Why has no one ever *seriously* attempted this?

Why has no one ever *seriously* attempted this?
I think I could pull it off.
Convince me not to.

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Phoenix Jones
Do it, livestream it for your Sup Forums bros

What, make a movie actually about Batman?

>grab horns
>shove my dick into his mouth

fuaarrrrr feels good

Sup Forums needs you

What Roleplay as a Superhero? HBO had a whole documentary on the pathetic people that'd do that.

One guy hounded some drug dealers.

Funniest scene.
youtube.com/watch?v=CeXcU03rpoE

SERIOUSLY attempt
I taught myself Krav Maga I would actually be a threat.
Plus I would wear professional protection like riot police does. Hold up I'll look for a pic

Comic books, anime, and single mothers should be outlawed.

Hahahaha nice post +1 upboated :)
You didn't teach yourself shit, you cringing autist

Something like this. Looks heroish too
It even has strenghtens fist so my punches would hurt extra hard.
I just need something silent to get to and from the crime scenes. I was thinking an e-bike but those aren't threatening

>I taught myself Krav Maga
>I taught myself
so you knew Krav Maga before knowing Krav Maga?

With the internet of course. But I took it very seriously. Plus I'd be wearing the suit anyway. Might even add a baton

You need guns, lots of guns.

Don't listen to the cynics and detractors ITT OP, fate is written by the brave. If you train hard enough and get good gear, you too can make a difference.

I don't have a small loan of billions of dollars to have secret military grade armor and gadgets delivered to my mansion

wtf do you think you'd be doing anyway? raid trap houses?

We gotta make a league of super villains and beat these beta faggots up

I'd imagine every white guy who ends up killing himself before 30 fantasizes about something like this at some point.

He said he was metaphorically speaking to protect his identity and his girlfriend's identity of course... right?

>billions
Suit, baton, a gun as recommended and a ride. Handcuffs ofc and maybe pepper spray or tear gas.
Couple thousands

Whatever I'm needed for. Fight crime. If I see a rape like in Spiderman I could intervene and beat them up for example

you could just like, join neighborhood watch or something

I'm talking about Batman's gear, not Joker's.

>rape like in spiderman
Whoa Raimi! I don't remember that from when I was a kid, which Spiderman was that in?

I don't want to just report stuff. I want to intervene. Not trying to bash them it's good for them but as I said I'm able and willing to do more

Well obviously I won't have armored tankhelicopter thingies like in TDKR but villains aren't real. For regular street thugs my gear would be sufficient

And why not do it? We all joke about those low effort guys but I mean seriously SERIOUSLY do it.

1. MJ gets threatened and Spiderman saves her and she gives him his first kiss
I love that scene it's online look it up

You should give money to the homeless and stuff like all the other real life superheroes, you cheap bastard

Oh yeah I remember that but I only remembered it as some guy trying to steal her purse, for some reason. They show Spiderman 2 and 3 on TV all the time but I haven't seen the first one since I was a kid.
Gotta watch this again.

Well... I can still do that. But everybody can. This is something only I could and would do.

a superhero? but OP, it's so much more fun being evil!

>villains aren't real
Cuck

I'm not a cuck.

Yes you are, you claimed that villains aren't real.

It's a retarded idea. Do you just wander around a city looking for a crime to stop?

In time i imagine the local police commissioner and I will divide an alert system to get my attention.

Well I mean like Joker or Bane level. You don't need billion dollar gear for street thugs and I don't think anyone could beat me in gear

not me but interesting idea

Well you can google criminal hotspots. That's where I would start. Learn police code and such later

You could call yourself Batcrotch. Kek

Realistically, how many guys could a highly trained fighter take down on his own? As much as I love Batman, he's been in some pretty unrealistic situations and come out on top.

Just make sure she wasn't asking for it first

What country are you in? Memes aside beating up a rapist, especially a brown one, could get you thrown in prison.

what happens when someone pulls a gun on you?

>spend all night trying to listen in on police radios to find trouble
>alternatively walk around the street stupidely waiting for a crime to happen
>police get there before you anyway
>get shoved away from crime scene or arrested

Kek. But I would want something more heroic. That will make my enemies tremble in fear. Monsterman or Berzerkman

Well I'd be wearing riot gear so it wouldn't matter. Plus pepper spray and stuff to get out of unwinnable situations

Not funny. Monsterman is not sexist.

America.

These suits withstand bullets (seriously they tested it you can look it up on youtube) but in general I would aim to knock them out before it gets dangerous.
I'm kind of torn but I can see the benefit in carrying a gun myself. But wouldn't this blow my identity?

You know nothing. Most violent crimes remain unresolved or get investigated only later on. I would make some real difference. Because I can patrol. I can see without being seen.

What happens when a pack of negros jump you and tear your riot gear off?

They can try
Take out the leader and the rest runs away. Like in Jack Reacher. Plus I could still pepper spray them. And you can't just *tear off* these suits. As long as I'm fighting back

Hows your fitness from a cardio standpoint? No point being an armoured tank if you run out of fuel.

