ITT: things you've experienced that only happen in the movies

ITT: things you've experienced that only happen in the movies.

>Summer camp.
>Counselors organize a game of hide and seek.
>Everyone decides to hide in the woods.
>While looking for a proper hiding place I spot one of counselors with a yellow mask and bolt to hide behind a big tree.
>Eventually I get tired and decide to head back and give up.
>Counselors tell me I went further into the woods than I was supposed to.
>I was the one kid unaccounted for. Between finding the place and going back I was always for over an hour.
>Point one they were searching around the area.
>None of counselors went there.
>None of them were wearing any masks.
>mfw

I once saw a guy flirt with a girl in a bar by suggestively "fingering" her dimples.

It was the weirdest "sexualizing something trivial" moment I've ever seen.

Saw someone do the Paulie point once

Did it work?

I got Lolita'd

She seemed into it.

>walk to kitchen in middle of the night to get water
>keep it dark so I don't melt my retinas
>about to walk back
>spot cabinet door opening slowly
>nope1080p.mkv

Probably just wind but still, scared the shit out of me.

>ywn be this alpha

>MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
>CRINKLE CRINKLE CRINKLE
>SLURP AHHH SLURP AHHH SLURP AHHH
>EXCUSE-ME THX EXCUSE-ME THX EXCUSE-ME THX
>HAHAH HAHAH HAHAH
>CLAP CLAP CLAP

What's that again?

>playing video games with a friend
>hear a train honking like crazy
>go on the balcony to check what's happening
> as it enters the train station we hear gunshots
>people running away from the station
>smoke leaking out of the roof
>decide to go check it out
>see fire on the tracks
>get closer to the train, see people in costumes
>it's the driver's retirement celebration
>gunshots were actually firecrackers

>walking to club with friends
>kind of a poorer area of the city
>really fast car screeches to a stop smack dab in the middle of the street kind of diagonally
>two guys in really nice suits get out, take out guns
>walk into building
>leave car on with doors open
>we process whats about to happen and GTFO

there are scenes in action movies that didn't even come close to looking that cool

Watch it user

punk
rock

>Brother gets arrested for drug related shit

>Cue montage of our family going through rough patch

>Go to the shopping mall
>"It ain't me" starts playing

I knew this was gonna be an enjoyable thread

Saw a guy dressed like a cat hanging on top of a car once, pretty crazy

>playing PS4 with headphones on so as not to wake my gf sleeping on the couch
>start to hear a noise like heavy footsteps on creaky floors
>quickly take off headphones
>the sound stops
>put headphones back on
>the sound starts again
>take headphones back off
>the sound stops
>"Well, it must be some weird glitch in the game..."
>put headphones back on
>the sound starts again
>unplug headphones from controller
>the sound doesn't stop
>take off headphones
>the sound stops
>put headphones back on
>the sound starts again
>yelp like little girl

>depressed over irl shit
>drive to the local park near a lagoon in the evening for a cigarette
>guy comes over and tries to feel my groin
>"oh i thought you knew"

Gay people are fucking weird

>having dinner at 2am with friends
>suddendly car chase
>gunshots
>police was having dinner with us
>they just stare, eat dinner fast and leave
>turns out it was some narco shit
Spoopy desu

Nice blog, friend.

