I feel lost. I'm 31 and I just can't seem to find a reason to look forward to anything. No matter what I do...

I feel lost. I'm 31 and I just can't seem to find a reason to look forward to anything. No matter what I do, I don't see it getting any better. No matter what good I've done for anyone, look where it's gotten me.

>31
>Shit miserable job, worst one I've ever had
>Family is broken and my own mother made up lies to get my grandmother to never talk to me again so she can keep fueling her pill addiction
>I have no friends, only a couple of acquaintances
>Severe alcoholic and withdrawals are making their comeback, stopping seems impossible this time, weening off isn't working like it used to

I could write a novel worth of problems but I just don't see a happy ending in sight. No matter what I do, I don't see a positive outcome for me or anything going in my favor. I always get the shit end of the stick, no matter what I do, where I go, where I work. I don't know what I've ever done to anyone to deserve it. I've always been the person bending over backwards to put other people before me. Look where it's gotten me.

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I've never dealt with serious addiction. Only porn and minor cigarette cravings before I nipped it in the bud. But what helped at least was taking walks away from where I had access. Go walk to a library or a far away Wendy's. Or go to an internet cafe and see what they have to offer. ( Maybe you play videogames already but I don't and it occupied my mind trying to figure out what hell I was supposed to do) for life. You gotta have something going on. Get a date maybe? Work out. Plan a trip. I'm not a corporate worker so I don't know what to do about careers. I'm not exactly the model for typical american careers so I'm naive on anything official when it comes to going back to school or switching careers. Good luck man.

im writing a paper about one of the most influential films in my life for a film class. Im writing it about Dazed and Confused (1993). At first the film comes off as a bunch of high school kids partying in the 1970s but I think you should give it a watch looking close and Mathew McConaughey's character. He plays this washed up mid 20s dude who still hangs out with high school students. He comes off as a loser but in reality, his character realized that his best days were ahead of him rather than vanishing in the rearview mirror. One of my favorite lines is by him "the older you get, the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. you just gotta keep livin man, L-I-V-I-N" all i can say is to keep livin, you never know whats gonna come next

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That’s Matt Damon you fag

Move to a 3rd world country! You will find tons of reasons to survive! And I am talking seriously about this!

I feel ya, OP. I was 32 when I had a major disturbance in my life which caused me to lose it mentally. I started having really bad panics which looked like seizures. I stopped being able to function. I got hooked on benzos, the equivalent of 24mg a day of xanax. When I detoxed from it, it broke me completely.

I'm older than you and don't know what the fuck to do. My career is over. I lost everything including years of my life. The worst thing is, there's no way to explain this to most people in a way that makes sense. So I don't even try usually.

what youre saying sounds serious you should probably get professional help if you can afford it. it'll be an uphill battle though. good luck maybe you can find a reason to live.

ok retardoomer

Shoot up the local mall

No one believes they're real when I describe my panic attacks.

>Get a weird pressure sensation in my stomach
>Head starts to feel tight and too lightweight to hold my head up
>Vision starts to get a little dark like it's fading and things look fuzzy
>Heart beats like a rabbit
>Arms and legs shake really bad
>Get bad back pain
>If I try to get up and walk, it looks like I've been drinking all day
>Chest tightness
>It feels like my insides are vibrating

People think I'm making this shit up. I've stopped telling anyone about them.

Stop focusing on the past and if that fails hang yourself

They have those things called nooses

Same, user. I didn't really believe panic attacks were a real thing until I started having them.

For me, I start shaking so bad I can't even walk. I get freezing cold where I can't get warm no matter what I do. Then I vomit and it's over. Usually lasts about 20 min. They happen even when I'm asleep sometimes which is a shitty way to be woken up.

You should buy a house plant OP

Turn 39 tomorrow. Feel pretty much the same, but objectively my life actually pretty OK. Depression is a hell of thing man. Your brain is a self aware machine, and you have hardware and software glitch where one part of you is trying to kill another part, not unlike cancer: it's all you, but part of you is malfunctioning and trying to kill you. Talk to people. Talk to strangers on the internet. Pay for sex and just talk instead. talk to a bar tender. Talk to a shrink. Just keep reaching out.

You realize that this outlook is 85% alcohol abuse/withdrawal, right? We all have to stop and grow up some time, guess this is yours.

Film is shitty and shallow, and that pedo fuck is pathetic to idolize.

Kind of hard to just "stop" when you can't afford to go to rehab and you can't just take a week off to detox. Or, when you can't detox at work due to the really bad anxiety attacks it gives you that makes it impossible to do your job.

Bite the bullet and beer taper. Suffer the day with minimal, drink just enough to fall asleep at night. Use OTC sleep aids like benadryl, melatonin, or CBD. MAYBE cop a benzo. You got this.

gg/tHtGxZ
.

Can you ask a doctor for librium to help you detox. Make it clear to him you can't go to a rehab. Idk if a doctor would do that but it might be worth a shot.

Dude benzo withdrawal will fucking break you. Couldn't sleep, horrible nausea, restlessness, insane anxiety. I didn't even have the energy to watch TV for a few weeks after.

I've had both. Alcohol withdrawals were far, far worse.

I know, I'm the one that posted above that I came off the equivalent of 24mg of benzos. This was over a 3 month period taper and it ruined me in every way.
Still, a short-term (one week) dose of librium shouldn't be enough to cause addiction. It beats dying from alcohol withdrawal seizures though.

Benzos and alcohol both affect the same part of the brain. Withdrawal from either one is horrible and can both be deadly. We just don't hear as much about benzo withdrawal.

You should talk to your MD about this new antidepressant OP. Its called estradiol and its an ssri and ssni and it had the best results so far.

Sorry, meant the equivalent of 24mg of xanax.

I quit fentanyl and Xanax around the same time without tapering so it was extra rough, I don't drink much so I've never had alcohol withdrawal

Yes and no, both are GABAergic on thos receptors, but iirc benzos are GABA-B only while alcohol is a scattershot of GABA-A, GABA-B, and dopamine among others. Either way, you don't want to seize the day coming off of either.

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keel seelf

just roll some sweet dubs every now and then