This kid was great. They used to call him “Paul Masson”. I swear to God. Oh...

This kid was great. They used to call him “Paul Masson”. I swear to God. Oh, he’d make Californian champagne taste like it was fucking French. Excuse my language. It was terrific, it was fermented in the bottle. And like the best French champagne, it was vintage dated too.

daring

you got a little FRENNNNSSSCCCHHHH yourself

Imagine being Orson in that ad and having to be all like "Muuuhaaaahhh, Paul Masson, you fuckin' fine, all delicious with your in-the-bottle fermentation and horrific faux-French monstrous taste. I would totally drink you, both in this advert and one for frozen peas." when all he really wants to do is drink another $500 Dom Perignon in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Orson and not only sit in that chair while the extra pours his disgusting California champagne in front of you, the favorable lighting barely concealing the suspicious-looking sediment building in it, and just sit there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that pour. Not only having to tolerate the monstrous fucking taste but Paul Masson's haughty attitude as everyone on set says it's VINTAGE DATED and DAMN, PAUL MASSON CHAMPAGNE TASTES LIKE THAT?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and drink the disgusting fucking piss water contorting your palette into horrific flavours you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been drinking nothing but a healthy diet of Krug and Bollinger and later alleged moonshine for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Wisconsin. You've never even drunk anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the chemical contaminants in this mass produced sham pigswill as it's poured again and again for you, the extra smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to sit there and revel in the "French excellence (for that is what they call it)", the excellence they worked so hard for with fermentation techniques in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could break a bottle and stab everyone in this room, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Orson Welles. You're drunk as fuck and don't know why the extra isn't doing anything. Just bear it. Slurr your lines and bear it.

No more wines, Orson.

Computer, run program Paul Masson California Champagne Ad. Increase level of French excellence by 250 % and you know what just make it Romulan Ale instead. Set activity levels for all female actresses to 0%. Disengage directorial instructions. Authorization Awesome Wells Mahah the Romulans 1978.

...

>and you know what just make it Romulan Ale instead
he is us and we are he

Kek

MWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Criminally underrated post.

Perfection

...

MUAHAHA THE FRENCH

on a serious note have you niggas watched F is for fake? god damn master piece

muaah?

MUUUHAAAAAHHHH, the friends and bane...have always been celebrated for their enormous stature. there is a guy from gotham, of the same humongous size. he was molded by darkness and, like the best big guys, got his permission to die.

holy fuck

There is no is in the title

there's a much better version of this somewhere in copypastaland, anyone have it?

MWAAAAH ETSUBATSU

why did i laugh..

WINE?

...

Paul Mason, I'm French

action please

ACTION ORSON PLEASE

I haven't drunk it in a long time, I'm drinking a california champagne by Paul Masson, and you're getting all fuckin' French!