Cinema floor is sticky

>cinema floor is sticky

>Cinema floor is full of cucumbers

It's just from all the spilled peppermint patties, I can assure you.

>a cinema stall clam is missing
>I already had a massive diarrhea shit
>left my spare at home on the dresser

cinema floor is absorbed by the transdimensional dark matter

DELT THIS WHAT THE FUXK

That's what happens when someone doesn't flip the switch after using the cineplex reality converter.

>tfw royal guard catches you before you can scatter caltrops in the ball pit

Im never going bak

>the deep echoing sounds of the popcorn mines are so loud i can't hear the kino

In the shadow universe kinoplex, there are no falcons, no anvils, no inspections, no daycares for the dogwalking cinema fan. Even crablegs have no place there. It is a simple affair of walking in, ordering popcorn, candy of your choosing, pretzels, or perhaps nachos. You go to the theater you're assigned without incident, sit down, watch the film, get up, and leave. Some call it Hell. Me? I call it heaven.

>no spare moneys to tip the ticket taker
>escorted out of the theatre
>manage to buy some snocaps on my way out

>>the deep echoing sounds of the popcorn mines are so loud i can't hear the kino

>the film is interupted by an elaborate shadow puppet show

Kek

and from the unfinished soda and crab butter that I smear and throw everywhere when movies end.

>sit down in kinoplex
>hear crunch
>ive sat on the cinema falcon's eggs
>police take me away
>charged with murder
>executed

>not being able to finish your crab butter

Beta cuck

I buy extra so I have enough left at the end to make a big mess.

>arrive at cinema
>say my metal falcon cage isn't allowed inside incase I'm hiding snacks in it
>mfw I didn't get to see the designated shooter's halftime show

>paying for it

>not just standing at the counter, refusing to take the box or to pay, staring straight ahead and repeating "Extra, please" while the line grows larger and more impatient behind you until the manager comes over and unlocks the crab butter safe and then takes a photo of you for identification by security and you say "Thanks a whole lot" and refuse to tip since they didn't help you carry all the food to your seat anyway cause you're at a second rate theater since you're rapidly running out of local theaters that don't know who you are

Pleb cuck

alpha

>not hovering through the floor with cinema hoverboard

I take my own solid butter in and melt it down in the theater sauna sometimes.

It's even worse when someone brings their broken lawn mower and tries to start it up at the beginning of kino.

it's not the same man

>someone convinces the kino projectionist to play the film at 1.5x

disrespectful. when I get a seat in the long grass I use a scythe to minimise the noise.

>drop soap at cinema shower
>it's a communal shower
>it's a ghetto theater

>The butter is all over my hands as I prepare to use my anvil
>Cinema slave is late to bringing me my towel
>Decide to just continue on, I'll have the manager whip him after the flik
>As i'm hammering away, the hammer slips out of my hand
>slams into the back of some girl's head who was busy texting
>Guards rush in, afraid I'll be sent to the mines
>instead they throw a net over her date and begin beating him for violating the no singles policy

That usually happens if you don't give the projectionist a firm handshake for a job well done once the movie is over. You do go shake his hand, right?

that man is a legend

>ate when the popcorn light was still red
>banned from only nearby theater forever

>went to nearby kinoplex
>"i..i..i want to watch a movie pls"
>"ok here's your ticket! It's $6.50"
>only have $6.00
>"s..s..sorry i don't have enuf"

>plebs surrounding me eating popcorn
>not a single person in the cinema is eating popped corn except for me

scary how uncultured people are nowadays

What the fuck am I looking at?

>walking to the store to purchase Suicide Squad in 4K
>walk pass cineplex
>notice Lego Batman starts in 15mins
>decide I got nothing else to do, wanna see it, and have the spare cash
>proceed through the front door
>alarm goes off and the kino sniper takes a pot shot at the ground near my feet
>I'm told over the speaker to stand still with arms over my head
>the security guards roll in and surround me, aiming their assault rifles at me
>the cinewarden walks through the guards and up to me asking me if I'm by myself
>I tell them I just want to see Lego Batman
>I feel the butt end of a rifle to the back of my head and I hit the ground in pain
>I'm demanded to only respond with direct answers, so I agree and confirm I'm there alone
>they mention the no singles policy and a bag is yanked over my head and I'm dragged somewhere I can't see

I'm in cineprison as I type, and I'm only allowed internet time 15mins everyday until I go to cinecourt for my felony.
I hope Inger out soon.
If not, I might have to serve another 20 years.

>go to the cinema with date
>my date is Scarlett Johansson and she leads me into the ooze

>cinema floor is warm and fuzzy
>can hear a faint sighing sound every time I touch it
>I'm the only one in the theater

It's how they build cinemas, shape the protoplasmic ooze with an electrical charge and then release different stem cells (carpeting, seats, falconry etc.) in different areas to grow the interior as needed

>Movie in december
>perfect time to sneak food into the cinema
>I rip out some of the stuffing from my winter jacket and sew Buncha Crunch, Popcorn , Twizzlers inside of it as well as a few bottles of soda
>Get my ticket, walking up to the ticket checker
>Sweating, this is it, I hope my plan works out
>Right on time the designated shooter I bribed starts firing off in the lobby , the ticket checker runs off to figure out why the shooter is off schedule
>Now is my chance , I make it for the door to the theatre
>all of a sudden another ticket checker walks around the corner and takes the post
>N-nani?! This wasn't in my plan
>I hand over my ticket , my jacket rustling with food
>My eyes meet the ticket-checkers "Sir I need to pat you down"
>I raise my hands as he feels over me, his hands clenching my stash
>"Sir you need to come with me"
>Shit, I make a break for it running for the threatre door , before I feel his flashlight wand impact the back of my knee sending me tumbling forward
>The minimum wage employee wraps his arm around me trying to put me in a choke hold
>I whistle as my falcon swoops down and scoops out his eyes , my last resort
>I kick him off me as more guards come running at me flashlight wands in hand
>I run right at them as I leap over their heads doing some sick parkour as I make my way to the emergency exit, sirens blaring as I see the blast doors starting to go down, the entire cinema is on lockdown
>I pull out a packet of candy and throw it at the push in handle as the door opens, the shutter almost at the bottom , I slide under it and make it outside just as my falcon swoops under with me as the steel door closes down

What a pain in the ass, Im not going to an AMC cinema again

godspeed, cine user. one day they we will rule over them.

>chads peed in the popcorn trough

>go to local tiny independent artsy cinema last night that's located in what used to be a train station
>retarded woman they let volunteer there starts rustling garbage bags and folding fliers in the front right corner of the room during a screening of the Oscar nominated short films
>during a scene that takes place on a train in one of the films, a real freight train roars by and shakes the whole building and drowns out all the audio for 3 full minutes
>elderly lesbian next to me bursts out in the loudest, cackling laughter every time something even slightly humerous happens and I eventually start dreading funny moments

Pretty fun actually

Usually the guy with the mop will come into the stalls between customers, you should complain

fuckin SICK

reading this thread makes me think i'm having a stroke