I think a lot about suicide, maybe some day I get the guts to just do it

I think a lot about suicide, maybe some day I get the guts to just do it.
But right now, I just need someone to talk to and you guys are the only ones who never let me down in my life.
So, how are you feeling today, anons?
Share your tragic story and feelings.
Me? I'm drinking some gin right now cause my dealer is out of weed.
Feeling the urge to just cut my skin and see the blood flow again. Haven't done it in years, but once in a while I just want to take the knive.

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Do you know exactly when it all started going wrong? Or was the darkness there ever since you remember being?

It's time for the succ

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I think about it literally a hundred times a day. I dont do it because it will fuck my kids up for life. Just try to keep in mind the people who will be traumatized by it.

Well OP i was for a long time in your situation, depresed af, lost friends, no job, isolating yourself only worsen things. You will get over it if you try to.

Anyway you are a fagget op, suck a nigger off.

I think it was ever there, but I could ignore it for quit some years. Now that I'm alone again it starts to take over my life again,cant resist the urge to drink and take drugs anymore.
I really have no one, no family, no friends, just me. Sounds pathetic I know, but once you're old and realize there's really is nobody, life starts to go down.
Thank you for asking, user. I know it's pathetic, but the only friends I ever really trusted are on this board.

Well after 5 pm I had to immediately help my moms bfs old useless mother off the floor after she called adt, then I had to head my moms bf and her fight because my mother was in the hospital and he wouldn’t leave a party to see her but immediately left when he found out his mom called adt. This is just today. My life in infinitely more complicated and shitty compared to yours and I don’t want to kill myself. I also may be sentenced to drug court this upcoming week. You’ll be fine and stop acting like a bitch.

Everyone keeps saying this. Not the Nigger dick stuff.
Seems like if your life is good, you just can shrug ist off.
But from my perspective, the shit hits the fan and I'm always behind it.

Op here. That is something I could never understand in life. Why care about your parents? I really don't get it.

Hey bro, I know it sucks right now but life does get better, Im not saying suicide isnt an option( it always is) but it does get better. Im twenty three right now and ive been dx'd with schizophrenia since i was 17. Ive lost al my friends, literally all but one. My family is supportive but i still feel lonely. I never thought id make it into my 20s. I still have nights where i think about hanging myself but i have to say over the years things do get better. Meds help alot man. I used to think about killing myself along with other people but meds have taken away lot of those thoughts. Have you tried an anti-depressant? Do you have a hobby? I know it doesnt sound like much but video games really take me out of my own head. Just find things you enjoy that take away the thoughts and just dive in it. Life sucks a lot of the time but you can always fine cheat codes and numb yourself. Pot helps alot and i do drink every night. Just look towards the future and realise there will be something to kill all the pain with. Good luck Op

I’m guessing you still live at home? You’re parents provided/provide for you for years and you’re still alive. I wish I could explain better. I’m shitting right now. Trust me, if you’re young one day you’ll understand. This is being said to you by a 20 year old who’s just beginning to understand things on a legitimate level

I'm living alone for quite some time, I'm 32, have a job I suck at. Not much money.
Vidya is a big deal for me, most of the times I play No Mans Sky and just chill on some planets. Fuck me that sounds pathetic as fuck.

It's all gonna be okay, Faggot

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Furthermore, shit it really really out there. You will fuck up monumentally and 9/10 you’re parents will be the only people you’ll be able to rely on no matter how badly they fucked up your childhood. Take it from me. To raise a human life is next to impossible to do correctly, that’s why people are so good and moving forward in life, because it’s always fucked. You’ll parents will understand there fuck ups no matter what unless they are psychotic soulless monsters. They will realize what they made and they will help get you through your shit.

Did you ever have a period of your life where you had a really good time and added a lot of character to yourself?

This is advice for anyone who’s listening btw

Jokes on you, my mother threw me out at 18 and my father sucks dicks in hell.

Yeah, the last six years. I met the love of my life. She was always there, cared for me like I cared for her. But after six years I realized she cheated on me and everything I ever believed was nothing but a big fucking lie. It's not the first time that happened to me btw. Maybe I'm the one who's causing all of this misery. The world surely would be a better place without me around.

I was born a normal person, had a great childhood, then the darkness came. The more I got hit by life the more pieces of me got torn off. I don't know how it feels to live completely in darkness, I have periods of empitness where it all seems meaningless and all my relationships seem fake and everything I believe in is a construct of society and nothing is real and there is no meaning to anything... But as quickly as these thoughts come they go, I have no idea what it's like to live 24/7 in the swamp. I'd problaby kill myself. I see no point in staying alive if there's no enjoyment to this shit at all. I enjoy music, talking to friends, the company of my family, a sunny day, books... I enjoy life most of the times. If II had nothing like you claim to have, I'd probably do it. I don't see it as being weak, some people are just born with a broken brain, some people's brain get broken during their lifetime. But living is already pointless by itself let alone living in constant pain. You have my blessing if you chose to do it.

