Started this thread two nights in a row, got a decent number of responses. This is the last time. Just in the off chance anyone recognizes it from yesterday or is just generally curious.
Quick recap.
>Self hating faggot, AMA
>Bit of a break through yesterday, new state of mind.
AMA
Boxers or briefs?
Boxer briefs
What's the question you least want to be asked?
At the risk of this thread becoming that question over and over...
"Send nudes?" or something along those lines. Was a recurring theme in both threads.
That's not a question, that's an imperative. Putting a question mark on it doesn't change that. So what's the question (as in, request for information about your life) you least want to be asked?
Also send nudes.
do you prefer cut or uncut dicks?
Fair enough!
Um... the thing is, I hated myself for my homosexuality and tried my hardest to distance myself from it for a long long time. I'd stop talking to people if they asked me if I was infact gay... I lost a good number of friends like that.
Before yesterday, and today. That would be my answer, "Are you gay?"
Right now I think the question that's been a recurring part of my day from heart to hearts with my friends has been "What are you going to do now?" The truth is, I don't know the answer to that question.
No strong preference. I'm uncut, and aesthetically I do guess I prefer them. My ex was cut though.. I liked his a lot... that combined with my own bias given the appearance of mine, it's hard to say.
You mean you don't know what you're going to do with respect to being gay, or in the bigger picture, like "what am I going to do when I grow up?" Because when it comes to the former, well, you get over it, your sense for normality changes.
why do you enjoy balls on you face
Well I've got my own apartment and a job that pays for it, and food, and internet... a bit left over. Nice stable job. I think I've got my "adult" life figured out as much as possible.
I'm in my mid 20's, if you're curious.
So I'm kind of coming to terms with being gay. I still kind of view it as a mental disorder as well, but I'm tired of purposely living unhappy to try and appear normal. I had a boyfriend who I dumped. I've had friends I've cut from my life for getting "too personal" with their questions. I've treated them wrong... and I'd like to try and get them back. My ex is now dating somebody else, so I understand and respect that the door there is closed and locked. I'd like to date again. I miss having somebody to be there for me, to greet me when I come home, to greet when they come home. I'm tired of cuddling a cold pillow. I miss the sex.... I miss a lot more than I care to admit at the moment.
I feel like my life itself has been on hold for the last couple of years and I don't know how to get everything up and running again.
I'm not very intelligent, if we're being honest. And I'm certainly not good with words. I do hope in this rambling response you understand what i mean.
I'm going to pretend that reads as "why do you enjoy gay sex" and my answer is I don't know. I realized I was gay when I started noticing boys as I hit puberty. I was in denial until I met my first boyfriend. I was in denial again once that ended. I was back out of denial when I met my second boyfriend. And then something in me snapped and I began to think of what i was doing as degrading and dehumanizing. For the last year or two I've been trying to answer your question in an attempt to cure myself. The truth is, I don't know why. I don't understand why I like men and more than I understand why I enjoy vanilla over chocolate.
I can partially understand where you are coming from with the loneliness and from yesterday's thread about the thought of being treated like a sex object. Even though, I myself am an apathetic asshole, I can somehow relate to hating the fact of being a homosexual.
I doubt either of us will understand why we like men. But I can atleast say you aren't the only person that feels the way you do.
Sorry for the half-assed post, it's nearly 3 am and I'm sleep deprived like always.
I was just fuckin around bro.
You seem cool.
I think you're ok the way you are but I understand its still not easy managing things and all that.
I hope you meet a new guy who is right for you and that you can find yourself in a stable situation that makes you happy.
Going against the grain is always tough; it takes a kind of--arrogance, almost--that most people don't have. We both probably know that, while homosexuality is weirdly trendy in its own way, that doesn't amount to anything, because even the "diversity" bullshit is just its own form of saying "this is abnormal" (i.e., because we need special recognition).
I think for me, being gay helped me understand the arbitrariness of the world, and people's weird beliefs that shape it. But that also made me pretty reserved, for a pretty long time--that since I am arrogant enough for it, I never really believed there was anything wrong with me, but it did make me pretty suspicious of the world.
I'm only really saying these things to give you an alternate perspective on things. My life isn't yours. And if you're curious, I'm in my mid 30s.
That's ok, I've been on a very weird sleep schedule myself.
Do you still feel anger at yourself? I really did yesterday and I kind of still do. I got some really good advice and kind of found myself backed into a corner i wasnt able to defend myself out of, so to speak.
My goal right now is to try and be happier. I think we should both make that our goals. Like another user said in yesterdays thread, we do only live once. I'll try and be happy today, so I can understand this side of myself tomorrow. And who knows, maybe neither of us will ever really know...
I do sincerely wish you luck on your journey. If you've been beating yourself up as much as I have, I know you need it.
I so very sincerely thank you for that. And it's ok, this is Sup Forums after all, I know what goes on here.
I feel like if I was normal I'd be happier. But then I wouldn't be me. That's how I'm trying to look at it now. I stole that line from a friend I was speaking with irl earlier, don't tell anybody.
CWFq
Did you fantasize privately about guys or gay stuff before your first bf or did you avoid that because of denial?
Do you think you were "born gay" or do you think it was the result of something in your life?
