Well Sup Forums, it finally happened...
My theater followed through and actually imported a bunch of theater falcons from Saudi Arabia that sell for 100k each and they don't even sell the cheaper falcons anymore.
I was so close to affording my own theatre falcon but now I'll never be able to afford one.
What do, Sup Forums?
>theater falcon
?!
Have you ever been to the cinema ?
Fucking retard
You don't have theater falcons where you live?
Yeah maybe watch movies in a kinoplex and not on plebflix
Jesus user, what kind of backwater shithole are you from?
A-am i being trolled here?
Do theater falcons really exist?
download cam rips and watch with your monitor pigeon
i've been doing this for years and i barely even miss the kinoplex anymore, though having to do your own penis inspection is annoying
Maybe take a trip out of the USA once in a while. Animal companions, especially falcons, are common in certain parts of the world.
yeah but the prices on them have skyrocketed in recent years. Only rich fags have genuine theater falcons nowadays. Most people only have smaller birds of prey. I only have a Theater Kingfisher
W-why you have birds inside theaters in the US?
I worked in Saudi Arabia for 6 months and both theaters I went to there had falcon posts. I rarely saw falcons there during the movies I saw however, I guess times are tough everywhere.
literally just for status
same reason assholes ware gaudy watches
i hate them, the movie get drowned out by falcon cries and they terrify my pocket mouse
>They get popcorn / candy for you
>Screech at people using cellphones
>Can save your seat for you while you piss
>When someone shoots up a theater people can swarm them with falcons
Jesus Christ
If you own a falcon maintaining the bond is very important. Scientific studies have shown that enrichment via a movie screening is great for falcons, they enjoy the surround sound and the frame rates have positive attributes for their vision. They are also very loyal and will make quick work of a theater shooter when you're faced with that. Plus, as I said, bonding together is always good for your relationship.
all that popcorn and food trash on the floor attracts a lot of rodents. Theater Falcons help keep pest problems manageable for theaters which keeps costs down for everyone. Plus it's fun as fuck watching a movie with a birdbro
the higher-end birds are mostly for status though
>tfw tried to paint my pigeon like a falcon and they tossed me out when they discovered my ruse
Don't forget their most important role in the kino experience! They peck at your open sores in order to keep you awake throughout the flick.
bruh why would you risk your pigeon like that? They tossed you out for your pigeons own safety. The other genuine falcons would have smelled the fake and killed and eaten your bird.
>took a loan to pay for my falcon
Had to move back to my parent's house and I'm in crippling debt spiral but it was fully worth it though, just seeing the faces of you falconless plebs when I come moseying in with mine perched on my shoulder giving you that dirty look that just says "yeah, look at this guy. He fucking bought me and I'm his, you are not worthy" my dick is just diamonds and I'm not even trying to hide it, wearing sweatpants and shit pitching that tent
>no one has mentioned their help in cracking open crab legs
Explain this meme to me.
What do falcons do in theaters? What's the fucking joke here?
They started as an anti shooting measure in the US
You can't bring weapons into a movie, but you CAN bring a service animal
So if you have a falcon and claim its a service animal, there is nothing the theater can do about it. And you now have a way to defend yourself when someone brings in a gun.
Over a few months they became a status symbol in the US and cinemas accepted it now selling seats with perches and bird snacks to make more $
honestly if we're speaking about performance only, rather then status my Theater Kingfisher is much quicker at cracking open crab legs then a genuine falcon
It's not a fucking meme you asshole. Take off your falcon hood and read the thread and we go over this.
>implying i havent trained the falcon to do it for me
They watch over you in the theater showers to protect you from the designated shooter while you don't have your bulletproof popcorn bucket on your lap.
agreed. had to use my anvil until I finally decided to get me a falcon
It is more of a southern states thing. During exciting moments of the film they stand and let the theater falcons fly around while clapping. It's supposed to be rousing.
frankly very little
but it means the cinema can sell rodents, movie themed falcon hoods and falcon drinks
that's why they have the 'bring your falcons' segments during the trailer
>Tfw your theatre no longer allows falcon rental
And they wonder why piracy is on the rise..
It's actually a super interesting though weird story, it all started in India some decades back
Indian theaters are pretty notorious, check some videos on youtube or something, those retards go fucking nuts
Kids started capturing and training falcons for protection obviously, but more importantly to save your seat when you needed to go to a toilet and had to run out, sometimes several blocks away, to find a designated shitting street
Easy way to bypass the no singles rule in some states where you are legally allowed to marry animals
>theater just jacked up the price of falcon chow
Fucking hell, now I have to sneak in his food from home and hope we don't get caught again. Last time they detained him for 20 hours in the theater's falcon jail
I guess I can sort of understand owning a status symbol bird???
but why would you RENT a status symbol??
I live in the UK and have never heard of any of this.
I-i sincerely don't know if i'm being trolled HARD here.
were there security checkpoints in the showers?
people rent super cars and fancy clothes all the time
guess theaters just hate making money
though maybe taking care of the rental falcons was too much
Subtle bait. I like it. (You).
Yes but they don't always do cavity searches. I stuff a condom with falcon chow and shove it in my ass and shit it out during the movie and let him eat it
??? is this a troll post ???
if so good job I guess I'll respond anyway, I can't believe there are people that haven't experienced a falcon in a theater yet but a few friends of mine at work were surprised by it too. It's only becoming somewhat more mainstream now that celebs are doing it and people are posting them all over instagram and shit. Yeah, there's a little bit of embellishment in this thread but theater falcons and other animal companions are real.
Has anybody else had issues with the falcon sanitizing station at their kinodrome? Most of the ones here have fully funtional delousing spray nozzles, but the dryers are kinda wonky.
I'm so glad I woke up today, because of this thread.
Why would you do penis inspection at home?
>digits
Do you want to watch a movie with a dirty penis?
As other anons have stated, theater falcons are very common in India and middle eastern countries. After 9/11 it first appeared in the US from super right wing outdoor types taking them in for protection. It's gained mainstream attention as of late because of luxury theaters having all the accomodations for falcons, from perches to food to cages next to the locker area.
I honestly just shower with my bird
What if i go for a little jerk off in a middle of a movie? Washing penis prior to watching a movie would be a waste of time.
Man, all those chemicals aren't good for the falcon.
Just bathe him at home using clean water. No blow-drying either! Mine had flaky skin for months until I started cutting the chems.
I feel like such a bitch. I hadnt taken my falcon to a movie in about a month (I know, I need to watch more movies) and he died last night when I went to see Split. He fell off of his perch halfway through the movie and I got kicked out. Now I'm being charged with negligence. Any tips?
Oh great, one of these faggots. Let me guess, vaccines cause autism too? A clean bird is a healthy bird and sometimes dirty poo water just wont cut it.
Unless your inferior retail falcon tries to fuck with mine during the movie I don't see why it would be a problem poorfag
>get drink
>pour half in my falcon's water dish
>go get a refill"
>"sorry no refills"