Tonight is the end. I can't handle this anymore. Ever since I took what I thought was LSD from my brother's friend, I've been trapped in a hellish perma-trip ever since. I'm too scared to tell my family. I'm too scared even as myself, to accept the fact that I've irreversibly damaged my brain. I planned on continuing university this year, just as I did the last. But nothing is the same anymore. My parents wouldn't even continue paying my tuition of they knew I was so careless. When I close my eyes, I see infinite spirals, colors, and my mind slowly starts to zone away from me. When I'm alone, it makes me feel disconnected from reality. Without something to keep me grounded, I start confusing what my mind sees with what my eyes see. My ego dissolves over and over again. I can't remember who I am. Who anyone is. What anything is. This has been going on for 4 months now, no letting up in sight. The thing that bothers me, and gets to me the most, also seems to be the scariest. At night, when I dream, I leave this world. I go on a journey that I can't possibly wrap my head around every single night. Sleep is supposed to be done unconsciously. For me, I'm trapped for eternity. Time ceases to exist in my dreams, and every night is a new eternity. I suffer. I scream into my pillows. I tell them to go away. There is no hope for me anymore. I found an expired bottle of benzos that will most definitely put me to sleep forever. Now I sleep. When I finally become one with this universe, I'll be rid of the curse I've been living through. I love you all.
Tonight is the end. I can't handle this anymore. Ever since I took what I thought was LSD from my brother's friend...
Get help, amigo. Call your local suicide hotline.
It's not all over yet. You can still get your brain back.
If you know for certain it doesn't let up, you are justified in ending it. If you're not sure however then I suggest you do the research before applying a permanent solution to a potentially temporary problem.
Why do you post on this shitboard instead of trying to get the professional help? Is it really easier to just kill yourself? You are being a pussy for letting drugs dictate your life. First try to get help, then complain if that doesn't work.
Goodbye druggo. Do a flip
Sounds like a good plan. Good luck fag.
Was stuck in this state for 1.5 years aswell but it started to fade slowly after time. Don't giveu p, look for help
Most doctors, practitioners, psychiatrists will shrug off what I describe, as I'm not sure how much this has been researched.
What symptoms did you face, and how do they effect you now?
Yo OP, I did the same exact thing. I went to.like 8 psycheqards lol. It's called either fracture reality or depersonalization syndrome. It's a mix of ptsd and psychosis and schitzophrenia...aka a flash back. If I were u I'd start using it as a blessing and understand how to use it to your advantage. Practice psionics or remote viewing . My wickr is getsmurfed . Hmu if it gets to b too much. If anyone WANTED kill you they would, and noone is after you. Ppl are all psychic vampires to a degree , that's the conductive homicide shit u see in ppl or.groups of.ppl.
About 4 years in myself
And have been awake in my dreams since fairly young
So when the trip broke me it was like being a kid again
You might have seen things you shouldn't have but know this
It was always pretty much the same
You were never anyone and this is hell
These were already true you just see them now and it hurts
Don't kill yourself
My mind still tries to cling to things that I know and dont know happen the day I died and still do because my subconscious doesn't want to let go of the idea of a self
But there isn't one
We burn together
Even the devil is trapped in hell
I see the spirals from time to time
I've seen my eyes of madness
Ride your life out and try to grow more positive
Love the people around and yourself especially( not in a dick way)
You have put a lot more space into your head then you probably should have
( you are in the process of letting your space blot out your light)
Now you got to fill it up with something
You technically cheated
Regardless tho what is truly after life is not for us to know
But a warning I really don't think suicide is a good idea at all
>expired bottle of benzos
you can't OD on most benzos unless you have booze in your system or you have pulmonary issues
but did you even try taking benzos for this issue to calm you down? benzos are very effective in dissolving most trips
alternatively, you can just try some st. john's wort/hypericum, since it's like baby's first ssri it should be somewhat effective with whatever you have (sounds like you either became more sensitive to serotonin or you started producing more, former is more likely but later is possible if you took some unindentified shit)
if st.john's wort/hypericum works slightly then you have a lead for your psychiatrist, badda bim badda boom now you have a prescription to something or other that will keep spiral demons in their dimension
Below is me I've asked about it before
Mine would spin in a tight cluster
Typing it, my hairs stand
It dies down
4 months equal nothing vs eternity
It's time to man up
I dont mean to be a dick
But fight the pain
Do not try taking the easy way out
You already cheated the system once
God will not be happy
Please at least a few years
Please
I am scared.
I bet you still had to solve a captcha. What was it?
that should be a new thing that anons do similar to a timestamp. posting what your captcha is on your final goodbye suicide posts
Dont let fear kill you
Maybe you could fix this with xanax
Xanax doesn't help
Plus it's boring
Not op
Benzos are notoriously hard to od on by themselves, even with alcohol
Get an antipsychotic prescription
How long has this been going on? For me it was about 5 years and then I started to come down. Lost a lot of my life and career chances but I think it was worth waiting for it to fade away.
Me too. First two years were worst. Then, after 5 years, started to regain my concentration and some abilities.
Fuuuck 5 years? How intense is it? Are you like blinded by hallucinations or what? Idont have any xp with hallucinagens
Well OP said it's "only" when he closes his eyes
5 years weren't the acute phase. That lasted about a year. Maybe a little more. 5 years was the phase when I was depersonalized and couldn't get a grasp of myself. As I said, it was worth going through it once it had happened. Still wish it hadn't, though but like this thread shows you, we're far from being alone.
It's called HPPD and it's shit yeah. Symptoms can last months to years, but always goes away with time. Tell your doc you got HPPD and he can probably get you the right meds to help while you recover. I think there's alternative treatments besides just normal pills let me check.
Also smoking weed can mess with it so stay away from that or any hallucinogens.
tell your parents
Dawg I fucked myself up hard after shattering a lot of my spine and losing a bunch of organs in a freak accident right after highschool by taking tons of dirty ass RC's. Felt like I was in that same, twisted place and on rare occasions I still feel fucked in the head and have flashbacks/dark thoughts/disassociate but it gets better, trust me. The brain is one resilient powerhouse of an organ and the human body too for that matter. Taking some bogus acid once isn't going to ruin the entire rest of your life. It'll be something a hurdle especially if you took an insane amount of it like a 10-strip but you'll be fine, stop whining.
Man oh man what is it about failed psychonauts and heavy Christian fear kek