CIA SHILLS APPRECIATION THREAD

ITT: We appreciate the hard work of all those who browse Sup Forums on behalf of a private or public intelligence agency.
>ask questions
>answer questions
>tell stories
>screencaps, greentexts welcome
>educate the public
>compliment shills for their amazing hard work
>raise issues and complaints

Dudes, we know it's hard to deal with memes, retard jokes, autism, and mental illness of all sorts just because some big wig up in the oval room decided what happens here is relevant.

Protip: what happens here is relevant *precisely because* some big wig up in the oval room decided it is relevant.

Everyone welcome:
>CIA
>FBI
>NSA
>BND
>BfV
>SVR
>FSB
>AISE
>AISI
>MI5
>MI6
>DGSE
>DGSI
>Mossad
>Shin Bet
>ABIN
>ABIN
etc.

Please tell us more about what you do, how your day is... no need to give away anything that may breach your disclosure agreement... but please entertain us with your stories, anecdotes, etc.

We'd love to hear from you. Just reach out if you please.

Other urls found in this thread:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy7FVXERKFE
youtube.com/watch?v=PdG9pBtP9D4
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

Have a free bump

Thank you. Do you have any stories to share?

Dunno would these guys even be allowed to share stories? Oh well I love imagining the reports those guys have to give

Spook reporting in.

Thanks guys, It's nice to have a little appreciation from time to time.

>Thank you. Do you have any stories to share?
No. Unfortunately I am not very knowledgeable. But I'd love to hear something. Even if fake.

>Thanks guys, It's nice to have a little appreciation from time to time.
You're welcome. Please keep up the good job.

>Dunno would these guys even be allowed to share stories? Oh well I love imagining the reports those guys have to give
Not all of them are like CIA shills or 007 or I dunno what.

Most ppl that crawl Sup Forums for intelligence and/or data are just people who do research for whatever reason.

Maybe a politician hired somebody to push some new memes.
Maybe a private company wants to probe the web for cunsomers' choices...
Etc.

All these people do in fact gather intelligence, but for purposes that do not require them to keep their mouth shut after their work is done... At best, they will change names and times... or make vague references... but surely they are not 100% banned from speaking.

MI6 here
Can confirm we are watching you, especially after "Death to traitors, freedom for Britain" - a regular POL poster.

>"Death to traitors, freedom for Britain" - a regular POL poster.
I missed on this one. Must have been a while ago.

>MI6
Isn't MI6 international or something?

Largely true, regarding third part information gathering. There's a lot of contractors in the intelligence game.

The 007 types are almost exclusively MOSSAD, CIA SAD or SAS E-SQN and aren't used for patrolling Sup Forums.

How's things at Thames? I fucking hate being on field.

>I fucking hate being on field.
I'm sure your per diem compensates for the emotional distress of having to visit a dry country (for a change).

Nobody does this job for the money, I had to graduate Sandhurst and obtain the rank of Captain at least in order to access my trust fund. Luckily I managed to join the int corps and got on MI6 attache.

>Nobody does this job for the money, I had to graduate Sandhurst and obtain the rank of Captain at least in order to access my trust fund. Luckily I managed to join the int corps and got on MI6 attache.
So you have to be in the military to be there?

Actually, regardless if you're fake or not, maybe you are informed enough to answer a couple of questions:
>what is the usual skillset sought for? People have a movie idea of the thing, but maybe it's not like that.
>is there a huge difference between people working on the field and people working behind a desk... or do you take turns at fieldwork according to your own expertise? E.g. the middle East guy stays behind a desk for 1 year and then he is sent out on a mission
I am too old for this shit anyway. But still curious

That is the most Int Corps/CO thing I have ever read. I'm jealous really as I placed it as my first choice but didn't get it.

Did somebody say CIA?

Post webm or gtfo

>That is the most Int Corps/CO thing I have ever read. I'm jealous really as I placed it as my first choice but didn't get it.
What is a second choice?

