Woke up an hour ago

>woke up an hour ago
>already gone through an entire can of coffee
>feels like my heart is exploding but I'm already brewing a second can

riveting

I once sort of felt like that after brewing myself an entire teapot worth of tea

literally a drug addict

...

>Not chugging half a liter of WATER straight after waking up

Fucking casuals need substances to perform.

>woke up at 5 am
>already on my 2nd pint

recon ill be finishing this 4 pack before 10 am

>be me
>visit ny
>go to a swedish cafeteria
>ask for a black coffee
>they give me a massive one
>get a tachycardia
>go for a run asap
>best run of my life

no wonder scandies love to work when you ingest those massive amounts of caffeine

How WEAK do you have to be to fall for the caffeine meme?

>wake up with the alarm clock, my head pulsing from the shock of it
>turn on the lights, my eyes painfully blinded
>drag my body to the kitchen, muscles refusing to cooperate
>start the coffee machine, and then hear the beep that its ready, the minute in between lost to me
>as the hot brew falls into the undersized cup, my stomach ulcer reminds me of itself, the smell enough to wake it
>lift the cup to my lips, the life giving juice entering my mouth and throat
>and then i feel it
>i really feel it
>I AM FUCKING FEELING IT
>run to the bathroom
>unload my bowels in an explosion of filth
>lose as much weight as a month of dieting in 2 minutes
>my ass is made of agony
>need 4 meters of toilet paper to clean up my crack
>get up, a new man, rid of the poison inside me, and go about my day
>dont even finish the cup

aaahhh coffee

this
just end yourself op

I WENT TO TAKE A SHIT AND THE SHITSPLOSION WAS SO POWERFUL THAT MY HEMORRHOIDS BURSTED AND I PASSED OUT

what is the exact ingredient in coffee that makes you shit so much

I use a kilogram bag of coffee for every 1 liter can

I meant in general but ok isn't that too much

I don't know why coffee upsets my bowels so much, but I can shit like 3 times a day if I drink a lot of coffee

same thing happens to me and a lot of other people, I just want to know why coffee is a natural laxative without having to google it lol

>woke up in the morning
>stepped outside
>took a deep breath
>got real high
>screamed from the top of my lungs
>WHATS GOING ON?!

Were you feeling a little peculiar?

>gets coffee from a can

I just wanted to get it all out, what was in my head senpai