I understand that you don't want any "positive" talks here. But, I was there too...after some years of "light" depression I've hitted rock bottom.
Spent 6 months in my room, I couldn't even talk properly, had no one that I enjoyed talking, everyone was already tired of me.
6 months planing on how to kill my self. Waking up and the first thought was - I need to do it, I gotta kill myself.
Understand that you can do it, suicide is a option, you are free to do it. But, life can get better and depression is the best life teacher EVER.
After you conquer it you become stronger. Life after depression is great, because you finally will learn how to live, you realize how weak you used to be.
Unfortunately I don't have the proper words to tell you.
But live depression, don't take fucking medications. The depression state has something to teach you.
All the pain you are felling right now it's normal. Your brain chemicals are fucked up and your mind only produce negative thoughts. Are you willing to let your life go due to a chemical imbalance?
Pain is ok, the world isn't a fairy tail. But you can learn how to deal with it.
Put in a balance; Would you rather stop existing, no more reality or give a try again to see what can happen?
Suicide can bring you no more pain, but also no more pleasure, no more whatever you used to like.
Just give a try and see what could happen.
Start treating yourself with a little bit better, take baby steps, each day just try to do a little bit more.
Go for a 1 hour walk during the sun light, drink more water, eat a better meal. All these things can sound stupid but it will help.
Just take baby steps each day and don't give a fuck about how you think other people will think about you. Talk to someone close, open yourself.