''professional'' movie critic

>''professional'' movie critic
>''..but ultimately it falls flat''

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All reviewers should be executed.

>"it just doesnt feel right"

what the fuck does that even mean?

>"it takes itself too seriously"

>it doesn't take itself seriously

>a tour de force

>[director] is back on form

lol this is soooo true =)

:3

>"A triumph of the spirit"
>"2 thumbs up...WAY UP!"
>”It takes itself seriously just the right amount"

Put down the newspaper right there

>ok let's talk about movie X
>spend 5 minutes talking about movies it is kinda like but not really.

...

Has anyone here chosen to watch or not watch a movie based on a critic?
I tend to check afterwards so I have a smug sense of superiority at their pleb opinions.

I only watch movies based on what Sup Forums tells me is good, so yes

Dumb frog posters need to leave

I don't even watch movies anymore

...

99% of the time.

Fuck you and all movie production companies. I couldn't care less if i miss a good movie, i'll see it on bluray.

But I refuse to pay a single fucking cent to shit-shows. I hope all the people responsible for capeshit and transformers are out on the streets. If enough people did it anyways.

I usually try to watch movies that are reviewed badly just to see if I feel the same.

It's a good chart

the only honest critic

>2017
>watching movies

Most movies I haven't seen because of critics are usually just adding to my confirmation bias about them desu. That said there's some movies I've seen - or in some cases, seen multiple times - just to spite certain critics.

>It's rough around the edges

>The movie is self aware

>The movie speaks to you on a personal level

>It's like Mullholland Drive meets The Terminator on crack

>This movie doesn't know what it's trying to be

What the fuck does this even mean?

>shitty opinion described with complex vocabulary stretched into multiple paragraphs to seem informed and well thought out

...

>A glib facsimile

for you

>'Loud' used to describe something unrelated to the audio

>It's loud, it's bombastic, it's everything you ever wanted
>and more!

>the lead actor gives a tour de france performance

Based critics:
Ayooo Scott
Kyle Smith
Click Lasalle
Rex Reed

>a leitmotif

>lt's like Mullholland Drive meets The Terminator on crack

this, or

>It's the bastard son of (X) and (Y)

>It's a romp

>it has something for everyone
>it doesn't

>a fun, no-holds barred romp for all ages

>"""critic""" judges a movie based on external drama rather than it's own merits

Luhmow toooooooo true my fellow 4channer :^)

I don't read reviews any more, haven't for years.

I just watch movies that look cool once a good rip comes out. Last movie I saw in theaters was some piece of shit Kevin Bacon movie I was talked into seeing with friends

Do you tend to rely more on a trailer, a 'pro' critic, or a amateur reviewer when considering a flick?

>a tour de france

>:O
>"OH MY GOD"
>*camera pans to shocked face*

amateur reviewer, if someone says they like a few movies and I like one or two i'll see the other suggestions.
I refuse to watch trailers as they usually give too much away

You forgot the positive opinion of snyder

Pretty accurate. Plebbitors will resent you for this.

Just what did this professional critic mean by this?

what the fuck.
she writes like a pretentious high-schooler that just found a thesaurus.

Kek

I base my motive to watch a movie on it's promo poster/box cover art.

best post itt

>it's a camilla long review
how can one woman be wrong so often?

Heres a couple more of her reviews

>a....thrilling...must see....
>"shlomo shekelburg - NY Times"

Her reviews are always enjoyable to read, and she's not always actually wrong.

Didn't know anyone cared about camilla on here

horrible critic.

[movie name] did to [noun related to Theme of the movie] what jaws did to the ocean

>It achieves what it set out to do, but that's not saying much.

>In an oligopsony of hypozeuxis, the film is rebarbative; the characters inveterate in their boondoggleness and tend to heavily persist in their bucolic ways.

>""""""""""""""""""""""""Glib Facsimile""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

>This movie doesn't know what it's trying to be

This one really gets me. What a vague fucking statement that could be applied by a moron to any film ever made.

>you'll love it or you'll hate it

Ew, I hate no holds barred romps

low iq

>it's another must-see Marvel masterpiece

Is it because there aren't proper movies anymore?

Fuck this in particular.

(((political statements)))

Biggest newspaper in my country mentioned Trump in their Rogue One review.

vg.no/rampelys/film/filmanmeldelser/filmanmeldelse-rogue-one-a-star-wars-story-mest-intense-star-wars-opplevelsen-paa-36-aar/a/23872159/

They say "it's not exactly Trump's best friends we're following here". Not even joking.

>ass supremely is stumbles onto a surface with little to no natural contours
would this be better?

>the movie has a lot of heart

I tried listening to Nerdist for a while a few months ago, but Chris Hardwick drives me up the fucking wall. It's like his entire persona is a complete facade

Avatar is straight garbage though

>it falls short but should be celebrated for trying

>it doesn't take itself seriously
Reminder that rewarding this is what has led us to the generic marvel movies that encourage at least 3 quips per minute and violence that carries zero impact or tension

>It's so bad it's good

the trailer, the summary and some stills

>TIME

if it's prefaced by saying "the tone changes all the time making you unsure what you're supposed to feel" and statements like that then I don't think it's beyond the pale to sum it up with that phrase.

>ITS INCOHERENT
what the fuck with this word ? everything they don't understand is just fucking incoherent.

>A love letter to the series/X director

Kek

this happens all the fucking time and I'm so sick of it.

>it's bad, but it knows it's bad

>sandeep singh
>Norwegian
hmm

That word is fucking nonsensical when it comes to movies, I've never seen a movie I'd describe as incoherent

that's not bad though. Would it be inacurate to say a Spielberg film has a lot of heart? It would actually be quite informative.

>A return to form

...

>a love letter to classic Hollywood

Literally every La La Land review.

>A laugh out loud affair for the whole family

true kino and is only a diamond dozen

>needing a infographic to hold your hand when making opinions

helllllllllllllooooooo reddit!!

>The quality of the BvS hater.

what a pleb

The worst fucking part is you probably have sub 100 IQ retards who think that is an intelligent opinion.

>I grew up with

The leading lady gives a Turing Test performance

This film is vital, essential viewing.