Best ways to sneak food/drinks into a theater?

I have a pair of baggy cargo pants. I have no problem fitting a 3lb bag of swedish fish in without it being noticeable. As well as a 2 liter. It ends up shaken up though and I have to wait a while before opening it. Anyone got any better methods that don't involve smuggling it in your ass?

have your falcon carry it, the cinema guards dont search them

purse

Get a purse and put your stuff in there.

>a 3lb bag of swedish fish
why do you need 3lbs of shitty candy at the theater?

Don't most theaters check purses though?

No?

???
wtf do they?
That never happened to me dude.

Theatrefag here,


We do, but just hide it at the bottom of your gfs purse or in your cargo shorts if you're forever alone

nah they dont even check backpacks, unless maybe in high crime ghetto areas maybe

I usually have a least six bags of chili strapped to my waist or tied to my leg. Also extra chili straws.

I've seen it happen but only in ghetto areas. Usually also have a metal detector.

>Don't most theaters check purses though?
What fucking theater are you going to? Everyone knows no one care about the massive Joker cinema massacre of 2012

I regularly sneak a half pint of absinthe, sugar cubes, a spoon and a lighter into the theater. It all fits in my front left pocket.
The hard part is lighting the sugar without being seen.

I always walk in with a coffee or something and nobody has ever mentioned it out of what must be hundreds of times. I don't think theaters care provided you're not bringing in a bag of Burger King.

just take in a ziploc bag of spaghetti with meatballs

Where can you buy those bags? I used ziplock bags once and it ended up leaking all down my leg. I had to pretend I shit myself so the guards wouldn't kick me out.

haha maybe around the ghetto areas.
The most I sneak in is a soda can tho, so I got it easy.

>"Sir what is that in your pocket?"
>"Uh, m-my phone".
>"It looks a little lumpy, let me see it."
>pull out bag.
>forgot to close it.
>literally spill spaghetti while spilling spaghetti.

I sneak in a few of these and put a straw in the hole.

You double bag it and tape it to your inner thigh. Then during the pat down you let out a yelp so the security guard thinks he hit your balls. Works every time for me.

That's when you remind him he's a fucking theater attendant, not a cop and what little power he has is declining sales because you don't have enough money

I just load up any and all pockets with food, put on a fake European accent and claim diplomatic immunity, waltz right on through.

I just put them in my handbag

Nigga I'm not that desperate to tape a bag of food to my inner thigh, and I have never been to a movie theater that does pat-downs.

I sneak shit in all the time nobody ever checks

thats a guaranteed way to get sent to the cinema jail

Sometimes I go for the combo, one bag for each leg. Really burns them, but beats eating cold cheese and chili

cinema jail isn't real

your no fun

If you're talking about alcohol, just buy drinks beforehand and pound them in parking lot with friends like a normal person. Also 7/10 theaters have bars inside that you can bring inside theater. If you are talking about candy just go to dollar store and buy off brand sour patch kids and twizzlers and put them in your pocket. No one really gives a fuck what you are up to.

They only check you for food if you come in as a single.

Ever since they instituted the designated theater shooter policy that is.

Get in early to set up your anvil

my theater has an on-site raptor center to hold our falcons during the film

>7/10 theaters have bars inside
maybe in your hoity toity privileged world

>off brand candy

It's a metaphor for the low Hollywood standard we're stuck with.

I load my AR 15 with gummy bears, never had a problem.

>Go to theater that also serves food as you watch the movie
>Friend raves over it so we go to see Shin Godzilla
>Only have enough for a ticket
>We have to order
>Friend got personal pizza, buffalo wings, and Philly cheese steak with fries
>I tell the waitress I just want to watch the movie
>She tells me that you HAVE to order or they'll refund my ticket
>Friend just gives me an unconcerned look and shrugs because he needed all that food
>Sit outside for two hours

100% FULL PROOF METHOD FOR FREE POPCORN AND DRINKS AT AMC

>walk to nearest trash can
>pull out large popcorn bag
>put a large tear in the bag so they give you a new bag
>go to concessions stand
>ask for a refill
>when they turn around to fill the popcorn
>grab large drink cup off the counter and put it next to your feet
>walk to another concessions stand and ask for a refill on your drink

I'm in New England, everyone is an alcoholic. Soon we will be like Mississippi and have drive thru liquor stops.

Opps bad pic. My AMC has the cups next to the register. I guess you can use the trash can method for the drink too. Just smash it up and say you dropped it and want a new cup.

Yeah that didn't happen.

>sneak food/drinks into a theater

Is this really a problem?
Just ... carry it in?

