I want to talk, but I want to do so without existing. Is such a thing even possible? No. The second you talk is the second you exist. You are everything and anything that exists, yet at the same time you are nothing. I can't talk without existing. Perhaps I can try to be as close to nonexistent as possible while still existing just enough to talk. No, I've tried. It is still existing. You are still you no matter what. If anything, it is worse, because it gets to a point where I appear to be something I'm not. It makes me realize that I have the choice between being something I'm not just for the sole purpose of not existing, or being myself. No matter what I do, I'd still exist. Why go through all of the trouble then? Just exist. Be yourself. I don't want to. It makes me selfish. I get in the way. So then stop existing. Why? I want to exist now because I am selfish. Existing and not existing both make me selfish. What does it mean to be selfish? "Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure." Okay, what is the opposite of that? Caring? Kindness? How am I supposed to be that when every time I talk is me existing, therefore every time I talk is me being selfish. I used to be nonexistent. I was kind by not existing initially, then I existed and became selfish. Now if I stop existing after initially existing, I'll still be selfish. There is no end to selfishness after existing. There is no point in trying to be kind if I'm selfish either way. It now becomes what do I want to do. I just want to be me. Hello. I'm selfish. I feel bad because of this and I always will feel bad because I will always be selfish. I can not break this.
I want to talk, but I want to do so without existing. Is such a thing even possible? No...
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Shh... Don't worry about it.
everyone's a little selfish
I've thought about that. I'd have to agree with that, but I can't convince myself that everyone is selfish. If everyone is selfish, then how can selfishness exist? I know what selfishness is because I know what kindness is. One can't exist without the other. If everyone is selfish then no one is selfish. I just can't accept that from my own perspective. I see everyone as kind and caring. If everyone is kind and caring, then nobody can be kind and caring because selfishness doesn't exist, right? Well, that is where I come in. I am the only selfish one. I exist now. I don't like it, but it is who I am.
i want you to exist
Why should I? This makes me think... If I am the only selfish one and everybody else is kind, then everyone can be kind and caring. If I didn't exist, then selfishness wouldn't exist. If selfishness doesn't exist, then kindness can't exist. In a way, being selfish is being kind so that others can exist and therefore be kind. If I'm doing that, then I am kind to everyone. That means that I was never selfish. It still doesn't make sense how I can be both of these things yet neither of them at the same time. Hello. I exist now. I don't really know why I exist. I hope you enjoy existing too.
i really like that picture
I really like this post. I like this post because you took the time to reply to the OP and type out your own personal thoughts about the attached picture. Sometimes, I wish I could make a thread without needing a picture. Sometimes I wish I could make a thread without having to type a single character. Unfortunately, it is impossible to do that. I could just delete my thread right after making it, but I can only do that so often. It made me realize that there is no point to it. I will exist no matter what I try. So I have to attach an image to my thread. I guess I shall make something relevant to the point I wish to convey. I made this picture for you. I took the time to edit it, resize it, and rename it just so that you could enjoy looking at it. This picture was made for you and I am glad that you enjoy it.
cool thanks for sharing. i enjoy existing. you might start to feel the same in the future.
off by one
I don't really think there is a way to enjoy existing. Anything more is merely pretending. I mean, I'd rather pretend and at least try to enjoy existing. I'd rather do something than nothing, but the only problem is that when I try something, it makes me feel bad because I acknowledge that I exist. Either way I'll feel bad, but at least I tried to do something.
that sounds kind of self defeating. you should learn to appreciate the good moments. without pain, the best moments of existence wouldn't feel as good as they do
Well not really if we are all selfish it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist we just use that word to describe a trait that we all as human beings possess. We are the most important things in our loves it's why and how we strive as individuals.
I think you are having an identity crisis. Why do labels mean so much to you. Why does describing something you dont quite yet now how to convey dominate your thought process
I understand that. I'm trying to learn how to do that, but it isn't that simple for me.
There needs to be an equal opposite. If selfishness exists, then kindness exists. One can't exist without the other. If everybody is kind, then nobody is selfish or kind. If everybody is selfish, then nobody is kind or selfish. It would just be called being human at that point. Maybe it is. I don't know.
Because I am lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm used to silence. I've been this way for too long and I've grown used to it. Now that I've broken that, it is all I have.
i used to live in silence too. i know how you feel. probably not as long as you did though.
The opposite of selfishness is selflessness. Just because you are selfish doesn't mean your a bad person or narcissistic. Try some psychedelics they will allow you to think from a different perspective
I'm sorry to hear that. It doesn't matter how long you stay silent for though. Silence is horrible. Nobody deserves to experience that or even go through that at all.
