Steel drums start playing

>steel drums start playing

>WARNING THIS VIDEO CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN
>*push blank video cassette into vcr and hit record*

>It's 4am and you have the volume on 1 downstairs when your parents are sleeping.

...

>mfw History Channel was doing an hour-long special on Playboy at 10:00 PM and I recorded it for the hope of some tit

>you're at a m8's house sleeping over and you're the only one still awake

>steel drums start playing

>stealth jacking it in the living room with my finger touching the last channel button

Yes, I was, uh... I was thinking about ordering the tape, the videotape... about the college girls and the... the wild... the wildness. They're going wild or something? Somebody told me... about going wild.

>when u bust that secret nut in ur friends house

>you're at your mate's house and he takes you downstairs to show you on that fancy computer what happens when you type in Whitehouse.COM, instead of .GOV

Heh I actually used to record this shit

HBO and Showtime used to have free periods where the channels were free for a couple of days. I would leave the vcr recording for the night in hopes of some that softcore porn like Red Shoe Diaries

>Was late bloomer
>This commercial comes on
>Get boner
>Just hit it around, rub on stuff around my room
>Wasn't until 14 that I masturbated

Satan trips knows how to ignite my 12 y/o self's nostalgia boner

I lived in a one floor house and the rooms were very close to the TV so 1 was barely low enough

Were there times this infomercial played uncensored or is it just my imagination

Me too. I used to fuck my sister plushies and every time I would feel like I was coming I would just pull back because it felt like my dick was ''coming out'' I dont know, I had some sort of misconception of what my dick was.

I wonder how long it took her to ditch those plushies.

I was so happy when this came on at night

>Staying up late with the volume two clicks above mute watching the adult swim shows loop around twice until 3am when you get to see a jiggling censor bar and girls making out

I used to this not with Cathouse but with the Howard Stern show

>go to the bathroom
>his sisters bra is hanging from the shower rod

reminder that many of these girls now have teenage sons who are of Sup Forums posting age

>going for the bra instead of the panties

>Remember Cathouse as a luxury playboy mansion where you get to fuck cute girls
>Go back and watch it today
>It's a remodelled trailer with B tier prostitutes

Good times.
anybody else watch porn like this?

>you will never relive the days of trying to hide your boner while Channel surfing

Why live?

>be me
>be 12
>have direct tv that shows a few minutes preview of pay per view movies
>one day see girls gone wild will be showing
>OH FUCK THIS IS MY CHANCE
>set vcr to record late at night when it comes on
>wake up 5 am to retrive tape
>hoping for at least 2 mond of uncensored bewbs
>mfw direct tv didnt allow the preview for it and you recorded 3 hours of a black screen telling you to hit OK to order
>fap to it anyway because of what it represents

Beverly Hills Bordello usually got to the point fasted than RSD.

Always been a fan of big tits though, and when MTV first aired that True Life about getting breast implants, they left the breasts completely uncensored. I was floored. Wore that tape out pretty good indeed (particularly the black girl who was actually getting a reduction - apparently she had no idea they intended to show her topless lol.)

>be 14
>be lifelong footfag/ticklefag
>have VCR
>record dating shows and shit that the commercials imply will have tickling or foot fetish stuff
>later lock door to room, rewind tape, and jack off to it

Anyone else do this?

My aunt who lived next door to me had one of those black boxes that would unscramble the channel. Whenever I was home alone and knew nobody was next door I'd break in to watch the playboy channel. I used to be so damn desperate.

>I used to be able to masturbate to women taking their shirts off

I need to quit porn brehs

>Tfw first fap was as a 12 year old on FUKT.com to a 32 minute long video called "Real Girls Peeing"

Needless to say I had strange fetishes for a long time as a kid

>wake up extremely early for school just to watch GGW ad
>they air some other shitty infomercial instead

you'll come full circle eventually. now i only masturbate to youtube clips of sex noises recorded though hotel walls

urination/wetting is a god tier fetish

anyone else learn about fapping before they could cum?

no clean up orgasms were the best

TIARA GIRL

I learned about masturbation when I was in the 5th grade. I used to get boners then and I tried like hell to ejaculate but never could. When I finally did it was like losing my virginity.

kek,what words you search?

