IS THIS WHAT MEME MAGIC FEELS LIKE?
It's not the mass, strength or speed of a bear so much as it is the goddamned claws.
cant believe /ourguy/ betrayed us like this and doesn't back the Gorilla.
Holy shit first time seeing this man's show. Is he always funny and /ourguy/ like in this video ?
Joe's podcast is hilarious
fuck off joe
I heard this the other day when it was live. I only listened for 10 minutes. Somehow, whenever I jump in on a live podcast, I magically tune in when he's talking about the dumbest shit. I guess I'm lucky.
Damn this guy talking with Joe is somehow dumber than Joe himself. Nice combination 2bh like a sidekick
there isn't an animal on earth that could handle a Grizzly or polar bear in a fight.
Stfu a hippo would murder a Grizzly allday
maybe a hippo, rhino, or elephant
I like the man vs. wolf argument youtube.com
Who'd win between a rhino, elephant and a hippo?
>hippo
>rhino
>elephant
>nile croc
This. They completely forgot about the claws.
An orca would make quick and easy work of a grizzly or any other kind of bear.
I'm leaning towards Hippo.
I'm thinking rhinos because of the obvious pointy reason.
There was a thread a few days back where a few anons were literally convinced those claws are no big deal to the point that they could take a bear on unarmed.
How big of an elephant? Pre-Endangered?
I mean I really want to believe a 400 pound fucking gorilla could take care of business but honestly one swipe of that bear's claws and it's guts everywhere game over.
Fucking lmao. Darwin's law right there.
Out of all of these, a hippo perhaps. Elephants are huge pussies and bears are too agile for rhinos. And orcas wouldn't be able to breathe. And crocs would need multiple bites which they wouldnt have time to do with the bear tearing it apart
Nigga if the Hippo get the Grizzly in his mouth is game over. That hoe can turn a silverback's back into pieces
Arian Foster seems cool
if you cant beat a wolf in an unarmed fight as a man, you are a disgrace to the human race.
He's chill, but he's the sort of normie that triggers a lot of autists on here because he has popular knowledge entry level interest in a lot of topics.
How many women listen to Joe you reckon?
Is it exclusively a /guy/ thing?
Nigga i bet my fucking ass & my soul you couldn't beat a regular sized wolf my man. First of all you wouldn't be able to recognize his movements cause wolves are crazy and unpredictable. Second if he gets a bite on you u done bro. Third u probably a manlet
Maybe dykes.
hippos are in fact the most powerful animal.
but grizzly vs silverback, i tend to favor the grizzly, but, a smart silverback could still win due to superior dexterity/intelligence. it's strong enough to break the bears arms or legs with its hands. the problem with the silverback is that it doesn't have any high-lethality attacks. its teeth are fairly dull and short, it doesn't bite well. it doesn't have claws like the grizzly, which can do intense and mortal damage. however, the gorilla could easily out-maneuver the bear and strangle it - if it was clever enough.
Post more Joe kino you fucks
...
This one is extra WEEDLMAO
It could grab a bear in a choke-hold and poke its eyes out with its thumbs. Then just maul it.
A Gorilla would fuck a grizzly, he's wildin.
The muscle density on a scrawny little monkey makes them able to rip us apart, Gorillas are unreal.
yeah but he would need to be smart as fuck to realize that. Like he would need to be like those rare smart animals
Humans have been wrecking wolves forever. There's no chance a wolf can win one on one.
There are those autistic tier gorillas who can play with those kids toys and arrange the shapes in right holes. Maybe a violent variant with experience could pull something off.
>Humans have been wrecking wolves forever.
Yeah, actual hunter gatherer humans using knives and pikes. Put your average nu-male against one and he'd get fucked.
a lot of people think they can take a wolf 1 on 1, unarmed. 99% of them are wrong. It's really funny to read their argument on how they'd do it though.
How do you people watch 2 1/2-3 hours of Joe Rogan every day? I like his podcast, but they're all way too long to listen to in one sitting.
Your average nu-male would get fucked by a declawed house cat.
>watch
I rarely finish any podcast. I just listen until I'm bored or fall asleep. Sometimes I'll go back if it was an interesting person, but I just listen as much or as little as I want.
>orcas wouldn't be able to breathe.
You cannot possibly be this retarded.
real question though, how the FUCK do get constricted by a python/boa? They move slow af.
But if you were getting constricted, how would you stop it?
...
I've been wondering for years if a prime-of-his-life Fedor Emilianenko armed with sword and shield could defeat an average sized bear in a cage fight.
