Alcoholic hear, anyone want to hear how I truly fucked my life up? Here is my story, AMA as well as will try to offer advice if I have any.
Alcoholic hear, anyone want to hear how I truly fucked my life up? Here is my story...
Dominic Fisher
Isaac Gray
I'll hear it. I used to be too, but pretty much stopped drinking after round 2 of pancreatitis.
Nolan Martinez
Not gonna green text because I suck balls at it- Here it goes-
Sitting inside this room, looking around at the familiarity of the room, the same walls, the same echoes, and even the comforting sounds of the train noise in the backyard. It all hits me at once, I am in my nightmare. I would wake up 10 years ago in my four thousand square foot house, my wife beside me and thanking god or whoever there was out there that this was just a dream. I would get out of bed, go check on my two kids and see them sleeping, safely out of harm’s way and say to myself, I have everything I could ever want, big house, pretty wife, nice car and two amazing children. A job I love and people love me. I was by no means rich but making well into ten grand a month with bills be easily paid. Life was good. I had made it and I was the one in the family people idolized and wanted to be like. Hosting events, always enjoying a good party, it was constantly a go go go lifestyle.
Andrew Anderson
But the secrets in my head would always creep out to me in those dark hours. How I really was able to afford the down payment to this new house as well as other things, how I couldn’t handle driving a car more than a mile because I would get a dehabilitating panic attack and would pull over throwing up feeling like I was dying. The secrets of what happened that previous night before thanksgiving. All these secrets building up as I started my decent down the second stair case this beautiful home offered to head to the climate controlled garage on this cold February morning thinking how lucky I truly am I pushed those secrets away and sat down and turned on the TV. It was a six car garage with heated floors and the temp was perfect. I went behind my work bench, and grabbed the clear bottle that I had placed there the night before. I went to the Sub Zero fridge in the garage and opened it up looking for anything to drink, juice box or something. I found some sparkling water of some sort, I hate this shit but whatever. I mixed the vodka from the clear bottle into the can after taking a couple sips to empty a little out of the La Croix and took my first sip. The first gag and cough started but another sip as I was on my way. Sat down In my chair and put on Married with Children and lit my first cigarette. It was 3:45am, 29 miles west of downtown Chicago.
Mason Cooper
I had a pretty average childhood, I was born with a cleft lip and palette so got teased about that from time to time but the surgery was decent for the time and it was not nearly as obvious as so many other children had to live with. I played baseball for about 13 years and was not bad at it but not great. But I loved it for the most part. Throughout my childhood I was always told I would be a good salesperson, especially by my Grandma who ironically also saved my life when I was around two weeks old and stopped breathing. She was the one who got the doctors into the room to let them know, had she not been there, I would not be here. Neither one of my parents growing up were alcocholics but I had heard the term thrown around loosely that my Uncle was one and my Grandfathers both were, but that was it. No clue what it meant, just that they drank a lot. I tried weed before I really ever drank but did not like it all that much, it made me have panic attacks. Keep in mind these were the days before fancy strains with descriptions of what they do for you were around. The panic attacks kept happening though and I am talking like full blown panic attacks where you feel like your having a stroke, slurring your speech type of panic attack.
Caleb Rivera
>OP Here
Had a friend die of that few years back, no one knows if he was a drunk or not, married, two kids, beautiful wife and great job. The more sober I have gotten the more I wonder though if it was alcohol related
Chase Brooks
I remember exactly my first time I got drunk. I am not talking your dad giving you a sip of beer or your friends splitting a can of beer, my first party where there was what to me was unlimited alcohol supply. I had just graduated high school and was at my first real party, yes I was a late bloomer. But once I felt that rush of alcohol I was in love. I grew up quick, at 19 I got a some what real job installing appliances and moved out with my cousin/best friend. I learned the business quickly and ended up moving to sales at 21. I would do sales as well as occasional installations because I was good at that and customers loved me. I would go out after work and drink because I had a significant amount of disposable income. I had a few friends and could always find one who would want to go out any night of the week because hey, that’s what we do at 21.