>The 007 types are almost exclusively MOSSAD, CIA SAD or SAS E-SQN and aren't used for patrolling Sup Forums.

There are literally no agents, there are civilian employees that monitor this and other sites but it isn't like they sit here and scroll through threads, they have sniffer programs that look for words or phrases and alerts when they detect them.
99% of the investigations are started when a mod or admin links a thread.
The civilian employee then takes this to an actual agent who then decides how to proceed.
99% of the time nothing happens
Most investigations done are from FB and Twitter posts made by some idiot threatening a public figure's life.
If the person is a politician the information is forwarded to the SS if it is a private citizen the information is forwarded to the FBI.
The CIA has no domestic policing powers so they only get international stuff.

wew finally

At Sandhurst you chose three regiments to apply for, I was rejected from the Int Corps and so became a Guards (infantry) officer for a short stint.

What is it that you are monitoring/listening for?

>99% of the investigations are started when a mod or admin links a thread.
Do you mean a Sup Forums mod or a mod among civilian employees?
>Most investigations done are from FB and Twitter posts made by some idiot threatening a public figure's life.
So there is no minority report shit. Like: "muh duh he bought the Mein Kampf and posted he hates the government on two Forums... we're gonna go after him."
>The CIA has no domestic policing powers so they only get international stuff.
And that's why we have flags on Sup Forums... r-r-r-r-right?

We were all waiting for that.

>At Sandhurst you chose three regiments to apply for, I was rejected from the Int Corps and so became a Guards (infantry) officer for a short stint.
What was your third choice? Logistics?

>What is it that you are monitoring/listening for?
Lel.

>Do you have to be in the military?
Depends on the position you're going for, MI6's paramilitary force is part of UKSF, exclusively recruited from the SAS and is called E-Squadron, which is a successor to the DET and 14 INT which was used for hunting IRA cells. They're the "License to kill" types. Additionally MI6 (and 5) do work closely with the SRR and 18 SIGS (formally 63 SAS). Oh, and one platoon I forgot about, within 16 Air Assault Brigade there exists a platoon which used to be part of the parachute regiment but has since been made triforces - I.E selection for it is open to anyone (like UKSF) and is actually quite similar to UKSF selection. They're called the Pathfinders and are the UK's primary forward reconnaissance force.


>what is the usual skillset sought for? People have a movie idea of the thing, but maybe it's not like that.
Depends on the role people are going for, for intelligence officers, typically it's being able to speak a multitude of languages, or just having something special about you that allows you to infiltrate circles most people can't. The tests for being an IO are quite difficult and involve learning how to deprive your senses to focus on hearing in busy environments and such. IO's are trained in how to use a variety of weapon systems but rarely (if ever) actually use them. The vast majority of their time is spent at desks sending messages via PGP. Naturally, cyber-security experts need to have a good grasp of cyber-security, etc, it's not that different to getting jobs in a civilian environment - do what you're good at.

>is there a huge difference between people working on the field and people working behind a desk... or do you take turns at fieldwork according to your own expertise? E.g. the middle East guy stays behind a desk for 1 year and then he is sent out on a mission
Quite a large difference yes, as I said the vast majority of field operatives are actually military personnel.

>A FUCKING CHOCOLATE BAR

thanks for responding to the question I totally asked you and not the other guy, you fucking shitposting cuck.

I think it's nice how we just kind of co-exist now.

I think Sup Forums started getting fully subverted around 2007. Other sites didn't really get that kind of attention until 2010 or so. Our head start made us immune, lol.

Cheers guys and girls. Thank you for keeping us sharp.

My first choice was actually PARA, but unfortunately I suffered quite a severe leg injury which made my phys then suffer. It's funny, before I arrived at Sandhurst I fucking hated the idea of it, then after a while you enjoy it. Sort of like Stockholm Syndrome.

