Go to theater alone

>go to theater alone
>struggle through pre-screening shower but make it out ok
>sit down
>forget words to national anthem
>no friend to remind me
>get kicked out

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You idiot, if you had brought your bald eagle you wouldn't have had to sing the national anthem.

>not tipping the ushers beforehand to prevent getting kicked out

spot the european

>go to theater alone

stopped reading right there. nobody does this.

>want to see Logan
>have no friends
>spend all weekend hyping myself to go
>see this thread

Days of mental preparation ruined.

i really enjoy these threads

Do Americans really to this?

of course, euromeme

what are you retarded?

>go to theater alone
>singles-seeking tactical smart missiles blow me apart

god fucking dammit

You don't bring your pet bald eagle to the theater with you? What kind of animal hating savage are you?

Nom its actually India that forces their populace to recite the anthem before Kinos, look it up nerds its true

>tfw local kinoma has a tax for singles who try to register their falcons as their escort

Jfmsu bros

>tfw pre-film party is at the theater lake
>forgot to bring my bathing suit and my crab net
>wearing my trenchcoat for extra warmth and to hide my snacks

FUCK, WHAT DO I DO

just go nude! If you're voted life of the party during the ceremonial pre-preview human sacrifice I guarantee you a free small popcorn voucher.

on military bases you have to stand for the national anthem before every movie

Alright, thanks for the advice. Better hide my clothes so the cinema racoons don't steal my grub

>not tipping the theater owner

well you lose your rights in the military so it makes sense.

>trenchcoat

Found the disgnated chooter

it's called patriotism

something the Islamic Republic of Europe would never understand

How did you get past the no singles policy?

How do you forget the words to the national anthem? You have to sing it everyday in school.

Could be worse, here in Spain we have to beat single handedly a bull in a faggy dress while humming our anathem because it doesn't have lyrics

>tfw I fail the pre-entry virginity screening at my local kinoplex

I'm banned from my local cinema ;_;

Just shove something in your ass and say you're gay

>really want to watch "Logan"
>decide to risk it and go to the cinema alone
>buy tickets for two people (hehe)
>forget is hunter killer Tuesday
>uh oh
>cinema launches sentient hunter killer tanks that target any loner in the stands
>panic
>go through the trenches to avoid laser beams blasters
>pieces of people flying above me getting disintegrated by the blasters
>finally manage to encounter a companion-seller
>give him 10 dinars and all the rat meat I posses
>he gives me a malnourished androgynous looking creature
>meh this will do the trick
>Just as I received xir, the HK locks me on its sights and scans me
>"98% loner"
>phew I passed
>finally watch the movie
>it was a solid 7/10

It's a two part written and oral exam. You have to describe in detail what having sex and making love is like. They only make you take it if they suspect you are a virgin. It has a 99.957% accuracy rate. They also won't refund your tickets if you fail and the police escort you off the premises.

Reminds me of Cracker Day desu

Wow, that's harsh. Mine just has a machine that scans your penis. I usually fap 10 minutes before to trick the sensors. Any earlier and you're unable to fool it.

>tfw the promised free small popcorn
>check the literature and it actually a mini pop-popper-popcorn ''packlet''

Y-yeah, I fap 10 times a day too ... f-for the machine test thingy of course, what else

dude, just go. nobody gives a shit if you see a movie alone.

>tfw cute penis inspection grill gets a whiff of your cheesy balls (that you have stashed in your faux leather trenchcoat) and vomits

youtube.com/watch?v=kdZTZRr4IFk

The symbolism of this is astounding, even in the ending

Check'd

"Do you even know what sex is?"

youtube.com/watch?v=An8HwwRjqTA

>go to kinematronne
>one ticket for moonlight please
>forgot the wheat tax
>have to wait in the slow line like all the other gluten free plebs
>miss everything but the end of the film
>only catch two black guys kissing
>get a boner
>LGBT police notice
>I get thrown out
Not my worst experience but...

>tfw this thread just implemented a no singles policy. Dubs or greater only.


Check 'em

>go to the kinoplex
>buy ticket and a 500 mg kinodol™ to enhance my cinemá experience
>sit in and consume the pill while the trailers start
>movie starts
>waiting for the pill to take effect
>nothing happens
>become overly conscious of my surroundings
>can see the local guards firing at random spectators with rifles while the cinema crows eat rat popcorns dropped on the floor
>smells like death and the movie isn't so great either, realize it's a YIFY rip
>have panic attacks for the next 2 hours
>movie ends and guards pick up the dead bodies to feed the animals that run the film rolls
>sit up to stretch and see the pill on the seat
>look at it speechless for some minutes
>release an awkward chuckle and walk off


I always push twice ever since

>tfw you forget your kino-cucumber and have to use your roll-on deodorant can.

im a grill btw

>go to theater alone
Bullshit, how did you get past the security check point and team trust fall exercise at the perimeter fence

you guys are trolling... right?

>he doesnt know

>He's never been to an American cinema
>He's never had his cinema perform a credit check on him without his consent
>He's never had his cinema perform a rectal exam to make sure he wasn't bringing food
>He's never had a cinema guard shackle him before the ads begin
>He's never had the cinema's usher give him a shout out during the film's intermission
>He's never eaten some comfy unpopped popcorn

i heard it never used to be this way

>sitting in the theater watching kino
>suddenly the screen goes black and the lights turn on as the police arrive with singles-sniffing dogs
>theater cheers as I'm led away in handcuffs

Are theaters in the UK really like this?

>All these singlefags trying to get ino my kinoplex
Bro, just be yourself and you'll get a girl.

Post movie theater menus. This is at my local one.

>watching movie alone
>movie intermission begins
>required in my theater for every couple to meet and shake hands and exchange names during intermission
>solo people in the theater are mocked
>as it begins I hide down under the chairs, typical
>male with his gf to my right passing by spots the corner of my trenchcoat just barely
>he grabs and yanks it
>I arise red face tearing up
>all couples stop chatting and point and laugh until I'm escorted out of the theater

>take 4 hour flight to cinema island
>finally arrive
>notice sign by the airport
>no movies on weekdays
>get arrested
>about to be executed in 5 hours

post yfw getting past the no singles policy

>didnt buy AdPass ticket
>Hell or High Water stops IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BANK SHOOTOUT to show an ad for life insurance and the Glowforge printer

>no crab legs

Where is this, Ethiopia?

>nothing more expensive than $5

Do you live in the 90's?

>about to watch Logan
>some fucker with glowsticks starts spraying his seat with bug spray
>turns radio on
>gets kicked out

>Forget to buy tickets in chili section
>had to sit in ramen noodle seats with norms
>forgot my straw and had to rent one