Characters have sex

>characters have sex
>they don't spend the next 45 minutes cleaning up

>Characters have sex
>It lasts more than 30 seconds
>The girl doesn't spend the next half hour watching porn with her vibrator

>characters have sex
>they're all younger than I am
>I never even saw a tit and am a Kissless hugless virgin in late 20s

>characters have sex
>the sheets don't end up covered in blood

Wait, robot here, what even takes 45 cleaning up? I mean the cum on her body? what the fuck?

>characters have sex
>the girl doesn't poo all over the guys dick

>characters have sex
>no laughing

>male character cums inside the woman
>doesn't run to the drug store at 3 am to find some emergency birth control

these happened to me

I hope not both on the same occasion.

>jerk off
>cum so hard it sprays everywhere

Came within a minute last time I had sex. The girl said: that's it? Felt so embarassed

>characters have sex
>no conversations about what to name the child

Enjoy hell, fornicaters

>have sex
>stop to breathe heavily to edge and continue after several minutes

>character wants to jerk off
>doesn't spend several hours searching for just the right stimulus before actually masturbating and finishing in a couple of minutes

Should have punched in the throat, that would have taught her a lesson in thankfulness

>characters have sex
>guy spends 30 minutes eating pussy
>sticks it in and cums in 15 seconds

>not using the several hours to edge
>not cumming so hard you spasm around in your chair while you get orgasms from the orgasm

fucking pleb

>character is about to have sex
>nervous and unable to maintain erection, character doesn't spend 30 minutes tugging his limp weewee in vain as the girl looks on absolutely disgusted
takes me right out of the movie when this doesn't happen desu

this happened when i lost my virginity
wasn't great

>characters have sex
>the woman isn't shoving something into the man's anus

>characters having sex
>guy doesn't have phimosis and have to wear a condom just to get it in and doesn't visit his doctor where his doctor advises him against circumcision and prescribes him a cream to apply twice a day for a month that doesnt do anything

it's like they dont even care for the audience

>character does other things during the film instead of just doing this four times a day every day for the last six years

Talk about jumping the shark, the Hollywood elite don't even know how the common man lives

That's why you need to stretch out your asshole first retard.

story time I guess

>manage to bring home a 6/10 qt3.14 asian grill who I worked with at the time at mcdicks
>foreplay goes well and I manage to not cum because I jacked off earlier before the date
>we start having sex and it goes well for about 20 seconds or so
>spontaneous burning sensation occurs on my pee pee area
>pull out and look down
>see my frenulum torn
>go take a shower to rinse all the blood off and grab a towel to apply pressure to the wound on my privates
>use up an entire tube of neosporn and bandage my dick up
>asian chick left but she found my dildo under my pillow and used it because it was all wet
>didn't take my phone with me while I was getting patched up
>see a tab open for porn that I didn't bring up
>start crying and contemplate suicide
worst day of my life

Being bottom is rough

>characters have sex
>girl actually enjoys guy giving her oral sex

H-heh

must be nice

nice

>character has sex
>guy can cum without using his hands

>my dildo

>Characters have sex
>One character doesnt avoid eye contact, stares off into the wall behind them trying not to think of the person he really wants to to be with
>Doesnt got flacid and/or dry and need to make excuses

noice

That is when you go down on her until she starts shaking out of bed, dummy

>eating pussy

That gross shit should be outlawed

>character has sex

bullshit

virgin status: detected

> characters have sex
> theyre not drunk

pulls me right out of it desu

>characters have sex
>the male doesn't wince from the smell of the vagina

Is hollywood just not trying these days?

>That is when you go down on her until she starts shaking out of bed, dummy
>>>
> Anonymous 04/01/17(Sat)22:44:22 No.81166696
A lotta girls are kinda bored with being eaten out and just want the D, they are wise to this trick

>she found my dildo under my pillow
>my dildo
>my

This is good, the neopet is a nice touch

Sounds like me nigga!

>It's a /r9k/ thread on Sup Forums

you have to go back

>characters have sex
>guy doesn't loose boner while wearing a condom

>girl masturbates
>puts hand inside her clean white panties massaging her pubis and vagina and does soft sexy moans instead of DJing her clit and making grotesque facial expressions

>my dildo

Most women shit during intercourse so you have to always spend about that much time cleaning

>tfw only one person checked my quints

Holy shit sex sounds horrible. I'm glad I'm a virgin

Virgin here, is this true?

subscribing to ifeelmyself right now!

Just cuddle and go again in 30 minutes. You'll last longer. The second fuck is always the best, by the third youre just doing it for boredoms sake

Like Leo in Wolf of Wall Street, just laugh it off. Its really not a big deal

>he doesnt turn the AC down and switch on a fan near the bed to keep the temp too cool to sweat and force her warm body near his
>he doesn't refuse to pull out everytime and ONLY agrees to cumming if its deep inside her vagina or anus
>He doesn't wipe off face with wet wipe then squeeze out post-cum on the used wet wipe and then throw it into the bathroom waste basket
>He doesn't turn on a hot steamy shower and step in to lather up with sented body wash while his GF sits on the toilet pissing loudly and farting as his semen before joining him at the end of the shower to make out a bit
>He doesn't slap her on the ass and say "all yours babe" then clicks his tongue steps out of shower
> He doesn't put on a bathrobe and go into the kitchen for left over pizza and some rum and coke while GF crys in shower for having sex with a fat hairy man

You've got a lot to learn kid.

>giving a shit about gets during the year of our lord and savior

Maybe, but I my experience they will go nuts, when you hit the right spots after a good dicking. There are few better feelings than getting cauliflower ear because her thighs are shaking uncontrollably

>characters have sex
>the man doesn't piss all over the girl in the bathtub

>characters have sex
>guy doesn't repeat Fibonacci sequence in his head trying to last more

>and fart in her face

>>characters have sex

i hate these unreal movies/shows

i said it happened to me, not that it was always like that

my problem right now is that i can't usually cum ad sometimes have problems getting hard

>mfw standards are too high after consuming too much porn and now every girl who isn't 10/10 looks disgusting to me

>characters about to have sex
>the guy doesn't suddenly sperg out and make up some excuse to leave

>characters have sex
>guy doesn't eat her ass
Can they at least try to make this shit believable?

When the vagina loosens up through arousal, so do the muscles in the anus.

I have a thing where when my heart rate or blood pressure or whatever goes up too high my ingrown toenail bleeds, so I bleed everywhere whenever I put benis in bagina

user...

Name THREE movies where this happens that aren't National Lampoon

>be me
>on the edge of cumming, trying to last longer
>for whatever fucking reason, the Seinfeld theme comes to mind
>I am really REALLY concentrating on not cumming
>Say Ba Ba Beep Boop Ba out loud
>She turns her head around and says What the fuck

every anime

Try going without porn for a week and pick up a 6/10, your mind will reset

>pornstars
>being more than 6/10s

I tried man but it just doesn't work.

been watching 10/10s for 20years stuffing their holes and now the average cunts don't arouse me at all.

>characters have sex
>guy doesn't forget to google the female anatomy beforehand
>doesn't realize he has no idea what to do with her pussy at all

See you next week, Liam.

virgin dude here
is there really so much that can go wrong?

i enjoyed this

What is it like to eat ass? Do girls actually enjoy this or is it just a meme?

>when you stick it in the urethra by mistake but just keep rolling so you don't look silly

>characters about to have sex
>guy doesn't leave his shirt on

fairy tale nonsense