Go to cinema

>go to cinema
>No Singles Policy in effect

Is this a real policy tho?

what do you think wise guy?

>no singles policy

Good thing I brought dubs

nice, me too

Nice

Where's the anvil rental?

go back to Sup Forums

yeah after the Batman shooting.

I've been to a few gun ranges with no singles policies.

>someone let their falcon shit in the showers again

> Be done with today's blacksmithing, figure I'd catch a kino in the evening
> As soon as I enter the theater I see the "No Singles" sign
> Get a little nervous; there's been a nationwide no singles policy since the Ministry of Diversity published their groundbreaking study
> Everyone knows this of course so signs usually aren't necessary
> Proceed onward to the front counter, I know the clerk after all
> I can see his apologetic smile all the way from the entrance
> "I'm sorry bud, but they've really started to crack down on the no singles policy after a white man attempted to mansplain the plot to Christopher Nolan's latest masterpiece to an all children, military-age male transsexual refugee audience. I can't let you in."
> I can feel the sweat oozing from every pore on my skin. My falcon begins to get restless too.
> "Haha, yeah, uhh, can I just ... can I just use the showers, I think my falcon got some of its abortion mulch onto my shoulder."
> Awkwardly begin to shuffle towards the shower entrance, now covered in thick greasy sweat.
>My miniature anvil accidentally slips from my pocket and lands on my foot
> I let out a sharp yell as I stumble forwards into the showers. My falcon panics and starts defecating wildly across the theater
> Covered in shit and sweat, I crawl across the tiled floor towards the showers
> I'm so busy bawling that I didn't even hear the singles alarm going off this whole time
> As I struggle to collect myself I accidentally bump into several pure and honest refugees culturally enriching several underage girls, who appear to be crying
> Realize I've only dug my hole deeper as my transgressions will now also be classified as a hate crime for intruding upon the customs of refugees
> I quickly try to grab the Mama Merkel Remembrance Card that I got on the day the country officially adopted Islam as the official religion
> my falcon grabs it from my hand and flies into the smithing furnace
> Pass out from the shock

Has anyone really witnessed this or is it another fairy tale about the land of freedomland

Thanks for triggering me with penis inspection memories you fucking cunt.

I've only seen it here in California at PG kids movies like Frozen.

Very nice. Well done

...

>> I can see his apologetic smile all the way from the entrance


its like im really there

> live in Russia in early 2000x
> watch camrips in cinema

True story. Seen Harry Potter And Something in St.Petersbourg this way.

Why don't you just take your gf?

but now it's okay actually.
even imax and shit in Siberia.

...

>ask qt grill to attend a showing at the local kinorium
>nervously wait for her to arrive as the guards start to watch me from the corners of their eyes
>pull out my phone and text her to see if she's on her way
>"yeah user lol we're on our way"
>I think maybe she made a mistake because I thought it was just supposed to be us
>she arrives with Jerome
>I give them the tickets I paid for
>get back in line to get mine
>clerk says "sorry buddy, no singles allowed"
>explain that Stacy is my gf and I just gave Jerome my ticket as a show of solidarity with black lives matter
>clerk yells to me Stacy "excuse me miss, is user here your bf? No singles policy, yknow."
>she says no, he's just a friend Jerome here is my man
>guards attack
>my falcon struck dead
>beaten and bloodied, im sent away without a shower
>mfw it was free crab leg day

can i take my Imouto?

the cinema were showing cam rips?

Are you nostalgic for big screen cam rips? Did you all squat?

>popcorn mines
That's a good mem.

You see my theatre has a cuck section just for this purpose.

Yes.
Absolutely, gopniks-Russia - best Russia. No squats, but sunflower seeds instead of popcorn.

Nice now check mine

>go to cinema
>no singles policy STRICTLY enforced
>take my second favorite falcon and crab with my favorites
>they get in
>I have to wait outside for the movie to end

>Singles policy doesn't applies for Falcons
>Put a little camera on my left falcon wing
>When he enters he records the entire movie
>Get comfy and watch rogue one in my government assigned mud hut

>go to local kinoplex by myself
>see a sign that reads "no singles policy stricly enforced"
>time to improvise
>get my phone out and pretend i'm speaking to my imaginary gf
>walk to the ticket dispenser and mumble to the phone "hurry up babe, I already bought the tickets"
>"Can I have TWO tickets for Moana, please" I tell the ticket selling professional
>Sure thing, sir...
>phone starts ringing
>guards catch my bluff and send 3 armored falcons to incapacitate me
>too slow to unshead my katana
>they rip to shreds my trench coat and I get escorted out of the premises with a warning and a $5,000 dollar fine

I couldn't even make it to the crab legs buffete

My local theatre banned pre-purchasing tickets for just this purpose

Show up with your partner or you don't get to buy anything

don't joke about the mines plz, my dad died in there.

Why don't you guys just rent a girlfriend? there's usually a girlfriend rental service next to the Kinoplex

I usually just kidnap a child from a nearby playground

How come? Are they afraid of kiddy diddlers showing up and jacking off in to the kids in the theatre?

Good post user.

is this fucking real you can't go to the movies as a single man??????

I was at the theater the other day and this came on the screen

A few people looked back at me and I just sort of waved and smiled

Its more because there's already a designated kiddy diddler who is approved by the local cinema authorities. They don't want to risk another one getting in because they might start a fight between themselves.

Robert is pretty cool though, usually lets me sneak in. He's with my ex wife now so I guess he's cool with it

You have to thank Christopher Nolan for that

If she complains about anything when she comes back you don't get your deposit back.

I lost my $4000 deposit when my date didn't like TFA because she didn't think Kylo was cute enough.

I tried that to go see R1 but they were all rented and reserved for a week. I still haven't seen the movie for this reason.

In America since we overreact to everything here it was widely instituted after James Holmes shot up a bunch of people during the prequel to Baneman.

The purpose was to keep "sad loners with an axe to grind" out of theaters but it quickly went away after people thought about how retarded that was (why wouldn't you just pay someone to walk in with you if you were going to shoot up a theater that badly?)

For a little while there was a holdout theater here that couldn't handle the egg on their faces so they banned single people from going to see G movies since they're typically kids movies and they wanted to protect kids. Obviously that is retarded as well and they were forced to stop that policy too.

No U.S. theaters have the no singles policy anymore. I'm not aware of any that have communal showers or falcon chow either, though NYC/San Fagshitsco might have gay showers.