Computer, build me a better computer

computer, build me a better computer

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sexual organs in 3... 2...

Seriously this is how it should have been done
Let computer design computers

>"Computer, make picard a female centaur and give me a horse cock"
Star Trek was a brave show

Computer generate the central intelligence operative Bill Wilson from The Dark Knight Rises

>Top 10 animal betrayals

Computer, create a futanari female version of Data, please.

computer generate me a gf

Computer, create a new meme. Make it funny this time.

combuber mage nakid women nd gib me hte succ :DDDD

>Computer, generate an exact replica of Margot Robbie

>Generate an exact replica of myself, only change being an 18 inch penis

>Have them engage in two minute vaginal intercourse sessions with thirty second cooldown intervals in between each session.

>Each time the replica of me ejaculates inside her, have her gain ten pounds, primarily in the breast, ass, and stomach regions.

>Repeat this until otherwise commanded.

The crew finds me in the chamber two weeks later, starved to death with penis rubbed down to a nub

Thats how the.matrix starts nigga

Computer, love me love me, say that you love me.
Computer, fool me fool me, go on and fool me.
Computer, love me love me, pretend that you love me.
Computer, leave me leave me just say that you need me.
Computer, I can't care 'bout anything but you

>Computer generate Bee Movie but each time they say 'bee' Bee Movie is played in its entirety

Computer, run the Tayne protocol.

computer says no

Some things even a holodeck isn't able to create

Computer, generate an exact replica of everything, including me saying this

>computer, teleport all male crew members directly into the warp core, excluding myself
>computer, teleport Counselor Troi onto a secured massage table in the prone position
>insert a feeding tube into Counselor Troi that delivers 450% of the daily fiber requirements of a betazoid female, comprised of dried fruit and baked beans
>after three days of feeding, replicate a ventilation system that is attached directly to her rectum that feeds the gaseous content directly into my own olfactory sensory glands
>remove all of my clothing and broadcast this holodeck video feed to all system monitors for the remaining female crew members to view
>engage the magnetic locks on the holodeck and disengage all safety protocols

Computer, generate 147 billion fully self aware copies of Hitler, each of them with a half-size (but otherwise completely identical) Hitler on a leash

...

...

Are you sure?

>Computer, generate a copy of my paternal grandfather, circa 1997. Alter his physiology so that he never started smoking as a teenager.

>Generate a copy of his home, also circa 1998.

>Generate the river we used to fish off of adjacent to the house.

>Have him believe I am myself, age 8.

>Alter my memories so that I have no recollection of having to watch him deteriorate and die a slow death from lung disease at age 12.

>Seal the room.

>Unable to comply

...

>Computer, generate a universe where I'm not a 27 year old kissless virgin
>Unable to comply with your request ... virgin

...

>off of

Terrible grammar. You should say "off the adjacent".

...

Best ship, coming through.

Move over Galaxy, there's a fresh ship in town.

>computer make someone who would be sad if I died

>Computer, generate 8 foot tall futanari copies of 2017 Bryce Dallas Howard and Eva Green
>Reprogram to have a severe maternal instinct, but make them think that having sex with the child is the same as protecting it
>Alter their perception, making me look like their 10 year old son
>Disengage safety protocols and lock the room

>Computer, generate a clever post so I can be part of this holodeck thread
>And disengage safety protocols, I guess

Underrated post

I didn't need these feels.

But that's retarded.

...

Alternatively for me:

>Computer, generate a copy of my maternal grandmother
>Generate a copy of my maternal grandfather wearing a shirt that says "beta fucking faggot who got pushed around by my bitch wife and let her cut off the grandkids"
>Generate a protective force field around me
>Generate 1 hungry anaconda
>Play a looping sound clip of Tidus laughing from Final Fantasy X that progressively gets louder with more echo the closer the snake gets to my grandparents

I hate it. It almost looks like a new type of Romulan ship.

What a shit Trek thread.

>Computer, generate a better Star Trek thread for this user.
>Disengage all safety protocols.

>computer, build me a better computer builder

Can...Can I please come in the room user?

Only if you post the screencap on reddit

>Computer, generate two thousand copies of Jenna Fischer

>Shrink them to one inch in height

>Generate fifty copies of Amy Adams holding a Swiss Army knife

>Shrink them to six inches in height

>Computer, play Rhapsody in Blue on loop until one side wins

>Disengage security protocols

would you rather squee or xD

Lt. Cmdr. Reinsford reporting for duty, sir.

*salutes* *is a single mother*

2000 vs 50 is hardly a fair fight even giving the 50 a real knife instead of a swiss army.

But each of the 50 is six times the size of the 2000

People will pay CBS money to watch this.

Okay you've got me there.

