You must go to Dagobah, Luke, and seek out Yoda, the Jedi Master who trained me - well, actually...

>You must go to Dagobah, Luke, and seek out Yoda, the Jedi Master who trained me - well, actually, he's A Jedi Master who trained me. Before I moved up to Liam Neeson's service, I was one of the 20 younglings who went to Yoda's class every tuesday and thursday back in youngling school inbetween Jedi chemistry class and lunchtime. Nothing remarkable or mystic to our relationship at all. He was just my teacher who handed out droids and youngling-sized helmets to the class. You might think the training I gave you in the last film was an impromptu training procedure, but no, Jedi younglings did this all the time. What a great coincidence it was I was able to find Jedi training equipment aboard the Millenium Falcon. It was a good ship.

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youtube.com/watch?v=fgyyBLrYgC0
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ben_quadinaros
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Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend.

>Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes

This is still the best one

I wonder if they served order 66 cookies at lunch?

>Luke, did you know you're sitting in a room with the very robot your father built, when HE lived on Tatooine as a slave? You may have thought he was some prissy, high-end butler robot only a princess or her wealthy father might be able to afford or have a use for, but he was actually built from spare parts your father found in a junk yard. Come to think of it, you might learn a lot about your father from his former master, Watto. We should see if he's still alive before leaving this planet.

>Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

>*Wookie noises* The Jedi are no joke, Han. I actually fought alongside a Jedi warrior during the Clone Wars. He was a good friend.

Me on the left

holy shit is zack snyder the new george lucas?

As I remember he even met Ashoka in Clone Wars - she and other younglings saved him from hunters or something like this.

>Going somewhere Solo? I heard the Empire is looking for you, did I ever tell you about the time my good friend Anakin Skywalker, who later became Darth Vader invited me to his house and I watched as a Jedi, two robots, Queen of Naboo a talking rabbit, and a Pakistani boy helped him fix his pod racer. I laughed at him! I said "OONIOKA ANII" but I guess I was wrong! Then the young Darth Vader raced in the Mos Eisley open and won!

That wasn't him, that was Greedos brother or something but still..

youtube.com/watch?v=fgyyBLrYgC0

Jesus Christ that shot is making my head hurt. What the fuck is going on with the perspective?

Luke, did I ever tell you that I won't be dying later on and in fact plan to employ what's known as a "force ghost technique" that ive been learning from my old jedi master, qui-gon jinn? Since youre such a good friend I don't want to hide this from you since youre the whole reason i gave up the rest of my adult life.

>Uh Master Jedi what exactly are you doing up here? Its not like your giving orders your just watching wookies and my men get mowed down by droids. Why don't you use that laser sword and jump around or some shit, just do something besides jerking off with this walking trashcan up here.

Kek.

>soon you'll learn to appreciate me, did I ever tell you about the time me and Bib Fortuna here held a special pod racing cup over in Mos Esiley? It was one of the greatest races I've ever seen, as a matter of fact your father, Darth Vader, raced. After commenced the race by spitting out a frog like creature into a gong, your father had some trouble getting the pod racer going, as Sebulba had broken a part off of his pod. But he managed to get off the start line and catch up to the others. However Ben Quadrineros wasn't so lucky, and his famous 4 podded pod racer exploded on the startline. Anyway, your father managed to catch up tot eh other racers and avoid Tusken raider fire. He used a ramp to fly over the other racers and went head to head with Sebulba, but Sebulba's pod broke and your father won the race! He was the best pod racer in the galaxy, and a good friend.

holy fuck....

How do fanboys deal with the fact that Obi-Wan was more powerful than Vader?

>Ben Quadrineros
There's no way this is real please tell me it's a joke

wow

starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ben_quadinaros

HELLO BEAUTIFUL

kek

every fucking time

>"It's easy, JK. You just think of words that represent you're character, mash them up a little bit and hey presto! You've got yourself a name. Take my podracing character Ben Quadrineros. He drives a podracer with 4 engines. Four, quad, geddit?
>"Gee, thanks George, you really are a good friend. I better get back to thinking of a name for my slimy, hard-nosed, shift teacher character who is blatantly... up to something."

tfw timing isn't right for me to hit some ben quadinaros

is star wars the most retarded thing ever?

>*Alien grunting* The Empire has constructed a planet killer weapon! We barely escaped Jheda with our lives! Your companion, he wears the weapon of a Jedi! He can help us! My friend here is in shock, you must forgive him for his aggression! His entire family was killed! They were good friends!

Do you think he has a grievance?

>Han, did I ever tell you about that time when I met Yoda, the master of the Jedi order? We fought together on the Wookie home planet during the last days of the Clone Wars, and when Order 66 was executed and the clones started attacking their Jedi commanders, I helped Yoda escape. He was a good friend. So it looks like the Force isn't just a superstition after all! But of course you can't understand a word of what I'm saying, so I'm just wasting my breath. You’re a good friend.

