Suicide thread?

Suicide thread?

Think I'm gonna finally do it wednesday. I'm a felon so I don't have a gun, but I was thinking of a simple hanging in the woods.
Anyone else feeling like this?

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user, do you wanna talk? Don't do it. I care, I know you think no one does, but I do.

\
hi
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Can you stream it?
Make a scheduled YouTube post and share a link. Let your last moments be broadcasted for everyone to see.

Can you not? I think you can live a good life, user. Why don't you want to live?

You should hypothetically target a nonspecific CEO of a tech company or human rights organization. Do this on a non specified day with a non specified long range weapon.

Repeat this process until you die in a shoot out with the police. This is what I would consider doing in the non existent world where I was going to commit suicide. This is a joke.

OP is a retard with a prior and cannot buy a gun. Do you know anyone who will illegally sell him guns? Long range semi automatic would do.

I know a lot of people care about me tbh, but I'm out of options. I'm on my second probo violation on a mandatory full 5 year prison sentence, I got drunk with some coworkers thanksgiving and was flirting with this fat bitch with a 2nd that lives ne,t door and works with us. I was phasing in of blacking in and out and she was texting me from the couch saying she had likes harder next door and we should go grab it cuz she "likes it hard ;)" and shit like that. So I guess we went next door and started making out, and I guess I got a little rough and moved to her neck and gave her a bunch of hickies. Well when her 2nd found out a little later when she went into the bedroom she told him I forced myself on her. (I have no marks of her trying to get me off or anything like that, and even my coworkers next door are on my side. Cuz shed been flirting with me at work, fb, everything. They knew what she wanted when she asked JUST me to come across over and help her finish some booze. Well instead of telling the truth she let it escalate to her bf bringing her to the cop shop and filing an assault report. I'm fucked, it's her word against mine and I barely remember the night. I also work with her and her bf, and if I go in and he tries to fight me I can't just not fight back because I'm on probation, but also because I'll lose my job (and that'll also get me sent back to prison). I'm just fucked. I barely make enough to survive, I'm 30k in restitution debt, 5k in lawyers fees.

Just gonna pay my roommates their rent money, pay off my debts Wednesday on payday. But some rope and roll up a blunt and go get it over with.

user, nothing you said is worth ending your life over.

I felt like committing suicide off and on since puberty. I've decided that I should do something with my life instead of killing myself. Being suicidal can be liberating if you can get past the depression and apathy that typically go with it. I've stopped socializing with everyone because i prefer being a hermit. Tried to spend time with my family, ect. Quit my job and have been living off of my savings and other investments. Obviously these decisions are not in my long term best interests. But I am enjoying my life more now.

Hahaha you're a special kind of retard aren't you? School starts in a few hours kiddo

You can always recover from your depression and not kill yourself, but I mean if you're going to go out with a bang. Make some pipe bombs and do something that will make people not forget you. You know how everyone still remembers the columbine shooter's names?

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Yeah, I'm with you there user.

Why be remembered for hurting others? I'm not a violent or angry person. I'm just Stuck in a repeat cycle of being locked up, disappointing everyone I love, getting my shit together just to have it all crumble. It's just a shit cycle I see no end in site, doesn't mean I want to hurt people because my own life's fucked.

It wasn't completely serious. Also what do you keep getting locekd up for? If everything is together then why do you keep going to jail? Maybe if we understand this we can help you.

>Be me
>USAF Vet
>After a shitty career I get discharged over a technicality for temporarily being unable to deploy
>Depression
>PTSD is from childhood actually
>Anxiety apparently is a thing and crippling
>Been trying to get divorced for a year, county keeps messing up the paperwork
>In college in Tucson
>gf making our shithole apartment unlivable
>Ex and mother in law harrassing me
>In credit card debt just to stay alive.
>Ex calls. Got our case thrown out. She's refiling in Illinois since she never stopped being a resident. She has a lawyer. Taking everything I have.
>Trust me it's not much.
I understand my friend. No matter how much it hurts. This isn't worth dying for.
>I don't care. Your school benefits. Savings. Car. Guns. I'm taking it.

Got drunk when I was 19 and stole a car and got in a chase that ended with me driving through a shed and knocking a house off it's foundations. Then I got out and was on pretrial release and violated by missing a court date. They had been sending my legal mail to a 7 yr old address. Then I spent 4 months in their, got out on pretrial again. Got pulled over with my ride to work, and they had pot and a scale in their car so they tried to hit me with felony conspiracy with intent to deliver cuz I was in the car. Spent 2months bouncing from county to county cuz the town I got that charge in was too small to hold everyone. Then got out, that incident had regulated my pretrial release again, so I had to turn myself in and spend 3months in jail before my sentencing date. Got a 5yr suspended sentence with a differed judgement. Then my p.o. violated me for not having a permanent residence,cuz everytime I get out of jail I'm back to homeless and sleeping on couches. I've had to rebuild from scratch 3 times now, get a new job, work like a slave for a month or two to pay bills and towards my debts, get caught up in some b's and get arrested. Lose my job, all my shit goes missing from the rooms I've rented cuz I have nobody that ever is willing to get my stuff when I'm in jail. It's pointless. The only reason I haven't finished this shit cycle is because I've got a deferred, so it's a chance to not be a felon for life. But if I go back to jail on this one more time the judge isn't going to let me keep it, I'll get the full 5yr sentence mandatory full 5 possible parole after 75% completion. I've spent the last year and a half getting my ass kicked by life and bad people I choose to trust and it's Just time to end it. I can't live my life with sexual assault charges man.

