In concession line for cooler filled with melted butter at cinéma

>in concession line for cooler filled with melted butter at cinéma
>the guard in the watchtower shines his searchlight on me

stop deleting cinema threads, swaglord

dumb frogposter

based swaglord prune this shitty ass thread

>born in the theatre, grew up in the theatre, lived in the theatre and knew I would die in the theatre
>father was a ticket ripper, mother was a crab masseuse
>we lived with the rest of the theatre-born, in a huge building under the theatre. The building was shaped like a billiards board as seen from above, seven concentric circles dividing us between the theatre castes, with the lowest castes on the outside and the emperor of the theatre (Peace be upon him) in the center
>mother was born into class 5, the third lowest class of worker, which consisted of the seat warmers, the cage cleaners, the crab masseuse and the prostitutes for class 2. They were not often tipped and many times did their job for free
>father was class 3, a fairly respectable place among the theatre-folk, the outsiders were legally required to give a tip to any of these workers. Father had to work hard to get people to choose him as their ticket ripper, there were approximately 700 other ticket rippers at any given time on the floor

>father fell in love with mother on his way to inform one of the watchmen of a man attempting to break the no singles policy by disguising a horse as his wife. My father had the eyes of a hawk, and would never let any outsider slip by without the proper paperwork
>my father brought the man and his horse into the Class 2 designated interracial breeding grounds, where the dark skinned guardsman fornicate with the pale women of class 5.
>with two very dark, very large men inside her, my father and my mother met eachother's eyes, and it was love at first sight
>my father scrounged his tip money for three years, eating nothing but floor popcorn illegally sold by the class 6's floor lickers and drinking the dirty crab water that he stole from the gigantic underground crab hatchery
>in three years time father bought her from vice admiral ja'queen of the IBG, the law states she must be transferred to a different job within the class, since she never learned to speak (it was unnecessary as a slave for life to the IBG) he chose for her, crab masseuse.
>since the moment I could stand I was trained in the ways of ticket ripping
>i've honed my skill and tore all of my tickets perfectly for the ticket ripping certification exam held on my 18th birthday

The dubs command it.

I bet you never get to be the theater shooter.

How did you get into the consession line? I cant even get past the Mandatory Penis Inspections

>first day on the floor
>the whole day I'm trying desperately to get an outsider to choose me as their ticket ripper, my station is clean and flawless, my uniform is unwrinkled and spotless, my demeanor professional but friendly
>in the last few minutes of work an outsider male comes up to me, shakily hands me a ticket, which I tear flawlessly and hand back to him with a beaming smile
>I hold out my hand waiting for my first bit of tip money i've earned myself
>the man hands me a dirty green penny with a bit of gum stuck on it
>"I d-don't believe in tipping, g-get a real job" he tells me with a face of fearful defiance
>internally i'm in a vortex of torment, thinking about my dead mother and crippled father I have to feed with this penny
>externally I say "enjoy your movie sir" with a smile that seemed almost genuine
>we lock eyes one last time as he exclaims "y-you too"

>stop deleting cinema threads, swaglord
he wouldnt do that, hes literally one of us.

Cinema threads is the greatest and most underrated meme on this entire site

except he did


while shitty threads stay up

amen

I couldn't earlier, but now I yell and tell them I don't identify as a singular person.

>decide to skip my local cinemaplex to watch a movie at my house
>use my local cinemaplex's online service to book a virtual show at my house
>book two tickets for Logan for $99 each
>complimentary virtual crab legs are offered to me
>the NSP is enforced on my house
>thankfully, my sister is home.
>call her to watch Logan with me
>mfw I have to fight her for 15 minutes
>fined $50 for being late to the screening
>I started banging my anvil, but my sister then started shouting.
>virtually evacuated from the cinemaplex and handcuffed for arguing with a female
>Destiny (my falconette) decides to have revenge, she poisons my sister's crab legs
>my sister is about to eat them, I am unable to do anything
>just then, the doorbell rings
>It's the executioner who's come to take me to the popcorn mines, along with the designated shooter and the foreskin checker
>I forgot my anvil upstairs, and Destiny is with my sister
>I call destiny and ask her to bring my sister down
>I ask the executioner, designated shooter and foreskin checker to take a seat
>The shooter's hands are quivering
>I ask my sister ot bring the crab legs
>thye eat them
>all three drop dead, but the shooter's quivering finger puts a bullet in Destiny
>My eyes red, I free myself from my shackles
>I put Destiny in the fireplace and scribbled above it, "for the bird, for freedom"
>turned on the heat
>mfw

Fuck cinemaplexes

Why do you need a cooler full of melted butter?
Also why is there crabs?

