I have schizoaffective disorder, ptsd, and OCD

i have schizoaffective disorder, ptsd, and OCD
i have been in and out of mental hospitals since 11
>pic related, mfw december 2018
back on my feet finally and working as a wage slave at walfart. and yet psychosis is poking it's little toesie woesies into the hot tub that is my brain.
and i quit drugs and drinking and i cant get back into it or else i will get kicked out of my apartment i want to DIEEEEEEEEE

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user or femanon?

femanon, yes daddy touched me and i'm broken goods

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I was once very close to someone with a similar story. I'm sorry for what plagues you. What brings you here?

What are the voices telling you to do now?

i come here to vent with no filter and not have people be like "OMG r u okay u need to take ur meds"

dont have those kind of stereotypical voices. today i was hallucinating my coworkers talking shit about me, and last shift i was hearing hidden messages in the songs thru the radio

stuff like im the chosen one and it's time to wake up and everything i believe is true. i hate pop music for their stupid vague messages.

What's your story?

dad diddled me, started cutting myself at 11, ate 6 pill bottles at 13 (i will go on to attempt suicide many more times, like i said last attempt was dec 2018, i ate a bottle of klonopin), obtained psychosis and a budding drug addiction at 15, amphetamine addiction 17-19, almost got murdered in a basement by my best friend/lover over said amphetamines, nicotine and alcohol from 18-20, did webcam porn from 18-19, became a sugar baby, got sexually abused by a handful of older men, lived with one of them for 4 months in a filthy apartment where i became a living sex toy/punching bag. Oh, and to loop back, my mom hates me because my dad liked me better

also includes being kicked out of high school, kicked out of my home

pretty hot desu

What's your current situation?

thats the look these days right

i live with my boyfriend and work part time at walls r us. unmedicated, no therapy

Wtf, you belong on the streets of california

What do you see in your future? What do you want in your future?

actually i live in the south YEEHAW

I want to marry my boyfriend

What else?

Get a better job. Continue improving my digital art skills... maybe sell commissions...travel outside the USA

You said that you wanted to die. Did you mean that?

After all these years, yes, death is preferable to anything. But I am past the point of trying to bring it upon myself. I am too tired to be going in and out of ICUs anymore, and I dont want to risk becoming retarded.

My once-close person said that "the joy and love in life are absolutely worth the pain and suffering of being alive."
Do you feel that your boyfriend worth being alive for? Do you feel that your future could be worth living for?

Boyfriend, yes. Future... It's pretty iffy. I don't know what's ahead. I just would much rather die at 35 like the Romans.

Why would you rather die?

I just wanted you to know. Everyone can hear your shitty thoughts. Nobody wants to know about that. You're affecting everyone around you even through videos.

Everyone's just pretending to be nice to you. Just end it.

Guess I don't have to use my tongue then! :-)

A life struggling to grasp at any sliver of happiness while wallowing through a bog of misery is not a life worth living. I am simply a waste of space and resources like many others

No one even talks to me :O

Do you think that change may be possible?

What's in the water?

No. It has only been getting worse. And by worse I mean the episodes are more frequent. I am having episodic PTSD flashbacks every week or so where i am trapped in my memories and all i can do is cry and claw at my skin while my poor boyfriend holds me

Stop talking.

electrolytes to recharge the electronics and camera in my brain and eyeballs.

Stop reading!

Are you currently receiving therapy?

Don't respond to them; they're not worth your time.

I can't afford it. Sup Forums is free lol

i was being cheeky x)

well aren't we just a bag if joy

I used to pay good money for bags of joy! now i am just... existing melodramatically

It smells like larp in here post timestamp

I have skitz too RIP

Do you talk to your boyfriend about these things?

i have a stockpile of olanzapine, mirtazapine, and quetiapine lol

yes he is very in the know so to speak. he actually came to check on me because he heard me typing a lot and he knows i dont talk to anyone other than him

Lucky i ran out of my quetiapine and i cant sleep now ive been taking hydroxyzine until i feel better

I got prescribed Trazedone and Benzotropine once upon a time. shit knocked me right out.

He seems to care a lot about you. Does talking to him help?

Im gonna just drink till i sleep voices have been mean today. Klonopin is what works for me but they took me off it because they thought i was getting high off it when in reality it just str8 up calmed me down

Yes. He takes good care of me.

I was prescribed klonopin too but when i moved i dont get it anymore. I want to drink more than anything but it would hurt my boyfriend to see me start drinking again

Have you found this experience helpful?

Do u ever like the hostels better than staying at home i wish they have semi permanent townshomes where i can live in relative peace and such. Yea id stay away from drinking the side effects are a lot than the drunkedness

i would say being treated like a human being is helpful! hahaha

I wouldnt want to spend a night away from the guy

Have u ever done meth

No. just adderall, ritalin, and coke. I was taking up to 90mg Adderall IR when I was addicted

Do you have a Discord? Would you like to talk more?

Lucky it makes the voices more dude fuck psychosis stay off drugs and good luck friend

Gabby? Is that you? If so, text me bitch its daddymatty

You're faking it.

If you want to talk again, then recreate this thread. Good luck to you.

Lol dubs don't lie, I thought I knew this girl, and I thought her name was gabby too. Eskimo bros? Or maybe girls named gabby are all fucking insane.

I’ve been to a couple psych hospitals. Had to go sober because I was losing my mind thinking I was god. And now I’m just waiting until I can appropriately blow my head off. I’m a better actor now but I’m still fucked in my head. Good luck user

Wait, female? Tits and timestamp is the rules.

hello schizophemanon. i also tried did something hazardous to my own life, but without realizing, then the doctor said i got the schitz. maybe you should be my wife.

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She's not attention whoring or asking for anything. No tits required bucko.

required? no. but wouldn't the thread be better with them?

>schizoaffective disorder
>ptsd
>OCD
>psychosis
>boyfriend

don't you mean carer, OP?

Yes, it would, but GTFO is not on the table

go join trump staff as the cumdumpster for russian faggots

If you've made bad choices in the past due to mental health, do you think there are also poor decisions you are doing now and don't want to accept? Is there anyone nice you regret pushing away?

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>m'lady

Fuck off you literal simp, tits or gtfo always applies.

the reason we require tits is because threads made by females are: boring, unengaging, overall bad quality and not even internet-worthy.
if you understand reality, you will see that we cannot relate to females in anyway, we can only procreate with them for they have deceiving snake tongue which bring loss instead of profit.

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roastie get out rrreeeeeeeeeee

woman only want chad . . never want the good guy . . . rrrreeeeeeeee

Nicee one Elon...Nice one!

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