Survival Guide: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

SURVIVAL GUIDE: Rio de Janeiro, Olympics n’ Tourists edition.

Be for the Olympics, for tourism, for sadomasoquism, for whichever reason, if you come to Rio de Janeiro, read this out. I’ve decided to write the true face about Rio de Janeiro. I’m not gonna speak about the touristic points, nor restaurants, nightclubs, football or shit. The proposal here is to present people with the true face of the city, the rest you can just read in some travel guide. What you’ll read here you’ll hardly find anywhere else – written by a true Brazilian living in Rio.

Rio is a city that transmits a false security feeling to the tourists. These tanned people showing their “value” makes it look like it’s everything alright, that on the “good” areas you’re alright. Illusion. Opposite to the rest of the cities, the danger here isn’t only in the ghettos (favelas, as you know) or in distant areas. IT’S EVERYWHERE. Yes, there are areas where it’s more dangerous than others; in fact, where it is certain. If you turn your vehicle on the wrong place, you’ll be gunned down, no further explanations. But there’s nowhere in the city that your safety is granted. NOWHERE. Keep that in mind, always.

Let’s speak about your arrival. If you arrive by Santos Dumont Airport (closer to the “cool, decent” areas of the city), better. However, don’t take a taxi there in any hypothesis. By the way, don’t take taxis in Rio de Janeiro. Call an UBER, but set the meeting point at the departure area, because if he heads to get you down the arrival sector of the airport, taxi drivers will most likely harass you and the Uber. No “stay-able” areas for a tourist take more than a 30 minute ride from Santos Dumont.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=c0ztLtpuwkM
imgur.com/a/5Cf4R
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

If your only option is the “Galeão” (known as International Airport Antonio Carlos Jobim), don’t even think in taking a common taxi. You either call an Uber, or hire an airport taxi (these have a fixed value, so the taxi driver won’t take you for a longer ride just to profit on you). The way from Galeão to anywhere in Rio is extremly dangerous. Every week there’s somebody victim of gunshot, but obviously, there’s only news coverage when the victim is somebody famous.

That is because the entire way is surrounded by dangerous ghettos (we’ll call it ‘favelas’), really dangerous that shoulda of been removed BEFORE Olympics, but instead, the local administration of the city only set “sidings” to hide them. These favelas are constantly overwatched by heavily armed criminals, “elite shooters” that point their assault rifles to the cars that ride in the way, even though you do not see them. Therefore, whatever thing happens in the way from this airport to your destination, don’t even try to react nor escape, because you’ll die. If it’s not by the guy that approaches and shoves a gun up your face, you will die to the hidden shooter in the favela.

Car renting – I do not recommend. Traffic in Rio is chaotic, people drive in an aggressive way without respecting basic traffic rules, and specially, the GPS can kill you. Waze, or whatever app you use to establish your route do not take in consideration that there are extremely dangerous areas, basically in small “civil wars” in Rio. Not rarely, they indicate the shortest way or traffic-free, without knowing that it IS a dangerous way. I am not making a hype out of all this – In Rio, if you drive in the wrong place, you’re dead. There is no dialogue nor a chance to explain yourself, you will just die.

Let’s speak about Rio’s districts. I can say that Rio divides in Southern Zone, Northern Zone and Eastern Zone. In the Southern Zone, we have the ‘pseudo-intellectuals’, snobbish and left-winged rich asses. In the Nothern Zone, we have the funniest people, yet, the place is terribly dangerous. In the Eastern Zone, we have the worse of both worlds: Snobbish assholes and danger altogether.

The best is to say in the Southern Zone, as if you can not handle the “local roguery”, you’ll have difficult to keep yourself safe in the Nothern or Eastern Zone. It’s simple: Search for the Cristo Redentor (the statue, Christ, the Redemeer) – if he’s facing towards you, with his open arms towards your district, you’re ok. If not, you’re doing it wrong. The districts I recommend for tourists: Copacabana (ONLY by the beach), Ipanema, Leblon, Lagoa, Jardim Botânico, Gávea e Urca.