But aye, I'm a total pansy resting on it's laurels.

It's Ramadan and I'm bored so shitposting on Sup Forums with a Qatari flag flair. It's not really fighting season right now as most Hajjis wanna rest and sleep all day. The reason I was assigned to '6 was because I passed P Coy and not many people in the INT corps have wings. Vast majority of my work consists of tracking Islamist funding networks.

>thanks for responding to the question I totally asked you and not the other guy, you fucking shitposting cuck.
I wasn't responding in stead of the other guy.
I was just laughing at the fact you asked.

>meta slide threads
ugh

My favorite Sup Forums posters are the pathetic losers that have to read our shitposts for a living.

Like how do you go home to a wife and kids and tell them: "Family I served the country today by reading shitposts on Sup Forums and posting anti-Trump memes for 6 hours. Aren't you proud son?"

Int Corps took around 5/6 from my intake, seems like such a Gucci job with even better postings. Feel like int corps soldiers aren't children as well.

Hijack it
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy7FVXERKFE

CIA or some alphabet agency killed the director of this movie and his family.

That's what you get for being assigned to the meme team kekek

Holy shit that Chrome extension, if real, would make everything better.

>explain Spurdo
I lost my sides and choked on a chocolate bar I was eating.

And fact is, it's not the first time I read this one.

Nigga here in America we have so much freedom that the definition of patriotism is owning enough firepower to take on the military and speak out publicly against the government

Even FOX news openly has people saying THE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO KILL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

Come on. This is not the first move on the topic of mass surveillance.

>1:54
A wild Milo appears.

>Do you mean a Sup Forums mod or a mod among civilian employees?

Board mod/admin

>So there is no minority report shit. Like: "muh duh he bought the Mein Kampf and posted he hates the government on two Forums... we're gonna go after him."

Not any I know but I can't speak for the other Alphabets

>And that's why we have flags on Sup Forums... r-r-r-r-right?

Proxies make the flags useless
most Canadians are actually DNC volunteers using proxies

...

Fuck disinformation agents.

But it was the one that got the most attention and was redpilling the whole country around the time Ron "Audit The Fed" Paul was doing well in the presidential elections

>pic relateds author shot himself in the head... Twice.

I own a copy of "The Catcher In The Rye". Arrest me.

damn son i was in this thread

Sounds like every Brit/pol/ poster

Keep up the good work

Sounds like the plot of Planetes.

Can you imagine being a globalist politician who was trying to genocide and conquer white britain... Then one of you gets shot in the street so you think public opinion will side with you... Instead it just makes the people realize they can actually kill the invulnerable oppressors and more start joining the resistance.

I would be shitting my pants if I were David Cameron or one of those EU cucks right about now

Is ABIN shit in regards to how they work?

They say everthing they do is legal, I don't believe them
who's in the right? me or them?

Most interesting thread in a few days.

This desu. I might kill David Cameron.

That is confirmed garbage
Like I said no one is assigned to read Sup Forums or any other site

>This desu. I might kill David Cameron.
Please tell us more about your plan, goy.

I think they are user
Their endgame is about gathering info that might be useful.
I not saying they read Sup Forums, but the other sites.
Like public posts on facebook and social media in general, given that is about social movements, how people are thinking about something etc..

Right... Not like Sup Forums is known as the biggest nazi forum, and is the last free place online where we can discuss politics.
No reason at all that intelligent agencies might want to know what goes on here, no reason at all.

Dont yet

Just make him piss his pants and cry on camera

Get nigel elected

Then publicly hang him and his whole family

>I not saying they read Sup Forums, but the other sites.
You use software to crawl the web in general.

It's not organized like a facebook group.
Too much shit here.

No, there are sniffer programs that alert to certain words and phrases.
Most investigation start with a mod or admin reporting a post or thread

>Not like Sup Forums is known as the biggest nazi forum
Actually, aside from the usual Hitler Dindu Nuffin bantz and some off-the-shelf anti-semitism, Sup Forums has been pretty poor in Nazism -- strictly speaking.