RACIST

nah he's got a bone to pick

>It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs.

every damn time

>Leia, did ever tell you your dad was here 10 minutes before your actions caused his death?

is quadrinaro his real name and he made his pod have 4 engines as a reference, or is it a nickname he adopted because of his 4-pod engines?

It should be "your father and I". What, he took English lessons from Yoda? Alec would tell you to never watch those movies ever again.

How quickly the wookie race forgets.

we're watching the prequals in eggkara in 20-30 minutes! get in here

>Luke, did I ever tell you C-3PO, who was built by your father, Darth Vader, while stranded on the planet of Nim Drovis, auditioned to perform at a cantina called the Wookiee's Codpiece. C-3PO performed by playing back songs stored in his memory core with his vocabulator. The assistant manager of the establishment told the droid that he sounded like a festering jizz-box and rejected him, saying the Codpiece already had a jizz-box to play.
>They were all good friends
>Also, turn off your targeting computer

Anyone else like to imagine all the characters of Star Wars saying these to each other in the cantina, as if they were actors portraying themselves in a film?

It so hard to keep track of all the ways the prequels were so awful.

Is there a bigger hack in the history of cinema than George Lucas?

I like to imagine the force ghost of Obi Wan constantly pestering Luke to tell him inane trivia he read on Wookiepedia.

>eggkara
Should I bet seeing something yet or just "media could not be loaded"

JJ Abrams

>Obi-Wan, did I ever tell you about Luke? He is our last hope. I want you to look after him on this desert shithole of a planet. But don't train him in secret or teach him anything in the 18 or so years of his life. Wait until his sister steals data tapes and his family gets killed because some droid landed on his sandfarm. Then when we have no time left give him his father's childkilling lightsaber and tell him he's a jedi. As our last hope we better do everything we can to prepare him. Be a good friend.

The battle of Kashyyyyyyyk was literally fought by an army of soldiers firing blasters.

just follow the instructions on the top. you need to get tampermonkey and dl a script

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>But don't train him in secret or teach him anything in the 18 or so years of his life.
It's literally what made Anakin evil.

That's too much work and effort just to watch prequels bro.

>Luke.. did i tell you about the time sandpeople abducted, raped , and killed your grandmother?

hey pham no worries

I already did it, the joke is on you.

>It says here, Luke, that there is a clone of yourself, only shorter, running around the galaxy. One must ponder whether or not he will be a good friend.

You have to go back

>Oh, and you know the Clone Wars? Turns out they were all clones of Jango Fett, and so is Boba. Also, the clones were the first stormtroopers.

Actually, before the prequels, was there any canon info about the Clone Wars? Did people already know the clones were the good guys who became the stormtroopers?

>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time when I was pursuing Jango Fett, the father of-"
>"Ben, I'm trying to focus. Okay, so the plan is-"
>"Luke, did you know that I was once on the Jedi council, along with your father? Although he was never officially given the rank of-"
>"Shut up! Okay, so first Lando will infiltrate Jabba's palace by pretending to be a guard. Then, we-"
>"Speaking of Jabba, did you know that he was a spectator at the race that freed your father? My master Qui-Gon Jinn was there along with-"
>"SHUT UP, BEN! JESUS CHRIST!"
>"Uh, Luke, who are you talking to?"
>"...A good friend."

jokes on you. they might rewatch the new nostaligia wolf chapter again...

>this is your father's LIGHT SABER, it is the weapon of a jedi knight, it was very precious to him. I remember one time on Couroscant your father jumped out of a car to apprehend a shapeshifting bounty hunter named Zam Wessel, i hated it when he did that, he did it a lot. I used to always tell him "this weapon is your life." With it, he cut down, oh, I'd say.... 40 children, he was a good friend.

Well that's just AIDS.

Meanwhile, the ghost of Qui-Gon keeps interrupting Obi Wan, and Luke can't see or hear him.

I still cant believe the madmans made Anakin murder children

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Boss Nass? He was the king of the underwater realm in all of Naboo, and ruled over millions of hilariously incompetent cartoon rabbits. We even met one named Jar Jar, who followed us after we failed the trade negotiations with Nute Gunray. Funnily enough, he even looked like a newt and talked like a chink! Anyway, we eventually got the cartoon rabbit civilization to help us and defeat the robot army with purple power orbs, purple force fields and dinosaurs. Your father even accidentally flew a starship, and blew up the trade federation's main space station with only a few shots! It was a good trick. The blockade was over, and Boss Nass lifted the orb of peace while yelling "PEACE" to signify that Naboo was now at peace.

He was a good friend.

>Naboo was now at peace
>there wasnt a single evidence of any kind of war
>as a matter of fact there wasnt any civilians

Bravo Lucas

It kind of makes sense, in that he had to have done something extreme to make Obi Wan completely lose faith in him and think he was beyond saving. The problem is how suddenly he did it.

