/brit/

The Funniest Ever /brit/ Post edition

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metro.co.uk/video/tory-mp-peter-bone-wears-crazy-hat-house-commons-1376641/?ito=vjs-link
vocaroo.com/i/s0Ok3TKcoyh5
youtube.com/watch?v=8H8iqtznYPk
youtu.be/hl43PxFR4mU
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

I hate having to mix with normal people and tiptoeing around subjects that will offend them like my family's second home and all the holidays I go on and where I went to school. If I accidently drop a hint that I'm rich you can feel the seething passive-aggressive loathing coming off them afterwards. Why are peons so touchy and resentful? I certainly wouldn't fly off the handle if I met some Arab or Russian who had billions more than me, as long as he wasn't a dick about it. Honestly just feel so much more comfortable around my public school friends

thank you anglos for creating our cuntry

...

...

first calle calle

Sick of mum making puff pastry pizza. Literal meme food.

FOB, stop gloating you fucking prick

i've only ever met unemployable shut-in depressives, where do all these intellectual NEETs with interesting lives live?

OPPA GANGNAM STYLE

bacon should be browner

neck yourself posho

metro.co.uk/video/tory-mp-peter-bone-wears-crazy-hat-house-commons-1376641/?ito=vjs-link

metro.co.uk/video/tory-mp-peter-bone-wears-crazy-hat-house-commons-1376641/?ito=vjs-link

metro.co.uk/video/tory-mp-peter-bone-wears-crazy-hat-house-commons-1376641/?ito=vjs-link

someone explain why he can't wear a hat and why he sat down like that

again, with such a pessimistic and jaded mentality you are literally fulfilling your own prophecy. dont you understand how idiotic that is?

just like the UK

*pedals towards you*

zing

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as the Daily Mail,
is in fact, The Mail Online, or as I've recently taken to calling it, The Daily Mail Online.
The Daily Mail is not a news corporation unto itself, but rather another free component
of a fully functioning wider system made useful by having the same editors, managers and business strategy as the Daily Mail Online, these components together comprising a full news corporation as defined by the Press Association.

Many readers read a modified version of the News Corp system every day,
without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the Daily Mail Online
which is widely used today is often called "The Daily Mail", and many of its users are
not aware that it is basically the Daily Mail Online system, developed by Rupert Murdoch.

There really is a Daily Mail, and these people are reading it, but it is just a
part of the news network they use. The Daily Mail is the kernel: the core organ
that allocates the corporations's resources to the other programs that we run.
The corporation is an essential part of a newspaper, but useless by itself;
it can only function in the context of a complete journalistic system. The Mail Online is
normally used in combination with the Daily Mail business system: the whole system
is basically The Daily Mail with Online added, or The Daily Mail Online. All the so-called "Daily Mail"
distributiors are really distributions of The Daily Mail Online.

have an admiration for melancholic mentally ill philosophical NEETs and the wisdom i take from them

when i was a teenager, that philosopher NEET was my mate's older brother. seemed like such a clever guy to me. he was incredibly left-wing though. as i got a bit older, started to notice his mental illness more profoundly.

a year ago i made a good mate with an israeli libertarian, similarly a very deep thinker with some fucked up personal issues.

and in the past few months i've been listening to a lot of millennial woes.

i wonder, if the depressed outcast NEETs of society weren't so mentally ill, would they be so interesting?

>those trainers
state of you lmfao

vocaroo.com/i/s0Ok3TKcoyh5
vocaroo.com/i/s0Ok3TKcoyh5
vocaroo.com/i/s0Ok3TKcoyh5

I got on better with state school people at uni than the other indepdents (not that the independents hung around with each other it was truly cross pollinated, although I guess that wouldn't be the case if I went to a better uni).

Still I can't deny there are a few attitudes my classmates had that I just prefer.

lunch date with the jewish girl went very well

I guess I'm getting married in the near future then

>tiptoeing around subjects

this is why you're a runt. one thing people hate more than a trust fund kid is the ones who don't even have the decency to be upfront about it.

oh no no no no no no

they dont exist.

will you convert?

The rules say you must be attired appropriately for the business of the house. That means a suit of a neutral colour and no headwear.

He sat down like that because he can't be penalised by the speaker if he's already finished speaking and retaken his seat. He had to be down before the speaker got up

I'm jewish too

>Hurr stop being pessimistic and jaded about the objective reality

lol what am i supposed to do?

Yes! I get to keep working till i'm 70! great!
Yes! I get 20 days off a year cool!
Yeah! I can afford things I don't even have the time to properly use, wicked!

fuck off - the alleged virtue in hard work is a lie. anyone who relishes in the wagey lifestyle has a few braincells missing and is essentially the play thing of corporations who take advantage of his basal desires.

I am aware of how shit working is, but to even afford necessities like food or housing I have to play the game.

why doesn't the speaker just wait until he sits down?

NEED to make cummies with a cute girl ngl

ok mate. enjoy your shitty life.

big fan of this picture

youtube.com/watch?v=8H8iqtznYPk
MANLETS
WHEN
WILL
THEY
LEARN

BLACKED when?

