What would you say....you do here?

What would you say....you do here?

I GET THESE DUBS

I TAKE UP SPACE AND BOTHER BLACKS WITH THE FACT I EXIST

I stare at my desk and act like I'm doing something.

Banepost and scream Sup Forums in every thread I can

This is a shitposting board isn't it? I shitpost.

...

Someone works in the metro.

Well I start the morning with the usual morning safety meeting where we go over the work plan for the day, potential hazards, and ways to mitigate those hazards. This lasts about 30 minutes.

Next the crew splits up to go to their respective departments such as the carpentry or electrical sections of the shop to fill out their personal safety paperwork. We take our sweet time under the pretense of safety and "doing it right" but in reality we are simply lazy. We also do our daily inspections of whatever machinery we intend to use for the day, cleaning and servicing the equipment. This lasts close to an hour. It could be shorter but we don't want it to be.

Next is a clean up of our work areas to make sure they stay organized and to mitigate hazards. At least that's what we would tell our boss or supervisors but the truth is we are killing time until break. This lasts 30 minutes and then we take our 15 minute break for 30 minutes.

After first break the only thing on anyone's mind is to make it to lunch without doing anything. This is achieved through sweeping areas that are already clean, walking around aimlessly, or just standing around. Sometimes we will even do some work, undo that work, and do it again over and over until noon (for example threading a bolt in and out over and over or stripping wires "to prepare material").

Between lunch and last break we do just enough work to make it seem like we weren't doing nothing all day. This may be interpreted as working hard to get a lot done to compensate for doing nothing but were only at about 50% output at best (as in 1 hour worth of work in the 2 hours between the end of lunch and last break, except we take a 1 hour lunch instead of 30 minutes so really there's only 1 and a half hours between lunch and last break).

By the time we finish last break (a 30 minute break which is supposed to be 15 minutes but never is) we clean up until 4 then go home.

This is the average day for all construction workers.

I shitpost

I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I DEAL WITH THE GODDAMN SHITPOSTERS!

I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a shitposter, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my name, and you can reply to my post and feel cancer kicking in and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

And what if you guys were allowed to leave early, whenever you got a certain amount of work done?

What about performance bonuses for finishing the project ahead of schedule (while still getting the safety and quality stuff right)?

Would that do anything for you?

First thing I do when I get in is turn on my fan so people in surrounding cubicles can't hear whether or not I'm typing. That way people can't say they don't hear me type much.

I'll usually get in at 8:10 and leave at 4:50, shaving 10 minutes off each side. I can always say, "well, I was on time according to my watch."

Then I'll eat breakfast at my desk, which is against company policy, but I do it anyways because hardly anyone is there when I first get in. I watch stuff on Youtube while I eat.

Then it's a mix of working and screwing around on the internet. I'll probably work for 30-45 minutes, then take a break and go back to Youtube or Twitter. Maybe shop on Amazon or Ebay or something. Then I'll do a bit more work.

I try to make sure I poop during the work day since it's on company time. That's 10 minutes I can save at home to do other things.

I'll usually eat lunch in the break room, but sometimes I'll use my lunch break to go to a doctor appointment, go grocery shopping, or run errands. Every once in a while I'll use it to go watch a movie at the theater. There's no time tracking system, so I can spend however much time I want for lunch, though I probably shouldn't be out for a long time every day; I think someone would eventually notice.

In the afternoon, I try to make use of our exercise equipment. Can't have office life making me fat!

I like my job overall. It's very easy to convince people that I'm doing a lot more work than I actually am. They're also very lenient with hours. I can show up an hour late and work an extra 40 minutes to make it look like I've made up for the time. Also very lenient with leave, never asking for a doctor's note.

The pay could be better. I really want to make more so I can buy my own home and stop living in a goddamn apartment, but I'd probably have to develop a much stronger work ethic if I got a new job. I'd have to be on time every day and couldn't take two hours for lunch anymore. Would also have to get drug tested.

Office Space is one of my favorite films.

>Would also have to get drug tested.

Don't sweat this part. If you've got a work ethic and the job really is a better place to work, they won't. Or if they do test, it'd be with advance notice and a one-time thing.

The crazy thing is that this is a government job, and they never tested me.

I keep thinking about ways to get around it if I had to do it. I hear they catch a lot of people because the temperature of the urine is off, so I think some sort of watertight bag or other container placed in the rectum with a connecting tube taped to the taint and underside of the penis would work, depending on how closely they watch you. It's a hell of a lot to go through, but it might be worth it.

Or you could just use a thermos.

Dumbass.

Well then a word of warning. As part of cracking down on the bureaucracy and clearing out dead wood, it's likely that Trump will have on-the-spot drug tests for all Federal employees on January 20th.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pro-Trump guy, but I'd give that about 50-50 odds of happening.

Yeah, I'm sure a taking a fucking thermos in for drug testing wouldn't arouse suspicion.

I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS

Cut out the last paragraph and this would make a perfect opening monologue to a movie

>I can't hide things on my person: the post

What, you'll put a piss bag in your ass but can't conceal a thermos in your pants?

I rebel.

....I drive.

Never done it before, so I'm not sure what to expect. I've heard some places have someone watch you while you go. I'm worried they might spot the container.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm the resident patrician for Sup Forums. I keep the plebs in line. it's a tough job but somebody has to do it.

Man, if you were one of my suppliers I'd be tearing my hair out.

I serve crab legs.

CRASH THIS PLANE

Can I hire you for about five minutes, give or take?

What would you do if you had 1 million dollars?

Three. Three at the same time.

Mother fucking palindrome desu

Fuck unions.

This makes me feel better about being lazy at my job.

we need to send unproductive people like you to the gulag

Stapler

I lurk, waiting for the Canadian robot to make a jordyn jones thread....yeah, my life kinda sucks

i check trips