I got a plan to totally rekt this paranormie ghost the characters in the movie were too stupid to realize

I got a plan to totally rekt this paranormie ghost the characters in the movie were too stupid to realize.

>wait until i see it and know its in a 5 mile radius
>hop in car and peel off to airport 2 hours away
>buy plane ticket to straya
>NYC to straya is 10,000 miles away
>normal walking rate is about 1 mile every 20 minutes
>do the math it would take about 4 months to reach me minimum assuming it doesn't drown along the way
>forget that loser ever existed
>at the end of 4 months, buy plane ticket home
>repeat for the rest of my life
>checkmate ghost

Don't forget you can fuck some sluts while you're there to delay it getting back to you even more.

Oh wait... you're a fucking virgin faggoy who can't get pussy, and misses the points of movies. Get over yourself cunt.

>turns out the ghost learns by imitation
>gets inside a plane, getting there 3 months and a half early
>gg

HOT HEAD

plane tickets are expensive

not to mention renting two apartments and staying employed while you trapeze from NYC and Sydney every four motnhs

well fuck

that's cheating you can't do that.

I'd just call the winchesters. That curse would be rekt in about 20 minutes..

>be virgin
>monster kills all of the normies who have sex
>get to live in a wizard utopia once they're all gone

> cum onto a bunch of maggots
> maggots become flies
> flies do their fly thing and fuck off and reproduce
> ghost is trapped forever trying to kill billions of flies that it will never be able to catch

OKAY NEW PLAN since autist allies have turned against me

>be me
>have sex with chick (dont ask, just assume)
>get it follows std
>surround house with treadmills

YOUR FUCKING MOVE PARANORMIE

assuming you have the money for all of that, the time it takes you to set all that up would be enough for it to get to you, remember it doesnt rest while you do

Entire concept gets ruined once it becomes an invisible physical being. You throw a blanket over it so people believe you, then you lock it in a jail cell.

Why not? It can open doors, speak etc

>order treadmills off amazon
>same day drone delivery bitch
>go for a ride as far as possible
>turn back when I get the delivered text
>quickly install (i have at least a few hours)
>gg fucker

Fucking prozzies would work best, or someone high profile so it makes the news when they die so you know it's after you again

Isn't it a homage to Carpenter?

...

>ghost is outside
>officer knocks on your door
>'sir open up!'
>'sir if you dont open up we have to forcefully come in!'
>cops make way for entrance
>kicks your door
>arrests your ass
>youre stuck in a jail room with no where to go

Why do people act like the monster behaves completely rationally and linear like a loading bar on a computer?

For all we know at a set time it "spawns" 150 feet away from the target and then begins slowly ambling toward them

Like how Jason Vorhees can teleport whenever he's not being directly observed

double doored safe

walk through one end, ghost follows
lock door
walk out of safe
lock door
ghost is trapped in safe

>Not binding the spirit to your will using your new found wizard powers

Pleb.

You can't beat it. It can travel as fast as it needs to. Death is inevitable, that's the whole point of the movie.

>not fucking the ghost itself

>he follows you into the plane with you
>you are now stuck on a plane it for the next 20 hours

GG

It can't open locked doors. checkmate.

How is it going to get me if I'm in a jail cell?

In this scenario I am positive most people would actually begin experimenting with animals.

Is it a metaphor for AIDS?

You dont get it mate, its patient, its inevitable, in a few hours or days, a cop will open that cell and takeout/put in another prisoner, the ghost is constantly waiting for that moment

>be thief
>jackass lines up 30+ treadmills outside his house
>stake the place out
>find out jackass locked himself in his room for some fucking reason
>call my homies to jack 30 grand worth of treadmill

>NYC
>If America, this person is posting on a weekday at 9 AM. NYC is too expensive to be a neet. I'd bet midwest.

>first day of jail punch cop
>get beaten and thrown into solitary confinement
>weeks later
>"have you learned your lesson user?"
>"fuck you pig"
>"oh? lets see how you feel in another few weeks."
>repeat

checkmate

Fuck your stupid plan. I had a plan to kill the witch in Blair Witch Project. I would steal Murphy's Robocop armor, don it, then lay on the leaves in the forest pretending to be a tree trunk. When she comes to harass me, I'll stand up real quick and gab her in the hooha, I'm suited in fucking power metal armor, let's see her stupid witchery put my teeth in a drawstring bag. Just for kicks I might ignite a ton of thermite on her witch shack and watch her abstract face as all her corners melt. This goes for all dumb supernatural schlock, nothing beats the stomping power of industry. Fuck you

>punch cop

its already got you at that point mate

Haven't seen the movie. What does it do when it catches you?

fucks you to death srs

one guy had the host transform into his mom and when it got to him the ghost (as his mom) was riding his dick

kiss and hug you, the fuck you think it does user?

fucc

What does the monster even do?

death by snoo snoo, see here

It follows

wrong answer

i don't even remember how this movie ended, they eletrocuted the aids and then there's an epilogic, ambiguous shot of it following the mc per formula amirite? totally guessing from induction here

What if you fuck a girl twice, do you get "it" back?

...

