>31yo. Failed long term relationship after too many years. Since then, Ive been meeting girls and tried another relationship with a girl for 5 months >It ended very bad, she just disappeared from one day to another like a coward. Broke up using a text message >Now I have very low self-esteem, insecurity, Ive been lonely for most of the time, no friends, cant focus on anything, lost my job, everything is going downhill >Ive been doing exercise for 15 days, going for a walk and trying to enjoy my hobbies again, but its too hard and I cant really stay for more than 30 min doing the same thing >Last weekend I met a new group of people, theres a girl inside I really liked. She seemed to be interested on me too, accompanied her, talk a lot between the two of us. I didnt ask her number. Dont know why. >Now Im hoping theres another meeting of this group again on this week and see her again. Found her FB but Im not going to write her out of the blue, thats too creepy.
The bad thing is I only get motivated when theres a girl around or some kind of expectatives. Then I can work and achieve better results. I cant be happy without a girl. I wasnt like this years ago..
Keep tinder rolling, eventually you'll come by a couple of wenches to keep the urges in check.
I'm 30, been through a lot of shit and couple of months back I hooked up with a 16 years old nutjob from tinder (she was using a fake account with no images and duped age). She was(is) sorta of a nympho and I went in for the good old cash and dump. Well, I had no expectations and it turned out I had a great time, she got me worked up pretty badly but I managed to handle all the ordeals, we've been seeing each other since then. Got her into trying anal and she took a nasty liking to it.
Well, bad part is, she gave me some BAD case of chancroid and I can't even fap until my dick gets better.
Angel Harris
Yeah dude. I know how you are feeling. 10 year relationship ended. Dated girls, had fun. Got in shape. Felt good. Got into a relationship. I'm still in it, but I don't know if it's what I want. We have a lot of problems, but I can't make a decision. I need to commit or leave.
There isn't anything unusual with needing a purpose to be motivated. But I think other user might have a point. Maybe you need to work on changing your goals. Rather than working to improve because there is a girl, you need to improve because of you alone. That's a worthy goal and reward. It's just easy to lose sight of.
There is no way to get through other than pushing ahead. I don't mean waiting. I mean pushing. Do things you don't feel like doing. That's just discipline. But, by the way, maybe it's good not to sit at home too much. You need to learn and develop, but maybe you need to get out. Unless you're just going to bars and shit.
Daniel Long
Aw boo hoo you can't function without a girl to cling on? Cry me a river faggot
James Evans
Agreed, you're too old to be this much of a faggot.
Don't you have hobbies to put your mind into? If you don't, look for one.
Levi Davis
are you me holy shit
Liam Howard
serves you right you pedophile fuck
Caleb Barnes
just google it nice
Liam Nguyen
kill yourself nigger >Don't you have hobbies to put your mind into he just fucking said he cant do his regular hobbies you dense fucking shit
Elijah Brown
You're a man. Embrace the hunt and get it.
James Gray
Aww did I hurt your feelings OP? Try clinging on some dudes dick you might get more success
Luke Taylor
Well, he can look for new ones then can't he? Ya fucking nigger.
Oliver Martin
Yeah man I’m hurtting big time. Wish I had 2ugh
Cooper Sullivan
I tried concealing it from my coworkers and family but ever since the infection got through the incubation I'm having to walk around sideways like a crab, because every single lymph node around my thights are swolen and it hurts like a bitch to walk normally.
I think each day I went through without a girl near me is a failed day. I imagine people having sex every weekend and I really miss that.
Tinder is almost useless right now in my area, I live in a small town and there are not enough girls around. Ive been "dating" a 19yo girl for quite a while, but nothing serious. Great sex and all but not enough neither.
Now Im putting all my expectatives into this girl I met 5 days ago, and I know this isnt the way to go but at least its something to think about
Juan Lewis
I could have been a doctor if not for my insatiable lust being the only thing that gets me to do anything.