>Luke did I ever tell you about the time we rescued your father from a lifetime of servitude to a CGI Jewish caricature? My master lied and cheated to ensure he could win your father's freedom, but he didn't care one iota about your grandmother. You could argue that wanting to secure her freedom along with your fathers was too much to bet on one pod race, but if that's the case why did we never come back for her after we liberated Naboo? Well it's because we needed your father to leave behind his old life so he could become a Jedi. Of course we could've bought her freedom and then simply forbidden your father from seeing her, but where's the fun in that? She eventually ended up being raped to death by sandpeople. She was a good friend.

>training made anakin evil

>Luke, did I ever tell you that your mother was a famous senator and was even elected as the queen of Naboo? I met her as a padawan when myself and my Jedi master were negotiating with a trade federation to end the blockade on her planet after we escaped from an underwater city filled with people called "Gungans". After I fled Naboo with your mother our ship was damaged and we had to land on this desert shithole for repairs which is where we met your father. Your father was only eight years old, but as soon as he saw your mother he was trying to get into that pussy and was calling her an angel. Many a night I spent listening to the furious masturbation sessions of your young father as he moaned "Padmé!". He was later assigned as her bodyguard as a young man and she took advantage of him by using him for sex even though he was like seven years younger than her and training to be a Jedi where relationships and sex are forbidden. Did I forget to mention this? If you wish to be a Jedi you had better be prepared to stay a virgin for the rest of your life. Also that cute princess on the hologram is your twin sister anyway I gave her away to be adopted by a senator friend of mine to live a life of luxury while you lived in poverty as some hick farmer on a planet full of sand which your father hated. Your mother and fathers relationship destroyed the Jedi order and created the Galactic empire by the way. Your father never used a condom and after he squirted you into your mothers cunt he became paranoid about your mother dying because of a dream or something and allied himself with a Sith lord who successfully managed to manoeuvre himself into the position as chancellor of the Republic. Your father later accused me of banging your mother and it led to us having a lightsaber duel which I won and cut off his limbs to let him be burned by lava, leaving him alive and in agony to be later transformed into the cyborg you see now. He was a good friend.

no it's gonna be star wars their loading it

There was some talk of the stormtroopers being clones, but no one thought them the good guys at any point. It seemed to make more sense that the good guys would be fighting the clones.

Didn't know Maggie Gyllenhaal was in this

vocaroo.com/i/s06m3Lv0hPqw

Why did Yoda named the war? What right does he have?

>"Take this drug dealer character I created. He's a lowlife, a real sleazebag even. So I named him 'Elan Sleazbaggano'. And these drugs he sells, let me tell you, they're like death in a small package. I call them 'death sticks'".

disregard what i said

why did they split them up... how many fucking twins are born every minute on Alderaan would it really be so blatant?

>Luke. Have I ever mentioned the galactic capital, Coruscant?

>It's much nicer than the planet you come from and is where the high-class people I used to associate with almost exclusively. The same goes for your father. That's why he and Padme were such good friends.

>Did I mention we all used to basically being like the 1% of the 1%? Do you seriously have any conception of the lifestyle Master Yoda and I gave up to live like destitute beggars in altogether horrific planetary environments? And the most you can think dedicate your spare time to is the purchase of some power converters?

>Luke, the Sand People are easily startled, but they will soon be back, and in greater numbers. It's best we leave now, before they gang rape us to death, like they did your Grandmother.

They were good friends...from a certain point of view

>I gave her away to be adopted by a senator friend of mine to live a life of luxury while you lived in poverty as some hick farmer on a planet full of sand which your father hated

Top kek

IDK it doesn't look like Chewie can remember too many things.

It's clear that being too old and remembering too much of a tough background made Anakin evil.

10/10

>Luke did I ever tell you about your grandmother shmi, she was raped to death by an entire village of sandpeople, they rode a train on her in single file to hide their numbers, she was a good friend.

Well he is Mexican after all, what do you expect.

I think Mace Windu and Yoda made Anakin evil.

They provoked him at every turn. They created vader and frankly deserved it.

Luke you must go to the dago bar. its in brooklyn.

Luke was older when he started training

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>Despite his sense of self-importance, Nass was still capable of self-mockery, and he would not hesitate to put in a lot of efforts to make other people laugh. During the celebrations that followed the victory against the Trade Federation, Nass agreed to play the game of Gungan dunk tank, during which people would make him fall into the water for fun. Dressed in his very own swimming attire, the Gungan would even encourage visitors to pay the "Dunk Boss Nass Bubble" a visit.[17]

>almost every single Gungan looks like a variation of Jar-Jar
>Boss Nass is the only fatass frog of the bunch

What gives?

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That's why he was in charge

Hes the boss.

yeah but at least their memories were erased