Star Wars

I've been thinking. Even with Expanded Universe being non-canon now, canonically there were hundreds of thousand Jedi throughout Star Wars history. I mean, it's a lot of people and races and cultures with access to lightsabers and Force powers. And we know that from time to time Jedi abandoned the Order, like Count Dooku.
Ah, fuck it, I'll just to straight to the actual topic.

How do you think, is it possible that there were a situations when two trained Force users stuck their lightsabers into their assholes like dildos and proceeded to duel like that while also standing in doggystyle position and attacking opponent while moving backwards?

but why? WHY?

I have an illustration of what I mean.

I'm pretty sire the jedi order was maybe 4000 members accross a universe that had billions and billions of inhabitants.

It always seemed pretty small to me

...

This is the outlawed 10th form that was practiced by the Sacred Band of Korriban

ASS2ASS

I want to fug

what about when they need to spin? did they spin on all fours?

Maybe the lightsabers should have stayed out of one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy Jedi and his pals from Tatooine as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make the force unforceful, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Lucas vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; he made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for his toys. The Star Wars series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the OT was good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the trilogy was terrible. As I watched, I noticed that every time a character went into an uncertain situation, the director made them say "I have a bad feeling about this."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Lucas's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that he has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Star Wars by the same J.J. Abrams. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are watching Star Wars at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to watch J.J. Abrams." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you watch "Star Wars" you are, in fact, trained to watch J.J. Abrams.

>How do you think, is it possible that there were a situations when two trained Force users stuck their lightsabers into their assholes like dildos and proceeded to duel like that while also standing in doggystyle position and attacking opponent while moving backwards?

Obviously they spin vertically rather than horizontally

I think they would spin similar to Palpatine, only backwards.

stick to Harry Potter

> into

And which one of seven forms of Lightsaber fighting would be most fitting for this situation?

The lost Form 8: Ars'Fark

Also, if there is a race without arms but with TWO buttholes, they have to choice but duel-wield to compensate for the lack of mobility

Maybe there are more possibilities hidden than we think there are.

What if there's a race where their penis is like a lightsaber? Who would win?

Master Pei Neas, and also master Dikku, and master Balles

I think I understand now how Sheev Palpatine managed to hide his lightsaber.

>Are you threatening me master Jedi?
>*BRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*

I NEED THIS DRAWN
OR ANIMATED

> Darth Maul slays Qui-Gon
> Picks up his lightsaber and puts it in his assholes as a trophy
> later, Obi-Wan force-pulls it out of his asshole, igniting the lightsaber in the process which cuts Maul in half

name 2 animated series, 3 novels, 1 encyclopedia, 5 comics, 7 toys, 2 audio dramas and a jigsaw puzzle where this happens

>Another happy landing

> "Now that's podracing!" - says impressed Anakin after hearing this story

There are channels on Youtube dedicated to Star Wars fanfiction and analysis of events within movies. How long until some of them will consider making an episode on this topic?

>And we know that from time to time Jedi abandoned the Order, like Count Dooku.
Dooku was the 20th Jedi to leave the order. There are busts of him and the other 19 in the Jedi Temple library.

Well, we don't even know if he practiced some advanced fencing forms with Palpatine

20th master, there's no solid numbers on knights and padawans or even younglings who quit

I love watching the Original trilogy with a nice thick pizza pie covered in salty meats and olives.

Sometimes I'll jizz on the 'za and eat it down after watching one of those beautiful boys (luke, lando, lobot, it's all good :D) I'll blow my wad, all over the slice and slurp it down like it's the finest sour cream, made from the purest blue milk on tatooine. I've been jerking my coke can thick dick to luke for over 20 years now.

>knights and padawans or even younglings who quit

Rather expelled, if they tried to do this shit in front of Yoda

The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

Well you got me there

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use his butthole to surprise his opponents in battle and remain victorious… He had such a knowledge of the dark side, he could even teach the ones he cared about to do it. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew about fisting, then his apprentice killed him while they were practicing together. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

Is it possible to learn this power?

Not from a Jedi.

>I have seen a security hologram... of him... anal wielding

You underestimate my anus!

Don't try it
>*PRRRRFTTTTTTTTTTTT*

Thank you for this.

Пoжaлyйcтa, тoвapищ

You were supposed to bring balance to the Force, not put it in asshole!

Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan! I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought lubricant, gape and prostate stimulation to my tight asshole

No, Anakin! The Sith are evil!

So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous braps

Meesa be very very sad

Maybe that's why Obi-Wan didn't tell Luke the truth about his father.

At least we will reveal out butts to the Jedi. At last we will have our revenge.

moar