Christian Lewis
I'd say step #1 is to seek advice/commiseration from folks outside the troll den... That being said I feel for you, it's a difficult state of mind to break out of because it does affect all facets of one's life. It never helped me while in the fog of self loathing or while searching for validation from outside the bounds of my own self image/worth, but as cliche as it sounds: the most essential factor is time. As long as you remain committed to actually moving past the relationship you are reeling from you will start processing it in a more productive way. For me, finding a way to learn from the experience without obsessing over the ways you could have prevented the break up, and for your own sake finding a way to forgive your ex... not letting her off the hook necessarily or as a ploy to show her how much you've changed, etc. Reframing the narrative in a practical way will help prevent you from replicating the relationship dynamics when you do eventually regain your sense of propriety and self worth... Everything else amounts to fleeting distractions from really make peace with the experience. Hang in there. It fucking sucks now, but you will overcome this if you make even a minor effort to engage with the psychologically triggers that lead you to this point.
Kevin Reyes
Just reading your shit, i'm already tired of you, you whining bitch.
Isaac White
Exercise and learn to love yourself. Your positivity will radiate and others will want to be with you. Girls wont sleep with you once you earn so many nice guy points with them, get that out of your head. Don't have expectations, just enjoy being in the presence of another person.
Jordan Miller
I was ghosted after a 2 year relationship. Shit sucks, got even worse when there was a bit of contact soon afterwards. Some girls are just heartless, soulless sociopaths. The best part is that they come off as innocent victims to mutual friends and future relationships. Fuck dating, focus on advancing your life, making money, and learning to enjoy your own company. This way no one will ever have power over you.
Hudson Morgan
Fix the job thing first
Jacob Morris
Live for yourself op, girls will come when you can be happy with yourself
Nicholas Foster
Assuming you didn't step out of a romantic comedy or children's fairytale, the reason you had a long committed relationship prior was because you were relaxed enough to put in the time to build something substantive over a prolonged period of time. Where your head is at in the aftershock of the relationship breakdown I'd venture to guess that you are thinking about you ex consistently and comparing the new women you might have potential with to you ex and the way you did things as a couple. I don't know how long exactly you were with her, but if it was 2-3 years or more and you were living together/with you daily routines intertwined it's going to tak longer than 15 days, assuming that's how long its been since things fell apart... The a complex web of behavior and conditioning to overcome before you even factor in the heartbreak of it all. You gotta dig in and accept that it'll be a month, even a year, maybe more if you backslide.
Jose Stewart
-Guy in your age group giving practical advice based on actual experience and genuine empathy out! I'll leave you with this one final note: Hang in there and don't let this shit embedder you towards those friends/family around you that aren't *quite* as understanding as you think you'd want them to be. The fact of the matter that no one other than you and (possibly) your ex know how important and meaningful that relationship was to you. It's the painful aspect of breakups people brush over, forget to tell you if you haven't experienced it first hand. It can feel like another betrayal or judgement when people are flippant about what you are going through.... but its the nature of the beast, and for fuck's sake don't use this as an excuse to be another broken dude that hates women and blames them to let yourself of the hook. Chances are there's some shit you need to address in yourself before you expect anyone to but faith in you to be a decent, occasionally self assured partner otherwise you will only attract other broken people and your desperation will repel any self-respecting women from 200 yards away. Cheers.
Landon Hughes
Thanks for your replies guys, they really help.
I got in contact and met this group when I thought I was ready and not looking like a desperated and depressed guy with noone around. I should try to focus on myself first and learn to be alright without needing a girl. Its hard, specially when as say, you've been ghosted, cheated, both of them or they act like if nothing happened. I had to leave my "friends" because they were staying with her and Im not in the mood to act hypocritically.
Wish me luck. And for the moment, I dont think all the girls are like this, luckily, but its really hard to find a proper one with at least similar values and respect.
Trick is that you need to be ok without someone before you're likely to get someone.
You seem to be on the right track with your hobbies and stuff, but you also may be depressed which is why you're suffering anhedonia, and not managing to move forward.
If you think this may be the case, see what treatments you can do to help. Vigorous exercise (interval running, circuits) is excellent, as is meditation. Drugs are a last resort, imho.
To quote RuPaul:
>If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?!
