR'R'R and his fellow Tusken Raiders into fleeing.

And he was a good friend.

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/URoRRuR'R'R
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/URoRRuR'R'R/Legends

Wait a minute
So, there is a backstory for every single object / person in the SW universe, if main characters were involved?

That's only one planet though, it's rare to run into an NYU student in LA

...

did you just figure out the joke here?

youtube.com/watch?v=_-rP5iqx6T8

Watch the prequels retard

Nobody said that the Jedi aren't real. It' was the Force that was thought to be bullshit.
There's a Pope in Vatican, yet there are score of people that think Jesus is a load of shit.

>18 years old in episode I
>80 years old in episode IV

How old is Luke again?

#NotAllTuskans

Kek the opening scene of Return of the Jedi is unforgivably bad, already a forewarning of what was to come if Lucas accumulated more and more power over the process

Impossible. Obi-wan had the high ground.

>Have we started the fire?

That's really funny.

That's why he jumped, so he could have the higher high ground. Movies got it all wrong.

Top kek

he doesn't have any "ground" if he's in the air, idiot

Even better because air > ground. Shit was rigged from the beggining, Lucas is a hack.

No, not once does anybody say "I have the high air" and if anything the battle between Obi-wan and Anakin proves even lower ground is better than high air

He seemed pretty keen on getting revenge on Sheev in Rebels season 2, even temporarily becoming allies with the jedi. However it seems he's going for Obi Wan in season 3.

Well by that time the jedi were BTFO and not really a thing. If he had tried to ally with them before that he'd get his revenge but still have 10,000 jedi to deal with.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Chewbaacca? He was a clone of the wookie Chewbacca. He was cloned as a professional arm-wrestler, but pulled one of his opponents arm out so he stopped, so now his master, who also cloned you twice, stopped the two being near each other. He was a good friend.

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chewbaacca

That's why I'm saying it's al rigged, you dum dum.

Luke, did I ever tell you about IG-88? IG-88 uploaded his consciousness into a computer core destined for Death Star II. He succeeded in being uploaded, and was preparing to activate his program to take over all droids in the galaxy when it was destroyed. With his consciousness in the Death Star II, he would literally become the Death Star. Emperor Palpatine was the only known person on the Death Star to suspect something was wrong after the uploading of the computer core with IG-88 inside. Before the station's destruction, he noticed a series of doors in his throne room opening and closing sporadically. IG-88 did this to show the Emperor that he was not all powerful. However, IG-88 was utterly baffled when it appeared that Emperor Palpatine used some unseen force to attempt to push the doors open. However, IG-88 exerted more force and was able to continue to keep the Emperor locked in, until he grew tired of the game and unlocked the door. He was a good friend.

Why can't they just create new characters instead of coming up with these ridiculous plots for characters featured in the movies?

Obi-Wan still had the high ground, from a certain point of view.

Because then you get Reys and basically all the new cast of Star Wars media

>So, there is a backstory for every single object / person in the SW universe

>if main characters were involved?

Hahaha no

If you got literally ONE second of screentime (as a random extra in the back of frame in an establishing shot) you have a backstory, some longer than Shakespeare's wikipedia entry.

>I guess no imperial agents noticed him missing
stopped reading here he escaped cloud city with leia and chewie you dumb fuck

Post YFW Thrawn is canon

>Savage Opress
oh my god