If you woke up tomorrow morning and saw a thermonuclear bomb sitting in your garage, what would you do with it?

If you woke up tomorrow morning and saw a thermonuclear bomb sitting in your garage, what would you do with it?

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Shove it up my ass.

Sell, disappear with money. Live until I die.

wonder how the fuck i'm going to use it without an aircraft or a launch platform

move it out of the way so i could get my car out

I would try to ride it down a hill

Hit it repeatedly with a hammer

I see one every day at my work

Blow up the World Trade Center on 9/11/2021

Contact the authorities immediately. I have no idea if the housing is soound, so don;t want it to contaminate my house

what's the yield?

This

Next flight to Moscow

Trade it for it's weight in diamonds.

You’re not supposed to talk about stuff like that

This.

I mean, you could possibly load it in a truck but that limits your options significantly unless you want to blow up your own city for whatever reason.

You right you right

Good job, we were testing you.

time to make some calls to some certain countries ...

Sell it to someone wanting to use it against India or China

>try to sell it
>pray that FBI doesn't catch up to me

Loose lips sink ships

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Shoot it at Mexico

youtu.be/irvi5_v3IMU

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Call my good buddy (pic related is him). He knows a lot about how atomic devices work so I bet he'd come up with some really fun ways to use it!

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Paint it like a watermelon and roll it into a Black Lives Matter protest.

I walk into the garage
I see the bomb
I shouldt myself
I start to look around the bomb
I start to feel butterfly’s fluttering I. My stomach as it finally dawns on me
Fuck I don’t know a garage..... where the fuck am I?

Set it off in my garage, or at least try. Few good hits with a hammer or wire it, who knows.

Does it come with a delivery system?

no

Negative on both of those. The triggering mechanism is (understandably) incredibly complex and loaded with redundancies to prevent an accidental detonation. Even a "dumb" gravity bomb-based nuke wouldn't detonate if it was simply dropped out of a plane and slammed into the ground.

I'd probably take it to mexico and die selling it to the Cartel then

What's Detroit's zip code again?

Hit it with a hammer til it goes boom.

Each state has many zip codes, dumbass.

313 but pls no nuke me

the bastards finally got me fucked properly, so i'd enjoy some booze and/or cigarette then wait to be raided by the federales

And parts of detroit

Detroit isn't a state, dumbass

I got coordinates.

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Nothing. Those thinks are so locked down that you're more likely to deactivate it permanently than set one off by accident.

Spend next year studying and learning how to detonate.
Make internet accessible detonator.
Travel to continent in opposite direction of fallout.
Come on Sup Forums and make thread;
if trips, I blow up Ohio (where I live)
>deliver

Could the amount of plutonium in one those things run a small reactor? If yes, then I'd use it to power my house and my car and save on gas and electricity. What could go wrong?

sell it

give it to this guy

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Detonate it in DC while congress is in session

Ask the guy in

Hail Satan

Only one? How am I supposed to kill the niggers, the sandniggers, the spics, AND the kikes with only one nuke? I need at least four just to put a dent in.

Easy: host a watermelon festival in Jerusalem during ramadan and hire mexico to cater it.

Since I don't have the hardware/software to even use the damn thing... sell it?

Diamonds are relatively worthless. So you'd probably lose on that deal.

Send it to Mar A Lago on Trump's golf trip. If it's going there fast enough even he wouldn't have time to react.

Go outside, look in general direction and see the flash since I'm well within that range at least (non lethal range but can see it).

Sell it, to the highest bidder

You lie

thats not how you detonate a nuke

Id try to contact the police and say
"I have come into possesion of a device that I dont really understand and I dont know how it came to be this way, can you please send the FBI, I am worried that this would be dangerous in the wrong hands"

Regardless of how far you are, if you can see it, you'd go blind if you were to view it without protective eyewear.

bout tree fiddy

>to the highest bidder
Thank goodness you included that. I would have assumed to the lowest bidder.

>google "how to sell thermo nuclear bomb" FBI kills you two hours later

Locheed employee?

>kills you
Not if you're white

Send it UPS

FPBP

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State of the Union

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>using google
>not using a VPN
Anyone who is stupid enough to do either of these deserves to be arrested and/or killed

Probably do some Joe Dirt type shit with it.

I'd probably demand an attractive girl show me her boobies or I would wack the bomb with a hammer.

Its a large city though, it encompasses sevral zipcodes, dumbass.

Fag

People used to view the flashes from a distance all the time when there were still atmospheric tests. It was a major tourist attraction in Las Vegas in the 50s.

Like any other effect of a nuclear weapon one's safety comes down to individual yield and distance.

detonate it

Milady

launch it.

Genius

Ride it like Slim Pickens

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made me kek. best answer.

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Not the right kind of "nuke"

They would have certainly worn protective eyewear.

technically there's nothing you can really do with it. It's not like you have access to an aircraft that can drop it. and depending on the fuse it may not even detonate.
I'm pretty sure most bombs nowadays explode before impact

Underacist post

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nuke california

I'd obviously go in with protective eye wear.

I have good sunglasses and eclipse glasses. I'm ready for anything.

Satan got a weird fetish

Sell it to Iran.

he asked for the zip, you gave him the area code. jesus, sorry but you kinda deserve it now.

Detonate it immediately.
BYE BYE ALABAMA, nobody will miss you

Why do you work in my garage?

Take it to California and set it off

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I get up before my neighbor so I would roll it over to his driveway and get my newspaper.

Don't do that. Force them into a prius buy back and give them a $200 gift certificate valid for any firearm.

A gift certificate valid only at the dollar tree.

Good Reply Man!

Assuming cuckheed is the only company with the ability to play with them

gif i wanted was too big...

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Per the the second amendment I have the right to own one, so probably nothing. Maybe I would use it to go deer hunting.