In the Southern Zone districts, try to keep as close as you can to the sea, because as closer to the sea, the better the infrastructure and the quality of your stay. No matter what district you are, ALL of them have a favela somewhere. ALL. And there’s no “pacified” favelas in Rio de Janeiro, that’s a myth. They are just as powder kegs, ready to explode at any time. I do not recommend walking out after 20h ANYWHERE, and even if you’re by car or taxi, be fast and stay alert when you’re in the street.

Do not take public transportation, as depending on the day and the hour it can be just fine, but it can be terrible in varied aspects, from violence n’ crime to hygiene and harassment. Take an UBER – it’s safe, comfortable and many times even cheaper. Keep an eye at all times in your belongings, your backpack or whatever you take along, keep it close to your body. If you go out by night NEVER lay your drinks out of your sight. It must stay at all times by your hand – people put “things” in others’ drinks even in the fanciest nightclubs.

If you go to the beach, do it like the locals: No money, no cellphone, nothing of value with you – LEAVE even your wedding rings. And use a LOT of sun block lotions, Rio’s right below the Ozone hole, that means 30 minutes exposed to the sun can cause sunburns. Be very careful with the sea also, besides the fact that it’s so dirty that in some places it might cause you serious health problems and send you to an hospital, the sea in Rio is dangerous and not trustful to rest. If I ain’t wrong, it’s one of the biggest indicators of drowning in Brazil.

Speaking about the hospitals… Do not waste your time going to a public hospital if you need medical care. Tourists and visitors can not even measure the chaotic level of the public health in Rio de Janeiro. You’ll be abandoned in a corner waiting to an appointment and if it’s something critical, trust me, you’ll die and nobody cares. In fact, that abandonment question also happens in particular hospitals, just for the fact the waiting time is a little lower. The only case where it’s worth it to go to a public hospital is if you’re victim of a gunshot wound. In this case, head to the Miguel Couto Hospital – reference in this kind of medical care, as they’re used already to recieve such cases.

As you walk by public places, keep in mind that you’re in an urban jungle. Cars won’t stop for you to cross the street. Basically, it’s the opposite: Some of them will even accelerate like Carmaggedon just to see you run. Try to cross the streets only by the traffic lights and ALWAYS, ALWAYS wait for a great miseducation in every sector. When a local is educated, he’s likely trying to steal you. The locals (‘cariocas’) work in two ways only: They’re either inconvenient or miseducated.

If you’re a woman, let’s have a little chat. Last year, every two hours a woman would be raped in Rio de Janeiro. And with that, what I’d like to tell you isn’t only about avoiding dark areas at night or walk alone – also, there are great chances that if you’ve made out with a local and got in his car with him, that he’ll think he’s in right to have sex with you, and even if you tell him not, he’ll interpretate that as mere “charm” and continue anyway. So, you’re not at your home, you’re in Rio. Take extra caution.

EVERYTHING in Rio is expensive. If you came here thinking you’d do good with a short ammount of cash, “adventure style”, don’t do it, you’ll go starving. There is no way you can simply “wait and see happens” in Rio, as besides being expensive as fuck, you’re in the land where people find it OK to fool others. Come with a decent ammount of cash, or don’t come. Store your cash in these small travel pockets, ones that stay concealed in the clothing. Also, your important documents must be also concealed.

Post this on /reddit olympics or some shit, I doubt it will have any use for anyone here

Let’s speak about Rio’s police. If you’re used to read Brazilian news’ coverage, you know very well what Rio’s police is capable of. If you’re not, I’ll make a short resume for you: They are sadist psychopaths, licensed to kill. Do not fight, harass or piss off a police officer in Rio, be it whatever the way he treated you, as in the best hypothesis, you’ll be tortured. Give your cash, your belongings, as they’re always in search for goods. Give the best to them, and forget justice notions, as it was your choice to travel to a no man’s land.

