I am an airport security screener. Ask me anything

I am an airport security screener. Ask me anything.
>inb4 I do not work for the TSA. I do not work in the USA.

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So where do you work then?

Europe. That's all I'm going to say.

Checked and /thread

Weirdest experience or discovery you've had?

A girl tried to pass under the metal detector with a vibrator in her pussy, while his boyfriend was controlling it from his phone. Took a while to discover and, since she acted very weird, we were very cautious with her, taking all precautions. When we found out they thought we would have a good laugh, but we surely didn't.
They were playing this stupid game at the worst place possible.
They lost their flight and got in serious trouble with the police. They got fucked harder than any vibrator could.

Best cavity search you've ever had to do?

This might come as a surprise, but we do not do any cavity search.

How was the moment when she took it off?

Do you notice Ultra Orthodox Jews, like Haredi/Hasidic black suit and hat wearers? What are they usually told to remove for the screening, their hats and coats? Do they ever object?

I wasn't there, but I know the story. She got into a private room and searched with a hand held metal detector. When it was clear she had something she busted laughing and took it out. Let's say that my colleague wasn't amused. She got out and called the police. That's when they started realizing that they were in trouble. The smile was gone on both of their faces and started being substituted with panic. The police escorted them in their office, and we could hear the officers' screams from outside the office. They stayed there for over 3 hours, then they were escorted to the central police office in town. They lost over 1500$ for the tickets, since it was an intercontinental flight.
Honestly, no. We ask them to remove the exact same things as the other passengers, the only different thing is that, since they can't remove their hats, we have to check them manually, or ask them to follow us into a private room, where they can take them off.

If the passenger looks like a muslim, do you take more precautions?

No. We just check him like any other passenger. We might take more precautions if he looks suspicious, but that's the same with any other passenger.

>looks suspicious
Yeah so muslim. Nice corporate talk tho

>Honestly, no. We ask them to remove the exact same things as the other passengers, the only different thing is that, since they can't remove their hats, we have to check them manually, or ask them to follow us into a private room, where they can take them off.
Yeah, wearing hats is part of their religion. They say it is meant to honor God. Haredim usually wear two hats of sorts, the brimmed hat or fur streimel cap, and then a yarmulke/kippah cap.

Am I likely to get caught smuggling coke through customs in my urethra?

Yeah, but over the last years I saw that many people are more elastic with the hats rules. Many of them, whiteout asking, will spontaneously remove them to show us that there is nothing under there. Some of them will be fine if we check them in front of other people, which is a huge no-no in theory, but won't take them off, and some of them will actually request to go to the private room.
Most people are very cool with it.

What's the least detectable method of smuggling contraband?

We do not work with drugs. It's a common misconception. but all we do is search for dangerous things that can bring down a plane. You can't bring down a plane with 10 kg of cocaine.
But there are other people looking for them. As far as I know, there is no good method for it, since the dogs will smell drugs over anything. Even little quantities.

How much do you make a month in usd?

I've been through airports many times and never been sniffed by a dog so presumably someone else is looking first? I can't fit 10kg up my ass anyway.

Probably not the right person to be asking then but what'd be the best way to bring some consumption-grade quantity of drugs through the airport?

Kill yourself faggot

are there really guys with machine guns behind the one-way mirrors?

Im going on a flight soon and had to ask them a question about bringing my CBD, and I essentially asked if I could bring my 4oz bottle of CBD that's made from hemp and is within the legal limits of THC from the 2018 Hemp Bill.

They responded with this:
> Under Federal law and many State laws, it is a crime to possess or transport any detectable amount of marijuana. TSA does not have any regulations that address the possession or transportation of marijuana and certain cannabis infused products. However, we are required to notify law enforcement officers if we discover marijuana, or other items that are illegal under State and Federal laws, while screening you and your accessible property.

Products or medications that contain hemp-derived CBD oil or are FDA approved are legal and permitted in carry-on or checked baggage as long as it is produced within the regulations defined by the law under the Agriculture Improvement Act 2018.

Having a State-issued cannabis card or other documentation indicating that the marijuana is for medical purposes does not exempt you from TSA’s requirement to notify law enforcement. It is up to the responding officer, not TSA, to determine if possession of the marijuana is authorized under State law, or whether to make an arrest or confiscate the item if it is illegal.

It sounds like they're saying I can bring it... but then the TSA officer can get me arrested just because he wants to? I feel like I'm misreading this.