>went to the kinotec
>forgot it was national crab day
>everyone was wearing crab costumes except for me
>even the guards
>instead of batons they have crab legs
>they spot me and start crab walking to me waving the legs in the air and screaming
>FOOD FOR CRABGOD FOOD FOR CRABGOD
>luckily i had my falcon Michael with me
>i have trained him to drop smokeboms in events like this
>he does it and i get away

Was a close one

>Go to see The Lady in the Van, rated 12A starring Maggie Smith, in 3D
>Go with my mum to get past NSP
>the commander of the cinema vanguard flirts with my mum openly
>"what's a gorgeous young woman like you doing with a schmuck like him"
>realize the commander is jewish
>he throws my mum to the troops for them to pass around
>forced to masturbate to prove we're a romantic couple
>the ordeal is finally over and we are let through the cinema gatehouse
>my mum is still pulling on her clothes as we walk up the tree lined avenue through the perfectly manicured cinema grounds
>despite the beautiful scenery, guards wielding laser halberds with unclipped-cock seeking automatic targetting systems line the road
>as we reach the front aunting the valets appear at our sides to take our car to the parking area
>we went on foot, so I just gave the black valet my home keys and our address for "liability purposes"
>after purchasing our tickets (1000 yuan paid in monthly installments direct to the people's republic of china)
>we strip off our clothes and feed them into the incinerator
>step onto the conveyor belt for decontamination
>my mother's geiger count is off the chart
>she gets tipped into the incinerator too
>I'm showing normal levels of radiation so they just throw lime on me to burn away my parasites
>they give me a set of plastic cinema pyjamas
>hand me me a receipt for the gold fillings and jewelry my mother had
>receipt says a donation has been made in your name to PETA
>step into the movie pod
>pod ascends into the theatre mothership
>feel a slight bump as the energy fields descend into hyperspace
>fields find traction and we begin to accelerate into the heavens
>as we reach lightspeed I see the movie projected onto pluto from hubble projector stationed at a lagrange point between jupiter and the sun
>by the time we circumnavigate the sun the next scene is showing
>whole film is blue-shifted because the pilot was going too fast
Maggie Smith was charming as always

Why do you faggots even go to the cinema if all you do is watch shitty movies and get cuckolded at the interracial breeding farms?

Because getting 3 stamps on your crab pass allows you three hours in the popcorn pits for free.

That sounds fucking dumb, i just pirate movies in my bunker on the moon.

>he doesn't cinemaplexes are the best way to watch flicks
AGENT OF THE FEDERAS SPOTTED

stop making up stories, you can't go to the moon.

>Implying I'm not forced by the local plex with the help of the goverment.
>Implying I won't get cuckolded at the interracial breeding farms anyways plus I won't get to see the kino.

Swag

>order jumbo crab legs
>they give me regular size
Ruined the whole experience

Nov 16:11:57 2015 No.62884827

>go to cinema alone to see The Visit
>after I pass asshole inspection, a nice chinaman approaches me with a piping hot dish of chicken chow mein
>I'd take him up on his offer if it weren't for that glint in his eye
>the same glint I'd seen in my mothers eyes earlier that day when she bought me my ticket on fandango
>it was a big trick
>all a sham, a ruse to get me to clean her shoes
>I spent 3 hours polishing the shoes until I simply had to leave to catch the movie
>declining the Chinese gentlemans advances, I trudged onward into my theater
>barefoot of course as to not get the carpets dirty
>instead of The Visit starting though
>a live stream appeared on the movie screen
>it was my mom eating chicken chow mein out of her shoes
>I pounded my chest like King Kong and screamed at it!!!
>it wouldn't go away
>the movie theater King has his men escort me out of my theater and into the coliseum
>I am made to fight the lion
>that's it, I'm done for, no getting out of this one
>the lion suddenly looks away, distracted by what?
>it's the Chinese man with a piping hot bowl of chicken chow mein
>he serves up the lion and saves me
>we hit the cinema showers
>afterwards I finally sit down to watch The Visit
>Pink Flamingos plays instead but without sound
>instead, Talking Heads songs are played over the speakers throughout
>wiggle in my seat to Burnin Down The House

This desu

i like these threads to be tbqh but im not the only one who makes judgement calls on what stays up and what doesnt sorry my dude

>going to see Carol in honor of Transgender Memorial Day
>decide to empty a couple clips at the theater's self-defense firing range
>go there and they say they're closed today to avoid violating the tranny safe space set up in the middle of the lobby
>ask if I can use the flintlock pistol I always carry around with me under my trench coat
>on my way to the range accidentally violate the tranny safe space and they throw feces on me
>go to the showers but forget that I kept cartridges in my fanny pack
>gunpowder got all wet and I failed penis inspection because I didn't have any surgical scars on Tranny remembrance day

>a reasonable janitor
heh... you're a good kid

When you fart in cinema and prolapse anus and shit off your dick and have to borrow a colonic scissor

laaaaaaaaaaazy

im gay btw