I wish it was that clear.

>warning
>you're about to go on the ride of your life!

I remember thinking something was wrong with me the first few times I fapped because no cum came out. I put down paper towels and everything because I thought there would be this huge mess because porn cumshots.

I think it would be better if I just quit cold turkey, you know?

*used to wish

Piss is an entry-level fetish user, it's practically vanilla.

I didn't even know people bought that shit until one day I was on teamspeak with some friends and one of them straight up said brb going to jerk it to girls gone wild

>Be incredibly sheltered 11 year old discovering sex through the internet because my parents still have yet to attempt to explain how babies are born
>Rush home every day from second grade because school got out at 3 and my parents didn't get home til 6 and spend three hours googling "boobs" "sex" etc
>Would always be nervous about the "You must be 18 or older" page
>Spent weeks paranoid that someone would find out I lied about being 18 and I'd get in trouble

Also much more embarrassing side story
>Googling random porn phrases as an 11 year old
>All the girls are over 18 and I don't like that because I want to see girls my age naked
>Start googling naked "11 year old" and variations for hours and not finding anything
>Don't understand why
>Become frustrated but eventually find some
>Come back the next day and url is 404ed
>Confused and disappointed
>Never think about until at least 10 years later when I realized I could have sent my dad to jail

this, I find shlicking audio on chirbit while looking at a picture of a fully clothed girl.

Depravity gets tiring.

I now realize this was fucked up, but for some reason my sojourn into the world of masturbation began by sticking my dick into a fan.

>have oscillating fan
>take screen off and stop oscillation
>stick just the tip of dick in
>hurts, but feels strangely good
>hard as a rock, hold dick to fan
>eventual "orgasm," didn't know what it was at the time
>no cum, only blood
>did this about a hundred times before I learned to just rub one out like a normal kid

Now I know it was the vibration making me orgasm, but why the fuck did I start off that way? You know what it's probably because I'm circumcised, and my psyche is permanently fucked up from that, so I crave self-abuse. I'm still into CBT, although it's always self-inflicted.

Don't circumcise your kids, folks, it'll fuck em up.

In the late 90s early 00s it was extremely easy to find loli porn. I remember once while in some warez site I got a pop up that said something along the lines of "the authorities have been alerted and they're coming your way" and I panicked like a have never panicked in my life.

...

>TFW You forgot to clear history

"I SAW A NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!"

To you and your 12 year old friend that was the highlight of the sleepover

good times

Appropriate Satan trips. I saw a couple of times where GGW had identical twins make out with each other. It's really kind of fucked up now that I think about it while I'm not horny.

>be me now in my 30s
>married with a kid
>stay up late and fap to internet porn
>have to be sneaky and remember to clear history all over again
>freedom of my 20s like tears in rain

Literally my first fap was to a GGW commercial at 3 in the morning on SPIKE TV.

Good times.

>tfw you will never be a qt grill making out with your identical twin sister

Save yourself grief and ED mate. Give it up and fuck your wife. You don't want to be 45 years old jacking off to girls your child's age

Pathetic lel

>fuck your wife
she won't fuck me now, we have a kid who needs constant attention and takes 15 minute goddamn naps

>mfw nelly's tip drill video is on bet uncut

Maybe YOU don't!

90s and early 00s were truly a golden era for mankind

>2017 instant widespread porn
>Gen Z will never understand these feels of accomplishment and effort

>implying the highlight wasn't when we jerked off together

You need to give up the porn and be the man your kid thinks you are.

>showcase channel
>that documentary TV show about porn industry on after kenny vs spenny
>showed real tits and fucking

>2005
>super religious relatives come over to visit for thanksgiving
>they stay in the guest room next to mine and have the TV up really loud since some of them are elderly
>for some reason they're watching Comedy Central late at night
>hear this come on their TV
>i drop everything and get close to the wall to hear their reactions
>nothing, not even grunts or groans of disapproval
>commercial ends, talking resumes
>completely unrelated chitchat, as if nothing happened

To this day I wonder what their reactions were whenever I'm reminded of these.

>tfw watching uncut and a video with hoodrats with orange hair and golden grills came on

I specifically remember throwing up my eclair the next day after seeing this. It disgusted me to now end for some reason.