Christopher Jones
Still listening
Julian Johnson
Thank you
By 22 I had gotten hired by a major appliance manufacturer and this was very exciting as they normally only hire college graduates. I was 22 with a great job, a car allowance and travelling staying at hotels. I had a great house that I shared with my cousin, a neighbor that loved to drink as well so when I was home I always had a drinking friend. At 22, 23, 24 I was still doing the same thing. I was making great money, lived in a nice house with my same cousin, had few bills and made great money. I had little savigns because I would spend anywhere from a 50 to a hundred dollars a night on the bar, food and smokes. But I would just remind myself hey, I am young this is what we do. What I should have noticed was that while I was getting older, my same friends were changing, some had jobs and just didn’t want to go out on a Wednesday to get hammered with me, so I found new friends who would. Or I would just hang at home and drink in my garage telling myself its fine, I am in my garage doing “stuff” so I deserve to drink. It was good times at many hotel bars doing many things I never would have done having not been constantly drinking.
Benjamin Gonzalez
lurking but listening
Robert Jenkins
Around 24 years old these panic attacks from when I was in my mid teens came back, and came back hard. I was driving from Bloomington Illinois to Springfield and holy fuck was I afraid. At first I assumed heart attack, got a little calm to turn the car around and head back to my hotel in Bloomington. I knew of one way to feel more calm and headed to the bar. I called my clients in Springfield and claimed sick and proceeded to have 6 or 7 drink. I felt good, calm and confident. I called up the rest of my contacts and cancelled for the week and headed home, around a two hour drive with a nice buzz on. This was when I learned that alcohol would officially fix my panic attacks. I never fully recovered from this panic attack so at 25 I took a local job back where I was working before I left for the manufacturer as a sales manager at the same location I worked at when I was 19. While drinking was still in my life it was at nights after work when I deserved it after a long day dealing with the retail public
Brody Watson
I had met some manufacturers of lesser known brands of appliances who were willing to let me peddle their brands as the wholesale rep where I would cover Chicago as my market and I would be getting profit from a wholesale sale, I would keep small inventory in my garage for next day common items and the rest was ordered and I never had to touch. For this is what ended up starting a company that I would own for 15 years. I would hang out with major dealer principles during the day, golf (which I hate), take them to lunches, basically party and sell sell sell. I Eventually I got big enough to get a warehouse and all that other fun stuff and trucks and thru economy ups and downs was able to keep the company sustainable and as of last May had hired my 135th employee with locations throughout the country as service centers for major appliance manufacturers.
Jaxson Morgan
Get well, user.
Liam King
building up to the getting well part- I know its slow, its a slow kind of night in my head tonight. I feel nostalgic, and sad, but not depresseed. well kind of, also cute cat.
Colton Peterson
I met my now ex wife when i had just turned 26, we met the night the Chicago white sox won the world series. I was at a bar with my neighbor, I was beyond hammered, we exchanged phone numbers, we were both upset the Sox had won the world series and were the only ones in the bar pissed off… it was love at first sight. Our dating was quick and involved mainly drinking or bars for dates, she was a Cook County Sheriff and worked nights so we would go out two days during the week and then I was left to my own vices during weekends. While we drank together it was obvious that i was the problem drinker and not her, while she would go to the bathroom it was me taking secret shots and all that fun shit. By 26 I was officially a 18 to 24 beer a day drinker. I was lucky to have my old house but unlucky to have an alcoholic neighbor who owned his own business to hang out with pretty much anytime after 2pm to drink or party with. Here I am a bachelor with a girlfriend and 26 and him a father with a 12 and 14 year old partying with me. As much as I enjoyed having a drinking buddy i just remember like wow, how could he be such an alcoholic with kids like that.