Even if you travel with full comfort and have enough resources, you need to know something about Rio: there’s too many people here. That means that ALL places are full in peak times (rush hours): nightclubs, restaurants, beaches, train, transportation at all. If you want to avoid tumults, inform yourself about the rush hours and avoid the most visited things in these things

By the way, sadly, i have to inform you that independently if the places are full or empty, services in Rio are horrible, even in the most expensive places. The locals (cariocas) simply do not know how to be educated. Do not expect much.

Also, do not program your schedule expecting punctuality, excellence or respect in higher standards. Keep your expectations low and everything will be easier. Ah, yeah, it’s absolutely shit when it rains in Rio de Janeiro, as the last point that remains for tourists – the shoppings – are expensives and you just can’t walk due to overcrowds.

With this guide, i do not want to disencourage anyone to come. It’s possible that, even though everything that I’ve mentioned, there may still be people wanting to come. Yeah, you may come, but come with the correct mindset.

why the fuck would anyone with a brain go to brazil

i doubt anyone from this board is going

How about people just don't go? That's the best way to survive the Rio Olympics.

What a sad situation for a country that used to be an empire... BTW is it true that Brazil has the highest rate of toxoplasmosis in the world?

I have a friend who lives in Sao Paulo. I was planning to visit soon, is that city fucked up as well? i didnt hear anything good about it

>not surviving a happening
booooring

Says a guy from Poland, lol, i visited your country last year and you now what? It was fine, alright 3,5/5

Wise choice.

Then only chads and whores will die, awesome.

Jesus! Whats worst? Mexico or Brazil?

Thanks for ruining the screenshot you fucking faggot

>mfw

It's safer than Rio, you are going to be alright if you take the proper precautions (like walking around flashing jewelry and acting like a tourist).

>It’s simple: Search for the Cristo Redentor (the statue, Christ, the Redemeer) – if he’s facing towards you, with his open arms towards your district, you’re ok. If not, you’re doing it wrong.
This is pretty poetic.

Thanks for the read, OP.
I doubt i'll ever visit Brazil or SA in general, but I enjoy reading these survival guides from locals.

So with that said, have a bump

This. I'd imagine quite a few drug lords used this or something similar along the lines before he tortured/killed his victims.

Its gonna be like modern warfare 2 Favela except in real life

Shame, from the photographs (from the air) Rio looks like one of the most beautiful cities on earth

Also how do you type such perfect english? Are you an expat?

What about zika and other health risks?

After reading that guide, i'd say that brazil is way more dangerous

God fucking damn. MW2 and Max Payne 3 had it fucking right.

There better be military police by the thousands or serious Max Payne 3 GOD DAMMIT shit is gonna go down.

How to survive the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro?
Simple! See them on TV from your home.

>and ALWAYS, ALWAYS wait for a great miseducation in every sector. When a local is educated, he’s likely trying to steal you. The locals (‘cariocas’) work in two ways only: They’re either inconvenient or miseducated

I don't think you know what the word "mis-educated" means.
In English, it means someone who didn't go to school = *uneducated.

Clearly something is lost in translation here (google translate?).
What are you trying to say here?

Shitty behavior I believe, like some peasants in middle age would act

also, aids

Probably rude, that's what it means in Spanish. Expect everyone to be rude and if they ar evening polite then be careful be cause it could be b8

>ar evening
Are being
Shitty autocorrect

Also can somewhat confirm this is true, a friend went to Rio and actually saw an RPG being fired at some drug lord's house, plus a lot of other really chaotic shit.
He had tons of fun tho

basically they dont give a shit about you (no cordiality) and will try to exploit you if possible

Is this a Rio thing or are many Brazilians like that?

This is Hell de Janeiro, pivete.

Also it shames me to say that what this guy posted is accurate.

I need to graduate soon and get the fuck outta here.

How many tourists died during the world cup?

Britfag who recently visited Rio here

I agree with most of what OP says. The tip about visiting the beach with nothing on you is particularly good advice. Leave everything at home and only bring sun cream. And if you aren't a strong swimmer stay out of the water - serious waves

We experienced the "drivers speed up as you cross the road to run you down" first hand.