>Bryce Dallas Howard and Eva Green

interesting choise

>Computer, generate a complete duplicate of the room i am sitting in right now
>Computer, add infinite amount of marihuana, blow diverse kinds of spirits, lubricants and anchovies pizza
>Cancel last enquiry
>Add fresh fruit and vegetable, a training bench, a healthy diet plan and some toiletries
>Computer, cancel last enquiry
>Computer show exit

>Computer generate one self aware Negan
>Lock all exits
>Beam Lt. Cmdr. Reinsford to the holodeck
>Increase back lean by 20%
>Disengage safety protocols

>computer, load Battle of Britain
>program loaded
>nevermind, don't feel like playing that anymore
>computer, load battle of the alamo
>program loaded
>nah, don't feel like that one either
>computer, load wolf 359
>program loaded
>nah, end simulation, cancel all requests

Who else /jadedholodecker/ here?

>Computer, generate 6 million nazis
>Now make me invincible and give me superpowers

...

>Computer, play Dethklok on loop
>Computer, generate a self-aware Emma Watson
>Replace each limb with another self-aware Emma Watson connected to the original by their waist and scaled in size to the appropriate length for the limb they're replacing
>Repeat my second set of instructions for each connected Emma Watson
>Computer, generate twelve eight inch tall Mike Tysons
>Give the Mike Tysons Tourette's and a perfect hatred for Emma Watson
>Each time an Emma is knocked out or killed make it disconnect from the other Emma Watsons and resurrect it as a self-sustaining Emma Stone head capable of speech without lungs
>Fill alternating Emma Stone heads with perfect knowledge of all Sup Forums opinions expressed about Peep Show
>Broadcast this on all monitors and channels
>Computer, engage magnetic locks on holoroom
>Disengage safety protocols

Is this the biggest plot twist in kino history?

I still hate myself for knowing about this before I watched. Still great tho.

I am... THE CUTEST... of Borg.

Yes, yes you are Patrick.

No, WE are the cutest of borg!

Why is that a thing?

They save him so easily it was kinda pointless. I guess it was a big thing when it aired since it was season final and they had to wait 6 months to know what happens next.

Because resistance is futile.

Computer, fire a full spread of photon torpedoes at this shitty thread.

>*please state the nature of the medical emergencyning* in the background

When will he get his own show?

How do Tribbles add to perfection?

Underrated kek

Negative, Mr. Worf. There's a decent feels post in this thread we don't want to risk damaging.

This is why I can't enjoy Nightmare on Elm St

>Computer, activate the photonic canon.

Is there anything he can't do?

being loyal to the voyager crew for more than 4 episodes

>it's a barklay gets bullied by everyone episode

I want to hug k'ehleyr

>crew
For what purpose?

"We're not bald. We get our hair instantiated this way."

They only use the holodeck once every two weeks?

Computer, initiate suicide protocol

>computer, recreate the enterprise-D
>goes to the holographic holodeck
>computer, recreate the enterprise-D
>goes to the holographic holodeck inside the holographic holodeck
>computer

>Error: performing this operation could put the ship at risk. Safety protocols restrict such an operation from being executed.

Well, they are pretty resilient.

Currently in S4 in TNG. Why does Worf have such little character development? His character has been the same in S1.

>The crew finds me in the chamber two weeks later, starved to death with penis rubbed down to a nub


Tuvok: "Captain. It appears he's such a beta male he couldn't even engage in sexual activity directly in a holo chamber and had to masturbate while spying on a virtual copy of himself."

I'd imagine they realize something's wrong after a day or two, but after looking at the log and seeing the perimeters of the simulation I think it would become a matter of different crew members looking at each other and saying "I'm not going in there, you go in there." "Fuck you, I'm not going in there."

They just do it for shit and giggles at this point.

lel

>Two weeks of deliberations, meetings in the captains quarters, ethics of sending someone in, debates on if said person will need to be quarantined in the sick bay for psychological damages and for how long, how they will decide who will be said victim, etc.

>hey, 3 of 5
>hey
>heyyyyy
>shut up 8 of 12, leave me alone
>but dude listen
>what if
>eheh
>what if we assimilated tribbles
>you're high on tetryon fuel again, aren't you

nude... Tayne...???

>....Computer disengage safety protocols

Shit, I need a cigarette after that

heh, made me laugh, that holodeck can do anything

>It's a Q episode

youtube.com/watch?v=dV8S_2lwDkQ

>COMPUTER, INITIATE AUTO-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE

Why would a man who clearly lets everyone he knows that he despises children agree to captain a starship that has an elementary school?

all the ships big enough have kids

>Computer, create 200 Alison Brie's
>Give them all the sharpest knives possible
>Make them crave warm cut testicles
>Computer, link holodeck grid to the transporter
>safety protocol off and locked to my personal password.
>beam all Brie's into the actual ship, using material from the ships storage
>start program.

>Computer, generate an isolated meadow in a temperate region of North America during a crisp autumn
>Generate a 5 millimeter tall plastic figurine of Waldo from the Where's Waldo books at a random location within the meadow
>Computer, once I find the figurine cause it to float into the air glowing while a brief but triumphant tune plays, then erase the figurine
>Repeat steps two and three in sequence

on some old hd I have a 2 hour 1080p video of random lcars operations to use as a screen saver / fireplace background