How about Batdick? That sounds pretty intimidating...

How would you reliably get away from crime scenes so you're not taken away for vigilantism?

Good. And still improving. Of course I wouldn't do this unprepared. As I said. I want to be the one guy who seriously commits to it.

Why does it have to be Bat-? I don't want to be seen as an imitator. I'm a real hero.

>Phoenix Jones
fightstate.com/mutual-combat-law-in-washington-lets-two-people-have-a-consensual-streetfight-if-cops-referee/

Now I want to know who the other two are, so I can plot against them...

As I said above I haven't figured this one out yet
But police has like what 10 minutes from call to get to a crime scene. If I'd happen to witness a crime and immediately step in I'd be gone before someone dialed 911

The Shadow is a good, simple name.

Perfect. The Shadow.

>villains aren't real
Your presence would create them.

My spanish identity as El Tongs must never be revealed, for the narcos who killed mi padre will surely come for my tongs.

ishygddt

Hmm you're right. I need to be prepared

...

Because Batman is the only good superhero out there. And he's not even real. That was the whole point of the thread: why hasn't anyone become Batman? But you've proven that obviously you're not worthy to take on the Bat mantle. If you were, at most you could call yourself Batpussy, now. Faggot. Have fun with your hocky pads or hocky pants I can't really tell what they are but fuck off anyway. That is all.

Isn't the biggest challenge the fact that you don't know where the crimes are happening?

Take a walk down your city at night. How often do you run into a crime in progress?

You spelled nachos wrong

Because being Batman requires a lot of money, and rich people wouldn't live where lots of crime takes place. Now if Civil War 2 starts as predicted, then yeah, you'll have lots of opportunities to be Batman.

Maybe he lives in Detroit or Chicago.

>Jae Lee

My nigga

In which case he'd be shot trying to do anything. Remember those videos of those street niggas running over and shooting clowns? I'd be just like that.

I would wear gear

They shoot you, you fall over, they run up and shoot you again.

You're fucked, m8

I wouldn't fall. And I'd fight back.
But I guess you make a strong case for carrying as a last resort

>Remember those videos of those street niggas running over and shooting clowns?
No. No I don't.

youtube.com/watch?v=JZquy-Q5DiY

Even if a bullet gets stopped by your clothes it will feel like you got hit by a truck you'll probably break a rib. And the police can be faster than you think. I think your best route would be to investigate cases the police have given up on then sometimes there's at least reward money involved and you'd actually be able to help people instead of cause trouble and get killed

>implying OP is smart enough to solve crimes

OP seems like a massive turbo autist, its amazing that some people are so out of touch with reality that they dont realise people around them think theyre a joke

I would tell you to kill yourself OP but it seems that is already your plan

He should just go patrol the mountains and look for dead bodies

Pretty much this

How would we know the guys you're beating up are criminals? Cops are accountable for their actions. What's stopping you from beating up literally anyone and just dropping a baggy of weed on their crippled unconscious bodies?

man OP is having a good old laugh at you I bet

History channel also did a documentary and it was very pathetic. One of the guys who I remember looked like he got lost from a Pride parade and he helped old ladies cross the street

>Seriously attempt

You would be dead within the week you fucking moron. No matter how much martial arts you learn or how physically fit you are you cannot go out every night and fight multiple groups of hardened criminals hand to hand.Batman can only do this because he's the top 1% of physical perfection, a super genius and the richest man in the world with access to bleeding edge technology

Anybody who says they like Batman because he's the "most realistic" is an idiot

Faggots fucking deserved it

To commandeer your post, OP will also get arrested for vigilantism as well as the many crimes he also committed (assault, stalking, attempted murder, B&E, etc) and be thrown in prison with none of his "super bullet proof gear" with a bunch of hardened gang members who will rape his boipucci every night for years

Wouldn't be as perfect as a written movie. Things don't line up perfectly in real life like they do in the movie. Someone who wants you really dead would just kill you instead of monologuing and playing cat-and-mouth. The police would track you easily if they felt the need to. etc...

he legit beat the fuck out of somebody on the street. Dude is the real deal. He's been training in MMA for years and has several professional fights.

That's at least the bare minimum of what you would need.

Because to be a competent superhero you'd need a hell of commitment (many years in training and mastering martial arts, body building, etc.) and have affluent income to afford such a lifestyle. Even then, I doubt you could your hands on the military-grade equipment necessary.

So unless you're the heir to a private military company like Nolan Wayne, it's not happening.

batman is literally the equivalent to a Jon Jones or prime Anderson Silva. He would beat peoples asses. But the reality of the situation is, a group of guys can corner you and fucking kill you. Even if you're Jon Jones.

Cat and Mouse user. Cat and Mouse

fake and gay

You could do it. Just stick to beating up junkies and shit in crappy low socio-economic areas so you wouldn't get reported to the cops.