I think we were pretty lucky because we didn't experience any direct crime during our two week stay. I travelled on the metro between Copacabana and Leblon without any trouble, and we regularly used standard taxi cabs.

My advice is travel light (no valuables), stay alert/smart and good luck

It is beautiful in many ways and the women are hot as fuck, but it also a very dirty and chaotic city so not a pure kind of beauty.

There's only one favela that doesn't have drug lords, it's called Tavares Bastos in Catete and the only reason is that the BOPE HQ is located there.

I'm getting the impression that Rio is a colossal shithole, but other cities in Brazil can actually be decent; or rather, the same precautions you'd take in a city like, say, New Orleans, would see you having a slightly paranoid but enjoyable experience. Is this correct?

youtube.com/watch?v=c0ztLtpuwkM

post on /trv/ and watch as cuck after cuck defends it and says "nah dude it was chill, i got by just on 10k of daddy's money"

Interesting read, thanks Brazilbro

>tfw you will never burn down the favelas and watch the monkeys scatter

I still don't understand what he meant.
He was talking about people crossing the street and then he said "wait for a great miseducation"???
Wtf does that mean?
Are there bands of dropouts crossing the street so I should look both ways? kek.
And the he says "The locals (‘cariocas’) work in two ways only: They’re either inconvenient or miseducated"
How tf is someone inconvenient?
I'm really curious as to what he meant, since I speak 5 different languages and I know that sometimes different languages use words that don't directly translate and can mean different things.

Why not do it and see what happens?
YOLO

>implying i need survival guides

>t. Alberto Barbosa
I know enough about Brazil from watching City of God and Elite Squad.

Beautiful and quiet, Rio de Janeiro.
youtube.com/watch?v=c0ztLtpuwkM

Fuck you, asshole! Don't tell me what areas to avoid. Tell men not to rape.

>And the he says "The locals (‘cariocas’) work in two ways only: They’re either inconvenient or miseducated"
I have no idea what this one means.

For the miseducated part, I believe he meant to not expect courteous or polite behavior.

locals will fake politeness to rob you

He tried to translate "Mal educação" (bad education) that means being rude and impolite

So is only Rio de Jabeiro like this or is this everywhere in Brazil? Is there a safe and calm city in Brazil?

Sao Paulo is, for sure, safer than Rio. There's just one difference, in Sao Paulo the media vehicles spread the situation.

>tell men not to rape
Jesus Christ

Má educação, fixing for you.

Yes, theres a lot. Rio lives a civil war.

>mfw it's the shittly translated version being posted

Nice work 55shit.

animals

All the criminals look like they do in Max Payne 3.

Whats the worst city in Brazil i saw list of dangerous cities in Brazil and there was quite a few worse than Rio but they were cities ive not really heard of and have any Brazilians here been to a favela ive always been interested in Brazil since Max Payne 3 and City of God plus ive not seen it but heard its good Tropa de Elite or something its an interesting country.

I was thinking the same thing.

Oh, abrigado.
Eu fala um pouco de portugues and want to learn more, so knowing that word and its meaning will help me out a lot.

What are some nice cities in Brazil?

You still have a tv, Stavros?

>Modern Warfare 2: Rio Simulator

hopefully some rich guy dies so our government burns down every favela

curitiba in the state of parana

Just see.

The south where Germans settled is the whitest: Santa Catarina, Parana and Rio Grande do Sul. Cities like Joinville and Porte Allegre.

Keep in mind the northeast is the blackest.
As you can see in the videos, at least 75% of the violence is niggers.
That means Bahia and cities like Salvador and Fortaleza.

Sticks and stones break bones, but words don't do jack shit in situations like that.

I do hope you were only pretend shitposting, otherwise I wish you a nice culturally enriched visit to Rio.

Good thread.

Dead bitch, everyone.

...

I already saw the video earlier today.