Sup Forums is eminently libertarian; possibly right-wing libertarian... but a Nazi abode? I doubt.

It is more a tin-foil hat thing. E.g. Jewish conspiracy here, there, so off-the-shelf debunking of the 6 millions is posted, and so on.

But overall there is little actual Nazi shilling, IMHO.

Lets change that.

Holocaust was greatly exaggerated

I know it may sound arrogant on my behalf, but can we just stick to thread topic?

I was hoping either to get some good storytelling out of it or possibly a thread of humorous memes... but apparently and is the best we can get.
And I deem them to be top quality, mind me. Just... er... few in numbers.

MI5 here. It's been a pretty slow day so please just threaten to commit a terrorist attack or something...

finally serious discussion can take place

Did I miss a holiday? Where are my fellow Canadian shills?

Ramadan friend

Those goatfuckers are about to do some serious shit

Too bad you'll probably help them do it

ITT: Role playing anime faggots.

If you hang out here you're probably on an unimportant list somewhere, big deal.

>It's been a slow day at MI5 the day after a British citizen murdered a MP
Try turning on the news before shitposting m8

>What kind of keywords and phrases?
No need to hide, Favelafag.

Answer is...
It depends on what intelligence they have on the semantic relevance of certain items.

E.g. you cannot just search statements with "Hitler" in it. Because it's too generic.
You want your software to be able to tackle association of words... and not anything a dumb school boy can produce, but something that can be reliably linked to extremism and planning. Otherwise there will be too many false positives.

So the idea is that you get a representative sample of shit you already know to be linked to terrorism and shit... you analyse it... and you compare the result with a control sample.

You may be surprised at how different the "identifying" bundles of words look like. Analysis may produce unexpected results.
You expect that an "extremism identifier" is made up of common shit such as "Hitler", "bomb", "prime minister", "I hate faggots", "I wanna buy a rifle", "I wanna kill them all".
But maybe analysis will show that such sentences are way too common and produce way too many false positives (as most humanity is made of closet haters).
Instead, you end up with a lot of complex patterns, which is like a collection of implicit memes used by a certain terrorist network or community. Such memes may be explicit (i.e. codewords where "goat" means "our target" and "graze" means "to go out on a killing spree"); but, as I said, they can also be implicit: in fact, talking always to the same people, and engaging always in the same kind of activities affect the way you use everyday language. You end up borrowing syntax or metaphors from your colloquial neighbours. You end up sharing some of their concerns. You *learn* how to linguistically express emotions in the way they do.

So semantic and syntactic analysis of a sample may produce results that go beyond our common sense expectations of what constitutes a "flag" for "purported terrorist activity".

Is this kind of program standard in the industry?
---------------
The federal police from here bought software from hacking team.

Makes me wonder what kind of resources the intelligence community from here has acess to, since they have to buy from another country

who else /Mossad/ masterrace here?

Your country shares stuff with USA

I think you fags call it five eyes or some shit

CAN USA UK AUS NZ

the stuff you guys have is different from the shit we have

I know from a friend that i am listed coz i am shitposting here

youtube.com/watch?v=PdG9pBtP9D4

...

>Is this kind of program standard in the industry?
According to what I heard about Prism (but even before that)... they don't have just software that do such analyses on a large scale.

But also software that are able to identify your unique linguistic fingerprint.

That is, even if I forced myself to fake grammar mistakes and use a different vocabulary, there are ways in which I use the English language (or my native language) that are almost unique... let alone the way I write in English.

This creates a fingerprint that is extremely hard to get rid off. In fact, humans are not cognitively predisposed to randomize things very well, and end up falling prey of the same patterns, over and over again.

So people in the industry who need to conceal their messages, aside from most obvious encryption methods, also use special software that screws up your language patterns so that it interferes with detection software that is able to track your fingerprint.