Wyatt Smith
We got married the following May after the Sox won the world series (6 months), and it was a good wedding. We did not rely on our parents for shit and paid cash for all. By this time my business had taken off pretty well and I was getting paid a lot in cash for various things so it worked out well nicely for discounts for wedding shit, it’s amazing what banquet halls will do for cash payment over credit cards. She was pregnant during our wedding and had asked that I didn’t drink during our wedding because she felt I was drinking too much and her coming from an Alcoholic mother who abandoned her when she was 11 had feelings about that, and believe or not I actually stayed sober for our wedding. What she didn’t know was how fucking hammered I had gotten with a friend the night before and how I almost puked all morning the day of our wedding. But I was sober for the wedding and even the few days to follow. I am pretty sure that was my longest sobriety until May 9, 2018. By the time she was pregnant she started talking about me cutting down on my drinking while she was gone at work, she was tired of seeing empty cans in the garage from me drinking while at work, and while I told her no problem, I then discovered vodka and Gatorade bottles. Once our first son was born though it went back to just beer again, so I felt good, I was able to quit the vodka and be a “normal” drinker again. This beer drinking progressed for the next 4 or 5 years, I was a daily drinker but was able to maintain at usually 8 to 12 beers a night which in my head was way better than I was at 24 drinking 24 a day. Oh young Josh the things I want to tell you.
Asher Ward
At 30 and thanks to a lot of shady deals I had made we moved into our dream house, I had it all, a beautiful wife, two kids now, boy and girl, a big fuckign house, a big lot, a john deere fucking tractor, (and not the Home Depot version), I was living life. What I wasn’t realizing was how much I was using drinking to hide my underlying panic attacks and panic disorder.
Parker Bennett
Anyone following..maybe its just the wrong night but I did get 4004040 which is kind of cool.
Bentley Morris
I'm listening man
Wyatt Allen
checked and thank you
My ex experienced depression when she was younger a lot of because her mom had left her at 11 and she got left in a shitty situation with her Dad and Step Mom and that was slowly affecting her daily life. I started noticing it and she decided to go to intake at BHS in 2011. After 3 weeks there and a family meeting I had learned she had been cheating on me with a mutual friend of ours. I remember walking out of BHS and every time i walk out those doors i get reminded of that exact day, it was February 13th, cold obviously but no snow, and now i had to go home and not only face my own brother who was watching the kids for us, I had to deal with this. Up until this day, I did everything, I planned birthday parties for the kids, handled christmas presents and parties, anything and everything i handled in our house, and while yes she was a stay at home mom and tried hard, it was me running the household and running my own business. I am pretty sure I fucking broke that day, the garage was a 6 car garage and i had a floor heating system in so it was warm all the time in the winter, almost that humid Florida warm. I remember going home with her that day, seeing my brother and his girlfriend(who ended up being the daughter of my old drunk neighbor from when I was 24), and them leaving, and I went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the vodka that was still almost full and realized that made the pain go away that moment.
Cooper Hill
Hurry up you stupid faggot
Colton Smith
Fuck off, bitch. You don't like the story, then you can geitout. The rest of us are interested.
Luke Hall
drinking a corona now, cheers brother
Nathan Sullivan
Continue?
Logan Campbell
I want to hear the rest
Brandon Peterson
Same
Benjamin Watson
Bump
Hunter Reed
>Thankfully in our new house I had a new neighbor who also liked to drink as much as me and had kids the same age as our kids so him and I would hang out and “watch” the kids while we drank all day long on weekends and nights on weekdays. While my drinking was bad at this point I was basically hiding from panic attacks and thinking about the affair. My ex’s mental health got worse after the admission of the affair and she tried to take her life the first time with an extension cord. I found her trying to kill herself the first time, and she got admitted to CDH, the second attempt I found her and she was actually one of the first patients when 5C opened, the third was pills and the 4th was in the garage, I had a beam which an engine hoist on it for pulling engines you know, and she had tied a rope on it, and both kids found her trying to do that and Caleb at 7 came and got me (I was on a conference call), so both children got to witness me get her down that day. So what do I do while she is in the hospital, decide I need to work more hours and rely on my new nanny to watch the kids so I can drink after work and “deal” with all this. I start focusing my mid 30s on working and drinking, I became a different father to my children. My anxiety was so high that I would start drinking in the morning to knock it out, and then just then drink all day. I found benzos from my psych and learned that these knocked my hangover anxiety out and was prescribed a shit ton for 2 y ears but once she stopped giving them to me the morning drinking would resume. I would literally go to my garage at 4am and our my first drink while watching Married with Children on TBS
Ian Carter
Thx for this. You are not the first to have been affected by alcohol and won't be the last. I can recommend Barry Humphries' autobiography 'more please". You are not alone...