I see. Never thought of it that way. In that case, selflessness is a better word to describe what I am. I doubt I will try psychedelics. Don't really have access to any and I'm not sure if I'd even want to if I could.
i like having a voice. sometimes it feels good to share yourself with others.
You are conflating assertiveness and selfishness. Why? It's okay to want things. It's okay to need things. It's not okay to take things by force. Who is calling you selfish for existing? Your parents? Did they not selfishly choose to have you, without you having a say in the matter? Should they then not have treated you with all the care they could muster, for you did not choose to be there, they chose for you to be there?
I love that you put a lot of what I couldn’t into words. OP, being selfish is key to our survival as a species. The fact that our only conscious is our own will forever cement that. The fact that you are concerned about this shows that you have some self esteem problems but you shouldn’t worry because I can tell you are a humble, intelligent and thoughtful person. I appreciate the time you took to word this and I wish you luck on loving yourself
Assertiveness is not selfishness. You have made a post. We, of our own volition decide to respond and talk to you. You have not forced yourself upon us, we chose to engage you in conversation. There are no losers, only winners. It is selfish to use force to create a win-lose situation, where in someone HAS to listen, or some negative consequence will be inflicted by the party demanding the other to listen. You can ask, we can choose to respond. There is no initiation of force. There is no threat of violence. Therefore, it is not selfish, but assertive. You have a need, you ask us to fulfill your need, and we chose to do that or not. Selfish would be to take what I want, screw the others. This is mutual voluntary exchange through you expressing a need through assertiveness, and me choosing to talk to you because I want to do so. Therefore, you are talking and you are not selfish.
I suppose so.
I guess I am, and my only excuse is trauma. You make a good point about parents, and it is something that I'll never truthfully understand unless I have a child of my own. I think its pretty selfish to have a child and then tell them how they considered aborting them and how you are hated. Growing up without a father and a mentally unstable mother and grandfather that both physically abuse you. Sure, selfish, but it is also kindness at the same time. Making me endure these circumstances makes me a better person, so it's basically a mentally ill and fucked up version of tough love.
I don't even know how to respond to this... I'm sorry...
Oh...
Oh for christ sake, shut up.
Being selfish is being kind to yourself. Two sides of the same coin.
Use others
Boy, do I have a book for you that you absolutely NEED to read. You are clearly highly intelligent, and I don't think you will find this information anywhere else.
Get the book "Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love". It's free, and probably the most important book you'll ever read. There's also an audiobook version, but considering where you're starting from I recommend reading it and slowly mulling it over.
No u.
Good point. Maybe it is.
Why should I? That would only make me feel worse.
I suppose I could check it out. Thank you for the recommendation.
>I guess I am, and my only excuse is trauma.
This trauma was inflicted onto you by your mother, it only serves her. You are not selfish. She wants to you to believe you are selfish so that you do not hold her responsible for her actions. What they did to you was not kindness, but you deserved kindness. Their irresponsible behavior is not your fault, you are a victim of their choices and they are telling you LIES to make them saints and you, a devil. "I must punish you, for you are evil" is something evil people say in order to justify their aggression. A child is the most innocent being there is, because it has no power, no choices and no means to take care of itself. To abuse a child is the worst evil, and the worst evil will tell you the worst lies.
You are worthwhile. The way you are verbalizing your thoughts indicate you have an IQ of AT LEAST 120. You can do more than 95% of humanity is capable of. Realize your power, and realize that it's these evil people holding you back. You can achieve happiness through expressing your needs and wants clearly, and then seeing which ones you can achieve for yourself, and which ones require the actions of others. You've experienced the use of force against you, recognize where you are using force against others and live a good life without the initiation of force. You are worthwhile. We're here for you if you need to talk.
I don't really see it that way. Nobody has a perfect childhood and everyone blames their parents for it. Sure, my upbringing was horrible and could be better, but nobody really has a good upbringing. The way I verbalize my thoughts has nothing to do with IQ in my opinion. I'd consider myself an idiot because I can't accept that everyone is evil. The problem lies within myself. I don't think there is evil, only misunderstood intentions that give off the impression of evil.
So someone torturing a small animal is the same as someone walking down the street, minding their own business from your perspective?
There is no context in that case. It automatically assumes that the person torturing an animal is doing so out of spite. Without a solid understanding of why they do it, it will look like they are evil.
Ok, what's a good reason to torture an animal?
You should know.
In case you're struggling with this, there is no good reason to torture an animal. They are not moral agents. They do not possess a will, they do not have the choice between good and evil actions. Torturing an animal is therefore evil.
Now, is it worse to harm an animal or to damage a car?