So you've definitely had more life experience than I have had. Personally I'm a very reserved person, special attention is the last thing I'm looking for. So the overly flamboyant way most gays seemed to live never sit well with me. But I think that's no reason to not be myself. I'm sure there are other gays like me... don't go along with the rainbows and lgbt victimization culture etc. I want to become as well rounded a person as possible. I want people to see me and not think anything weird of me... and then when they find out I'm gay maybe, if they didn't think so before, they'll realize gay can be relatively normal.
qalH
I've always felt anger at myself as being gay has put me into a numerous amount of questionable situations in my life, I'm in my late 20s, and yeah I self-deprecate as well. Been through countless relationships, all ended sour, sadly to say. I have my ways of coping in more recent times, going back to my only childhood hobby, games. I wish you luck back as for your own endeavor through this hellscape. If you're ever back on this site in another thread you'll be able recognize me.
Goodnight, Anons.
-R
pUcb
My situation is a little weird. I didn't realize I'm gay and live in denial. I realized i was gay and embraced it until one night I felt this weird sense of humiliation and degredation at the idea of being used for sex. I left my boyfriend shortly after that night and have been living in denial for about 2 years now.
The last couple years of my life was spent trying to convince people I was straight and trying to figure out the cause of my gayness so I can try and cure it.
In short: I simply don't know.
They say sexual and physical abuse is a cause. They also say it's normal. I was sexually and physically abused as a child. But growing up I never had these mental scars people think of when they think of past trauma's. No ptsd or anything similar. I grew up thinking it was a normal part of life. One I didn't like but still normal. As I got older, after my mom finally left my dad, I realized it wasnt normal... it just never affected me.
I remember my mother, rather anti gay herself (I grew up in a religious Texas family so... yeah.) was the first to tell me i was gay. I had a soft voice and I acted, at times, feminine. But I was still a "kid" you understand? I didn't know about sex. I remember her telling me my father did this to me.
Maybe that's true? Maybe it's a coincidence? I simply don't know.
lfKI
I think a lot of the glittery shit is decently in line with what I'm talking about: if the world tells you "you're abnormal," then rebellion is a fairly sensible response. That is, like the apocryphal preacher's daughter/town bicycle, one can rebel by wearing one's abnormality firmly on one's sleeve. At least when I was coming of age (a hundred years ago) this was probably a healthy response, though with kids nowadays and their victimization culture, it's harder to say.
The hardest part of anything like this, though, is integrating it into your life. That takes time, and perhaps an openness to the uncertainty of your future. As for people around you, if you do get to the point where you can accept your sexuality as "just how the world is," then (in my experience) most people will go along with it.
Goodnight sir, thank you for stopping by and sharing that.
I'm trying to stop my coping mechanisms and live happy, live with purpose. I'm FAR from qualified from giving out advice but today, the first day I was really open about myself in years, is the first day where I felt... happy? Maybe not happy but relieved. Like some horribly burden was off my shoulders. Shoulders still ache but it's this sensation that they're recovering.
Hopefully I'll see you again. Not sure how I'd recognize you... I do frequent Sup Forums.
adYO
For two years I've been in denial and for two years I've had a good circle of friends who kept angering me by telling me to be myself and telling me they don't mind and only want me to feel better.
I've been a depressing burden on their lives, I've lashed out in anger at them. "Go along with it" they certainly have. I have a lot to give back to them. I'm shocked they didn't disregard me by now. A huge part of me wants to hate myself more, for realizing how I've been acting towards them. But another part of me realizes that's the last thing they'd want. They're friends. Real friends.
And yes I completely agree... if it ever comes up I'd like to be able to proudly say "oh, I'm gay actually." You know what i mean? It's a part of my life, not my identity. If it's relevant, I don't want to hide it from anybody. But it's not going to encompass my personality... thats what i hated so much about the lgbt community.
IWMS
The whole "if it's relevant" thing is, well, I guess maybe hard to see from where you are. If you just think about the average straight person, what constitutes a situation where their sexuality is relevant? But the answer is, it's nearly always relevant, because girl/boyfriends and spouses are just that important. I don't mean in terms of "hey check out that girl/guy," but you know, if you're telling nearly any anecdote about your life, someone you're dating or married to is pretty likely to factor in.
But all that aside, yes, of course I know what you mean. As for your friends, if you're honest with them, if you show them your weakness, and they really are your friends, that'll go a long way to earning their forgiveness. You can think of it as training wheels for being able to say "oh I'm gay actually."
Fucking get over yourself
Stop focusing on trying to be a faggot
You canhave a life andbe gay instead of
>being gay is my life, identity and cock is my purpose
You’re being as emo as traps who becomeself aware
jyPB
DUYB
fLyb
Well, I'm focusing on trying to not be ashamed of myself anymore but I get where you're coming from.
I like that, training wheels. Going to try and you know.... take things one step at a time.
And yeah I just meant.. I didn't want that to come off like I'm going to go around like most gay guys and just make it my identity.
>oh I’m gay actually
Well fucking sorry, princess
Try and find a less faggot queen way to say it
CfJq
Well, bonne chance, mon ami, but I'm gonna go to sleep now. Hopefully things work out with your friends.
Goodnight friend
ZfEp
bump
>ex was cut
>liked his a lot
it's funny, it might be because I'm cut but I really honestly prefer uncut and I've sucked both
What type of body do you like your men (swimmer, muscular, feminine, etc.)
FHgV
iYnE