Can’t you just cash out and change your address?

>Vet cont.
>So I look at how much a lawyer will cost.
>Look at how I'll drop out of school and work
>And fight like hell to keep living like shit.
>I remember an old buddy in Recon. OD'd on insulin on top a mountain
>Not diabetic but Walmart sells w/o prescription
>Buy a bottle and a box of needles
>Up my favorite trail I go
>Call ex last time. You sure you want to do this to me, after I came home and got you under a roof, protected you from your mother, got you off coke, I had a job for you, a car and you gave up. She blames me for a lot.
>About 200 units of insulin later I'm still sure.
Why keep surviving when you're just gonna keep barely making it?

When you're in X number of computer systems that's not exactly possible, and only a temporary solution anyway. Courts can petition records. Especially when say,
>You NEED VA doctors
Records can be petitioned, and they're not ALL HIPPA protected. If you become a Missing Person, and there is a warrant with the investigation, they'll hand over addresses

Also story's not over bud, I'm just a mobilefag and trying to make sure everything doesn't become garbled by segmenting the story. I'm trying to be empathetic to OP

OP here. I'd definitely consider leaving state and just not coming back, but I don't think that's work. I think if I were to just not show up to my next p.o. meet and leave state it's just be a probation violation warrant, which should just be surrounding states right? Considering i plead it to just felony eluding and 1st owi. And if I could know that I could go to a state that wouldn't extradite me id give it a go

OP here, thanks for responding. Please continue, I just don't see why to continue struggling. You get it, it's all constant bs

>Vet part 3 and 1 to go
>So I'm getting fuzzy as the insulin hits
> just sliding into a coma then it's over
>I'm defeated, I'm just tired of literal years of bad luck and tragedy
>No more. You win.
>Then I look at what I'm doing. My death deserves more purpose.
>Lotta war vets to my Line. I'm #3 to survive the service in over a century
>She stopped being a woman I'd die for while ago
>I give in to that part of me that always follows orders and call 911
>I don't want to live, but I know making the call is the correct thing to do
>Cackling as I fade off I make the dispatcher a deal, it's a race
>You guys find me in time, I'll keep fighting.
>If you lose, well, I win.

OP
>I was raised in a family that has died for America for 150 years.
>We own a cemetery not with a deed, but by the shear number of us buried there. They are our Honored Dead.
>By age 10 I was running an M4 on full auto, doing drills taught by SWAT, learning 4 different martial arts
>I was raised to die. Service and sacrifice is all I know.
>The value of life as I learned it, is how it can be sacrifices. That dying for others is the noblest cause.
>OP. I don't think I've ever wanted to be alive.
And when my sacrifice was denied. That broke me, so I found a new cause becoming an inventor. And that kept getting pushed away. Then there was just new suffering coming all the time

You know how to tie the proper knot?

>Vet end
>So things are a tunnel, sirens in the distance, everything is numb
>Tears run down my face. Because I'm happy. I finally am dying
>Then everything buzzes back to a shaky normal
God. Fucking. Damnit.
>Lights behind my car
Forgot to mention
>Drove back down the mountain while calling 911
>Cop walking up
>Get out the car, I'm weak as hell but coherent, sit down on a brick wall. Absolutely fuckin livid that I'm entirely okay.
>Why do I always follow orders.jpg
>Answer ze Sheriff's questions, EMTs show up and strap me to a gurney.
>Spend next 12 hours in ER getting LITERS of dextrose pumped into me
>Spend next three weeks in psych ward.
>Have no choice but to live now. Feel safe in ward, make buddies.
>Doc asks how I feel. Life is goddamn terrible. But I might be able to win this time. But seriously fuck you I refuse to be positive.
>Reconnect with parents. They give me their talented lawyer. We develop a relationship based on actual emotions
>Call ex. Fuck you. I'll see you in court.
>Call gf. So I did a thing.png. Also we've been on the breakup path a while, and I need to go to Illinois.
>Call friends. I'm sorry for my silence and life is about to be even harder, will you be fine with me talking more?
>Move back to Midwestern shithole. Huge to-do list. Pocket full of meds. I hate myself. I hate my life. But I guess if I focus on how much I hate, I can change. I mean worst case scenario I can break into and suicide in my ex's house. That will be hilarious.

Life sucks. And it can suck for years. I have no illusions that life will turn around immediately, I will have more tragedy. I also refuse to look on the bright side, I acknowledge my pain but remain neutral about it. Maybe I'm patient enough to win. I still want to die. But I want something more.
Also. That whole story. Was last month.