This may get buried, but that is fine, i need to vent somewhere...

this may get buried, but that is fine, i need to vent somewhere. just found out from my brother that the few people i do hang out with think i am a piece of fucking shit when he randomly exploded on me today when i asked if he wanted me to cook supper for the night. told me that he is done with me and he hates me with a burning passion and every time i am not around everyone talks badly about me. really fucked my shit up, just cooked supper and tried to sleep for a few hours. i am 25, work a dead end job that i loathe and have been quietly struggling with suicidal thoughts for the past two months. i am afraid of death but i don’t think i can cope anymore. i hope i can pull though

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It’s ok user. I know the feeling. I’m in the same boat. You’re not alone. You can either drift off into the dark or keep on keeping on. Up to you.

That sounds horrible user. What are you gonna do? I mean you have to find new friends now right? Or do you think your brother was blowing it out of proportion to get to you?

thank you

stab your brother and say "you break-a my heart"

Your brother sounds like a fucking faggot. No brother should talk that way about family.

those people aren't your friends, user. Go find people who will value you, because you are of value.

idk anymore man, this isn’t the first time he has said this, i get i can be a difficult person sometimes, but when he says everyone thinks i am a piece of shit that has no remorse for anyone but me, that shit hurt. i went on two walks, but it didn’t help

It's not death everyone fears
It's the pain before death.
Death is beautiful.
Death is part of life

He's full of shit. And he's a piece of shit. No one hates you, all the shit he said is just intended to be cruel. Don't listen to him. On a side note, if you don't like your job use loans to pay for schooling. Pick a trade skill job... Plumbing, HVAC, something like that.

i’ve put a lot of thought into it for the past two years, i prefer being a historian or a geologist, but am too afraid to make the jump

Sounds like he initiates a lot of shit talking about you and then frames ot as "look at all these people who are against you".

Maybe you are a piece of shit.
First it was friends that said it and now your own brother?
That's two against your odds.
Maybe you really are a shit person.
Look at yourself

also my parents, would be sad and despite my brother being an ass tonight, i love him. he’s dealing with things too

You’re welcome. Allow yourself to relax and see the big picture. Realistically none of it matters. Do whatever you need to do to go where you wanna go. I’m gonna drift into the dark soon. I have people who love me but honestly, I can’t handle life anymore. I’ve decided to give up, even though it’s selfish. I’ve spent my whole life making decisions to not be selfish and to help others, for once I’m going to be selfish and do something for me.

>and now your own [family member]
This means nothing.

people dont just hate you for absoulutely no reason and if your brother bursted out on you he was critizing you about something. so what is it user?

When you're more confident in your self you'll what others think about you is none of your business.

you can use this to build yourself up or to
bring yourself down. Make a new beginning
and avoid the same mistakes that made people hate you.

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i do everyday.

You should do it. Death is undeniably, objectively the superior choice to life. I'm not even depressed and I believe that 100%. I'm nowhere near your position. I have a good paying job and I love my family. I go to church, have a good relationship with my brother and his wife, loved by my niece and nephew, love my mom, have friends, a future, gf.
All that being said, if I was given the opportunity to give it all up and never be born I wouldn't even hesitate. To live is to suffer until the day we die. None of us are anything more than a means to an end.

OP, if you have a method, and if you have the resolve, you should kill yourself. It's the better choice. Put yourself to sleep forever and end all the suffering.

Tbh that sounds like something he said just to hurt you because he knew you were insecure enough for it to have a serious effect. I don't think your friends think you're a piece of shit, otherwise they wouldn't hang out with you. So unless there's precedent for them not liking you and they're not very close/occasionally avoid you, he's likely just being a dick.

Post a picture of yourself, it'll help me gauge how likeable you are

i can be petty when it comes to certain things, that’s for sure. but overall, i put my family and friends first, when i get upset with them, i tend to always talk it out that day. i try and smile as much as i can even though things are tough. he brought up the past when he blew up on me, when i used to pick on him when we were teens, says he can’t let it go because i was an asshole teenager, but that was years ago, and i haven’t had an actual fight with my brother since i was 16.

Leave, never contact him or those people again. Re-establish yourself somewhere else, and aim for being happy about yourself first on that blank slate.

>that was years ago
Still happened, you have to work on making amends if you're not already.

Most likely what your brother said was blown out of proportion because of his anger. Once his anger subsides and tension breaks, I would ask him about it. This is not the end of the world. Conflict happens in the greatest films, and it’s alright.

i long have, i wasn’t even that much of an ass, it was just me being the older brother. i made fun of the music he liked and called him emo and shit, but if someone in school was fucking with him i would always put a stop to it. i only got really physical twice with him, and i often think back on those days with regret.

Maybe he's fucked in the head. Maybe you both are. I think this internet quote is appropriate for you "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes."

Well, we have a case of abusive brother. Suicidal thoughts are normal, it's just a reaction, but your dick brother is not. Get yourself physically removed from your home if you can. Move out. Be homeless for a while. Live in a car. Get out.

Please try to get into some positive routine, it helps me get through hard times and it might help you out too. It can be as small as posting something on here every day as long as you feel good about doing it.

abandoning the thread now, thanks anons, some of you have given me a lot to think about.

Its ok OP. I hate u too. Me and ur brother clown on u all day because u suck.

Good luck with your weird brother OP

You will be fine user. If they really feel that way about you and keep it from you, fuck em. You decide what you are not them. Learn a trade skill and move on to what you love to do later in life. Focus on yourself. Dont let people derail you.

I think you need to stop giving those friends and your brother any of your time.

Start doing positive things by yourself in your free time every chance you get. The people that you start discovering when you do that will be real friends.

Start reading books that stoke your curiosity, get an ambitious exercise routine, take classes in something. It's time to level up.

This is your golden chance make yourself as awesome as you can be.

Hi user.

I think you need to stop giving those friends and your brother any of your time.

Start doing positive things by yourself in your free time every chance you get. The people that you start discovering when you do that will be real friends.

Start reading books that stoke your curiosity, get an ambitious exercise routine, take classes in something. It's time to level up.

This is your golden chance make yourself as awesome as you can be.

If they think you're shit, they're not friends. Fuck off yourself

user this should show you that no one loves you and that you're in need for human bonding. If even your brother dislikes you, then is there anyone that does? Probably not. You should find your own arbitrary source of affection. Personally, I like listening to other people's problems because it makes me feel somewhat happy that the world is also cruel to others.

Find what you lack in others and try to delude yourself into thinking there is no problem. Trust me, it works.

You take this as if it was an absolute truth. First off, if you went off on someone, wouldn't you say the same things? True or not? And even if it is true, fuck them. Too bad. Welcome to the real world. Some people love you, most don't. While I was still in school most people hated me because of a plethera of reasons, but I endured, even when I had no one. Stop fapping, work out, punch your brother in the face, and grow a pair. Stop whining on the internet about it and tell your brother he can go suck your dick. Do something with your life kid.

Fuck them. It's time for you to start a new life in some thirld world shithole where you'll become the natural leader of your community.

I only say go for a trade because it's a guarantee job. I went for a PhD in biochemistry. Took a masters instead because I had top move. I went back to school at 31. You can do it.