I love fucking with theater employees. They are so fucking stupid and basically evolutionary dead-ends

I love fucking with theater employees. They are so fucking stupid and basically evolutionary dead-ends.

>go to local theater
>buy ticket for "arrival", looks deep
>the entire movie is basically one big pro life video or someshit
>pissed off now
>there were only 5 people in the theater in me, none in my row
>time to shine
>i unzip my pants and start peeing in my empty 12oz soda bottle
>fill a third of it
>empty the potion into my half finished caramel popcorn with extra butter
>spit on the mix for extra giggles
>throw the mix into all the seats of my row as i walk to the hallway
>hide the empty urinated bottle behind the screen
>thats what you get for bein a shittye theater with shitty employees with shitty lives

as a former theater employee
what do you think we did to your soda and popcorn before you got them

if a movie is bad i like to lure theater employees into the bathroom by claiming "all the toilets are clogged even the urinals" then i beat them with a makeshift blackjack (a urinal cake wrapped in my shirt) as i scream "this is reddit this is memes"

Lol one time I forgot my extra napkin I didn't use in the cup holder on accident

>"heh we magically looked into the future and saw that you would make a mess so we messed with your food and stuff first"

ha, absolute madman!

CLEAN WAGEY

At my theatre, they keep you snack-jockey animals caged up with a lot of glass and open space so that those unfortunate enough to have to interact with you can keep a close eye on your shifty tendencies

yeah sure sure, im saying the place was run with animals just like the animals they served moron

This one time I stuffed my ticket stub into the cupholder after the movie was over and totally left it there on purpose.

But then I started to feel really guilty about it on the drive home and wanted to turn back and apologize.

I tried to wrestle the wheel of the car away from my mom, but she managed to regain control as well jerked into oncoming traffic and spray me with the bear mace she keeps on stand-by - on account of the 'tism.

I guess I'll never know what became of that little piece of paper with Deuce Bigelow 2: European Gigolo printed on it. I can only hope it didn't cause someone too much trouble.

Your mother sounds like a great person. Is she seeing anybody?

I don't know, I'd have to check if her eyes are open.

PICK IT UP WAGIE

CLEAN IT

I drop a little popcorn on the floor sometimes. I would pick it up if the floor wasn't sticky and gross.

Heh, you're cute, kid. I'll pick you up a movie on my way there. Keep you occupied while I get to know your mom a little better.

I would do this if I ever had solid poops

>go to theatre
>pay for tickets to see "La La Land"
>sit on aisle seat
>sniff everyone's butts as they walk past me
>mumble things like "mmmm exquisite" when I sniff attractive girl's butts
>get kicked out halfway through for masturbating

Fucking Cineworld

I don't buy into your logic.

The only way they messed with his food is if they messed with everyone's food, in which case, he's a hero for fucking with them in return. But logically, it makes no sense that they'd do it to everyone's food and not get caught at some point and into serious shit. I mean, if they fucked with him first, I guess he got revenge and the last laugh?

It's just a dumb fantasy workers dream up whenever they hear about a customer acting shitty. "Yeah, he acted shitty, but I bet they magically knew he would act shitty and did something shitty to him first." Makes no sense.

Top kek

People are more inclined to pick on uggos, they probably looked at you and decided to fuck with you.
I fling shit at ugly people all the time, it's funny.

You just know this little faggot has had people spit and cum in his popcorn for decades.

I always kick over my popcorn and remaining coke on the floor when I leave a theatre, it's just muscle memory at this point.

>tfw you have had diarrhea for 4 months and counting

help

Try eating something that isn't breaded and fried. Something from the produce section that you don't drench in ranch dressing.

What the fuck is wrong with you, why would you do such a thing? You got problems man...

Do people steal toilet bowls from abandoned buildings to break, or to keep?

Eat better fatty

>someone took the time to make this apparatus

a lot of people keep them, but not to shit in. I've seen a few used as flowerpots in gardens

masterful

Just
how

There's a reason you don't have any friends to go cinema with

>this is reddit this is memes
made me kek

if you look closer you'll see that the Chinese have foregone toilets and simply shit into a hole in the floor.

Someone stop him!

what if they miss?

wagies clear it up

If there aren't many people in the theatre and I have to piss then I'll move to a different seat, piss on the floor, then return to my original seat. I hardly visit the cinema so I don't feel that bad about it.

>>If you do this at a movie theater, fuck you. There is a trash can on the way out the door. Sincerely, the person cleaning up your mess

Lmao at this faggot

You charge $16 for a burger, fries and a drink? Get fucked. I'll leave whatever mess I want you thieving shitbags

>That good feel while wiping my greasy fry fingers on a seat and leaving a wrapper full of tomatoes and onions on the floor.

lol

My parents had a blackjack in our house growing up, it was this black pole with nails taped around the top. It was pretty gangster

My favorite theater trashing technique:
>get a jumbo popcorn
>eat what you want throughout the film but leave as much left as possible
>at the end of the film, put any other trash you have in the bucket with the leftover popcorn
>dump the rest of your soda in the bucket so the contents are nice and wet
>hold a piece of paper or something else thin to the top of the bucket
>turn it upside-down and place it on the floor
>pull the piece of paper out from under it
To the ushers it will just look like an empty upside-down popcorn bucket on the floor, there may be a bit of a wet spot from your soda but they won't suspect a thing. When they pick it up to throw it out, all the soggy popcorn and trash inside will spill all over the place. It's hysterical, sometimes I have giggle fits to myself just imagining some wagey's face when they pick up that bucket.

>when you poo in the cinema bathroom, then pick it up and smear it all over the mirror

I'm a nice person so I don't fuck with the workers there.
>but muh big prices
I just buy chips, soda and beer in the supermarket before the movie

So I was at the local Vue Cinema recently to see Independence Day 2. HO LEE SHIT what a turd of a film. They have the arrogance to feature such tripe at the cinema and they think WE will enjoy it? What a slap in the face.

Well I had the last laugh I can guarantee that. Good luck finding all the rats Vue Cinema. I brought seven. SEVEN. I hear they breed like crazy this time of year.

>he goes to the bathroom to poo
Just shit in the leftover popcorn like any normal person

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