What the fuck even is this movie?

what the fuck even is this movie?
was every single crew member on this coked out of their minds during the entirety of its production?

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youtube.com/watch?v=u2tTrCeKfJI
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Yes I'm pretty sure Sylvester Stallone did cocaine in the 80s

Robert Tepper was the man back in the 80s
youtube.com/watch?v=d4CCg4dYe0A

Pizza cutting with scissors scene was unadulterated cinema.

What didn't you get? it's just business as usual for the zombie squad

It's the fucking raddest film ever, faggot.

The director's son would go on to direct Beyond the Black Rainbow.

kino

>what the fuck even is this movie?

Pure Kino. An absolute masterpiece of 80's trash cinema.

God I love this song and video.

Is this movie bad-good or just fucking shit?
I kind of feel like watching it.

>implying

Cobra is absolute cinema and the poster is literally the greatest poster of all time.

youtube.com/watch?v=RdFfRN3MrAk

I walked around for two years with an unlit match in my
mouth after seeing this movie.

cobra is pure unadulterated 80s excess taken to legitimately surreal heights
cultural critics could write entire books based on that fucking film

What car did he drive? Thing was badass

What is it? The cure.

The disease? OP.

Just pretend this was a Punisher movie and it's infinitely cooler

It's the real Beverly Hills Cop.

Clean up your act.

Jatimatikino

youtube.com/watch?v=nli8IQrUFxw

>tfw will never be this cool

So much about Cobra is stupid and baffling, but it's just such a fun movie to watch. It's in the same category as Commando for me: stupid 80's bullshit that's amazing.

What's baffling about it? It's a pretty straight forward super cop movie.

1950 Mercury Monterrey

The world makes no sense, Cobra's life makes no sense, Cobra does shit for no reason ALL the time.

commando is ridiculous but it's really a pretty straightforward 80s macho action film
the captivating thing about cobra are all the weird fucking quirks and flourishes that can be found through the movie, all the little details that are downright bizarre as opposed to just being standard over-the-top 80s bombast
like the already mentioned pizza-cutting scene, or all the ridiculously inappropriate musical cues spread throughout it and shit
it is true kino

why were the 80's so cool?

could hAve been great, but was cut too heavily.
action scenes are garbage

Cutting pizza with scissors is just to show he has no care for anything in his life outside of cleaning guns, police work, and shooting guns at police work. He probably doesn't even own cutlery.

Why was he cutting pizza slices at all? They were already fucking cut.

He didn't want to eat a whole slice, he might have to run after dirtbags later. Or at least run into a position where he has a clear shot.

>Go ahead. I don't shop here.

Only fags hate Cobra.

everybody talks about cobra cutting his pizza with scissors but nobody talks about the equally baffling act of throwing his newspapers on the barbecue

Cobra plays by his own rules.

Headlines about the Night Slasher piss him off, out of sight, out of mind. Don't need unnecessary distraction while cleaning guns.

i remember my dad rented it for my birthday when i was like 10 i think, because i was a big fan of rambo and i don't remember why but i felt a kind of malaise at the end of the movie. i wanted it to be as cool as the vhs cover but it didn't deliver and there was something iffy about it all. couldn't immerse myself fully in the fiction like i did with rambo because there was something "off" about it.

I agree with you. Lock-Up and Tango and Cash were both better.

>ywn be a loose cannon cop on the edge who plays by his own rules
>the captain will never be constantly breathing down your neck because the chief is breathing down his neck and the mayor is breathing down the chiefs neck
>your partner will have never had enough of your shit
>your life will never be a complete mess except for your extreme dedication to the job
>you will never stumble onto waifu after waifu during the course of your work
>ywn have a sick car
>ywn have sick guns
>ywn chew on the butt of an old cigarette like its a match stick
>ywn be stoic as fuck and speak as little as possible
>ywn float a theory to your partner that is way too thin and no one believes you but you end up being right

>ywn chew on the butt of an old cigarette like its a match stick

Why not chew on the match stick? Cobra does and he also doesn't condone smoking: bad for your health. Eat some rice and fish.

>ywn be stoic as fuck and speak as little as possible
>your life will never be a complete mess

I have these nailed down

>this thread

Goddamn I need to watch it now

>you will never be this alpha

youtube.com/watch?v=u2tTrCeKfJI

I like how he taps his ass with his newspaper as he walks away, it's like an extra fuck you.

Because whats edgier than chewing on a match stick? Chewing on a cigarette butt

audibly keked

>Because whats edgier than chewing on a match stick?

Clinking axes together underground.

the apartment Cobra lives in is still on Venice Beach. I bet if I lived there I could be like Cobra too.