Fucking Jellicle cats man

>Be at my friends house, she lives in the next city and comes from a working class family, I'm quite middle class
>I'm there with her and her friend, her and her friend are drunk by the time I get there, I got there late because of the travel
>Whatever, 3am they go to sleep, I decide to get blazed out of my mind on the couch, watching something on netflix
>also be bifag
>being both stoned and bored, I open up Grindr and message a guy I already know who lives in the city
>we talk, and then we plan for him to come pick me up
>he gets there, parks out front, and I decide to go out the back door lol because it's quieter and I don't want to wake anyone up
>[remember that I am high as fuck rn]
>open the back door, walk out with some speed
>hear a loud BANG
>turn to my left, a fucking burglar jumps right out of the bikeshed in shock, denting the door in the process
>both of us are startled, within only two or three meters or so of each other, I'm basically tripping balls
>All I can think to do is shout "What the fuck are you doing?"
>He doesn't say anything, he's freaked the fuck out and panicked but doesn't run
>I shout it again
>He shouts back in his chavvy Cardiff accent, "WHAT DA FUCK ARE U GONNA DO?!"
>He squares up at me in some vain attempt to intimidate me
>I'm still very much stoned and I can't believe the situation I'm in
>Actually get bored of it since he's not moving and I'm not attacking a burglar just to defend my friend's dad's shitty bikeshed
>I go back and open the door again towards the kitchen, and he runs away, jumping over the garden wall
>I message the guy that there was just a burglar in the back garden who I'd walked into, he leaves but apparently didn't believe me, thought I was lying to stand him up or something
>I go wake my friend up and she doesn't seem to fazed by the experience I'd just had

I don't know, maybe being relatively sheltered and very very high made it seem much more intense

were you the Lolita?

too long didnt read

tl;dr

>forgot keys to my house
>pick the lock with 2 hairpins

wtf this shit really works

>fall in love with manic pixie dream girl
>break up over stupid shit
>always remember her
Why couldn't it just stay in the movies?

>go to a park in the city that I have be going to all my life
>some guy pulls over, starts asking me what I'm doing here
>I say "just walking around", he says "I want to suck your dick"

I don't know what it is with faggots and parks. Just go to a gay club or something.

same
She's a stupid feminist cunt though but for some reason I think about her way more than my other ex's.
Maybe it's because she was my first gf, I don't know.

It's an ancient tradition that long predates gay bars. Plus bars are for bar shit, pickups are lengthy ordeals involving alcohol just like they are for straight people. Parks are for quick tugs.

When I was in Florida I saw a guy driving a convertible with a mannequin in the passenger seat.

>yfw you were hearing your heartbeat

>go to camp over the summer about a decade ago
>our troop leaders were having sex in the woods during the dusk hours far from the campsite
>being an awkward teen autist I hid and watched them go at it behind a tree
>pissed off homeless looking guy in a flannel comes in and beats them with a wrench
>once the screams and sounds of someone repeatedly bashing a pumpkin faded, I assumed they were dead
>NOPE'd the fuck out of there
>jerked off to the sex when I got back home after police convinced our parents to end our camp program due to dangerous circumstances

Did they died?

>at a shitty house party in an even shittier part of town
>friend is really drunk and gets in an argument with another guy
>they shove each other, my friend punches him in the face
>guy gets furious and runs into house
>me and my other friends get nervous like he's going to get a gun
>friend tries to act tough like he isn't afraid
>suddenly something is raining down on my friend in the dark
>like the guy is pissing on my friend from the second floor window
>my friend freaks out and runs away as we laugh our asses off
>suddenly the smell hits us. it wasn't piss
>it was gasoline

no, but they had to suck off that homeless guy so he would spare their lives

...

Really?

no
They died

>sitting in my room shitposting a decade ago
>hear some kind of sounds from the kitchen
>ignore it for about 5 minutes
>eventually get up to figure out what it is
>it's coming from one of the cabins
>open it up, a glass bowl on top of some plates is vibrating
>confused as fuck as nothing else in the cabin is moving or vibrating
>dad comes home a couple of minutes later
>he sees it, as confused as me
>suddenly stops

I asked a bunch of physics forums back in the day what the fuck this was and nobody could explain it properly. I still don't believe it was supernatural, but I've been wondering how the hell this was possible ever since.

