What do i do if my parents have a psychic connection to my penis and NEVER leave?

What do i do if my parents have a psychic connection to my penis and NEVER leave?

>parents never leave
>NEVER GO ANYWHERE
>any time i have a girl over
>PARENTS WaLK BY THE DOOR EVERY 18 SECONDS
>SLAM DOOR
>OPEN IT UP SLAM IT AGAIN
>WALK BY AGAIN
>GO IN ROOM
>DROP SHIT LOUDLY
>TRY TO FAP
>PARENTS WALK BY EVERY 3 SECONDS
>OPEN DOOR CLOSE DOOR DROP SHIT SLAM DOOR OPEN IT WALK BY
>every time i dont fap
>nothing no noise dead asleep dead quiet
>fap at 4 in the morning
>spontanously wake up and start moving around
>walk by door
>walk around me
>open and slam doors for hours
>wake up
>try to knock on my door
>try to fap when theyre gone
>magically come home right as i fap
>every time i pull out my dick
>DOOR SLAM OPEN UP WALK BY DOOR SLAM SLAM SHIT SLAM SHIT DOOR SLAM
>put my penis back
>dead silent
>get my penis back out
>DOOR SLAM SLAM SHIT SLAM STOMP AROUND STOMP SLAMP SLAMP DOOR SLAMP

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE

THEY LITERALLY JUST SIT THERE AND SLAM THE DOOR FOR FUCKING HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!! ThEY LITeRALLY JUST OPEN AND CLOSE THE DOOR OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR FUCKING HOURS!!!!!!!!! They just lay in bed and fucking get up and open and close and slam the door and then drop a bunch of heavy as fuck shit. Even if i wait till 3 am to fap. THEY JUST WAKE UP AND DO IT AGAIN

HOW THE FUCK DO I KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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OP here. I'm gay if that changes anything, btw.

Whoa dude talk about paranoia

Little jimmy upset he cant wank it while his dad is walkn by

Try it at 3 am again. When your parents wake up. Ask them what they are doing up because you heard them or something

Gayest bullshit I ever read.
Don’t kill them, kill yourself.

Wank it in the bathroom, they have no reason to bother you in there

wank anyways

They just stand outside the door!!!!!!!!!!

OP, you need to check your room for cameras. What you are experiencing seems beyond coincidence. Your parents are perpetually and professionally cockblocking you.

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There’s no way they don’t have money or care about anything and they do it in the middle of the night sleeping too

Unless they sub consciously feel the floor vibrate just very very slightly

>Boo hoo my pee pee

What options are you currently exploring? How about while you shower? Or fap when you're at a friends house? Fap in public restrooms?(just clean up after yourself)

It doesn’t matter man

Just go to a friends house (assuming you have any) and wank there.

I have none. My parents were kind enough to trap me out in the middle of nowhere with no resources

I’m seriously thinking of killing them. Like I can’t stop

Or be a man and wank right infront of your door. If they open it they will get a meaty surprise

obvs b8 but

Start fapping and stare them dead in the eyes if they interrupt you
"what, do you enjoy watching me masturbate?"
they will either fuck off or get you to stop, if they try the 2nd one just point your dick at them and pretend you are about to ejaculate, then actually cum on them

fucking beat it louder and tell them to fuck off

smh, never let anyone stop u from following your dreams, if they come in while you're wanking, just look them in the eyes and finish...

Everyone has destroyed my dreams already. Fapping is my 20 minutes of escape but nope. Not with my retard parents

Just continue jerking it like a man, don't react to them being loud or anything. Or you can tell them to quit being so fucking loud all of the time.

Privacy is important fam. I trained my entire family, even visiting cousins and grand parents by listening to footsteps, if you know your house and fam you will know when they're coming to your room. When they approach i would stand up and pull my pants down as if i was changing. If you do this enough it will embarrass them into giving you privacy. Otherwise yell at them or deliberately get caught jerkin it a few times.

move out

I did my fucking fat ass dad just stands by the door asking for food and shit and if i tell him I’m changing they just bitch and stand there i hate them

I cant even fap every time i pull my dick out the door slams every 8 seconds and then when i stop it doesnt

I fucking hate them. I FUCKING HATE THEM. I literally stopped fapping and i havent heard a fucking peep in half an hour

I FUCKING HATE THEM THEY NEED To FUCKING DIE!!!!!! I WILL NOT ReST UNTIL THEY DIE

This thread has a winner

Just jerk off, stop caring about them making sound or opening the door, go jerk off in the woods or something

ok but the real question is, when was the last time you actually busted a nut

You should get a place with the guy that's on probation for being black. Assuming you're not actually him.

No I’m him. Another curse

>nigger's parents are actually still together, a miracle
>nigger dad "asking for food"
>nigger family knows when you're beating it

dude you're life is worse than just being a nigger. you're a cursed nigger

I am cursed more than anyone else in the universe

Ah. Then it's probably God telling them to do it. He can see everything.

Just... go for it.

Stop giving a fuck.

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Where are you at?

I laughed
Good thread, you dont see this on b(i.e. /porn/) often

Rip the door out, user

Based chad user

There's a camera in your room

Just be an alpha, start jacking off completely naked in front of the door

Don't forget to maintain strong eye contact when they open the door.

Are you on probation also?

just wack off in front of and in full view of them.

see just how much time they spend at home then.

Assert dominance by shoving things in your ass too
You really just gotta stop giving a fuck about them being there if my parents did that to me I would literally just start beating off in the open since they're so interested in what you do behind closed doors might as well make it a family viewing. I'm not saying get off on it, it's weird but you really gotta make a stand OP you have a right to bust fat nuts without being bothered

Just curious, how thin are your walls OP?

Maybe when you watch porn at high volumes you might want to consider disconnecting your bluetooth

No fucking lie op, I've been experiencing the same fucking shit, this is weird as fuck. I still cum tho and I'm pretty sure they've seen my briefs stained with cum when it's laundry day kek.

i disagree with jerk off in front of them and get off on their looks of disgust at your tiny penis, awkward grunts, weird breathing and strange facial expressions as you do it, coat your mom's and your dad's hair in cum pussy you won't

I only read like half your post, I don't wanna kill my parents over it though, pretty weird mane

Doesnt appear to me that you disagree

Just jerk off in the bathroom before a shower.

he said don't get off on it

they obviously have a camera somewhere watching you

Be a Chad and keep fapping when they walk in

Ask how is babby formed

kek

This

There’s just no way