You'd think this is a joke but sometimes I'm watching a film and there's a strong smell of chili and the theater doesn't sell chili.

I guess I'm a bit of a "new guy" here, but isn't this immoral? As I've heard it told, theaters don't make very much money on the distribution of films themselves and have to make a profit on the snack bar. Isn't sneaking snacks in basically another form of piracy? If the theaters aren't selling snacks, how can they make a decent profit?

> bringing food into theatre
> another form of piracy

lol wat

Well if you buy their snacks, then you have a situation where you are paying around $20-25 per person to see a new release in the theater. That's pretty expensive for many people especially families.

$20 for a popcorn and pop is immoral

Guys help
I keep trying to sneak my crab legs in but they always catch me, what do?

Buy your coke, when the lights go down empty your hip flask into your coke like a regular alcoholic.

Alternatively wait for your autistic friend to make a scene in the ticket line. While everyone is looking just walk through with your food and beverages.

>charge $10+ dollars for a bag of popcorn
>charge $5 for a drink.
>sell them together for $12-$13 dollars and call it a deal.

Ya nah they can go fuck themselves with that kinda pricing.

Stuff them in your socks and put the rest on your thigh holster.

Isn't that part of the experience? I mean, if you can't afford to leave a 20% tip you shouldn't be eating at a restaurant, am I wrong? It's the same thing as budgeting for an amusement park or going to a fair. When in Rome, guys...

But the butter and oil starts leaking everywhere and they notice immediately. At first they think its lube but then they smell the butter.

part of the experience is dumping my food everywhere in the aisle as i walk out but not before i shart a chocolate colored treat on my seat for those assholes to clean up.

Keep the melted butter in tubes and wear a bandolier of them. If anyone asks just tell them you're the designated theater shooter and it's your first day.

Snacks aren't just 20% above the ticket price, they 50-100% or more. There is not societal expectation to buy snacks in the theater. Sneaking snacks in is a different story, but it is considered normal to go pay for a movie ticket and not buy food at the theater.

I did this but now everyone's laughing at me because they think that I brought the crab claws to be a Theater Slasher and not a shooter, it really hurts my feelings.

Seriously, don't be autistic, just buy a fucking backpack and chuck a jacket ontop of the food if you have to

You need to use a trucker's hitch for your butter bags if you're relying on a belt for support, otherwise a double fisherman's knot should suffice for suspension in the holster.

Oh ok, that makes sense. If this doesnt work should I magnetize the butter and crab legs to keep attached to my skin and make them blend in?

a backpack is the first place theater nazis will look.

put it all down your pants, front and back, they wont ask why your groin and butt are bulging, it would be too rude and they could get fired, if they ask just say 'how dare you call me fat" and stomp off to the movie.

In Australia atleast in my state no one gives a fuck.

You really think the the 16yo kid gives a fucking? he doesnt get paid more or less and he sure as fuck doesn't want to do more work.

Half the time they don't even have a guy checking tickets.

You could walk a keg in and they wouldn't care, it doesn't effect them.

The same thing applies to checkouts, why would the 16yo care if you are trying to steal shit? cunts always tried to act so sneaky when i worked at a hardware store like i gave a fuck about that extra $6 bad of cement in their car

Australia is full of criminals so it is expected, even probably considered rude if you don't steal a little something in some places

When he wants to see it. Blind him with hot spaghetti. Then fake him out while he's blinded with sauce like you ran the opposite direction of the theater you're supposed to be in. Or just theather hop and take a bunch of wees.

I'm in the US, I like your style guys but this place is a shithole, we do this because we need to. Its not fun, its what we need to do to watch a movie for less than like $30 including sneaking the food in like they're weapons at the airport.

What kind of theaters do you go to where they search your belongings?

Every modern theater has audience-facing cameras, they don't need to search you to know if you're illegally snacking.

Brother! i like to pinch one off in capeshits right before they play the outro clip. Then i wait around to see the poor custodian kid flip his shit when he has to clean it up.

How is it I always see people getting searched and rarely ever get away with bringing anything in but I always manage to sit by some niggers unwrapping some fucking meal with loud ass tinfoil. Jesus

theyre too scared to search the black people because they might cause a scene

you really can't do 90 minutes without a 2 liter drink?

just get something small and put it in your jackets inner pockets

>90 minutes
most movies are 2 hours long, thats a long time without food or soda most reasonable people would agree

there are so many newfags in this thread taking shit seriously

in your shoes

Yes, but what if I'm not a flaming homosexual?

All I will say is this op, DO NOT try to lie to the theatre golem when he asks his kino riddle at the entrance to the theatre. If he senses anything being off about you at all you are in for a beating the kind of which you have NEVER experienced.