Sebastian Howard
Christian Price
I realized our marriage was done and we separated with me having custody, that left her in our “big” dream house while me and the kids moved into another house I bought, there we had a liv in nanny and I used that literally raised my kids for 2 years… yes I was there, and never mean but I had no clue what was going on besides occasionally signing field trip slips and giving money for whatever. I am pretty sure I lost 2017 completely, but I acquired a company in the Memphis area during this time because well you know its fucking Memphis. Did I mention I only moved 7 houses away? And that my neighbor from the “dream” house was now divorced and we moved next to each other. He was basically a single dad and here I was, so when we were home we were in the garage watching sports or going to local shit hole bars, all while kids played around and the nanny basically took care of all four. He also worked for me kind of in a personal assistant role so I kept him on payroll and we would just kind of fuck up all day, snowmobile, dirt bike, bought a few rental homes together, you know just normal alcoholic shit. I had a few offices throughout the area, Glen ellyn, Bensenville and Cicero, and Cicero became my favorite because people there would go to the bar or so I thought all day long and I realized I could do all my emails, paperwork, and phone calls from there. But then I discovered Wheaton had the same thing at two bars of which one I could smoke in for a couple hours. I conducted business out of there for probably 7 months 4 to 5 days a week all day long. When the nanny called or texted I told her I was in meetings or with clients or whatever bullshit came into my head.
David Martin
WOW FAG!! Type much??
Logan Smith
Bump
Isaac Lopez
pmub
Connor Nguyen
I got blackout drunk once, I don't remember what happened that night. I only remember sitting with friends all of us drunk then waking up in some bushes with my trousers down. The only thing I lost that night was my belt.
Thomas Taylor
op here...been a Sup Forums tard fag before you were probably born. Your edged pic does nothing for me. My son is 13 and monetizing on Roblox so he will become one of us as well. I just hope you guys take care of him.
Zachary Wood
I woke up May 9th 2018 in a new house i had just bought for me and the kids. It was an older home, beautiful but my first older home i have ever moved into. By older I mean it was built in the 1920’s but it was a nice size for just the 3 of us. Of course I was still four houses from my buddy but still a new start right. I woke up at 4 am and wanted to drink but something felt wrong. I was like i can’t drink and get happy, but I have to drink otherwise the panic attacks start, so i did my normal mornign drinking routine in a new hosue where furniture was barely even delivered yet, and the nany wasn’t moved in yet, i drank until around 7am and went to wake up the kids for morning routine and uber eated some mcdondalds breakfast cause why not, the kids ate, i gave them lunch money cause no groceries, and I was like fuck this shit, i called an uber at 805 am and it showed up at 810a, ironically the uber eat breakfast guy, and had him take me to the hospital and walked into the emergency room with a water bottle full of vodka and a mcdonalds diet coke half vodka and said i think I want to be dead and I can’t stop drinking. I could not find happiness in anyways, sober, drunk, money, kids, nothing. Nothing made me fucking happy and i wanted to hang myself or try to just like my ex tried and in that clear headed moment i knew my kids needed more.
I don’t need to go into detox and inpatient stuff because so many of us have been there but i remember not having the shakes after a few days but pretending to still to get my 10mg of valium doses- you know still an addict lol.
What I remember during my detox which was on 5C, the place my ex was one of the first patients of, was how stupid AA sounded, how it was a cult, how it was this and that. And this was all without any research just what i thought i knew...oh once again young josh.
Samuel Garcia
Bump