Why isn't anyone grabbing the little fuckers and punching the shit out of them? Do the thieves have backup with guns nearby (I would assume so - thieves like this rarely work alone)?

Filthy gaijin-burger in Japan speaking here.

Brazil bro, I feel sorry for your country and the (few?) good people in it.

I watched the video of the criminals harassing pedestrians during the Olympics, and damn, that's shameful. You even got the bastard kids going up to people probably speaking their shit grade favela-Portuguese and acting they own the damn place after they have the balls to try and steal from all of those people. There was only the guy who pulled a gun out, the fat guy who tried to fight back (albeit unsuccessfully), and that old guy who grabbed a kid's shirt and probably said something the little shit wouldn't even have been able to begin to comprehend. It's extreme poverty's fault, but damn.

If you have a brain, get out of there A.S.A.P.

Bullshit.

Read crime statistics, OP.

All murders only come through statistically concentrated murder districts.

An example is the Rio East zone which is more dangerous than Syria.

Stop trying to convince the foreigners do not come. We spent billions on these Olympics and we'll lose everything if nobody comes. If they get mugged it is their own fucking fault for taking out their expensive chinese hardware in front of poor brazilians.

I have myself a Samsumg that was stolen from some dumbass tourist. Crackheads will sell them for a couple hundred bucks.

Wanna go to Brazil? Ignore this fear-mongering guide. Just avoid crowded places like city centers, tourist sights, beaches, popular markets, busses, traffic jams in the East / North zones of Rio, nightclubs, local parties, bank lines and also the exit of crowded sport events (thiefs use the traffic jams to mug the locals at gunpoint).

Just use common sense and you'll be fine. Welcome to Brazil!

>Why isn't anyone grabbing the little fuckers and punching the shit out of them?
Sometimes people beat the shit out of them until the police show up. These niglets don't rob around their favela cause drug dealers normally kill them if they do it.

> Do the thieves have backup with guns nearby (I would assume so - thieves like this rarely work alone)?
Most of the time.

>posted from my stolen computer as i get ready to go kidnap some gringos

White people don't appreciate that nonwhites never developed what we and some East Asians take for granted in a functioning society. If more whites knew this, the immigration debate would end overnight.

Yeah, that would probably explain why the punks are so confident. That or because there was a lack of security there.

The kid who was grabbed might be an example of just a poor mutt trying to see if he can get something and sell it.

Are you fucking retarded?
Why do I tell you this?
Because pulsions are what they are: pulsions.

b-but reddit told us there are nice places to see in Rio ...imgur.com/a/5Cf4R

Eu tô pouco me fudendo / I don't give a fuck if my computer, cellphone or whore have been stolen from anyone.

I work hard for my shit unlike you NEETs. I am 100% in my right to buy the most I can with the little money I have.

Fat tourists will cry for a day for their lost 400 USD hardware and then buy a new better model as soon as they arrive in the USA.

Brazilians are poor and need it much more than them.

>just avoid any place you will go to/have to go through

Cool, thanks.

Hahahahahahaha!

You just named almost everything that would attract a tourist to Brazil.

Fucking hell, I hope this is bait.

if you meet a local girl in a bar...BEWARE ". Lots of Traps and ladyboys. Very good at making them to look as females,Check for "hidden" package between the legs, before taking. A girl to your place

Half of these places are no-go zones, desu.

If you go there, watch yourself.

Nobody feels guilty for dumbass tourists.

> Sometimes people beat the shit out of them until the police show up.

And they probably don't learn their lesson.

I wonder which level of melanin is behind this post

he means that if they are educated they will be a nuisance to you and will try to harm you or steal from you (hence inconvenient) and that the ones with bad manners are the ones who dont wish you any harm

>great miseducation
ill-educated

Brazilians are even more cucked than le weed man. They LET this happen.

>theyre all black

Now write a guide for Rio sex tourism.

way to welcome tourists in your country, senpai

everyone will be falling head over hills to visit such safe and hospitable place

This, Rio is a colosal shithole, but the rest of the country is not that bad, especially th southern part.