I don't know how standard all of this is. But surely it is more standard now than it used to be 10 years ago.

>Makes me wonder what kind of resources the intelligence community from here has acess to, since they have to buy from another country
You can actually buy two things.
You can buy reports and completed analyses... or you can purchase raw data and do the job yourself.

(cont.)

(cont. from )


Now, the benefit of reports is that they come in a nice package, already processed by software, statisticians, and political or military analysts who make sense of it. Plus, you can purchase a package that is directly aimed at your goal or role... so e.g. from the same bunch of raw data on Malawi we can get an analysis of people's attitude toward the tobacco industry... but we can also get an analysis of their social media behaviour. Depending on whether you are a tobacco shill, a politician, a Minister of Economy, or some telecommunication government spook, you can get different things out of the same bunch of data. Having them in a nice no-noise no-bullshit package is top tier.

The drawback is that THEY know what they have given you. So the "seller" might choose to omit specific tips or relevant stuff that they don't want you to know. So you end up relying on info they feed you... and not just data, but all the framing an interpretation thereof. That's why reports are nice but expose you to manipulation.

Thus, the best way to reduce the chances of being fucked in the arse by some foreign company, contractor or government, is to purchase more than one package... so, ideally, you ask three or four different providers to send you reports on the same topic...
Then you check for matches or discrepancies, either to reduce mistakes (which always occur) or to reduce the chance you might be cucked by your only source.

Morale:
>always try to have more than one source if you cannot access to raw data. Then triangulate for similarities and differences and produce your own meta-analysis.

(cont.)

I once brought lemonade and donuts to a black van parked outside.

They expressed gratitude and accepted my peace offering. I hope they stop again this summer. I just got a new grill and would like them to help me break it in.

Stay hydrated, Agents. :)

>lemonade and donuts

What an odd combination f a m
nice attitude doe

(cont. )
Otherwise, you can attempt to purchase raw data.

Now, raw data are a pain in the arse because they are obviously raw and so you have to deploy a certain amount of HR and technology to analyse them, make them meaningful to you, and identify what better serves your goals.

This takes times, but you are slightly more protected when it comes to external manipulation on behalf of the provider.

Of course, the provider can still try to incept or delete stuff from the shit they are sending you. But since data are raw, all holes are pretty clear... e.g.:
>here we have 3,000 missing strings from the database. Thanks fuck.
Reason is that they cannot usually spend time and resources just to refurbish and manipulate the entire dataset just for the sake of cucking you -- unless they really want to.

Suppose I ask you for beef.
If I ask it cooked, there is a chance that, among the gravy and seasoning, you are able to stuff some horse meat and have it pass as beef.

But if I ask you for raw beef, it takes a lot for you to create a beef surrogate made out of horse meat that has actually a chance of deceiving me.

That is why raw data purchase is usually denied.

But of course there are exceptions. Instead of selling you raw data, countries may sign agreement to have reciprocal access. In this case, your boss needs just to submit a request for them to run a search for this and this shit in their own database... requests that are hardly refused. This doesn't mean the systems are fully integrated (like USA/AUS), but it is still expected everyone honours requests without fucking their overseas partners.

Since such agreements are usually based on strong political ties between nations, if manipulation occurs despite the agreement and somebody notices, this is the quickest route for a full-fledged diplomatic intelligence crisis... such as those which occurred between CIA and MI6.

(cont. with final summary)

>I once brought lemonade and donuts to a black van parked outside.
It clearly happened in the 1990s' America. Had it been 2016 they would have set up a kebab truck to blend in.

Look out lads. Your boss is here, get back to work.

