THIS VOXCAST PUBLICAE IS DESIGNATED DELTA-PRIORIS
LISTEN WELL IF YOU ARE A SERVOSKULL OWNER WITH A SERIAL NUMBER BEYOND XAW40000000000
In this voxcast, this humble servant of the Omnissiah will provide instructions on creating a consumable gruel fit for keeping the putrid biological components left inside of some models of Servoskull from perishing before their expected End of Life in the 44th millenia.
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Praise the Omnissiah!
Yo buddy, looking spoopy.
it is as the Omnissiah decrees.
Tech Priest Chow provides all the carbohydrates and electrolytes needed for even an Electro Priest to function at full capacity for a single day.
Servoskulls need only a fraction of this, but the larger the batches it is made in, the lower the cost.
This nutritional slop is also fit for feeding Servitors, Skitarii, and low level Guardsmen as one sees fit, though even the meager cost of $2 a day may be too much to bear for the enterprising Tech Priest stuck around such filthy biological beings.
To start, we need to provide the five macro nutrients demanded by the body according to Magos Biologis Varnak, who studied this obsessively when hunting down Hive Fleet Behemoth: carbohydrates, protein, fat, sugar, and chocolate.
It seems Guardsmen can be force marched 12.55% farther if given this sugary confectionary.
Contact your vassal agri-world if you do not have a proper cocoa hydrofarm set up; they are usually eager to comply for some unknown reason.
If you are unable to source such organic material, here are order forms for requesting it from nearby Forge Worlds:
Sugar:
amazon.com
Cocoa Powder:
amazon.com
that feel when no tech priest gf
Maybe someday
Wow, 12.55%? That's amazing. Tell me more oh Tech Priest!
Unfortunately, such a low cost gruel will not keep the biological components of a Servoskull (nor the inferior biological meat of a Guardsmen or similar) functioning long term. We must supplement it with various other substances the body is not able to make on its own.
As well, a ServoSkull cannot swallow a pill, lacking all of the organs necessary to do that.
As we can see here, my loyal ServoSkull is uninterested.
Notably, we need to add:
Salt:
amazon.com
Needed to keep nerves and neurons firing, and muscles in humanoids who have not yet embraced the Omnissiah
Potassium Chloride:
amazon.com
Essentially a more metallic tasting salt, and therefore closer to the metal we all wish to embraced
Also needed for nerves, neurons, and muscles
Lysine:
amazon.com
Biological forms need this protein to self repair
Several bionics exist to provide this protein on demand, but non-believers shun this due to the small reduction in cognition it causes
Choline Bitartrate
amazon.com
A precursor to choline, required to keep organic brains from decaying over time
Calcium and Vitamin D:
amazon.com
Required as nearly no tech priests go outside with any bare skin exposed, due to the humiliation it would bring
As well, a standard multivitamin is required to supplement all other functionality
A low cost one from the Forge World of Kirkland is provided here:
amazon.com
And, if any Menial chooses this meal over the standard Emperors Mercy Bars, they may wish to add xanthan gum for flavoring:
amazon.com
Use it as a treat to keep their biological components compliant.
The first step in making this "meal" is to acquire a blender.
Fortunately, a new STC fragment was recovered from the Halo Zone, and just recently cleared for production.
It seems to shimmer a bit, but I am assured it is perfectly safe and those that discovered it were granted a Planetary Governorship.
Those of you unfortunate enough to not be blessed by this gift from the Omnissiah may use whatever quaint tools you have on hand, after applying the correct rites of activation, of course.
We will start by adding the Oat Flour.
We will continue by adding the Cocoa, to ensure it blends evenly.
This is most pleasing to the Omnissiah, and ensures the resulting mixture flows cleanly within feeding tubes, should you choose to partake.
Staying safe, I hope?
You must have been working on this awhile. Love it.
Anything for the Omnissiah.
We will further continue by adding the sugar.
Cut the amount by 1/4th if you intend to add the xanthan gum.
Or don't, if you truly belief the wretched deserve your mercy.
Note this may cause an overt sweetness sensation in any biological taste buds used; if you have digital taste buds, feel free to curb the glucose response by an equal amount.
I'm not familiar with this denomination! but I hope that you are having a wonderful night, providing for you fellow guards.
Furthermore, we will add the rice.
It is best if you grind the rice before blending, but it isn't as if a Servoskull will complain about the texture, and Guardsmen are expendable.
Good thread.
You arent a Techpriest till you've slapped a toaster with your cyberdong
I've slapped a Microwave with my normal dong. Does that count?
I have.
Finally, we are ready to blend the concoction.