>no one has ever posted on Sup Forums from work
>I don't understand why the board we're on right now is blue

OKAY OKAY NEW PLAN

>be john goodman's character in 10 cloverfield lane
>find out it follows you
>drive home
>run into prebuilt bunker
>lock door
>supplies for years
>electricity, water, cable set to autopay
>shitpost on Sup Forums telling them I've won
>gg

your move

>run out of supplies eventually
>it's right the fuck outside your door

>have small vent to drop supplies in
>call friends and get them to buy me food
>send money on paypal
>eternally btfo

You're all dump shits

>find huge bunker with enough room to run around and one exit only
>open door
>go to opposite end of the door
>wait for IT to come to you
>run to the door once it gets near
>shut the door
>fuck as many bitches you can

GG movie

>in your best case scenario
>spend rest of life in a cell afraid of an invisible thing that will kill you the instant you leave

Wow, checkmate ghost.

Dont' forget, you can get the people who slept with you, that are "next" on the list, to send you money. If you still alive, "it" only follows you. Everyone else is safe and can live their lives normally. If YOU die, it follows them. Use this as blackmail. Get thousands of dollars and supplies for free.

CHECK FUCKING MATE

implying it is not supernatural being resistant to all shenanigans people in here come to mind

than you could just take bazooka and blow the fucker up... or call the cops, or history channel to make reportage on it

this desu, why has no one actually thought of trapping it instead of trapping yourself?

Planes don't work dumbass, it can turn up anywhere

They made it clear that the ghost thing doesnnt like water and can't swim so going to another continent should stop it dead on its tracks.

but it swam in the movie and fucked their shit up?

So it's an STD, will eventually kill you, and stuck to one continent while other people ignored the problem and didn't believe it was real.

HOW IT IS NOT LIKE AIDS?

>Get it to follow me
>go to disney world
>be in the middle of the crowd
>it catches up to me
>it picks me up by my hair like that girl in the movie and begins tearing me to shreds
>people are witnessing me up floating in the air being torn apart
>thousands of witnesses
>thousands of video recordings
>scientists and authorities baffled, now investigating
>through detective work and research they eventually discover the truth
>sacrifice myself for mankind

hello one person

OKAY OKAY OKAY IVE GOT IT THIS TIME

>make friends with elon musk
>keep evading paranormie for years while you work on relationship
>become best friends
>one day on your bday, elon says "hey user would you like to visit space?"
>"s-sure elon."
>week before, dlure paranormie somewhere far away to make sure it wont reach the launch on time
>hurry back
>get on
>ride elon's rockets to outer space
>whip out pistol and force pilots to dock with ISS
>ive got the only gun
>take over
>send everyone home
>gg

Find a flaw with this theory.

If you actually shoot the gun you could wind up spacing yourself

It's literally a metaphor for death and how you can't outrun it.

Yet all you nerds are constantly trying to sound smart by saying how you would outrun it. You're missing the point of the movie. You nerds always care about the details.

Wouldn't it be better to trap the monster on the space station instead of yourself?

No. What if it jumps off the space station after I leave? It could fall back down to Earth and back to square 1.

Me being IN the space station means it could never get to me. Pretty sure it can't jump that high or pilot a shuttle.

> "Okay user, we'll need to draw this thing to us and we need also need to see it."
> "So we'll both have to fuck you. We'll take turns."
> tfw

Genius.

>Capture ghost in elaborate cage
>Fuck ghost in through the cage bars
>Ghost implodes

Youmustbefunatparties.jpg

Just become a truck driver. Then you're always on the move

fucking genius

would do with mosquitoes since I hate them

I'm trying to see the downside.

>not fucking a whore and bring her in Disney
cost some money but meh, you're alive

>quickly rape stewardess
>she now sees the ghost
>explain situation quickly
>she forces herself on the next best guy
>continue like this
>the next 20 hours are a constant fucking orgy of people full of fear

Imagin that ghost just going on and swating flies everywhere

>quickly ra-
>tackled by air marshall before user can even slide it in
>handcuffed to seat
>raped by ghost

Fuck whores
Whores fuck Johns
Rinse and repeat

EZ MODE

whats this

You guys are all fucking retarded.

>buy a zepelin
>live there for the rest of your life, only occasionally stopping at some random village to buy foods

I support this

not bad

i just hope it will take a good shape

The ghost would just break the treadmill. Its not retarded

>be jackass
>rape thief
>???
>profit

>have bareback sex with bisexual degenerate
>checkmate ghost

I guess you also plan on never having sex with anyone for the rest of your life. Never getting married or else it would kill your wife. Etc.

It never speaks in the movie.

Does having never seen your mother's uterus mean she has no uterus? fuck off

You've never seen a tea cup floating around Saturn.

It never speaks in the movie.

>I guess you also plan on never having sex with anyone for the rest of your life.
Where do you think you are?

I'd like to remind you all that it could teleport

They drove all night and by noon next day it was at the beachhouse smashing through the door.

Racking up a bulk of sex partners doesnt work either. After you're cursed it goes after you or your next partner, and his or her next partner.

You could however bang someone every time it comes after you.

just buy a ticket to vegas and fuck as many hookers as you can senpai

just don't have sex lmao

it'll turn into a midget and climb down the vent

How about when she was in the hospital? It had like 4 days of walking from the beach to the hospital then another 3 days of walking to try to reach Chad. Why didn't it use it's teleport ability then? Must have been out of mana.

Take a hooker with you, just to be safe.

>fuck her once
>it comes in
>Gtfo while hooker gets rekt

Find someone you hate, knock them out and proceed to rape, then take off and let nature take its course

Get a hula hoop filled with salt. Your move gonorrhea ghost!

True story. Hung out with the director and he told me it's a metaphor for puberty.