Are playnes reelly fly?

Act normal and make sure its not stinking

His boyfriend. Right.....

Kill yourself faggot

You first I guess.

>have anxiety
>try to smuggle drugs through airport
>act normal
should I just give up before I even begin?

Who killed Jimmy Hoffa?

Kill yourself faggot

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About 1600$ for 30 hours weekly. But bare in mind that this is Europe, so the salary is less, but we have more benefits over the long term.
Checked. Usually the drugs check is not at the departure airport, but at the arrival one. Since is the country you are getting in that has the interest in not having drugs smuggler pass.
Honestly, I don't know. Just don't keep them in your pocket, put it exactly in the middle of your bag.
Will definitely try. Thanks for the suggestion.
Which one way mirror? We don't have any.
You are misreading this. The TSA officer won't get you arrested. He will notify the law enforcement, and they will do all the necessary check to see if you can or can not bring it with you. It's just not their job to do this kind of checks.
Yes, but only when the pilots fart hard enough.
Bill Gates and his microsoft gang.

Obviously not. That's why they never let you open the door mid flight otherwise you'd see that you're actually just driving along the highway with images projected onto the "windows".

You can spell.
You're not a TSA nigger.

Yeah youve gotta be confident that you can keep a straight face throughout, wouldnt recommend it but if you really want that dank on holiday then up to you :) gl!

>Honestly, I don't know. Just don't keep them in your pocket, put it exactly in the middle of your bag

would it not be better to keep it on me? they screen bags so they'd be pretty easily found would they not? when I brought some E with me, I stuffed it in my waistband

I can spell, but can you read?
That's the real question.

>Checked.
Thank you. Fucking quads and you were the only user who gives a shit. You're a good man.

I can act confident, walk through with a pokerface etc. but I can't exactly control profuse sweating lmao thanks though

checked

If you keep it on you the dog will jump on you. I've seen this scene many times, even for really small quantities. My theory is that if you bury it in the middle of your bag, with all the clothes and shit, the odor will be less noticeable to the dogs. Might be a super dumb thing, but in my head has a sense.
You are welcome. I try to be a good man. Most of the times I fail, tho.

What is the deal with water? Why could I not prove it is not dangerous? Lets say even if I drink it in front of you, to prove it is not dangerous substance, just water. I mean you can make a plane go down if you really want to, and if you would need water for it ( lest say having some substance that reacts with water) I can buy some in the airport. Please elaborated.

where do they keep the dogs anyway? I've never encountered a dog when going through airports

I call bullshit.

Fly regularly you realize most of those metal detectors are shit. the small amount of metal in a vibrator, INSIDE a body.... VERY unlikely she'd get flagged, at least from a walk thru metal detector. You can hold a fist full of change through those things and it won't go off.... and thats just metal blocked by your hand.

The thing was put in place in 2006, after there was a plan to make British Airways planes explode in mid air with liquid explosives. From then on all liquids over 100 ml are banned from handheld baggage.
The thing is that we don't have any very effective and rapid method to check liquids. We do have some machines, but they work in a particular way that doesn't really detect explosives, but really only shows if a liquid can be taken or not. Also it takes a bit to do this kind of check, like 30 seconds per bottle. So you can imagine if everyone took two bottles of water and a couple of packs of fruit juice it would take an eternity to do the checks.
Also, I think there is a huge money gain behind it, and a lot of lobbying happens when money is involved.

I'm sure there are some compounds you could mix together at 100ml to cause enough damage to take down a plane

In the arrival terminals. They aren't always there, but sometimes you can encounter them. Also, they usually use them when a critical flight arrives, because dogs do get tired very easily, and they will use them only when necessary.
I speak for the place I work with. That is not true at all. About 5 coins of 2 euros will set the alarm off, is what I can tell from my experience, rigid bracelets and earrings, hair clips and even some glasses is what will set them off. Not all quantities will set the alarm off, but over a certain amount it will.
Also, a vibrating engine and a couple of AA batteries aren't what I would call "small amount of metal" and is definitely over the limit.
Dude, if you really wanted, you could bring down the entire airport. There is no 100% safe way of doing things. The reason is to keep the risk to a minimum, not to eliminate it at all, because it would be impossible.

Also, I forgot to mention, there is a random check done on passengers and their belongings for explosive detection. So, you could get caught.