Ask a mortician anything

Ask a mortician anything

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Inb4 do you fuck the bods

Do you fuck the bodies?

It's an inevitable question but no haha

Do you fuck the bods?

if its a hot girl do you ever grope her tits or examine her pussy or asshole?

Do you masturbate to and cum on the bodies?

Yeah and yeah
I've only ever done it once

>haha
Shure

you fuck em?

Did that WikiHow article help you become a mortician?

How much humectant you go through in a week?

Ever sucked on a dead tiddie?

How many deads you fucked?

Do you examine their assholes extra closely?

ever blown a load on some dead tiddies?

ANSWER THE QUESTIONS YOU RANCID WHORE

Honestly I'm dying at this thread so I might be on your table soon.

Aren't the titters hard bc the fat solidifies?

I grabbed the image as it is a simple representation

Varies depending on the work load

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Yes
Not really
Yes once

You're dying ? Sorry to hear, and no not really

Do you fuck dead animals?

Do you like your job?

Yeah I enjoy

What does horse semen taste like?

How and why did you become a mortician?

boo fuck the bodies OP

My dad is a mortician and it's our family business

Have you ever slept with a prostitute?

Has your dad ever fucked a cadaver?

Does dead cum taste different then live cum?

Do you walk around with a permanent boner and knock weird mortician shit off the benches with your hard dick?

what’s the weirdest thing you’ve found up someone’s asshole?

No

Not that I'm aware of, isn't really dinner time conversation

Ever stick your dick in the humectant?

No because I'm not an idiot

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Weirdest bodies to work on?

ever fuck up really bad and have to replace The corpse in the coffin with a pile of rocks or a dead dog or some shit?

Ever use a dead vagina as a ventriloquist’s dummy to impress a hot waifu mortician assistant?

Jam has pulp and seeds you dumb cunt

Children

No hahaha sounds funny though
No

Have you ever lick the bodies?

Are there any adverse effects one may suffer after prolonged exposure to the chemicals used in your trade?

No, the answer is "you can't jelly your dick up a dead person's ass".

Ever regret it and wish you had chosen a different career?

Do you ever take pics?

Some are classed as carcinogenic I think so

Have you ever sucked your own dick?

No

I did when I first started but havent for a while.

Do you have any pics to share?

Do you like to watch movies about gladiators? Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

*chanting* fuck the bods fuck the bods

Has being a mortician ever gotten you any sweet goth pussy?

I kiss them gently on the forehead and ask their forgiveness for taking out their organs and brain.

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Gladiator is a good film, yeah lots of times

I've slept with a sweet goth girl but not sure it was related to my job

FUCK THE BODS

FUCK THE BODS

nigger dicks?

What would it be physically like to fuck a dead person's vagina

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how many years of uni did you go through and what classes do you take?

Cold and loose

He's quoting from the movie Airplane!.

>room temp is 76-78 degrees
>human body alive is 98
>it would be like sticking your cock in a bag of frozen puree with weird texture like fish
thats my thought process

You ever get a body of someone you knew and cared about?

Correct

Not someone I care about but someone I know yeah

What are the hours of your shift? Hows the pay? Do you get holidays off or are you always in call ?

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Also, it would be "someone you knew"
Past tense.

was it awkward?

I work 6-3 most days but we move shifts around depending on when things happen or we have a busier time, my dad is also working and we have two other guys working with us

Good point

Yeah a little with the family

He's a mortician, not a coroner.

Do corpses ever get stiffys

well i mean all the zombies i watched the morticians embalm the dead and stitch their wounds and apply makeup so i just thought for once in my life hollywood wasnt lying to me

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How’d you get away with it?

You ever seen a dead body?

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Do reckt threads affect u?

Have your feelings on death and traumatic sights changed since becoming a mortician? When did you start working for your dad around bodies? What age were you and have you had jobs before this one? Do you feel you are more indifferent now to traumatic sights and gore and such? Do you ever have nightmares featuring bodies?

Do you have to do much as far as cemeteries go or do you only worry about the going-on’s in your building/mortuary?

What are your views on necrophilia?

Do you get locked out the back when the grieving families come around cos you’re all weird n autistic n shit?

Ever sewn a head back on?

What’s your favourite color person to work on?

you ever played with dead cunny?

Has op gone to fuck a bod?

What's your job ?