Most theaters today are located in shopping malls. They don't search your Macy's / Forever XXI / whateverthefuck bags.

Here is London, giddy of London.

The best way is to go is going with nothing. Then wait for the designated theater shooter and then go around and steal all the other peoples food and drink.

*note only works in America

>decide to actually try out the "crab legs meme" in a theater
>get a friend to go with me
>go to the back exit so I can open the door and get the bucket from him
>wait till movie starts
>as the opening credits roll, I crack the first leg
>audible "What the FUCK was that?"
>remain silent
>Woman yells at man "Watch your mouth, my child is here!"
>Man stands up demanding the lady shut up so he can find the asshole making all the noise
>woman tells him to shut up and sit down
>man tells woman to fuck off
>they continue fighting for the next 5 minutes
>manager comes into theater
>movie is now paused
>tells guy he needs to calm down or he will be escorted out of the theater
>"No way, fuck you, I paid good money to watch this, I'm not going to let some fucker interrupt"
>literally just sitting all the way in the back watching this unfold with a bucket of unbroken crab legs, still holding the first one I just broke 10 minutes ago
>escalates quickly
>guy shoves the manager
>manager gets two patrons to show him the door
>rest of the theatre is dead silent as he's dragged yelling and throwing a fit
>movie continues as usual
>slowly put crab legs down and slide them under my chair

Wew, looks like the memes were too spicey for him.

>my turn to play the giant piano from BIG to advance to the next scene
>the sneaky mouse has unvelcroed my shoes
>trip over during the second chorus
>land with a hard DUN DUN
>head of the theatre lacrosse team yells out "LAW AND ORDER MUCH HOMO?"
>everyone laughs and the theatre queen gives me a thumbs down
>have to sit in the dunce corner for the rest of the kino presentation

>Kino riddle

>me and buddy decide to go see movie in the middle of the afternoon
>movie was decently packed
>2 old black women in sunday dresses and fuck huge pocket books come in and sit down beside us
>both whip out a bucket of KFC each from them fuck huge pocket books
>ask us and some others around us if we want some
>MFW eating delicious KFC in the middle of the theater because black people do in fact love their fried chicken

I do regret not sticking around to see the guys that had to come clean up the aftermath, chickenbones and kfc buckets everywhere

if you're closeted, put the candy in your ass

Curious, what happens if they find your food?

Do they take it away?
Can they legally do that?

genius

but I like my chili chunky

Most theatres have their Swashbuckler come out and give you two options:

Either turn over your goods + your wallet and your girl, or walk the kinoplank.

And you DO NOT want to walk his plank and go into the pit of unlawful film patricians. I don't know what happens in there but one time I saw someone opt out with the theatre's complementary single's noose just to avoid that fate.

One time the Swashbuckler even fucked my mom right in front of me because she was the only woman I had with me to pay his toll.

Fucking Cinema Swashbucklers, they are dirty, heartless fucks.

Literally no one cares here and not just the kids, but the men and the women too.

Cut off your fingers and glue the crab legs where they used to be. The guard will just think you have weird fingers.

What is wrong with American culture?

>Be Australian
>Bring in bags of McDonald's
>Theatre staff don't give two fucks, even if heaps of people do this

bitch we are like 1 big false flag terrorist attack away from forced strip searches at mcdonalds and mandatory mcclothes wear.

>tfw there are theaters out there where you have to sneak your food and drinks
>tfw my closest theatre doesn't check your shit at all and I've even seen some cases when people left in the middle of the movie to buy some snacks at the nearby eatery

One time my drunk ass thought it would be a good idea to go see a movie. Had been daydrinking. So i bought a 3 pack of beer, and brought it in under my overcoat, which was bend over my forearm. That was easy.

You're welcome for that delicious McFatso food.

I have hidden pockets in my trenchcoat. Can easily fit ~6 big macs in there.

Yeah, the last few times I've been to the theatre I've just walked through without showing my ticket. No one seems to care.

Hell, you could probably get away with not paying for your ticket because it's unattended so much.

Dad is that you?

I stack cooked crabs on top of each other with a live one on the bottom and on the top, then dress them in a long coat so it looks like one really tall crab. this satisfies the rule that you can bring pets in. they never dare to check such a tall crab as it walks in.

also, if I run out of crab legs during the movie I can slaughter the two live ones and steam their legs using the trouser press in the laundry room.

Subtle but warm kekky lel

>he doesnt bring in a 1.25L coke bottle with half the coke poured out and the fill the rest with rum
How else are you supposed to watch kinos?