True but your average male is a nu-male.
if you have a sword and shield how is it even possible to lose that fight?
an adult grey wolf can weigh 160 pounds. timber wolves weigh 110 or so. most people don't have the guts, resolve, or violence in them to beat it in a fight.
but, it is possible.
my family used to have two brazilian mastiffs. one weighed 200 and the other weighed 220. they hated each other and once in a while they'd fight. my hands are covered in scars from breaking up the fights.
now, these are dogs that you can hit in the head with a steel pipe as hard as you can, and it won't even faze them.
i've learned the art of dog-wrestling. i mean, i already went state champions and came within a cunt hairs of national wrestling in high school. but, the point is, dogs have stiff legs. you grab the leg of a dog or wolf, and you can control it.
i believe i could fight a grey wolf 1v1 and survive. i am NOT finished if it bites an arm or leg; no matter where it grabs, i can grapple it, break it's legs, put it in a running grapevine (thread it's legs with mine while chokeholding it's neck) and once i am A behind the wolf and B have a point of leverage, i've won. i might get torn up a bit, the wound (i expect to either beat the wolf on the lunge by anticipating and shooting under it's initial leap, OR grapple the wolf when it grabs a limb) would not be mortal unless it got infected or something which is out of scope here.
the first lunge is going to be the most important factor. it's going to go for your neck and face. if you can prevent it from getting your neck/face, and if you have the balls to exert cruelty and violence on it even while being painfully bit, and if you can grab a wolf limb and torque it, you should be able to wrestle the thing into a stranglehold. at which point you could blind it with your fingers or choke it to death.
Definitely. Fuck you wouldn't even need a shield.
yes, he COULD do that, the question is if he's smart enough to do it.
If I could pull my knife out I would try stabbing it or cutting it in half. If my arms are restricted I would just try my best to bite it.
orcas live in oceans
you're supposed to let it swallow you up to your knees then stick your knife in it's mouth and rip it out
>i've learned the art of dog-wrestling
You better be baiting me, you dirty fuck.
>i've learned the art of dog-wrestling. i mean, i already went state champions and came within a cunt hairs of national wrestling in high school. but, the point is, dogs have stiff legs. you grab the leg of a dog or wolf, and you can control it.
ricky_gervais_laughing.mp3
It's all about the claws
You have more experience than most people, that is for sure. Sounds like you have the relatively rare skills to actually attempt it, but I still think you are slightly underestimating a wolf's bite. You might win and walk away, but you are going to have more than superficial wounds. If it grabs your arm it's gonna look like ground meat by the time you're through.
Why did Joe not fuck with this guy when he gets called out for "bullying" and he goes in on Steven "widdle guy" Crowder?
Holy shit you right. If the Grizzly matchup was one of those autistic but violent variants, he is already dead. Like what if there was the rarest silverback of all time, like the smartest one of all time. Then a team of doctors and shit like that and top tier professional box masters and some animal psychologist and shit like that trained the silverback since his child days to be a fucking murder machine. Man he would like destroy every animal on earth besides the hippo maybe ? but he is intelligent as fuck so he could win. Just imagine like a almost human like smart huge ripped silverback with MMA training. Shit's scary bro
THE WEED HAS BEEN LIT
>i've learned the art of dog-wrestling.
holy fucking shit bro he could rip The Rock's arm in a single attack, maybe even Shaq's arm.
holy fuck, those claws are almost 4 inches.
yeah, i'm not looking forward to being attacked by a wolf. basically zero chance i'm walking away from that and not needing emergency medical care, unless i guess i happen to tangle with a cuck beta wolf that's not very smart or fast.
One slap and you're rinced holy fuck
This is an underrated thread
realistically you're never going to fight 'one wolf'. you'll be fighting a highly trained team of wolf navy SEALS who have years of experience in ripping things to shred as a team.
Here's my reasoning why he might not be able to do it -
A slash with the sword is not going to stop the bear. Even a perfectly aimed sword slash isn't going to kill a bear instantly or stop his charge. So your only option to end the fight fast is stabs. And you would have to fend off at least two giant paws and a huge head with your shield while you are getting stabs in.
Now the bear isn't guaranteed to come at you from a normal angle. Or an angle that lets you get good stabs in. So you might have two paws ripping at your shield arm before you can even get one good stab in. And all of this is gonna happen in less than what, 6-7 seconds?
Yeah I don't know if even a trained warrior could do that ten out of ten times.
Because weed. And Joe has sexual relations with his "hunting" buddies, so there's that intimate connection. No one wants to deal with a spurned lover.