Dude I know how you feel. I dated this girl for 6 years , moved to where she lived, my first love. Turns out she got pregnant by me and aborted it without me knowing, i was 17 at the time. I also later found out she cheated on me multiple times. I was her first pretty much everything. I honestly think cheating is something that happens when the cheater has some underlines issues. I think its their cross to bare not the person who was cheated on.

>see no point in staying alive if there's no enjoyment to this shit at all.

You just read my mind.

A girl once abortet my child too, I know how that feels, user.

Please ramble like a crazy person to a psychiatrist and get prescribed lithium. Lithium has literally changed my life. It took 8 months for it to stabilize and I promise you you’ll never have any empathy for anyone Normal when they say they are upset. You sound like you have bipolar disorder for real.

I agree, I think I can see both sides of It, no matter how much your parents fucked up raising, the only people that will get near to really care about you, are they. But its really hard to leave all those mistakes that they made and try to have a decent relationship

I mean i didnt want to be a father at 17 but fuck i wanted a chance.

I was on lithium for around 8 years. Im on clozaril right now so i cant take it. I do miss it, it helped alot with my racing thoughts at night.

A family is all yi ever wanted. It hurts and destroys your picture of tmsociety if someone just takes it away from you, even worse without knowing it.

I think alot about my aborted child alot. I really wish she would have put it up for adoption , atleast give it a chance.

I always think about killing my self, today was a bit harder tho.
When I drove home I was hoping that somebody would just fucking hit me and stuff. Been thinking about It now all hole night. When this happens, I just go to bed and sleep for 16 hours

lol dude do you know how many times I thought I might be bipolar? It's fucking crazy, I was a super agressive kid, used to beat up all of my friends, just snap over nothing. But also would cry if I killed flies or kicked dogs in the street. Sometimes I'm so happy that it makes no sense it feels like someone drugged me and I'm like, "Wtf why am I so happy? Yesterday I was so depressed". But this depression thing is in the family, my father has it. I think his sister has it aswell, they're both gloomy characters. And my father has had episodes of severe depression where he shuts himself in the house and refuses to leave for monthis (last episode lasted years). So i just assumed it was my fate. I'm kinda hoping it's bipolarism so at least that means there's treatment, when I do find the courage to go to a shrink

Dude, I know it's tearing you apart. Sometimes women are nothing but cruel creatures who enjoy destroying our lifes.

What happened that make you feel this way, user? You're with your friends now, buddy. We understand you.

lol dude do you know how many times I thought I might be bipolar? It's fucking crazy, I was a super agressive kid, used to beat up all of my friends, just snap over nothing. But also would cry if I killed flies or kicked dogs in the street. Sometimes I'm so happy that it makes no sense it feels like someone drugged me and I'm like, "Wtf why am I so happy? Yesterday I was so depressed". But this depression thing is in the family, my father has it. I think his sister has it aswell, they're both gloomy characters. And my father has had episodes of severe depression where he shuts himself in the house and refuses to leave for monthis (last episode lasted years). So i just assumed it was my fate. I'm kinda hoping it's bipolarism so at least that means there's treatment, when I do find the courage to go to a shrink

They are easily the most selfish gender. I find them very petty and shallow. But you have to put up with that if you want a family. I cant wait to become a father. I just worry i'll be a shitty one...

I've been feeling the same way for years now, I finally thought I should talk to someone so I brought it up with my doctor and she brought in a poster for a suicide hotline that had a picture of a kid frowning, and she told me to take a picture of the phone number with my phone. It was at that moment I realized nobody actually gives a fuck

It can be scary going to a psych doc but in the end its worth it. Ive been hospitalized 7 times but they were never from me going to a doctor and telling them how i feel. Its usually something you do that ends you being locked up. Dont be scared to say how you truly feel. You have to take that step to make yourself better. Good luck user.

How old are you? I hope you're getting what you wish for, bro. For me, it's much too late. I always watched those American shows as a kid, where every family holds together and love each other. A dream that never came true.

user, I hate to say it but no one gives a shit about people like us. Maybe they seem to be sad, maybe they pretend. But when we kill ourselfs, they're glad we're gone.

