Push 2 mg ativan

>push 2 mg ativan
>stat

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>we need to intubate

>...and your other stethoscope

>you're cracking the ribs

>That's just a theory, it's never been tested!

>checking patient's pulse
>it's quiet. too quiet.

>patient in cardiac arrest with asystole
>we have to defibrillate him!

>that will kill her!
>or it just might save her

...

>ativan
>2mg

That's ain't gonna do shit.

...

Exactly you stupid medfaggot, that's the entire joke

I had a psych resident prescribe me 7 tablets of 0.5 mg Ativan with no refill for a panic attack.

I'm pretty sure medfags have no fucking idea what they're prescribing until they become practicing doctors.

Fun fact: when they say 'CC' as in 'I need 80 CC's of Nyquil' it means 'milligrams squared' or maybe it doesn't.

>beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

well, 1 mg atvian should be enough for a panick attack.. for most patients anyway.

>CLEAR!!

> DON'T YOU DIE ON ME
*punches chest repeatedly*

That's the biggest tablet they prescribe, faggot.

Duh. It's highly addictive. He's not risking his license when you sue him for giving you addictive medication on refill.

"Life" did it again.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

> you're a loose cannon, Dr. Finkelstein, but dammit, you bring in results.

>AGAIN!
>Doctor....
>I SAID AGAIN!
>Doctor, he's gone...
>HE'S GONE WHEN I SAY HE'S GONE, AGAIN!

That would be an anti-cliche. No man named "Dr. Finkelstein" has ever been called a loose cannon, in real life. Unless "loose cannon" can be a euphemism for premature ejaculation

youtu.be/qxBk98ORBsE

>Surgeon walks away slowly from the operating table with his head down
>Yells and knocks over a tray of scalpels
>Walks out of the theatre

> I GOT THE ETHICS COMMISSION BREATHING DOWN MY NECK!!

...

>patient is dead
>"doctors" use defibrillator like it's a life starting machine

> I NEED ER THEATER 17 STAT WE'VE GOT A CODE TRIPLE 0 2 AVULSIONS OF THE LOWER TESTICULES AND 5 CODE 9 ABRASIONS AND PUNCTURES THROUGHOUT THE ANAL REGUON, DR FINKELSTIEN YOUR WITH ME AND SOMEONE BRING ME A COFFEE

>scalpel
>beep
>tweezers
>beep
>Ruben On Rye sandwhich

>patient wakes up
>doctor shines a penlight into their eyes

Do you ever watch Chicago Med? All the story lines with the psychiatrist are wacky and stupid

MDfag here, AMA

>wake up.. WAKE UP!!
>*rolls over patient*
>....
>.....
>i am so fucked up

which autoantibody is most prevalent in patients with scleroderma (diffuse systemic form)?

whats the most realistic hospital show

Difference between dead and clinically dead. You can stop breathing and be manually assisted for 10 mins. You're technically dead as your body has stopped natural process. As in, if the doctor stopped, you wouldn't be coming back. As a kid it happened to me, 25 mins.

Are you really a Medfag? Prove it.

>How to saaaaaave a liiiiife.

but when someone's heart stops you don't defibrillate it right?

Scrubs

>...
>Time of death 0427

>tfw you will die in your life time

>when you sue him for giving you addictive medication on refill

do Americans really do this? It says right there on the leaflet that it is habbit-forming, if you keep taking it for weeks to get high it is your own fucking fault if you get addicted.

>patient taps out
>when you try your best but don't succeed starts playing

lol anti topoisomerase clown

I was just watching an episode of House where the patients gets a heart transplant. Afterwards the surgeon says

>Textbook. She'll outlive all of us.

Nigga wat? I thought you were lucky to get 10 more years with a heart transplant.

>Pregnant woman dies in a car crash
>Some folks are born starts playing

You do to shock it back into rhythm. That's the idea, anyway.

Mate, in USA people sue their parents for circumcising them or for putting them up for adoption.

idk im not a rheumacucklogist and im too lazy to look it up on uptodate right now

scrubs

when there's an asystoley (flatline) you start CPR (which includes injecting adrenaline).

defibrillation is only useful when there's a ventricular fibrillation or a ventricular tachycardia.

You are a fraud. Anti-scl-70 is unforgettable.

*asystole

ER

>anti-scl-70
>relevant or interesting
>not antimicrosomial ab

kill yourself, literally

yeah that's what i meant, flatlining. not so good with medical terms in english.

>patient's beard itches
>beard cancer

Fraud life. Literally. Where'd you get your RN?

don't worry, I'm not a native speaker. had to google flatline, lol.

>Textbook. She'll outlive all of us.

i sometimes say it as hyperbole.

>90 year old with metastatic cancer
>gets pulmonary edema
>cant breathe
>push 20mg IV lasix
>he's good now
>"hey nurse, check out my healing touch, want the D?"
>"no"

>mfw

I NEED TO 50MG OF PROMETHEZINE STAT!

>get call from pharmacy
>"someone tried to fill this script, just letting you know, you might have some stolen script pads out there"
>"2 kilograms of dylodid"

It means mililiters.

>PATIENT HAS MULTIPLE LACERATIONS TO THE FOREARM
>CLEAR!!!

It means cubic centimeters, hence the cc.

a cubic centimeter is a milliliter.

Fag

I know that.
Nevertheless, cc means cubic centimeter, ml means mililiter.

I know, I was just shitposting.

>patient is not a smoker
>no history of smoking
>patient was bullied as a child
>patient was a retard as a child
>patient was both
>...year... 2017

>2 kilograms of dylodid

Not for nothing but pretty sure Ativan is one of the most commonly given drugs in the emergency room, if not the most common. Calms everybody the fuck down so they can fix the problem.

>2kg dylodid

What a great scene

I know, i was just pretending to take the bait.

Well played.

I know.

>"the antibiotics didn't work
>what's plan B?
>"that WAS plan B"

> * OR doc washes his hands and arms for an entire 43 minute episode*

>see this thread
>get excited
>haven't watched enough hospital shit to come up with something good, and whatever I had has already been posted

>do Americans really do this?

Yeah, it's bullshit. It's a cancerous country controlled by Jewish lawyers, and it spreads its decay outward. We need WWIII

>*coldplay starts playing*

goddamn why did people watch this hacky shit

Actually, you wont

Hey guys looks..*kisses you*. Like That? Bet you did fag

Calm down Ahmed

And if WWIII ever did kick off your corner of the world would be the first reduced to ashes

>love interest kisses patient in coma
>eyes slowly open

>no human could survive a fall like that
>he isn't human

>only a very good doctor could save his life
>you are a very good doctor, right?
>I'm the best

>how long will it take to hack this?
>24 hours at least
>you have 12

>we need a sad, emotional track for this hospital scene
>What about fix you by Coldplay
>nah, that's been done to death
>wait, I got just the thing senpai
youtube.com/watch?v=jyhkQzPLjcA

Also a medfag. It's Cardiac Arrest, but Scrubs is a close second. They based a lot of the show on "House of God" (esp. Dr Cox) and tend to do the medical stuff far better than many of the "serious" medical shows.

But Cardiac Arrest wins for the cynicism and prime helen baxendale

ROLLER COASTER
HOLY ROLLERS

>Doc, tag him and bag him.

How do I get a gf?

Jesus people listen to that band?

>VEIN?

Its at the point where I just believe all medical mumbo jumbo in shows and movies because I don't actually know any better. They could ake up words and I'd buy it

Same with space stuff in sci-fi/space films.

That's a lot of lean.