Post yfw this was what Beverly hills Cop was supposed to be

> ywn tear some street thugs shirt in pieces and tell him to clean up his act

Why even live?

if u didn't have this poster hanging on your wall growing up... well.. it explains a lot.

If Jontron lost weight he'd look just like this.

No, you wouldn't

Even Jontron has better things to do than browse Sup Forums senpai

so everybody talks about how off and weird this movie is. but nobody is saying why.

It's garbage. All I remember is it wasn't half as cool as the cover and when he said his name was "Cobretti", I swiftly ejected the DVD from my player and launched it off my apartment balcony. This was like 10 years ago.

Well you would definitely have to shoot some criminals if you lived there.

They are underage cucks who don't know what a retro movie should "feel" like

This movie perfectly captures the INTENTIONAL off putting feeling these movie were made to put you through almost dream like especially during the night scenes and over the top violence like clockwork orange

>I watched for the first time in 2006

>the INTENTIONAL off putting feeling these movie were made to put you through almost dream like

there was nothing intentional about cobra's weirdness though, it's obvious that a lot of the people involved in making that movie were just out of their mind on drugs while making it
it's not a dario argento film, nigga

...

Explain how he was was "Weird" in a non intentional way.

>inb4 he cut the pizza like the fucking production crew asked him to and put in the movie.

cobra's pretty autistic desu
he might even be /ourguy/

NO answer...this is what I thought

well downloading cobra right now

>26 years old
>Enough free time to finish my weekend watching Stallone's Cobra by myself o
>need a gf

In fact a few days ago I thought if I will be all my life alone at least I will have enough time to see enough Cinema , flicks , movies and tv shows , it can not be that bad right.. guys?

could Remo Williams kick his ass?

i thought that 3 years ago. i was wrong. if you dont yet realize the hell youre in you will soon enough. change before your spirit dies completely because at that point the will and energy to make the necessary changes wont be there.

80's anti-crime racist propaganda

He might get distracted by the pizza

...

>26 years old
>doesn't own a copy of Cobra

that's where your life went wrong

i wonder if cgi will ever get to the stage where we can have these sorts of ideas become real.
we can just make any character cross-over into any film universe.

Just watched it for the first time.
I thought it would be god-awful terribly crafted shlocky garbage.
It was badass as all fuck
Holy shit was that awesome.

hasn't it already kinda began with Terminator Genesis?

unfortunately user i realize in hell that I am ( or so i like to belive)

interesting theory , i keep asking myself when was that my life went so wrong

What was your favorite part there, user?

yes, but actually not shit like that.

The scene where the dude on the motorcycle rides through cobra's motel room wall.
Or the robot montage.

K I N O

I just imagine the director

>CAN WE GET SOME FUCKING FUR COATS FOR THESE ROBOT'S IM FUCKING PEAKING HERE!!!!..snort....

ah yes, the obligatory scouring the streets at night for leads scene. Gotta have the hero question prostitutes on the corner at least once otherwise what kind of cop movie would this be.

Unironically has one of the best tag lines of any 80's action movie.

He didnt even do his own fucking

OP, you dirtbag.

I do this everytime I find a box of matches.

>we'll never have anyone else like Sly or Arnold

I really need to find replicas of his Cobra grips for my 1911

I watched this a few months ago. I love Stallone and cheesy 80s action movies, but this one was just... dull.

Angel of the sit-ay. Angel of the city.

The cutting of the pizza with scissors represented how efficient Cobra was.

"This is where the law stops, and I start..... sucka!"

Amazing how sick this poster is compared to the dogshit of today

I'm literally working towards this.

They screwed it up. The first 20 minutes or so is some of the greatest cinema ever created by man. But then it kind of slowly goes downhill, and the third act sucks.

Stallone wanted to do Beverly Hills Cop, and then added all these ideas to the script that changed from an action comedy to just an action flick. That obviously didn't happen, so he took those ideas and made Cobra. I think the problem was he never really had a full movie worked out, but thought that since he was Stallone the badass, he could just come up with a cool name, cool tagline, cut some pizza, and everyone would love it.

Such wasted potential.

Statham and The Rock will probably be the closest we get.

By being completely inefficient?

>Dwayne "The Closeted Fag" Johnson

Cobra doesn't need a lot of carbs to refuel. He gets a lot of mileage out of each slice.

>Cobra doesn't carboload to cure the disease
Pathetic.

>off trips by 1

I'm rooting for you, would have bode better tho with a blessing from kek

weeew, rad! TODULLY TUBULAR, DUUUUUDE!

get off your fucking surfboard, nazi.