So this is what Dumbledore sends his great defender. A songbird and an old hat. Let's match the power of Lord Voldemort...

>So this is what Dumbledore sends his great defender. A songbird and an old hat. Let's match the power of Lord Voldemort, Heir of Salazar Slytherin, against the famous Harry Potter.

>It's you who's out, Tommy. Out of your mind!

What? He sent the boy from one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises ever made. Seriously, each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>He sent the boy from one of the dullest franchises
heh

Like Clockwork. Brilliant

I feel like the guy who posts the pasta is also the guy starting the threads, just to give him an excuse to post the pasta

>Stephen King
Blech! Carrie was good though

>Happy Christmas cunts
Columbus! Bah humbug!

Fucking mlp of this generation tier

How much pussy did Riddle get back in his Hogwarts days?

t. friendless asshole

None because he was autismus maximus.

Eh, it's all anonymous either way so I can suspend disbelief

A lot, he's got that snake tongue if you know what I'm sayin

None, he got dicked down by Dumbledore on the reg though.

t. horse molester

Damn, I'd hit Prime!Voldy like the fist of an angry god

None, he only canonically had sex with Bellatrix to produce an heir

See: Cursed Child

shut up

Even on new years man

>he only canonically had sex with Bellatrix to produce an heir
How can that be possible? When did she have the time to birth the thing? Also Bella breeding with a half-blood snake man, damn Rowling, way to retcon your shit

Just because this board like Emma Roberts doesn't mean I do