The steps are simple:
1. Apply holy annointments
2. Ritualistically pray to the machine spirits to bless your activation
3. Perform the rites of activation
4. Insert the macro nutrients into the holy machine
5. Again, perform the rites of activation
6. Press the third power setting and blend until the slurry reaches a chalky consistancy
As you might have noticed, given no liquids to dissolve into, the slurry is quite unpalatable even for a Servoskull.
Not to worry. We shall now add the canola oil. You may substitute any organic oil harvested within the last millenia (no motor oil).
Must be a toaster and a cyberdong
I somehow dont believe you
Happy halloween Alice
Okay tell you what. I don't have a cyberdong but if I plug the toaster in before I slap it with my dong will it count?
Same to you.
Next we will add the Potassium Chloride.
The brand I am using is known as NuSalt, due to this chemicals ability to mimic sodium chloride, also known as table salt.
In a pinch, this chemical is known to be found in many potassium ores you may encounter in a Forge World mine.
Is this how you make those ration bars that tastes of nothing in particular that the commisar Ciaphas Cain talked about in his autobiograph?
Tired manul reporting
Fancy yourself an alchemist, hmm? Never could get the hang of that.
This is of a higher quality to the Emperors Mercy bars, and at a lower cost if produced in bulk.
However, similar to those bars, you are not allowed to enrich the Omnissiah's produce with ground up rat.
Why are you reporting this thread?
No, you must procure a cyberdong
That's not... what I meant. Reporting in
Please suffix any such reports with "over", as is standard.
Next, we add salt.
Do not over use; on some worlds, this is traded kilogram for kilogram with ceremite.
Do not waste such a precious resource lightly; it displeases the Omnissiah.
In all things besides the quest for knowledge, moderation.
Sorry, I'm tired... Reporting out
Now we add the gum if desired.
Being enormously sweet while low in volume allows for a flavor sensation most Guardsmen find palatable compared to their meager rations.
Heckin bump for a friendo.
Thank you.
Finally, we are ready to once again blend the slurry, this time reducing its grain using pulses.
The steps are simple:
1. Apply holy annointments
2. Ritualistically pray to the machine spirits to bless your activation
3. Perform the rites of activation
4. Insert the macro nutrients into the holy machine
5. Again, perform the rites of activation
6. Press the fifth power setting and blend until the slurry reaches a grainy consistency
7. Use short pulses to break any large chunks and once again blend them to a grainy consistency.
For Guardsmen who are not too injured or elderly (generally those within 3 months of joining the Guard) and loyal servants of the Omnissiah who are able to still swallow, these pills should simply be given to swallow.
I have found most humans consider the taste of such refined chemicals to be "bitter", provoking a strong reaction.
For a ServoSkull, as indicated previously, a pill cannot be swallowed as there is no where for it to go.
So we must grind the pills up as well.
Shill My Twitch, Alice
Thanks for the bump
As you can see, with this new STC blender, it's as easy as that.
Now we can carefully top off the ServoSkull, and it should continue to function properly for another day.
Shit. Where do I get a cyberdong?
Check My Discord Status, Alice
Follow this recipe and you'll find your precious material is spent less and less on unnecessary biological concerns, saving you more time and money for purchasing toasters.
Omnissiah bless.
This is truly an odd night, the children are dressing up as monsters and going around the city demanding sweets, and it was already difficult to tell if we were under attack at night
I am a simple man I see mechanicus I click
Looked like it was pretty good real sweet of you that you take the time out of your day to make content like this for us
Thank you. Hopefully you will enjoy these bloopers then as well.
It was quite an arduous process, but I am happy with the result
01001000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01111001 00100000 01001000 01100001 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 01100101 01100101 01101110
Same to you, servant of the Omnissiah.
During this mishap, I nearly suffocated.
01001001 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100001 01110011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101101 01100001 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110010 01110110 01101111 01110101 01110011
This is my favorite way to praise the Omnissiah.
I've heard of mechanicus idols before, though I do not understand the appeal. Here is my best approximation.
And with this, the voxcast ends.
Best of luck on your future projects and Emperor bless.
Happy Halloween everybody~
what a cutie patootie
Happy Birthday, Reimu!
Thank you!
It's your birthday Reimu?
Whoah Sup Forums looks like shit.
Did you really need a webm for that? Fucking waste of space.
>(You)
I come to kick some stuttercunt ass and I don't see any.
Praise be to the omnissiah for delivering us the knowledge contained within this voxcast.
At your local cyberdong requisition department
Based and cogpilled
wat
Yes
Yes
*fax machine noises*
You haven't ever kicked any ass
...
*squeeze*
*hip bump*