>Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend.
Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad...
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>but it already bought the bugs
I kek every time. Someone post about the ot, they suck just as much
This is my favourite Obi post
Who wrote these fucking films.
Please tell me there's more pasta like this.
This is the best good friend pasta imo.
But Boba Fett is the son. Jango is dead in the arena. He'd have no reason to tell Luke that long convoluted story that needs serious editing, rewrites (and for someone to just say, "NO"), since he'd know that.
Kek
Luke, did I ever tell you about your mother, Padmé Amidala? She brought about the destruction of the Jedi Order by selfishly giving into her feelings and tempting your father away from his Jedi training where love was forbidden, as it leads to the Dark Side. Chancellor (later Emperor) Sheev Palpatine, who was secretly Darth Sidious, took advantage of your father's devotion to your mother and planted dreams of impending pregnancy complications in his subconscious that ultimately led to him wiping out the Jedi and helping the Sith take over the galaxy. When your mother confronted your father about this, he used the Force to almost choke her to death. After I left his burnt, but barely alive husk on the slopes of Mustafar, I managed to whisk your mother away to Polis Massa, where she went into labour. Upon your birth, she took one look at you and lost the will to live. She was a good friend.
>Luke, have I ever told you your father is the only being in the universe to be born of immaculate conception. That means your mother did not have sex with anyone in order to give birth to your father. My master, Qui Gon Jinn, and I found out your father's midichlorian count was the highest of any known Jedi. We didn't pay much attention to that and we treated him like a normal human being. And he was a good friend.
>your father is the only being in the universe to be born of immaculate conception
AHEM. Forgetting someone?
I stop to read this everytime. So good.
Star Wars is BC senpai.
Dark Vader is Jesus?!
>Luke, come sit down a moment, my young friend and finish your blue milk. Now, where was I, oh yes. I was telling you the story of how our very own existence, our very being was reduced to a cunning series of irrational and illogical plotlines based on the ramblings of a senile, grey haired and fat throated imbecile. A man who had sold out years before but wanted to destroy not only his lifes work but an entire cinematic universe. I will tell you the vast and magnificently flawed pre-story of our existence, that will no doubt leave you scratching your head, as it did audiences back in the the late 90's and well into the following millennium. But before that, lets switch off your golden protocal droid, who apparently was a good friend.
One of the funniest things to come out of this shit hole
11/10
>A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away...
They would have never heard of Jesus. And for this, of course, they would have suffered in the fires of Hell for eternity.
It's like everyone in that galaxy is retarded lmao
A dog flies a frisbee and you guys find this a big problem?
Losers cannibalizing their loserdom.
>A dog flies a frisbee
ok my man.
10/10
Because a galaxy far, far away is actually hell.
Luke, did I ever tell you aboutCaptain Shears? We spent some time in a POW camp together. He managed to escape, while I helped our enemies, the Chinese, build an excellent bridge of great strategic importance. When Shears returned with a special unit that was supposed to blow up the bridge, I, silly me, actively prevented them from doing that, until I saw Shears himself desperately swimming to the detonator, being shot and dying right before my eyes. And he was a good friend.
One of the greatest war movies of all time.
This is gold
KEK'd heartily old chums!
Fuck off with your conspiracy theories
>amidala had children
>holos show she was pregnant when she died
>Luke, did i ever tell you about the techno-union? They were basically tooth shaped frogs in metal suits and despite being an advanced species were using ancient radio-like apparatuses to tune and control their voice. But they never could get their voices right, which is why they always sounded funny. They were good comic reliefs.
Luke, did I ever tell you aboutbump?
Are you talking to the regular Luke or Bigger Luke?
>Yes, before we get to business, Jabba, I had something important to discuss. Did I ever tell you about Luuuke Skywalker? Luuuke Skywalker was a clone of the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, who died in 9 ABY, created by Grand Admiral Thrawn to serve as his agent in the galactic community, which the Admiral controlled secretly using a legion of clones to replace prominent people. After warding off the Lost Tribe of Sith when they emerged in 43 and 44 ABY, Thrawn's first clone of Luke, Luuke Skywalker, retired after serving Thrawn since the original's death. Luuke was replaced summarily with Luuuke, who inherited duties as the Grand Master of the New Jedi Order and a significant political persona. Luuuke would go on to assemble a Clone Army comprised of the copies whom Thrawn had made over the decades. Working with another clone, Streeen, Luuuke devised a time machine that he used to attack the galaxy during the Clone Wars.
>Luke did I ever tell you about your third clone Luuuke Skywalker? He was created by Grand Admiral Thrawn to serve as his agent in the galactic community, which the Admiral controlled secretly using a legion of clones to replace prominent people. After warding off the Lost Tribe of Sith when they emerged in 43 and 44 ABY, Thrawn's first clone of Luke, Luuke Skywalker, retired after serving Thrawn since the original's death. Luuke was replaced summarily with Luuuke. He was a good Friend