>went to random dance in highschool as a junior
>minding my own business with my only friends
>out of no where some senior was on stage and demanded the dj turn off the music
>"Stacey I love you. This is our last school dance together and I couldn't wait any longer. I love everything about you...will you give me this dance!?!?!?!"
>everyone was silent
>she slowly walked over to him and they started dancing
>they kiss
>someone starts a slow clap
>not even kidding it was like sabrina the teenage witch said it was time

I didn't know who they were but I imagine their relationship was straight out of some teen movie. Laugh every time I think about i.

They can't they'll get shot

I really want to see a made for TV movie about your life now.

>go out drinking once
>get drink spiked
>have no idea wtf is going on
>friends abandon me apparently for getting thrown out
>Homersnightout.mp4
>wake up the next morning beside someone buck naked
>panic intensifies
>think at least she might be alright
>adjust myself in the bed and see them
>its a tranny
>TFW I got dateraped by a tranny
>it woke up and decided to suck me off
>came
>hoped the fuck out of there and got sick out on the street

The Hangover 2 is like a Vietnam flashback to me

I also had to break my way out of its apartments carpack

> Summer camp
> Be 6
> Hear older kids talk about pissing on the floors in the bathroom
> Two weeks later, go to the bathroom
> No one around
> Whip that mother fucker out and piss all over everything
> Someone opens the door during the act and does a 360-and-walk-away.png

just try to immerse yourself in the hypothetical life of a man who regularly saunters down to the local park, greeting other men that he knows well with a quick tug on their dick

how fucking fascinating and disturbing

>visiting this town by the ocean known for having lots of gays
>walking down the street
>as we pass these two queens, one says "sit on my face" and the other says "please!" to my brother

>asshole classmate rips up my paper in front of my face and throws it in the garbage all while smiling at me
>I'm took flabberghasted to be mad initially because it's such a stupid cleche thing to do

>lunch/break room at work
>some faggot starts eating his pbj one pinch at a time
>and I mean that literally he pinches a small piece of the sandwich off and eats it
>doesn't even take it out of the sandwich bag
>get really annoyed at this
>ask him why he does it
>asks me why I care and why it matters
>respond with something autistic like "well society dictates how we eat certain things and I've never seen someone eat a pb&j like that and I was just curious how you decided to start doing it"
>he gets really indignant "oh, look user the sandwich TSAR! Only you can decide how to eat!"
>we bicker back and forth for a few minutes

It felt like I was in an episode of Curb that didn't make the cut

>you didn't turn the car off, take out the key and slash the tires

ONE FUCKING JOB user

Not sure I this counts but I need it to be spelled out when someone is flirting with me, to an insane level
>friend's gf telling me her friend was flirting with me at a party I went to recently
>literally went and chatted to the girls hoping one would seem receptive
>didn't notice that one was despite actively looking for it

I feel like I would fit into Arrested Development or something, where the character's goals are narrated and then at the end they realise they fucked up from pure ignorance or stupidity.

>oh, look user the sandwich TSAR! Only you can decide how to eat!"

I helped my older brother fake his death and join the french foreign legion. The night he left I stood outside watching his cab drive off just starting into nothing wondering "What's next"?

It was such a wierd surreal fucking thing.

Pretty sure that's happened to everyone here. I once managed to not realize a girl was into me even AFTER we'd already had sex. A friend had to tell me years later.

>the Sandwich Tsar

>back in highschool
>fall in love with a girl
>wait for her on a street corner every night for chances of talking with her
>our schedules don't really match since she's in the smart people section
>wait for her anyway (for 1 hour)
>do this for two years
>she ran away when i wanted to confess to her by the end of high school haha

felt like one of those montages from a teen flick with a comedic sound and a pop when the epitome came and the thousand yard stare from the character having a flashback

>like an episode of curb
So then, who was in the wrong?

sounds logical if one wants to qualify for the carpool/HOV lane

Just picturing that scenario with you as larry david makes it even more hysterical. Accurate description of a curb scene.

I thought Larry was the guy eating the sandwich.