26 in feb. Yeah man they make it look so perfect but in reality its a alot different. I think it takes a whole lot of patience to start a family. Even more patience to keep one from sinking. You still have time bro, we all do. I hope you get what you wish for too user.

That's the point, I'm runnig out of time. I'm 32 and fucked my life up more times than I jerked my dick. But I can't stop.

bro I'm sorry, I feel your pain, but that was one of the funniest shit I ever read. Reminds me of the Doug Stanhope bit about his suicidal girlfriend

Im sorry user, im scared of getting older. Did you ever picture yourself being in the situation you are in right now?

Life is amazing and sometimes you have to force that feeling on yourself. If you keep pushing through and telling yourself that life is great and if you smile more, you may eventually believe it. I know its not that simple for most but that's how I over came my depression. It took years and I almost gave up once, so just have patience with yourself and pull through your sadness the best you can. Here's some more advice...
>Enjoy the little things, it will seem stupid but it helps. The next time you take a shower, feel the water and appreciate that you're alive to feel it.
>Find new enjoyment/hobby. Maybe pick up a guitar or watch some new tv show. Learn how to draw or create something
>Try and find a higher paying job
>And finally, leave Sup Forums...I know this place may seem like a special community to you, but trust me, it does you no good. People will make you feel like the shittiest person in the world just for having an opinion, they'll make you bitter and dull. You have nothing to gain here besides the occasional relatable post. I suggest going to reddit or contacting real people if you want a supportive community.
Remember anons, you matter.

Never, I always thought I'd make it somehow. If my younger self could see me right now, laying crying in my lonely apartment, he'd kick me in the nuts.

Very well put user. I have been trying to enjoy the time i have and the things i do. I love playing video games. My P'doc says that aslong as i live in the moment and enjoy the little things it makes it alot easier to have hope because you know that the good times come and go.

>>And finally, leave Sup Forums..
But, what if those people are the only ones who ever stayed with you? The only ones who ever in your whole miserable life, gave you comfort by understanding and not judging you?

I know that feeling. If i could go back id tell my younger self to not sleep around, smoke less weed, and focus in school. Id tell myself to take care of the friends i do have and always remember nothing is forever so enjoy what you have and stop obsessing about things you dont have.

I will... I'm not ready now, but one day I'll be. Plus I have a kid and I know a chick who's dad hung himself in the living room and she and her mother found him... I don't wanna do this to my family. For now they're just dark periods and I can live with them, I can't compare myself to real depressed people, people who hate themselves and cut themselves... people whose lives are nothng but agony. I'm not that bad, for now I can coexist with my darkness and meditate my way through the dark (real) periods (it's all made up, Cammus was right) but if I ever start to feel overwhelmed I'll get help.

If I could go back, if kill my younger self for being such a lonely piece of shit.
Maybe I deserve what I get. Maybe we all do because we are terrible people?

If being on this site is seriously helpful to you, then continue using it as an outlet. Just beware this place is where alot of the worst people on the internet post. Dont be put down by what they have to say.

I know there are trolls and stuff, it's amusing to me. But there are some people who seem to really care. I

>I can't compare myself to real depressed people, people who hate themselves and cut themselves...
I'd kill to have a family.
The scare are all around my arms and shoulders.

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I understand my friend. My family used to ask me if i was going to do it that I would lock my door and put a sign on it saying to not come in. Just know you arent alone. Dont compare your depression to someone elses because we all struggle with our own personal demons. When it does it too hard try and talk to a doctor. They are there for that specific purpose. Id rather you spend a few months in a mental ward than hanging from the fan.

You dont deserve it, no one does but its the hand we were dealt.

no thats not pathetic. having no one aint easy... i have someone but for some reason i feel unwanted and alone, probalby cause ive fucked up badly in this town. have a feeling that my family knows i had a gaychat with my 20 year old brother without eachother knowing about it, except for some hacker that i suppose want to mess with my family, or maybe im crazy i dont know, so sometimes wish that i didnt have anyone, that i was kinda all by myself and free to do whatever i wanted without concerns for my family. just live my gay ass fantasy to be a good boy/fucktoy for a nice elderly man, like a daddy. where you live?

I have what you wish for, believe me it's not something you want to experience.
I live in a small town near Berlin, Germany.

Yeahh! Elon...you was all time!

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2017 called, they want there meme back.

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Proper way to kill my self with a handgun? Like, what is the best angle to shoot my head?

Drinking some home made hard apple cider I made myself, feeling pretty okay.
In my opinion, you should focus that negative energy elsewhere, away from your body. Try busting some wood or some other productive and destructive activity.

Point it at your local rapist or heroin dealer, then pull the trigger.