I'm in legal trouble, have a drug problem...

I'm in legal trouble, have a drug problem, and bipolar disorder that's affecting my memory so I formed a suicide pact with my ex who's been wanting to do it anyway for a while
I need the most intensely manic music-- think fast, abrasive, and complex
>Ultra hard mode: No DG

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youtube.com/watch?v=GwcvzqWB9WM
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DG

fuck

...

youtube.com/watch?v=6p4tQUBtsBw

mindless self indulgence

this

Bone your ex to cope

>I formed a suicide pact
Do people unironically do this? Why?

...

youtube.com/watch?v=Ib_3iZHIaqA

Not very often, the scene's pretty dead. Hipsters, wanting to do it "before it's cool."

thats what you get for going outside desu

youtube.com/watch?v=gIlbZAP8ASQ

I'd suggest Deathconsciousness if you're really gonna do it but if I could talk to you I would say don't do, man. You're taking life too seriously.

just take acid and run away from home idiot you can kill yourself at any time have you really exhausted your possibilities here on earth? go to another country like fuck what is stopping you from getting free
also stop talking to sad bitches

Probably your best bet
youtube.com/watch?v=GwcvzqWB9WM
Skip around a bit and crank to max volume
The perfect middle ground between musicality and raw noise if you ask me

Also unironically this. If you're got nothing to live for, you've essentially achieved enlightenment. You can become anything you want to now.

Blotted science - the machinations of dementia

We're both mentally ill and on drugs
We already do all the time
Psychedelics make my mania significantly worse though I did do a lot of them back in the day. I live on my own so running away from my lease wouldn't do anything but put me in more of a bind. My license got taken from me for DUIs and bar fights so I can't get a passport to flee, plus I am ready to die

This is great

Age?

youtube.com/watch?v=BJIqnXTqg8I

Art Tatum is the fastest, most technical jazz pianist. All his solo stuff is insane. Yes, that's one guy, one take, and not speeded up.
youtube.com/watch?v=D9Cs_zb4q14
Softer, more romantic, higher recording quality, old jazz standard but with many curveballs:
youtube.com/watch?v=apkgYw7QMhU

>quit illicit drugs
>take mood balancing prescriptions for mental illness
I imagine if you did this you'd feel a lot better.

youtube.com/watch?v=6t7wQ2BLBUg

Go to rehab and ask for lithium and quetiapine. Trust me, it'll change your life. You'll feel human.

>running away from my lease
>license taken away
>can't get a passport
sounds like you are thinking very inside the box. besides, it's possible(very likely) that there's a time in the future when you will'ld have regretted ending it. i'm telling you man, wait it out and do whatever you need to get there
this guy gets it, but you don't. that's why i suggested you take some acid (basically spinning the wheel-o-epiphanies, odds are you will land somewhere better than where you are now. sorry your last go around didn't work out)

>drug abusers get memory problems and have the gall to complain
>meanwhile I'm a major ADHDfag and pretty much never had a good memory in my life
Life is unfair

Backed.
Nothing to live for = nothing to die for.

lol

I suspect attention seeking is at the root of all your problems, op.

Check out Hella, Lightning Bolt, and Husker Du.

youtube.com/watch?v=LxX0yaCSu94

gotchu covered
youtube.com/watch?v=qIu2nAnOKZw