Option one: work hard, create opportunities, better yourself, become proficient in what you do and enjoy the success that comes with it

Option two: WE NEED MO MONEY FO DEM PROGRAMZ TAX THE BANKERS THE BONUSES

why are people turning on john snow

deodorant is a scam

What?

Once he's sat down the house business moves on to the Minister's response, so individual action against the MP in the hat can't be taken. The only option then is to end the session

>waaah why do things cost money
abloo bloo bloo

t. wobbly may

Is it a requirement for every working class woman to be obsessed with love island?

leftcom and changing the nature of work is the only option

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

>just work hard lmao xDDd
fuck off tarquin

my life will probably be on the surface a successful one. I'm in a good career, doing interesting shit and I'll be earning good money as it continues.

The thing is I feel wholly unfulfilled because I don't really have the time to become a guitar maestro whilst also learning another langauge, whilst also lifting weights, whilst also studying maths and philosohpy, whilst also having a productive social life and I never will, because by the time i'm free of the burden of work I won't have the energies required to undertake those things either.

It's a prison lad.

*chimps out*
youtu.be/hl43PxFR4mU

So quit and do all those things

Never been in a pub
do I order a specific brand or how does it work

>"so user what do you do"
>tell them i'm an engineer, maybe say a bit about what i'm working on
>"wow you must be pretty smart"
>have to play it down and be modest, when i know full well i'm pretty fucking smart

what is a banterful way of responding?

how to succeed in life

step 1: have rich parents
step 2: there is no step 2, that was it

t. worked really hard to get into Oxford Brookes

*Gives £1,500,000,000 of taxpayer's money away as a bribe*

is it weird to not use deodorant or cologne? i never use it even when i go out

Sick of the miserable rat race that is life

We need radical change

>nah, I'm a fucking dumbarse

t. worked really hard to get sent to an elitist independent school

"smart about engineering, but I'm shit at ..."

Insert a thing they might be good at or that will continue the conversation.

he's unlikeable, comes across as an arse

Labour and their magic money will make this country great again

how to succeed in life

step 1: don't be thick
step 2: there is no step 2, that was it

Sweaty cunt

just say yeah I am
cba wasting my time on conversation with such runts

>We need radical change
join the legions of radical centrism, comrade

He got pissed at Glasto and started cheering for Labour

>what is a banterful way of responding?
"yeah im a fucking genius me" (ironic/witty tone)
then move on

LADS! LADS! NAKED ATTRACTION IS BACK TONIGHT

>just quit

and how will i eat? where will i live? they've got me by the balls my man.

You can order a specific brand
But if you just say 'ill have a beer' then the bartender will give you some options, and be all like ' do you want draught or bottled ' and stuff

i always say 'ahaha well its less about intelligence and more about completely foregoing any kind of social life' even though thats not at all true and i have a v good social life

too false

i do this normally but it seems a bit of a dull response

no you just hand the wench your mug and she'll fill it up with the beer

people with connected parents but no degree have more opportunities than working/lower middle class people with good degrees

wtf I hate taylor swift now

>cologne
fuck off yank

don't believe you

>le white women dying for big black dick is just a meme
state of lil dick white bois

the fu

>what is a banterful way of responding?
"well that's what I've fooled my boss into thinking anyway."

^ that's how i answer these things

The top schools are highly, highly selective but plebs don't know that.

>hurrr u just got in becoz ur daddy is rich

Yes he is, but I'm also incredibly smart

Is this "with hard work you too can be successful" shit as a much a meme in the UK as it is in the USA?

you go up to the bar and say

"hey man, get me a beer"

what the intellectual equivalent of Heeming?

want to make a post explaining that im the smartest fella in this thread, but i dont know how to phrase it.
eg: instead of
'reckon i could absolutely heem anyone itt'
'reckon i could absolutely _____ anyone itt'

Must be nice not having to work for a living and just riding your dad's coattails

social mobility is far lower here than in the US

outwit

>studying economics
>"hey user what's your major"
>economics
>"oh wow I failed my first econ class"
This is the response I get from a good 60% of people I talk to. Why? What the fuck is it about basic arithmetic and common sense that people do not get?

does everywhere have the same generic beers available or how
can I just order a guinness

>'reckon i could asbsolutely zepp anyone itt

smarting than literally EVERYONE in this thread, IQ of 127

nigger

hang the bankers' bonuses

why is it when you pinch of a big poo it gives you the sharts the rest of the day

the average IQ is 100 which means half of people have sub-100 IQ
people are fucking dumb

Cheeky cheesecake

>smarting

How much do these cost?

Not necessarily. The top private schools operate on a US-University like system where although 90% of places are highly competitive they also do take bribes of sufficiently high value.

I went to St Pauls School London, and one of my mates was the son of this literal billionaire ($1.5bn iirc) who was a complete stoner and didnt do any work at all, as well as being pretty thick to boot

but his parents funded a whole new floor for the science block and, tada, he was accepted into the school the next year

last i heard hes going to Stanford, which fucking irritates me even though im supposed to be his friend because of how much he patently doesnt belong there

>go to greggs
>get called a nonce
>get called a bender
>get called a racist

ah yes, the "greggs" experience

shan't be going there again

poo bum bum bum