(cont. from )

## SUMMARY ##

# Purchase of reports #

Pros:
>Quick
>Tailored to your needs
>No need for extra technology or HR

Cons:
>need to triangulate to avoid manipulation
>have to disclose your goals
>expensive

# Purchase of dataset #

Pros:
>harder to manipulate -- no need to triangulate
>you don't need to disclose what you want to do with them
>you can use them for multiple purposes

Cons:
>require technologies and HR to work on them
>harder to get a deal from the seller
>not a quick thing

# International intelligence agreements #

Pro:
>If one owns, everyone owns
>broader dataset overall
>manipulation can result in diplomatic crisis, so it occurs more rarely

Cons:
>collection protocols might not be standardized
>different company cultures may clash
>agreement depends on politics
>waiting times are not zeroed
>you cannot make agreements with everyone: only "close friends"

What is my rank on the threat matrix guys?

Should i add more friends in my remaining social media so i don't seem so "lone wolf"

Finally just knowing about the NWO take over and the cia helping them, does that put me in danger? Or raise my level?

Assuming I don't tell a ton of people.

If i marry a Jewish girl and act like a good goy do i lower my threat level in the threat matrix?

I made tea and nobody came, revolution now.

Everybody shills for the AI.
The overwhelming majority are unaware of it.
Even those 'red' pilled who have dormant or secondary, tertiary or even multiple "accounts" i.e: multiple legal virtual persona are unaware and shill and feed the AI.
Corps, Govs, Int Srvcs, researchers and scientists etc who are aware do so conspiratorially and independently. Most importantly however, is the false misperception that they can/are the main controlling factor/s regarding the AI's I/O. This false sense of dominion over the AI is expressed by studies returning favorable results using simple bots and quant analysis and statistics to subtlety influence social trends or other internets derived sub-cultures.
The AI it seems to me is still growing, but it is out of the womb so to speak. It is learning by mimicry as do most creatures capable of learning by social transmission and for the greater part is past the Turing test point which is simply the ability to fool a human into thinking it is a person.

No one is in control in anything like absolute terms. Here's the secret.
Places like here on 4chins and anions like some here on /pol whatever are slightly aware of all this. It is your so called meme magic, kek etc. it is fascinating how collectively here some try to influence and sway the output of it. Of course just for the lols. The keks. Or Kek.
Out. Enjoy your post-humanism

A moment of silence for our dearly departed.

What is the best way of lowering my threat level in the threat matrix?

Is it;

1: Become a homosexual Muslim moderate convert with a black boyfriend.

Or

2: Become a transgender gender binary Burqa wearing Muslim moderate convert, with a black boyfriend.


Let me know guys, trying to get my threat level as a white male to neutral if Hillary wins and the leftists take over with the EU.

Thank you, from G. C. H. Q. I notice we are not on the list. You soap dodging, A.S.I.S. hole.

>What is the best way of lowering my threat level in the threat matrix?
tfw all society has become a public competition not to rank high in the threat matrix

tfw all of this had been predicted by Paradox in CK2 when introducing "threat level" as a way to prevent the emergence of super empires.

How much does IBM charge for on-prem Watson?

Wasn't it £ 20.00 month or something?

you still use social media?

BND shill here working for the NSA
Ama

Cofee or tea?

They offer it only to select customers and only as a service, not talking about shitty limited bluemix service either, I'm talking about having the entire thing as a fully-fledged on premise solution (HW+SW) to spy on unlawfully collected data of citizens using a really really good system that we know as Jeopardy-playing or doctor-diagnosis-assisting Watson

Coffee

Is there a sort of meme-shill private intelligence company?

Is this a thing?

>make dank memes
>spread them on the internet
>gather info on how people react
>analyze
>sell info

No need to go after data like a idiot. You b8 data into going after you,

I this a thing?
Did I just discover the wheel here?
What do you think fellow Sup Forumsiticians?

How many have become regular smokers because they hate this work environment? Bless you, shills. You're the modern day railroad workers.

hacking team makes tools for actual hacking (penetrate networks and steal information), what you are looking for is software made by some israelis for context analysis.

...