>driving home one night
>needed gas
>also a fatass so go inside to get some snacks
>see some lanky guy hitting this woman
>both screaming at the top of their lungs
>paying for my snack cakes and gummy worms I ask the clerk if we should do something about that
>he looks over, sighs and say "naw man. He beats her ass every night she probably smoked with a jon or something. She fights back though don't worry."
>he rings me up and turns to watch the fight
>I stand there with him for a minute or two just watching this woman get punched, slapped and kicked
>she stands up and slaps her pimp across the face and they both saunter off
>"See man? All good" says the clerk

wut

>at a Brewers game early 2000s
>Geoff Jenkins at bat
>hits a screaming line drive behind 3rd base dugout
>ball hits a man standing between two paramedics in the nuts
I will never see a more funny thing that that in my life.

who was in the right?

Larry is usually a just a normal guy acting how someone usually would in awkward situations. Not always of course, but usually.

In this case the sandwhich guy was obviously in the wrong, you/him were just asking him a simple question about his strange eating habits and he sperged out OH LOOK AT YOU EATING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON type shit.

In my teens a girl put my hand down her shirt while we were sharing a bed and I thought she was pranking me so I told her to fuck off and rolled over
Fuck my life.

I helped clear a girls sinuses once. Rubbing my hands all over her face and shit.

Are you me?

I'm was so blind to flirting during high school. I can think of at least 4 girls who flirted with me but I didn't notice and thought no one liked me.

>you could have jumped in the fucking car and stole it

I honestly might have done that.

>"See man? All good."
Holy kek I hope someone steals this for their movie.

>lived a semi normie childhood amd teenage years
>friends were mostly chads and stacies, was particularly good friends with 2 stacies, one was dating a cloee mate
>regress into isolation as an adult
>spontaneous memories of the single one blatantly hitting on me and being on the verge of fucking a few times
>induces suicidal thoughts

life could have been normal. It could have been good.

Is this the famous Clark Wisdom I have been hearing about?

Movies don't have fat people. Replace yourself with a lanklet and this works.

>just chilling in my room
>suddenly some kind of bright light flashes in the room
>a little ball of like energy or electricity or something is dancing around the room kind of bouncing off the floor but hovering really low to the ground
>literally what the fuck is happening
>the shit just disapears after moving around the kitchen
>all of my what

I dont do drugs but my parents never believed me I sometimes think maybe I was just hallucinating but it seemed very real

i saw a low speed car crash right across from me as i was walking home from school, it was loud as FUCK and i peed my pants.

I have told this story so many times but nobody ever believes me.

>Be me 9/10 years old walking through the city mall ahead of parents
>following those trails they lay for blind people, head down, entirely focused on my little autism track
>look up to make sure I'm not about to collide with anyone
>directly next to an ATM being used by a midget
>but he's having some difficulty
>because he's on crutches
>the top of his head barely reaches the screen, eye level with the keypad
>every time he lifts his arms up to hit the buttons one of his crutches slips away so he has to bring his elbows back down quickly as possible
>sort of like flapping in the chicken dance
>if he flaps too vigorously he loses balance due to standing on one leg and would wobble side to side

I stared for maybe 20 seconds and then moved on. No idea how it ended or if he fell over. Easily the most interesting thing I've ever seen in my boring life.

...

Reminds me of something sort of similar

>friend and I playing in the pool one summer
>it starts to rain
>should we go inside? nah adults are just chickens ive never been struck by lightning
>playing gladiators with our noodles
>suddenly a bright flash of light that makes us close our eyes cause it hurts
>huge fucking sound that shakes the ground and makes our ears hurt
>after coming to our senses we look around and the fucking telephone pole no less than 20ft away is on fire
>it starts to sparkle and crack and freak the fuck out
>we take one look at each other and run inside the house

This happened to my parents and their friends when they were in their thirties, except a whole room full of people saw it.

Look up Ball Lightning.

