Jumanji (2017)

What the absolute fuck are they thinking?
>another boring, unfunny, 90 minute quipfest

It sells.

as long as people keep paying to see them they will keep making them.

I had to work on this movie and I can confirm its going to be awful. They had no idea how they wanted to end the movie so they were rewriting the finale scene until the week before it was supposed to be shot.

I would be more than willing to watch a supercut of Karen Gillan in the highest available quality
I'm talking explicitly the frames she's on only. Me don't want nothing else bitch

its about laundering money they will keep making them whether people go or not.

lrn2jew you plebs

>What the absolute fuck are they thinking?
They are not.
The Rock is only here to make sure it makes money.

>quips
When will you meme loving retards get over this. What you call quips is just snappy dialog like has always been in comedic movies.

Jewmanji?

why make shit up?

Why would someone lie about a movie nobody will see anyway?

>jumanji
>starring: the rock

> only 90 minutes
well at least it's got that going for it. I'm absolutely sick and tired of 15,000 "SUPER EPIC" 200 minute shitfest movies coming out every single week

still not gonna see this crap, of course

kek

same with modern art. It's literally the only explanation for paying millions of dollars for paint splatches.

>90 minutes

That is just a guess. I can't imagine a pile of shit like this being carried on for much longer.

why would i choose this movie of all movies to lie about working on

my dad works for jumanji and this just isn't true

Jesus Christ this cast. Also for the record, Jumanji wasnt a fucking comedy you corporate dumbasses

They sprinkle a bit of "The Rock" on every shit movie to try and get people to see it.

>when you didnt get the MC part

they should just make another spiritual successor like Zathura

First the jungle, then space, what should be the next theme?

Karen Gillan should be playing Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider reboot!!!FACT!!!

Deep sea

So wait, theyre going inside the game this time or what? Part of the charm of the original (besides Robin, god rest his soul) was the unpredictable terrifying shit that kept coming out every turn, and all you could do was keep playing and endured what it threw at you. This thing? I can already tell the half assed shit its going to be.

(((corporate)))

that would be great

If i recall when robin Williams comes out her is covered in hair, as hes been in a jungle for 10 or so years, are they going to give the rock hair?

What did he mean by this?

...

its a video game and they get sucked inside it. youre right that theres literally 0 real world consequences which is one of the biggest reasons why this movie sucks.

It was 26 years. I just watched the movie again for the first time in 17 years. It was great.

The monkey next to him is more famous

It doesn't have the same plot as the original. The Rock is some kid who got magically turned into The Rock.

>I'm absolutely sick and tired of 15,000 "SUPER EPIC" 200 minute shitfest movies coming out every single week
It's a fucking comedy retard.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY'RE THINKING

Vidya

I can't believe I ever had hopes for this

Will it have a terrifying CGI Robin Williams?

and Jack Black is a girl

>Karen Gillan is the hot girl

WHY does she cover her freckles?

Gingers trying to blend in with normal humans

They should just a Betrayal on the House on the Hill movie

Wait, that's Karen Gillan? What kind of magic pushup bra bullshit are they trying to pull here?

how does paying millions of dollars for 1 piece of art launder money? auditors would be looking at how the buyer got the money in the first place. i thought you had to do small cash businesses (like coin laundry, convenience stores, movie theaters) to wrack up small cash only transactions

medieval
dinosaur
future
aquatic island
greek/egypt/modern mythology

But it has the Rock in it lel!
:^)

>be hitman
>client orders you to kill some dude
>make a 'painting' in 25 seconds to justify the transfer of $1,000,000 to your swiss account

Rock is that guy who wanted to be just like Arnie but ended up being 30 years late.

>Scottish Lara Croft
Nah

If the redhead turns into a monkey like that kid in the original I will fap.

Does the redhead turn into a monkey at any point?

Seems like the kind of movie our guy Brendan would be star in.

>jungle full of man eating flora and fauna
>mfw all the vore OC with Karen Gillan's character this will spawn

Why won't nostalgia bait remakes/soft reboots stop? I just want a long string of failures that scares off any studio from ever doing it again. Is that too much to ask? jeez.

No! TF was here fiiiiirst!

>kevin hart
>the rock
>barbie
>jack black
>not being hyped af

The Rock has been in a couple mediofre movies lately. Has his pinnacle been reached?

Fuck your faggot fetish
Inanimate TF > animal TF

Inanimate is boring.

Its a fucking remake
It cant be that hard to lay a movie out

Its already started my friend

Marvelfag triggered

It has that shoddy Terminator Salvation feeling

my uncle at nintendo can confirm

>The Rock has been in a couple mediofre movies lately. Has his pinnacle been reached?
The Rock is clocking in to make bank before he can't maintain his physique therefore his role as a leading man. He is just on the cusp of 50 and there aren't that many more cycles you can do to keep that body. All the roles after this are supporting actor in the role of 'old man'.

Does this mean that we're finally gonna experience the return of the quippy, happy adventure movies (brandon fraser when)?

So the game suddenly changed the rules so that instead of playing in the real world and the things in the game coming out, you're sucked into the game and have to survive in the game's world using avatars? Doesn't seem as fun to me.

First time I'm glad Robin Williams is dead already.

oh my lord....

not again

it's not the board game anymore, it's a video game and it's a bunch of kids that are using the game's selectable avatars. pretty sure Gillan's player is a man too

just wait until the Mrs Doubtfire remake
>starring: the rock

I hope it's an old Atari Pitfal-style game, not a modern vidya game.

>quicksand/mud
Patrician. Shame it isn't appreciated more.

>I hope it's an old Atari Pitfal-style game, not a modern vidya game.

why aren't they respecting the canon of jumanji

Why is Dwanye Johnston in so much shit. He's a shit actor and a shitty wrestler.

>He's a shit actor and a shitty wrestler.

that's the same thing though

>shitty wrestler

Get out of here you fucking jabroni

>What the absolute fuck are they thinking?
"Those dumb 90s kids will go see it even if it's shit."

The first one did fucking shitty. No one liked it. Anyone who did was born in the 90s and just liked the flashing images. It was a bad movie.

Of all the movies to remake, why this? I don't even care about the Williams angle. RIP, but that's not the point. It was a bad movie WITH him in it.

I could only accept it if it's the same director or what the fuck ever who wanted to do it again to make it not suck balls this time around. Clearly not the case.

Hey he was good in his prime, but his return runs have been awful. Even when he comes back it usually pretty cringeworthy.

It was a decent kid's flick. Nothing amazing, but I wouldn't call it shitty.

Listen, his first feud with Austin was great. It's just WWF fans were racist and chanted "Nigger" on their own, so I'm not sure if they do that anymore.

That movie is cancer incarnated. Honestly... The Rock, Jack Black, Small Nigga I forgot his name and literal who whore.

Puberty

kys

i bet you get along with a lot of people.

Scottish Lara Croft would be pretty ill, to bee honest.

I don't give a shit that he killed himself.

Those four assholes cannot make up for a lack of Robin Williams.

>someone cloned Molly Ringwald with better tongue genes

She would be perfect as Cate Archer in a No One Lives Forever movie

>it's a video game
Gee, another one of Hollywood's bright ideas

karens player is not a man, its just an ugly insecure girl. jack blacks player is a prep girl.

I do get along with almost all the people I meet yes. Why?

Sounds more like a sequel tbqh.

>its a video game and they get sucked inside it
>it's a video game

> a young boy trapped inside Karen Gillan

Where's the trailer already?