>tfw wanted to suck my friends dick

Never got boners from those commercials

Pretty natural reaction, I'd say. The graphic pornography of our culture is not natural. I'd think your grandparents and grandparents parents would have felt similarly. They weren't desensitized to all this demented shit.

>not bonding with your bros over late night GGW ads

Back in the day this shit was better than the Super Bowl.

My first experience with porn was accidentally stumbing into a male torture site when looking up toys on the internet. It had pictures of girls biting on dudes dicks and shit, fucked me up for a couple days

>tfw all those Katie Morgan documentaries on HBO

Did you at least get to see it? We got to the mutual handjob stage. Kids are fucking gay, jesus.

I remember jacking it to Isabella Soprano. God damn she was so hot. But Cathouse kept pushing that blonde with the giant fake tits and the little scrawny rat looking one that was in a relationship with the old fat white guy.

I just wanted more Isabella because more often than not you could see the dude's balls jumping as he pounded her which was my first introduction to hardcore.

>I had some sort of misconception of what my dick was.

I think everyone did. Your cock gets really stiff and you bat it around like a retarded cat because it pretty gud. Took me until being 13-14 to realize you have to rub up and down on that motherfucker vigorously. When I came I almost ran out and told my Dad because I thought I broke something. But then I did it again and wanted to tell him about this neat trick. His being on the phone at that moment saved me from a lifetime of embarrassment.

I swear no one's actually seen these videos. Everyone just remembers the videos.

I don't even think anyone pirates tehse vids out of curiosity.

Well said

Who was that super-tall blonde they showed sometimes? I always wanted more of her.

at 8 my parents put the old packard bell in my room. that was a bad decision but friends thought it was awesome.

She was the hottest one. She left to do "real" porn. I was looking into her awhile back and now she apparently works at like an organic vegetable market somewhere.

Airforce Amy?

I too loved Isabella, but also got me into Eden 38DD and Bridget the Midget.

>tfw no qt chubby casual gf

I liked the other videos. It was just the real "hoody" ones that made me feel sick. If the women looked somewhat respectable it was cool, otherwise it made my stomach churn. Really makes a guy think. Hoes have their place but it takes a certain type of man to find attraction in a real hoodrat. Kind of like the difference between a stripper and a street walker.

We got to frotting and 69

I used to masturbate by essentially doing the fire-starter method where you rub your hands back and forth which sounds incredibly retarded. I had no idea how to actually do it.

it was Pennsylvania I think

>not fapping to your dad's porn tapes when nobody was home

This and those weird garbled channels where you could sometimes see a boob were the shit

Would Hitler approve of your porn addiction senpai?

>Airforce Amy?

God no. I'm too lazy to go through the whole thing and screencap it, but it was a super tall blonde. I think she wore glasses. She may also have been on an episode of Judge Judy iirc.

storytime pls

She was the best thing about that show. Then I googled her one day and found all the hardcore shit. Still jerk off to her every once and a while.

Didn't Hitler have a loli porn stash?

They're worth the wait.

I was happy she was the break-out because like you said she was easily the hottest one of the god damn bunch. Got a few clips of her that'll stay on my hard drive forever. I figured she'd be escorting but, hey, at least she has work.

>Airforce Amy
More like Attentionwhore Amy. God she had the most boring vignettes and would often hijack like 18 minutes of the fucking half-hour episode talking about absolutely nothing.

My first ever fap was to one of these infomercials

i never got titties anywhere near this nice in college

>watching South Park with mom
>west coast so three hours behind
>Girls Gone Wild commercials come on at like 8:00 pm
>awkward few seconds every time

that sucked

Always told myself I'd head down to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch one day when I was older and specifically request her. I think they still list her on their goddamn website but it's been a number of years since I've last checked. Apparently she stopped that shit and is working in a green grocer half-way across the goddamn US.

But yeah I still pull up some her shit and watch it, too. Shame she never did anal or creampies.

To be honest the censoring is hotter. Imagination is always better than reality.

>Turn on the Spice Channel
>Jack off to outlines of what looks like tits

Who /Scrambled/ porn here?