>even a woman can beat a wolf
A gorilla is already so scary that I don't even know if higher intelligence and MMA training would make one scarier.
has anyone attempted to teach silverback gorillas martial arts, or was it deemed too dangerous? we ought not fly too close to the sun.
but from the bears perspective a gorilla isn't quite as scary.
but people have fought bears with knives and won.
any striking martial arts is pointless. Gorillas basically know grappling and understand leverage and what not. Trying to teach a gorilla anything else will get you crushed.
did the redneck weed it up? I've only watched the couple clips
Hmmm, this actually made me rethink it a little bit. Like, that was obviously not a full attack, that was more like slight aggression, but still looked manageable enough. Then again, she is literally a trained professional...
Bros it could be even scarier. Just imagine for some reason you end up face to face with the trained silverback that i mentioned earlier. Then , u already is shitting your pants cause he is looking at you with like psychopatic eyes, cause remember he is the smartest silverback of all time so he can play mind games too. Then when your hope and expectations of coming off alive are already gone, he stands up in his two legs and squares up like a giant Wanderlei Silva. Holy fuck guys
please tell me ur just rememeing Burrs Planet of the Apes joke...
Le Charles did in the Edge. Just how humans did it for centuries.
Gorillas are herbivores. They don't fight unless they absolutely have to. They're notoriously timid, and have been preyed upon by Jaguars, a fraction of their weight. A bear is an apex predator with hundreds of pounds on it, with massive claws and protruding jaws. Incredible weapons, but the one weapon a Gorilla does have, it's thumbs and the ability to grasp and hold really doesn't mean much. Try grabbing the scruff of a dog and you'll get a fist full of loose skin, the dog can turn around and bite you. bears have just as much loose skin, whereas gorillas skin is thick but it's tight on its body, making piercing and slashing movements of a bears teeth and claws that much more effective.
>Somewhere in Arizona, lost in a forgotten underground vault, there is kept a list of deplorable things never to be explored by mankind. Second on this list, right under Eugenics, is Gorilla Martial Arts.
>i've learned the art of dog-wrestling.
How many Gorillas would it take to take down the sun
A. that wolf was NOT seriously attempting to kill the lady. i've seen a dog attempt murder. that is not what happened in that video. the wolf was basically just trying to kick her ass a bit.
(the wolf would have disengaged and then lunged if it really meant to kill)
B. those soldiers are fucking cucks for not dogpiling the wolf. they probably had knives for fucks sake. the wolf was totally vulnerable to any of those soldiers while fucking around with the lady.
(and imagine if the other wolves had jumped in and the soldiers all had to fight as a squad vs wolfpack. imagine THAT fucking footage. it would be fucking glorious. if the soldiers had knives they'd win, even without them, the wolves wouldn't commit to a fight to the death.
yes, but, do the gorillas have a technical mastery of grappling? i don't think so. they need technique. they need discipline and drilling. also, we really don't know how effect a gorilla punch would be until we've trained them to punch. for all we know a silverback could KO a bear with a right hook.
more research is necessary. there is woefully little funding for this subject in academia.
the technology exists to command a gorilla through brain implants, and they could be made to wear armor or wield swords/axes.
my sides
>the technology exists to command a gorilla through brain implants, and they could be made to wear armor or wield swords/axes.
Imagine if the army bred gorillas for war. Gave them implants that let soldiers control them. The soldier would enter a VR environment, and assume control of the Gorilla avatar, which is equipped with armor and weaponry.
I only mentioned weed because Joe became overly defensive when Crowder said something negative about using it.
A gorillion.
;^P
>watch 2 1/2-3 hours of Joe Rogan every day
Naw, man. Maybe that much during a week. I have it playing while I do other shit.
a gorilla could effectively wield a minigun with a ammo backpack, even while wearing heavy AR500-G plate armor.
thats my fetish ;^)
I would be apoplectic with terror if I came face to face with a silverback gorilla. If then at that moment he stood up on two legs I wouldn't remain conscious.
>from the bears perspective a gorilla isn't quite as scary
nigger you can scare off a bear by putting your hands up and yelling
Anyone else feel the guy was totalling owning Joe in this podcast?
Like its Joe who is the guest? Apex alpha beat down on Joe
>yes, but, do the gorillas have a technical mastery of grappling? i don't think so. they need technique. they need discipline and drilling. also, we really don't know how effect a gorilla punch would be until we've trained them to punch. for all we know a silverback could KO a bear with a right hook.
This right here my man. Just imagine a silverback with the technique and agility of Mike Tyson, in a silverback frame. He would knock the bear out cold. Even with body shots he would TKO the bear.
I would literally froze up bro