I had a guy grab my dick while I was taking a piss in a pub bathroom.
>mfw I get thrown out for hitting him and he gets to play victim

Got my own similar

>at grandmas place in Florida for vacation.
>in her room on laptop playing Fable
>headphones in, probably some shitty A7X or Manson shit
>chair and laptop is next to big glass door.
>fucking hurricane outside. Trees flying by and shit
>be fighting Balverines or whatever the fuck they were.
>suddenly crazy bright light to my left outside of window.
>next I know insane pop blows the left headphone
>fall out of the chair, I'm either deaf, blind or dead.
>outside of window tree 10 feet from house is split by bullshit hurricane lightning.
>walk out into living room crying, insisting that my ear was bleeding.

They never believed me.

>at a stop light with a friend with our windows rolled down
>street biker rolls up next to us and revs his bike up
>as the light turns green my friend suddenly does this loudest fucking shreik
>im used to it cause he does it at drive throughs
>the guy on the bike though, he flinches from surprise and completely misses his foot on the clutch and him and his bike lose balance and fall over
>oh shit haha we laugh as we drive away
>suddenly 20 seconds later the dude ripping down the street comes up to our car right next to us screaming at us
>i look over and see his teeth, the dudes missing over half of them and the rest are nasty as fuck yellow and blacked
>oh fuck be cool man be cool
>my friend gives him a thumbs up for some fucking reason and is cheering at him
>the dude kind of likes it but then i guess it just pissed him off even more and he PULLS A FUCKING GUN
>full freak out mode i switch lanes but hes right there next to me until im riding on the line in the middle of the fucking street
>slam on the fucking brakes and make a quick left turn into a neighborhood and slam the gas hitting 70 on a residential area
>friend and i park in an alley way and just sit there trying to calm down
>friend turns to me and says "he was nice"

Its not fun being the straight man they were both fucking lunatics.

>on a plane
>guy dressed like an elementary schooler comes up to me
>"you're a big guy"
>baffeled and have no idea how to respond
>"for you" I said
anyway the plane ended up crashing, crazy shit.

>be snooping around campus with 2 friends
>have flashlights, dark clothes, etc
>we climb a ladder
>trying to get on roof
>accidentally break something
"OH SHIT DUDE WHAT DO WE DO"
"WE GOTTA SPLIT UP MANE WE GONNA GET BUSTED"
>book it back home
the next day we literally realized it was the dumbest shit ever, straight out of a sitcom.

Heh God pranked you little shits real good. Bet you run your ass to cover at the slightest hint of lightning now huh

Hey wait a minute

This is a story from /x/

andrew mccarthy plese

>have a crush on a girl
>invite her to a dance at our school
>she says yes
>the big night finally arrives
>she looks absolutely gorgeous
>she hangs out with her friends and I'm too awkward to ask her to dance
>at the end of the night I go to the gymnasium and cry

This happens in movies, right?

why wouldn't people believe that story?

You have wind trapped in your cabinets?

Only if you're Jon Cryer

your friend sounds cool

you know that the counselors only said no one was wearing a mask just to fuck with you, right? they probably knew you went somewhere you weren't supposed to and then tried to scare you into not doing it again.

>driving pizzas age 19
>drop off pie to some lady in apartments at around 11 PM
>she calls the store and asks to speak to the driver
>"I forgot to give you your tip come by after your shift"
>"Don't tell your manager"
>Literally drop phone
>Can't remember if she's hot but figure I'll roll the dice, why not
>Buy condom and breath mints at 7-11
>Get there, she is pretty hot, she was 29
>Awkward sitting on her couch and fumbling
>Sex on her floor
>Beach volleyball is playing on TV while we do it
>Can't remember her name after, she doesn't care

We screwed a few more times after that. Anytime when I tell this story no one believes me, but it's all true.

Probably because I'm a pretty shady guy IRL and am known for hyperbole.

>tfw a fellow user knows the feel of watching Geoff Jenkins at bat

was that a good job for a 19 year old?

t. unemployed 18

I could easily imagine this being a scene in peep show